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Divorce Procedure / Advise

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tricious
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Divorce Procedure / Advise

Postby tricious » Sat, 16 May 2009 12:19 pm

Hi..I don't know how to put this across but I would like to check how do one go about getting a divorce done?

I heard that you need to go through a period of seperation in order for the divorce to be effective.

What if you have children and if you don't want any maintenance can the divorce go through faster and simpler? What if your spouse doesn't agree and insist on keeping this marriage what is going to happen?

I have been married coming to 10 years and have gone through tough times, trying to hold this family together but the limit is near and I just want to be prepared as to how to go through with this and I really hope that someone can give me an advice.

I know the effect on the children as I have gone through my childhood with the feeling of being unwanted but neither do I want them to be torn between us. I seriously don't know what to do anymore..

Thanks for any form of advice.

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sundaymorningstaple
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Postby sundaymorningstaple » Sat, 16 May 2009 1:37 pm

If you are local, you will need a legal separation (that will be a duration of 3 years) after the three years have elapsed you can get a divorce. Thems the way it is here.

If you are a foreigner, it's probably better to get it from your own country.

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ksl
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Postby ksl » Sat, 16 May 2009 2:47 pm

Sounds like the typical married life problems, that couples have to deal with.

My best advice would be to get your spouse and sit down for a good chat, it's more than likely you take each other for granted and have no respect left all for each other.

10 years together is quite a bit of time together, to just speculate about dumping everything in the near future, because of feeling unhappy.

Take time out to have a long vacation together dump the kids some place, and see if you can rekindle the fire, with new ideas and goals for both of you, this is a critical time that mostly all marriages go through, and never take the opportunity to re-evaluate their lives, which can be done together, the grass on the other side is not greener.

If it's sexual so it's sexual and not love, commitment is a serious word, but sex outside of marriage is not a problem for most, providing the other party doesn't find out, for some the most important part is the feeling of love, the butter flies in the tummy, but that in my opinion is just an illusion which will wear off, with every relationship, commitment do not wear off, you either make them or break them.

Take some good advice and get a way from the kids and re-evaluate your paths, journey call it what you will, but have the respect to share your pains, and your wishes and help the whole family develop. It doesn't have to end in divorce if you can talk about the future and not only the here and now problems....

After being single for 25 years, and married a second time for 8 years, I still have regrets of getting married, when I am stressed out, and nothing is going right....but when alone, i can reflect on my situation and appreciate just what my family mean to me, and what i mean to them, we are mature people with a commitment to hold the family together.

The good thing is I have a wonderful partner i can discuss anything with, and also get support to do whatever i want. So I couldn't wish for a better life than what i have now with my wife and daughter.

Believe me my daughter can take me to my limits, where i just want to give up and walk out. How can she be so much like I was, when i was a child, such a rebel with her own strong will. But it is her character and I mustn't interfere too much or i could possibly destroy her self confidence and leadership qualities. So life is hard for all concerened, running away would not solve anything, if you understand what i mean.

There are many reasons for marriage break ups of course,

tricious
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Postby tricious » Sat, 16 May 2009 3:17 pm

Thank you for your reply and in my situation, how I wish we can just talk it out and plan forward into the future.

I didn't have a good childhood, I grow up in a very different situation and I don't want my kids to be the same way that is why I try so hard to make my marriage work.

My husband can be understanding and loving at times but with his temper and MCP (Male Chavalnist) character, it is difficult to deal with things.

I believe that in order to make marriage work, one has to be tolerance with each others fault and there must be a certain amount of trust in order to make it work. However, if this is only a one sided affair than no matter how hard I try, it will never work because it takes two hands to clap.

I do love my family and I do love my husband but somehow, it is not enough. There is a limit for everything. When we make mistakes, we mend and try not to commit it again afterwhich, we put it behind us and life goes on. But here, it is not the case, he will rake up the past once every month or twice, start to be calculative with everything I do.

I put up with his temper, gives in to him everytime, try not to make him angry, serve him from head to toe etc.. I don't question him neither do I pin point on his faults and I have always fully supported him in everything he wants to do. I feel I have fulfilled my part as his wife and yet, he still treats me this way.

Yes, marriage will never be one without squabbles and all. There is always ups and downs and at the end, things will turn out fine. But in my case, for how long?

Do you know how stressful life can be.. I have to be stress with work, worry about my children, have to make sure that my husband is happy and I have to ensure that the home runs smoothly. Ensure that my in-law is happy and that my maid is ok. I am in the middle of everything and I am just me.

I share my problems, he tells me to settle it myself so what is the point of sharing it with him? If he settle it, it will not be a pleasant thing so at the end, I better settle myself..

So kindly advise me, is it a typical marriage problem or am I missing out some things in life that I have yet to learn? sigh.. I don't know, still debating..

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ksl
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Postby ksl » Sat, 16 May 2009 4:50 pm

Well I see now what a difficult time you are having under those circumstances of male chauvinism and bad temper, i feel much sympathy for you....Some cultures are just too much to handle, and i am one for liberation and full equality...even though i have a Taiwanese wife, I try not to let culture and traditions get in the way, life is evolving and culture should too, in the form of equality and sharing responsibilities.

I think it's a fair warning to your husband that, his ignorance of fair play and his bad temper gives you no other alternative but to separate from him, with divorce to follow, if he doesn't change his ways.

Some men just do not listen and revert to threats of violence, which should not be tolerated, just be very careful and get some experienced professional help, before you up and leave him, you may need assistance at times for moral support.

There are better men out there, so do not be too resentful, like i was about women in general, it's not easy to really know our partners, even though we live many years with them. So take care and all the best for the future, which i'm sure you will embrace with relief.


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