**** Happens!

[sundaymorningstaple]

**** = S H I T

**** Happens in various world religions

• TAOISM: **** happens.
• CONFUCIANISM: Confucius say, "**** happens".
• ZEN: (What is the sound of **** happening?)
• JESUITISM: If **** happens and when nobody is watching, is it really ****?
• ISLAM: **** happens if it is the will of Allah.
• COMMUNISM: Equal **** happens to all people.
• CATHOLICISM: **** happens because you are bad.
• PSYCHOANALYSIS: **** happens because of your toilet training.
• SCIENTOLOGY: **** happens if you're on our **** list.
• ZOROASTRIANISM: Bad **** happens, and good **** happens.
• UNITARIANISM: Maybe **** happens. Let's have coffee and donuts.
• RIGHT-WING PROTESTANTISM: Let this **** happen to someone else.
• JUDAISM: Why does **** always happen to US?
• REFORM JUDAISM: Got any Kaopectate?
• MYSTICISM: What weird ****!
• AGNOSTICISM: What is this ****?
• ATHEISM: I don't believe this ****!
• NIHILISM: Who needs this ****?
• AZTEC: Cut out this ****!
• QUAKER: Let's not fight over this ****.
• FORTEANISM: No ****??
• 12-STEP: I am powerless to cut the ****.
• VOODOO: Hey, that **** looks just like you!
• NEWAGE: Visualize **** not happening.
• DEISM: **** just happens.
• EXISTENTIALISM: **** doesn't happen; **** is.
• SECULAR HUMANISM: **** evolves.
• CHRISTIAN SCIENCE: **** is in your mind.
• BUDDHISM: **** happens, but pay no mind.
• SHINTOISM: **** is everywhere.
• HINDUISM: This **** has happened before.
• WICCA: Mix this **** together and make it happen!
• HASIDISM: **** never happens the same way twice.
• THEOSOPHY: You don't know half of the **** that happens.
• DIANETICS: Your mother gave you **** before your were born.
• SEVENTH DAY ADVENTIST: No **** on Saturdays.
• JEHOVAH's WITNESSES: No **** happens until Armageddon.
• MOONIES: Only happy **** really happens.
• HOPI: Corn fertilizer happens.
• BAHA'I: It's all the same ****.
• STOICISM: This **** is good for me.
• OBJECTIVISM: Our **** is good for you.
• EST: If my **** bothers you, that's your fault.
• REAGANISM: Don't move; the **** will trickle down.
• FASCISM: **** makes the trains run on time.
• CARGO CULT: A barge will come and take all the **** away.
• EMACS: Hold down Control-Meta-****.
• DISCORDIANISM: Some funny **** happened to me today.
• RASTAFARIANISM: Let's smoke this ****.
• CHARISMATIC: This is not **** and it doesn't smell bad.
• MASONIC: **** happens, but we can't discuss it during Lodge.
• RED CROSS: **** happens - send money.