**** Happens in various world religions
- TAOISM: **** happens.
- CONFUCIANISM: Confucius say, "**** happens".
- ZEN: (What is the sound of **** happening?)
- JESUITISM: If **** happens and when nobody is watching, is it really ****?
- ISLAM: **** happens if it is the will of Allah.
- COMMUNISM: Equal **** happens to all people.
- CATHOLICISM: **** happens because you are bad.
- PSYCHOANALYSIS: **** happens because of your toilet training.
- SCIENTOLOGY: **** happens if you're on our **** list.
- ZOROASTRIANISM: Bad **** happens, and good **** happens.
- UNITARIANISM: Maybe **** happens. Let's have coffee and donuts.
- RIGHT-WING PROTESTANTISM: Let this **** happen to someone else.
- JUDAISM: Why does **** always happen to US?
- REFORM JUDAISM: Got any Kaopectate?
- MYSTICISM: What weird ****!
- AGNOSTICISM: What is this ****?
- ATHEISM: I don't believe this ****!
- NIHILISM: Who needs this ****?
- AZTEC: Cut out this ****!
- QUAKER: Let's not fight over this ****.
- FORTEANISM: No ****??
- 12-STEP: I am powerless to cut the ****.
- VOODOO: Hey, that **** looks just like you!
- NEWAGE: Visualize **** not happening.
- DEISM: **** just happens.
- EXISTENTIALISM: **** doesn't happen; **** is.
- SECULAR HUMANISM: **** evolves.
- CHRISTIAN SCIENCE: **** is in your mind.
- BUDDHISM: **** happens, but pay no mind.
- SHINTOISM: **** is everywhere.
- HINDUISM: This **** has happened before.
- WICCA: Mix this **** together and make it happen!
- HASIDISM: **** never happens the same way twice.
- THEOSOPHY: You don't know half of the **** that happens.
- DIANETICS: Your mother gave you **** before your were born.
- SEVENTH DAY ADVENTIST: No **** on Saturdays.
- JEHOVAH's WITNESSES: No **** happens until Armageddon.
- MOONIES: Only happy **** really happens.
- HOPI: Corn fertilizer happens.
- BAHA'I: It's all the same ****.
- STOICISM: This **** is good for me.
- OBJECTIVISM: Our **** is good for you.
- EST: If my **** bothers you, that's your fault.
- REAGANISM: Don't move; the **** will trickle down.
- FASCISM: **** makes the trains run on time.
- CARGO CULT: A barge will come and take all the **** away.
- EMACS: Hold down Control-Meta-****.
- DISCORDIANISM: Some funny **** happened to me today.
- RASTAFARIANISM: Let's smoke this ****.
- CHARISMATIC: This is not **** and it doesn't smell bad.
- MASONIC: **** happens, but we can't discuss it during Lodge.
- RED CROSS: **** happens - send money.