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QRM
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Post by QRM » Wed, 29 Apr 2009 8:43 pm

Some of it beyond the parents control, if you have a nut case kid no amount of "discipline"is going to change that person, sure they may hide it in front of you but they will be real terrors around the condo.

Fight fire with fire, I have always taught my 3 year old to be kind and considerate and a number of people have commented on how gentle and caring she is. But equally I have told her if some one pushes her around she should give them a swift kick back.

I saw in a ballet class a girl double her size was pushing her around, my toddler was patient and even tried to talk to the bigger girl. In the end it ended up in a pushing and shoving match, that needed teachers intervention, which is good for her she stood her ground.

Now I am teaching her the fine art of the head butt. :lol:

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Post by Thaiclan » Thu, 30 Apr 2009 12:13 pm

QRM, how else was it going to end? If its your kid that starts it or retaliates violently then the logical conclusion is that a fight will ensue - whether they are 3 or 13.
If you teach your kid to hit back then even if they are physically stronger a fight will happen, the other kid is never going to just take a slap/push/kick/dig and a lightbulb brightens above their head miraculously showing them the error of their ways.
When you teach a kid to hit back they quickly learn to solve problems through violence which if the kid is smart will then translate to getting what they want in life through violence and hey presto you have another bully in the world.

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Post by QRM » Thu, 30 Apr 2009 12:53 pm

Yes couldn't agree more, If only we live in a world of eternal peace, and we hugged our neighbours everyday before going to work. All forms of martial arts would be banned. We then can abandon our army's, and the third battalion could be put to better use like running on treadmills to generate free electricity.

I think you hit the nail on the head its the word "retaliates" Think grass hopper... as in David Carradine.

I wish it wasn't so, but its the real world out there and to tell her to just lie down and take the punches is not for me. I am glad she stood up and said no to the bigger girl. Just like when she falls off her bike, she sheds a few tears, but she get up and climbs back on.

I suppose it all goes back to everyone's personal experience, when I went to boarding school. The local school bully decided to have a go at the new "half caste" in front of his cronies. He was much older, but I did have 4 years of martial arts training, huge fight later, no winners both very battered, but never had any problems after that day.

The other day at the pool side an expat kid took a ball off a small local boy, unbelievably my kid, only 3 years old, climbed out of the pool and grabbed the ball back and gave it back to the boy. There is a big difference from someone who lashes out because they are just plain nasty inside, and one who stands up to bullying.

Put it this way imagine a Trained Gurkha, and Crack head Scum both of them learned to kill and their life revolves around some form of violence, in an ideal world they would be holding an urn full of flowing milk rather than a gun but in reality, at the supermarket, who would you rather have standing behind you with a gun in their pocket .

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I agree with QRM

Post by Shona » Wed, 06 May 2009 2:16 pm

We live in a real world. Why, if a kid hits, should they not be hit back by their victim? Sod all this "turn the other cheek" attitude. Ok, there are times when discretion is the better part of valour.

But here we are, in a situation where 95% of the kids are taught to be "nice", to put up with insults, abuse etc etc, which just means that the 5% of little swines get to terrorise, victimise and assault with immunity.

Wouldn't be acceptble for adults, why is it acceptable for children? OK, very young children are harder to teach and control, I agree. but any 7 year old (for example) should not get away with pinching, punching, slapping etc. They are old enough to know its wrong. And even if they dont understand why, if they are told not to do these things, they should stop or be punished.

If you called the police because you were being assulted, and they said, "just ignore it, they will give up eventually", I'm pretty sure you wouldn't be that impressed.

Yet, common wisdom seems to be that kids should have to put up with it.

No, no, no.

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Post by Thaiclan » Wed, 06 May 2009 4:49 pm

..actually if you called the police they wouldnt tell you to go back to the offender and hit back - as that would be abuse and thus a criminal offense....

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Post by QRM » Wed, 06 May 2009 5:01 pm

Thaiclan wrote:..actually if you called the police they wouldnt tell you to go back to the offender and hit back - as that would be abuse and thus a criminal offense....
They would hit back in another way a fine? Still retaliation.

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Post by Thaiclan » Wed, 06 May 2009 8:38 pm

Retaliation is essential whether in adults or kids - its violent retaliation that is misguided and leads to further violent retaliation.
Just because you don't "hit" back does not mean you do not retaliate effectively.

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