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Do you find yoursefl growing away from friends back home?

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sierra2469alpha
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Postby sierra2469alpha » Fri, 13 Mar 2009 8:25 am

sundaymorningstaple wrote:Yeah, and by none other than the ole farmboy hisself!...


As I said, SMS, it is an observation. Call it "legitimised racism", sure - I agree with that observation also. Let's not get into a p*ssing match about it please - I'm genuinely interested in your take on it, so if your could perhaps explain your view in a little more detail (perhaps in another thread so we don't hijack Kim's) I'd be really interested to hear more.

P

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Postby ScoobyDoes » Fri, 13 Mar 2009 10:14 am

carteki wrote:
ScoobyDoes wrote:
Travel broadens the mind.........its not a cliche without reason.



Have you read the Dark Side of Singapore thread yet or various other examples on this forum? These are the travelers who dislike everything just because its not the way that it is at home.



It's simply too late already for people like that...... although i also think a great deal of it has to do with how long you've been out of the country. For the first few years it is natural to associate where you are with where you came from. For me it won't be long before it's 15-yrs and i've stayed in three different countries in between so me, i'm past caring.

There does become that point in any long-term overseas stay where you go home and think it sucks or has changed for the worse. I don't mean the streets, the scenery or the shops, i mean the culture and attitudes. There is not a very long list of countries that are actually getting better.

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Re: Do you find yoursefl growing away from friends back home

Postby carteki » Fri, 13 Mar 2009 10:49 am

maneo wrote:So, what was it you found you had to openly disagree about? :-s


Which makes me feel that now I have to justify my right to state my opinion to a stranger.

sierra2469alpha wrote:
carteki wrote: ...These are the travelers who dislike everything just because its not the way that it is at home.

That being said, I am very impressed with Singapore's attitude to managing various races here


Actually I was referring to the expats who complain that Singapore is not enough like England / Aus etc. The irony is that they will probably complain how home is not like SG when they go back.

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Postby GarethPhua » Fri, 13 Mar 2009 11:51 am

A father's friend once told me this when I first went over to the UK and was having lunch with him one day.

He said, when you first come here, you'd ask yourself, "How the hell does anyone live with this weather?" and then after four years, when you're back in Singapore you'll ask yourself "How the hell does anyone live with this weather?" again.

I think it rings true and it applies even to situations, not just the weather.

Now, how the hell do I live with THIS weather? :mad:
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Re: Do you find yoursefl growing away from friends back home

Postby maneo » Mon, 16 Mar 2009 4:47 pm

carteki wrote:
maneo wrote:So, what was it you found you had to openly disagree about? :-s


Which makes me feel that now I have to justify my right to state my opinion to a stranger.

You don't need to justify your right to state opinions to me.
The question is more for you to ask yourself to make sense out of the situation you find yourself in.

In answer to your first question, no, we did not find ourselves growing away from friends at home.
If anything, bonds grew stronger -- with true friends, that is.

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Re: Do you find yoursefl growing away from friends back home

Postby TennoHekka » Wed, 20 May 2009 10:53 pm

carteki wrote:I remember returning home after my first 3 year trip overseas. I thought it was amazing that even though I'd been away from home for 3 years when I returned it was as if I'd been away for a week. My friends were still there, in the same jobs, with the same routine as when I left. Given the traumatic events that led to my returning home I found it very comforting to "slip right back into things".

This time, it is different. I have now been away from home for 18 months and recently my friends back home have been saying that I've become selfish because I no longer agree with everthing they say, or (even worse) openly disagree with them. I can see that the experience of living in Asia has changed me, while they have remained the same. I ocasionally get fustrated by their "sameness", but by and large let them be. Why can they not afford me the same?


I went overseas so often and for such long periods that just about all my local friends have forgotten me, only to call me once in a blue moon asking for a job or career openings...Such is life... :P

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6 months after returning..

Postby willinsg » Mon, 22 Jun 2009 12:19 pm

a year ago, i was workin in Orlando, FL for my 6-months internship with Walt Disney World. Coming back, everyone back here noticed a difference in me, the way i speak, dress, think and work. Sure the true friends wouldn't mind, but it's a thorn in flesh having to answer that 'accent' question that they'd post to me. 20/m here lookin to make friends who wouldn't care less about accents different from their own!
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Postby Vaucluse » Fri, 26 Jun 2009 3:51 pm

After 20 years 'on the road', so to speak there are really no friends left in the old country and the ones we had in the initial postings are fading as well.
What exacerbates the situation is that my parents were uprooted every four years and sent to a different country . . .

Where to grow roots.

It's not a pleasant situation, but I do find that the friendships cultivated in more mature years (late 30's and 40's) tend to last longer.

Having said that, we do have a general get-together every three or so years, coupled with an event . . . a core group of about 10 couples (or singles when divorces hit) still makes it.

The last one was in Samui, we had a 'Renewal of Marriage Vows' and we had friends coming in from China, Japan, Switzerland, Oz, NZ, Germany, the US, Malaysia, Singapore, Saudi and Thailand. We all have jobs that require us to move or take jobs in other countries . . . and keeping the thread is tough.

Stayed two weeks and everyone combined this with a vacation.
......................................................

'nuff said Image

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Re: Do you find yoursefl growing away from friends back home

Postby meiteoh » Mon, 29 Jun 2009 5:52 pm

carteki wrote:I remember returning home after my first 3 year trip overseas. I thought it was amazing that even though I'd been away from home for 3 years when I returned it was as if I'd been away for a week. My friends were still there, in the same jobs, with the same routine as when I left. Given the traumatic events that led to my returning home I found it very comforting to "slip right back into things".

This time, it is different. I have now been away from home for 18 months and recently my friends back home have been saying that I've become selfish because I no longer agree with everthing they say, or (even worse) openly disagree with them. I can see that the experience of living in Asia has changed me, while they have remained the same. I ocasionally get fustrated by their "sameness", but by and large let them be. Why can they not afford me the same?


Because most people can't handle change all that well and like the others have mentioned - travel (actually more specifically overseas living/life) broadens the mind.

I remember what it was like when I first returned from Australia after staying there for 1.5 years. My friends - both at church and outside - found my opinions very different. I was more outspoken politically, socially and so forth, and I wasn't embarrassed to have an opinion. I found the laidback attitude of my church peers to be revolting (when the issue of politics crops up, most of them are ignorant or worse, can't be bothered to do/think anything). I even had one friend get pissed at me because I didn't agree with her whole "we ought to tell gays that their lifestyle is sinful and point them to the right direction". O.o

I became more distant from my friends in terms of the lifestyle I chose to lead - not a party animal, a homebody who likes a quiet life doing things like knitting and such, and that my conversations revolve around other things apart from just men, shopping and beauty.

Needless to say, I lost a couple of friends along the way but hey, I made new ones as well. Life is like that - people come and go and as someone once told me, it is a change that everyone goes through.
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Re: Do you find yoursefl growing away from friends back home

Postby Plavt » Mon, 29 Jun 2009 6:30 pm

meiteoh wrote:
Because most people can't handle change all that well and like the others have mentioned - travel (actually more specifically overseas living/life) broadens the mind.



Similar happens when you have simply been away from your home district within your own country for a number of years. I found myself a complete stranger in my own 'back yard' during a couple of fairly recent trips.

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Postby willinsg » Fri, 03 Jul 2009 12:19 am

we'll get tougher. coming back after living in a foreign land and making friends there is never easy. it feels the worst when people from the family starts drifting away from you too. thats when the 'so where do i want to belong, really' question floats around.
Men do not differ much in intellect, only zeal and hard work.

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Re: Do you find yoursefl growing away from friends back home

Postby glenndanker » Tue, 01 Sep 2009 12:20 pm

carteki wrote:I remember returning home after my first 3 year trip overseas. I thought it was amazing that even though I'd been away from home for 3 years when I returned it was as if I'd been away for a week. My friends were still there, in the same jobs, with the same routine as when I left. Given the traumatic events that led to my returning home I found it very comforting to "slip right back into things".

This time, it is different. I have now been away from home for 18 months and recently my friends back home have been saying that I've become selfish because I no longer agree with everthing they say, or (even worse) openly disagree with them. I can see that the experience of living in Asia has changed me, while they have remained the same. I ocasionally get fustrated by their "sameness", but by and large let them be. Why can they not afford me the same?


I believe that sometimes where we stay, the culture of the country, the people who mix with change who we are. But I do not think that growing away from friends back home is a bad thing because sometimes, the people who you mixed with back home may not be as mature as you are or may not think have the same mindset as you anymore.
But I don't think you should worry too much about it because it happens to people all the time. To me, it just means that I have to have a new set of friends who are like-minded as me now.

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Re: Do you find yoursefl growing away from friends back home

Postby sierra2469alpha » Thu, 03 Sep 2009 7:51 pm

glenndanker wrote:...I believe that sometimes where we stay, the culture of the country, the people who mix with change who we are. But I do not think that growing away from friends back home is a bad thing because sometimes, the people who you mixed with back home may not be as mature as you are or may not think have the same mindset as you anymore.
But I don't think you should worry too much about it because it happens to people all the time. To me, it just means that I have to have a new set of friends who are like-minded as me now.


Refreshing comment to say the least, Glenndanker. Nice to see some honest opinion here along with Carteki. It's always difficult but you have a great attitude :) We're all privileged, although some may not see it! Especially those who think they are more privileged than others!

Mr. P


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