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Is "trailing" spouses a derogratory term

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sierra2469alpha
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Postby sierra2469alpha » Fri, 16 Jan 2009 2:44 pm

QRM - stop watching the thread and go get your pedicure. Pedicures are Fridays for you, yes?

:P

P

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Postby road.not.taken » Fri, 16 Jan 2009 3:03 pm

QRM wrote:WIMH and RNT I love Friday bun fights.


What the heck is a bun fight?? Is that some wacky Britishism? :o I'm picturing new and different ways to hold swords.... :D

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Postby Zeenit » Fri, 16 Jan 2009 6:23 pm

carteki wrote:
QRM wrote:
Zeenit wrote:I hate the term Trailing spouse........it feels like I dont have a brain nor opinion. But the bank went one step further and referred to me a "HOME MAKER". I thought I was a Tax accountant but find out that I am a builder. I best work on my [bold]other cleavage [/bold]. :shock: :P


No need to work on it just get one of these butt bra

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/femail/artic ... M-bra.html


I think Zeenit meant the brain... Don't worry - the staff at the bank just wish that they could be tax accountants!



I meant "builder's bum cleavage" Not a butt bra... :lol: :)
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Re: Is "trailing" spouses a derogratory term

Postby TennoHekka » Sat, 17 Jan 2009 2:05 am

carteki wrote:Can some-one please clear this up for me - I was rapped over the knuckles for calling a group of wives who spend all day at home looking after the house and kids (if they have them) "trailing wives" as they considered it derogratory. I didn't mean it in that sense and have heard it used on more than one occasion as a way of describing that particular group of people - just like soccer mom's. Is this term derogratory, or was the person who mentioned it just especially sensitive?
Thanks


Trailing spouse? Sounds more like a disgruntled ex- doing some stalking... :P

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Re: Is "trailing" spouses a derogratory term

Postby ksl » Sat, 17 Jan 2009 3:24 am

TennoHekka wrote:
carteki wrote:Can some-one please clear this up for me - I was rapped over the knuckles for calling a group of wives who spend all day at home looking after the house and kids (if they have them) "trailing wives" as they considered it derogratory. I didn't mean it in that sense and have heard it used on more than one occasion as a way of describing that particular group of people - just like soccer mom's. Is this term derogratory, or was the person who mentioned it just especially sensitive?
Thanks


Trailing spouse? Sounds more like a disgruntled ex- doing some stalking... :P
Yes that would probably fit some of the Brits quite well in the UK, when the oldman is down the pub every night, after they are seperated! :)

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Postby EADG » Sun, 18 Jan 2009 2:39 pm

One-sided Zen-like cat fights notwithstanding, re the OP, one more for the nay side - it's not (considered) a derogatory term.

I know both male and female trailing spouses and none seem to find it a put-down. But I did sense a minor bit of emasculation from one male trailer.
Ape Shall Not Kill Ape

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Postby QRM » Sun, 18 Jan 2009 10:36 pm

road.not.taken wrote:
QRM wrote:WIMH and RNT I love Friday bun fights.


What the heck is a bun fight?? Is that some wacky Britishism? :o I'm picturing new and different ways to hold swords.... :D


Well here is my claim to fame, it was supposed to have been coined by a kind of distant relative, P G Wodehouse, its bread buns rather than bun as in nice buns, Though WIMH and RNT holding a pair of swords in their buns would certainly be entertaining. Time to get out a bit more.

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Postby road.not.taken » Mon, 19 Jan 2009 6:03 am

QRM wrote:
road.not.taken wrote:
QRM wrote:WIMH and RNT I love Friday bun fights.


What the heck is a bun fight?? Is that some wacky Britishism? :o I'm picturing new and different ways to hold swords.... :D


Well here is my claim to fame, it was supposed to have been coined by a kind of distant relative, P G Wodehouse, its bread buns rather than bun as in nice buns, Though WIMH and RNT holding a pair of swords in their buns would certainly be entertaining. Time to get out a bit more.


Bun fights, cat-fights -- when women disagree there are all sorts of silly-less-than-complimentary descriptors. When men disagree they call it 'war'. Oh well, I guess bun fight, however it's intended is better than war. Better silly than stupid :tongue: :D

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Postby meiteoh » Mon, 29 Jun 2009 6:11 am

Sorry to dig up a rather old topic which no one has updated, but it came at an opportune time and I thought to share my thoughts on the matter. Hope what I'm about to share doesn't offend anyone.

The term "tai tai" or "lady of leisure" may be neutral but when used in a certain context, like in my case, it's just plain insulting. Do read on to see why.

I'm a Malaysian Chinese married to a French and was gainfully employed prior to my marriage. When I got married, I exchanged that life for one of unemployment since I had to move from Malaysia to Switzerland. It was a difficult period for me because I had problems looking for full-time employment in my field and with my qualifications (I currently live in a town of 30K people) and from social pressure. Every week, I have people coming to me with jibes about how I have turned into a lady of leisure and should stop sponging off my husband.

The term "trailing spouse" sits well with me but not "tai tai" or "lady of leisure" because of what I have had to put up with for nearly 1.5 years. Bear in mind that those same people (and all of them are Asians) use those labels on me in a derogatory manner.

My mother told me that it was a waste of my masters education since I was becoming nothing more than "one of those housewives and tai tai who depend on her husband for everything". She has mentioned time and time again that in her mind's eye (and almost everyone I know who is her age), housewives/tai tais are uneducated, uncultured, isolated from the world and incapable of doing anything productive because of those things. My friends would comment on how envious they are to have my life yet in next breath, say things like how "they cannot stand sitting around all day, waiting for their husbands to return home as how all housewives are".

When I got pregnant and decided to dedicate a good portion of my baby's early months/year to caring for her (it was a mutual decision made by my hubby and myself), I was told that I shouldn't do that and instead, I should instead dump my baby with my mum who lives in KL, go back to work in Singapore and become a weekend mother because of "no choice" and that "it is what is expected of women - multitask" before ending with a "think about it". Being a S/WAHM mum to these people (family and friends) means "sitting at home doing nothing all day long". Never mind that it is hardly the case.

I know my family/relatives - the next coming Chinese New Year will see me faced with questions about my job or lack of it followed by supposed well-meaning and UNSOLICITED advice. The words "tai tai" or "lady of leisure" will pop up and you can bet that for me, it'll be nothing to smile about.

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Postby Plavt » Mon, 29 Jun 2009 7:42 am

meiteoh,
Your marriage and what goes in within are nobody else's business! By the look of it you have made the right choices given your circumstances so just ignore those people if that's possible.

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Postby Zeenit » Mon, 29 Jun 2009 1:48 pm

Been a full time mom is better than a wekend parent. You happy, your husband and your kid is. Ignore family and foe.
Enjoy your time at home with your child. Its a special time and dont worry about what people say. :D
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Postby sundaymorningstaple » Mon, 29 Jun 2009 1:57 pm

Frankly I'd love to be a "trailing spouse". I love for someone to support me in the manner to which I'd like to be accustomed. People can call me anything that they like. I could care less! (But that's pretty obvious with the years I've been moderating things around here!) :lol:

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Postby Zeenit » Mon, 29 Jun 2009 2:05 pm

sundaymorningstaple wrote:Frankly I'd love to be a "trailing spouse". I love for someone to support me in the manner to which I'd like to be accustomed. People can call me anything that they like. I could care less! (But that's pretty obvious with the years I've been moderating things around here!) :lol:


Some people call you all the names and yet you no trailing spouse ..... :cool:
Last edited by Zeenit on Mon, 29 Jun 2009 4:11 pm, edited 1 time in total.
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Postby meiteoh » Mon, 29 Jun 2009 4:05 pm

Thanks folks! You guys are lovely. :P

My hubby and some friends have been very supportive - thank God for the small blessings in life. My in-laws too have been kind enough to not ask - they did once and was told promptly by my hubby that it's a "sensitive issue" (their French code for "don't be nosy").

Right now, I'm trying my super best to just ignore the jibes - am due in less than a month so have other bigger problems to worry about like the move to Singapore plus the whole Chinese confinement thing. :?


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