Jokes for relaxing

[sleepydog]

Dun test my english hor………

Ah Lek was asked to make a sentence using 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9,10.
Not only did he do it 1 to 10, he did it again from 10 back to 1. This is what he came up with…..

1 day I go 2 climb a 3 outside a house to peep. But the couple saw me, so I panic and I 4 down. The man rushed out and wanted to 5 with me. I ran until I fell 6 and threw up. So I go into 7-eleven and grabbed some 8 to throw at him. Then I took a 9 and try to stab at him. 10 God he run away.

10 I put the 9 back and pay for the 8 and left 7-eleven. Next day I called my boss and told him I was 6. He said 5 , tomorrow also no need to come back 4 work. He also asked me to go climb a 3 and jump down! I don’t un derstand. I am so nice 2 him but I don’t know what he 1.

[AngryAngMo]

Reminds me very strong of the movie advertisment they currently run in singapores cinemas for that local production hitting the cinemas soon, i cant remember the name only that my local friends all told me the comedian whos playing that one main dude would be very popular here and they literally grew up with him...

[gillypadi]

It's a Jack Neo movie and these were the lines


I hear phone Green Green, then I Pink up the phone and say Yellow, Blues that? White did you say, oh wrong number, don't Purplely disturb people and don't call black again ok?

[jamesjo]

omg

[shawn1980]

haha~funny show~

[suzyQ]

A man walks into a bar looking disappointed and carrying a black bag over one shoulder. He sits down at the bar.

The bartender walks up. "What`s in the bag?", asks the bartender. The man puts the bag on the bar, reaches in and pulls out a baby grand piano, a small bench and a 12 inch tall man wearing a top hat and a tux with tails. The 12 inch tall man sits down at the piano and begins playing Beethoven.

"That`s amazing!" says the bartender, his eyes wide with disbelief. "Where did he come from?". The man reaches into the bag and pulls out a genie lamp. "Rub the lamp" he says, pushing the lamp toward the bartender.

The bartender grabs the lamp and begins rubbing it vigorously with his bar rag. Out pops an old, wrinkled genie. "I grant you one wish" he says to the bartender. "I want a million bucks!" says the bartender. "Done" says the genie. The genie disappears back into the lamp.

Moments pass. Suddenly a duck appears on the bar with a poof. Then another....and another. They appear on the bar stools...on the tables...on the Budweiser sign on the wall. POOF...POOF...POOF. Thousands...tens of thousands of ducks begin to fill the bar! "Christ!" shouts the bartender. "I didn't`t say ducks!" he yells, "I said bucks!".

The man at the bar looks at the bartender, "You think I asked for a 12 inch pianist?"

[sleepydog]

WIFE VS. HUSBAND

A couple drove down a country road for several miles, not saying a word. An earlier discussion had led to an argument and neither of them wanted to concede their position. As they passed a barnyard of mules, goats, and pigs, the husband asked sarcastically, "Relatives of yours?" "Yep," the wife replied, "in-laws."



W O R D S

A husband read an article to his wife about how many words women use a day... 30,000 to a man's 15,000. The wife replied, "The reason has to be because we have to repeat everything to men... The husband then turned to his wife and asked, "What?"



CREATION

A man said to his wife one day, "I don't know how you can be so stupid and so beautiful all at the same time.”

[shawn1980]

saw this joke somewhere else, funny~


A bus stops and two Italian men get on. They sit down and engage in an animated conversation. The lady sitting behind them ignores them at first, but her attention is galvanized when she hears one of the men say the following:

"Emma come first.
Den I come.
Den two asses come together.
I come once more.
Two asses come together again.
I come again and pee twice.
Then I come one last time."

"You foul-mouthed swine, " retorted the lady indignantly. "In this country we don't talk about our sex lives in public!"
"Hey, cool down lady," said the man. "Who talkin' about sex? I'm a just tellin' my frienda how to spell Mississippi."

[carrie n]

haha, never forget the spelling of the place then