Singapore Expats Forum

Vietnamese mail order brides

Discuss about the latest news & interesting topics, real life experience or other out of topic discussions with locals & expatriates in Singapore.

langkawi
Member
Member
Posts: 27
Joined: Mon, 12 May 2008

Vietnamese mail order brides

Postby langkawi » Tue, 09 Dec 2008 3:38 am

I just saw a video on vietnamese mail order brides, and I am confused...

Why would anyone want to "order" a spouse...that to one who doesn't speak English. What's worse is, these men who end up buying a wife (it costs $10,000 btw), actually send their wives for virginity testing, which if they fail, the husband's get reimbursed and are given the option of returning their wife.

What the! I thought slavery ended a very long time ago.

I feel so disturbed, especially after reading some of the comments at the bottom of the video...


http://sg.theasianparent.com/articles/v ... der_brides

User avatar
sundaymorningstaple
Moderator
Moderator
Posts: 35159
Joined: Thu, 11 Nov 2004
Location: Still Fishing!
Contact:

Postby sundaymorningstaple » Tue, 09 Dec 2008 7:16 am

Is there that much difference then using a matchmaker & the dowry system? Arranged marriages were and still are business transactions and have been a way of life for centuries in India and still are today. My wife's parents were an arranged marriage and their marriage lasted 55 years (till he died four years ago). Often these marriages outlast regular marriages that are based on much more shallow things like looks, or sex, both of which diminish over time.

Think about it......

User avatar
Wind In My Hair
Manager
Manager
Posts: 2306
Joined: Tue, 19 Jul 2005

Postby Wind In My Hair » Tue, 09 Dec 2008 7:27 am

I too know of couples who have been together for decades because of arranged marriages. I think it's the value system that makes a difference - if you agree to an arranged marriage, you already belong to a group for whom tradition and conformity has value, and you may work harder to make your marriage work since that's what society expects. The pro-choice movement in marriage, to which most of us belong, make the decision to divorce all too easy.

However, there is some difference between arranged marriages and the mail-order bride system. These are not arranged marriages. The men choose their wives in every way, the two sets of parents don't know each other nor do they have a mutual friend or matchmaker that both know, and come from very different cultures unlike arranged marriages where both parties know what is expected of them. This last point creates the most problems, I believe, for mail-order marriages.

And don't forget, the women are not necessarily victims here. Many want a free ticket out of their country and not all intend to remain married for long.

User avatar
Plavt
Director
Director
Posts: 4292
Joined: Wed, 18 May 2005
Location: United Kingdom

Postby Plavt » Tue, 09 Dec 2008 7:34 am

Wind In My Hair wrote: the women are not necessarily victims here. Many want a free ticket out of their country and not all intend to remain married for long.


I agree with this statement but I disagree that arranged marriages are any more successful than others, plenty of them fall apart.

User avatar
pakjohn
Chatter
Chatter
Posts: 353
Joined: Mon, 29 Sep 2008
Location: Jamaica

Postby pakjohn » Tue, 09 Dec 2008 8:17 am

Sadly, most men that go this route lack the social skills necessary to find a wife the traditional way. (Assuming people that are willing to buy a wife probably do not come from a culture of arranged marriage.)

It's illegal in the U.S., although I'm sure it's still done. I would imagine these deals often end up badly for one or both of the people involved. Makes me sad for the ladies being brokered.

The system my friends in India grew up with makes more sense; the bride and grooms family choose a mate for them by exhaustive interviews of the others family, including the dowry amount. The matches seem to work out pretty well as my friends are all over 30 years in marriage.
Pakjohn

User avatar
QRM
Manager
Manager
Posts: 1831
Joined: Mon, 17 Oct 2005
Location: Nassim hill

Postby QRM » Tue, 09 Dec 2008 8:34 am

I remember in the UK we all took the piss out of a scrawny Indian office chum when we heard he was going down the arrange marriage route, all the usual forced marriage, slavery etc came up

We had egg on our face when she turned up, an absolute stunner!! and smart too.
Last edited by QRM on Tue, 09 Dec 2008 10:44 am, edited 1 time in total.

User avatar
durain
Director
Director
Posts: 3666
Joined: Thu, 23 Aug 2007
Location: Location: Location: Location:

Postby durain » Tue, 09 Dec 2008 8:39 am

why bother with mail order when you can check out the goods in person in orchard towers? :P

User avatar
pakjohn
Chatter
Chatter
Posts: 353
Joined: Mon, 29 Sep 2008
Location: Jamaica

Postby pakjohn » Tue, 09 Dec 2008 11:04 am

why bother with mail order when you can check out the goods in person in orchard towers?


lol! When I first came back to Asia after military service my dad took me off to one side and asked me if I was coming over to find a wife. (I was actually coming over to go fishing..), I said "No, but I plan to interview a couple dozen". :lol: didn't set well with my conservative dad, a minister his whole life.
Pakjohn

AmadeusCho
Member
Member
Posts: 47
Joined: Wed, 09 Apr 2008

Re: Vietnamese mail order brides

Postby AmadeusCho » Wed, 10 Dec 2008 8:35 am

I think these virginity tests are used to weed out prostitutes from the more genuine and "normal" ladies.

It's no surprise this type of thing exists. It's a legitimate way for very poor people to move to a better place. And there's enough middle aged/divorced/uneducated men looking for a wife.

As for the language issue, not all "buyers" speak English. Many Asians from SG, HK etc also take part. Some Vietnamese speak Cantonese, so there may not be a language problem with some people.


langkawi wrote:I just saw a video on vietnamese mail order brides, and I am confused...

Why would anyone want to "order" a spouse...that to one who doesn't speak English. What's worse is, these men who end up buying a wife (it costs $10,000 btw), actually send their wives for virginity testing, which if they fail, the husband's get reimbursed and are given the option of returning their wife.

What the! I thought slavery ended a very long time ago.

I feel so disturbed, especially after reading some of the comments at the bottom of the video...


http://sg.theasianparent.com/articles/v ... der_brides

Min_Ong
Member
Member
Posts: 29
Joined: Sat, 11 Oct 2008
Location: Upper Bukit Timah

Postby Min_Ong » Thu, 18 Dec 2008 11:46 am

I guess to some people settling down is just another stage in their life, for the purpose of having kids, having someone care for their parents, etc.

With that sort of mindset, i can imagine why they would opt for a seemingly docile wife from villages. serves their wifely purposes. With many local women wanting to work, not wanting to stay with their inlaws, etc.

About the virginity testing, perhaps its just the extreme form of ensuring she has no kids at home, stds, etc. And also part of the ego thing because they're paying to "buy" her.

Anything goes, as long as both parties benefit.

I speak a little vietnamese, and in my class was this guy. He should be learning for his vietnamese bride. Judging by the vocab he pays special attention to. And he's not learning for work. Pretty ok chap. Abit short and smokes, late 20s, hardworking enough when learning and has a car.

Some people are just not lucky when it comes to love, or patient enough. Love relationships can be pretty damn tough.

pollyminaz
Member
Member
Posts: 44
Joined: Sun, 30 Dec 2007

Postby pollyminaz » Thu, 18 Dec 2008 5:27 pm

Mail order brides are convienant, obedient and undemanding. :D

User avatar
QRM
Manager
Manager
Posts: 1831
Joined: Mon, 17 Oct 2005
Location: Nassim hill

Postby QRM » Thu, 18 Dec 2008 8:17 pm

Until you marry them

User avatar
durain
Director
Director
Posts: 3666
Joined: Thu, 23 Aug 2007
Location: Location: Location: Location:

Postby durain » Thu, 18 Dec 2008 9:45 pm

then get divorce and lose half the asset!

User avatar
ScoobyDoes
Manager
Manager
Posts: 1665
Joined: Wed, 29 Nov 2006
Location: A More Lucky Spot

Postby ScoobyDoes » Fri, 19 Dec 2008 11:31 am

durain wrote:then get divorce and lose half the asset!



that's why you get a pre-nup...... let's face it, that's just a sales contract of one form or other anyway.

I don't see how anybody can pick fault in this "mail-order" stuff since it is so similar to other systems and processes out there anyway, but on a much simpler basis.

User avatar
QRM
Manager
Manager
Posts: 1831
Joined: Mon, 17 Oct 2005
Location: Nassim hill

Postby QRM » Fri, 19 Dec 2008 3:08 pm

About pre nups, It basically a realistic agreement on spitting the assets should a divorce occur, you confirm how much to give for every year of marriage etc.

Apparently if its totally unreasonable, like after 20 years of marriage you agree to get nothing if we divorce, its as good as useless.

So if Miss Ho chi Min is smart she should insist on a pre nup while she has the ace card, her virginity, save a whole of lawyers expense etc should it all go horrible wrong.


  • Similar Topics
    Replies
    Views
    Last post

Return to “General Discussions”

Who is online

Users browsing this forum: No registered users and 3 guests