I'D LOVE TO BE EIGHT AGAIN

[sundaymorningstaple]

I'D LOVE TO BE EIGHT AGAIN

A man asked his wife what she'd like for her birthday.
"I'd love to be eight again" she replied.
On the morning of her birthday he arose early,
made her a nice big bowl of Coco Pops and
then took her off to the local theme park.
What a Day! He put her on every ride in the park:
* The Death Slide
* The Wall of Fear
* The Screaming Monster Roller Coaster
Five hours later she staggered out of the theme park.
Her head was reeling and her stomach felt upside down.
Right away they journeyed to a McDonalds where
her loving husband ordered her a Happy Meal with extra
fries and a refreshing chocolate milk shake.
Then it was off to the movies: the latest Star
Wars epic, a hot dog, popcorn, all the Coke she
could drink, her favourite lolly and M&Ms.
What a fabulous adventure!
Finally she wobbled home with her husband and
collapsed onto the bed exhausted . He leaned
over his precious wife with a big smile and lovingly asked
"Well Dear, what was it like being eight again?"
Her eyes slowly opened and her expression suddenly changed .
"I meant my dress size, you f.. idiot".

The moral of this story :

Even when a man is listening, he's still gonna get it wrong.

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A WINDY SUBJECT

A lady walks into Tiffany's. She browses around, spots a beautiful diamond bracelet and walks over to inspect it. As she bends over to look more closely she inadvertently breaks wind.

Very embarrassed, she looks around nervously to see if anyone has noticed her little accident and prays that a sales person doesn't appear right now.

As she turns around, her worst nightmare materializes in the form of a salesman standing right behind her.

Cool as a cucumber and displaying complete professionalism, the salesman greets the lady with, 'Good day, Madam. How may we help you today?'

Very uncomfortably, but hoping that the salesman may just not have been there at the time of her little 'accident', she asks, 'Sir, what is the price of this lovely bracelet?'

He answers, 'Madam, if you farted just looking at it, you're going to S**T yourself when I tell you the price.'