Little Ozchick won't eat

[ozchick]

My daughter is visiting. She's 23. She's had a battle with Eating disorders (ED)on and off for 7 or 8 years now and is really struggling currently. She's a beautiful, intelligent girl who is totally obsessed with calories. I have her enrolled at a clinic for this problem in Oz.....but gee with her wedding due in Jan she's more determined than ever to look like a skeleton girl. What do you do when a your adult daughter looks at you pathetically and says "Mum, I'm so hungry". If I do get her to eat a bit more than usual, she gets so upset later that she just spends longer in the gym to burn it all off again.
When I hug her I feel as if she could break. She cries all the time and is on an emotional roller-coaster day by day.
Her fiance is doing his best but I can't see him handling this for any length of time. I'd like to see this marriage called off until she has some return in semblance of normality, if ever. He actually believes her when she says that she'll start eating when the wedding is over.....sigh.......if anyone on here has had personal dealings with this insidious illness, I could do with words of advice, especially on how to 'distract' which is the advice given to the sufferer's support network generally. Are there any 'local' foods that give energy without fat or high sugar content ?S'pose not...............

[Zeenit]

What about home made veggie soup. I know its hot weather but at least it will give her vitamin etc wihout fat. And if you make it at home your daughter cant say it has fat in it. I wish you all the best.

[Hithnar]

Try introducing your daughter to Sounth Beach and Montaginac diet - they use some metabolic tricks to allow a person to eat a lot of healthy and delicious food, and not gain a gram of fat. I am a person with some ED episodes, and those diets allowed me to remain healthy.

Problem is, in SG it's kinda hard to buy products for those diets, and you have to do most o f the cooking yourself. But broccoli, cucumber, eggs and chicken breast can be bought easily. Uh, I so miss cauliflower and my favorite spinach... Hope that helps, pm me if you have questions.

[Wind In My Hair]

Poor little Ozchick, and poor mummy Ozchick too. It's tough watching someone you love go through that.

When I was about 18 or 20 I had a bout of anorexia as well, just wouldn't eat and when I did I would feel so guilty that I would go running for hours just to undo the 'damage'. What cured the anorexia was bulimia. I would binge then induce vomiting. Ugh, what young girls go through. I can't even believe that was me now that I'm looking back from here.

Not sure what cured the bulimia though. I think I just got tired of leaning over the toilet with red puffy eyes, literally spilling out my guts. I was living in an apartment with other girls at the time, and was afraid and ashamed that they might hear and deduce what was going on. Also, I was being bulimic even in public places and it could get pretty disgusting.

So I really don't know what advice to give. I never got professional help myself, never even told anyone about it till many years later. Guess I got lucky. Maybe bulimia was my 'distraction' from the anorexia, and the shame of being found out distracted me from the bulimia.

I do know it's very hard to talk a person out of anorexia. It must happen from an external shock or a change of perspective. When she looks into the mirror, she does not see how thin she is, she only sees unwanted fleshy areas everywhere. Weird, but this was how it was for me. You cannot convince her that she is too thin.

Just from a layperson's view, what about supplementation with a multi-vitamin or even more during this time to ensure she's getting the basic nutrients?

Mood-boosters like getting lots of sun may help. I was anorexic and bulimic in the UK and not here, and cannot say for certain but the dreary weather may have had something to do with it.

Soup is a good idea. It's not 'real' food so she may be okay having more of this compared to solid food. And it's easier for you to mix things invisibly into the soup.

Or try unsweetened soya bean milk. At least it has protein to keep her going. I was also more willing to eat bran with skimmed milk and other high-fibre low-fat foods. At least you're not so hungry all the time.

Will think about it and get back to you if I have any more ideas. Hang in there, dear.

[Plavt]

I was anorexic and bulimic in the UK and not here, and cannot say for certain but the dreary weather may have had something to do with it.

......................................................

[Wind In My Hair]

Nothing against the UK, Plavt. Seasonal Affective Disorder (SAD) is recognised as a problem and I remember being inexplicably depressed during the winter months. Could have been entirely coincidental to the anorexia but it certainly doesn't help to have two separate causes of depression! Addressing one cause may give a leg-up to curing the other problem as well, from my completely amateur, non-medical standpoint.

http://www.mayoclinic.com/health/season ... er/DS00195

[Zeenit]

Nothing against the UK, Plavt. Seasonal Affective Disorder (SAD) is recognised as a problem and I remember being inexplicably depressed during the winter months. Could have been entirely coincidental to the anorexia but it certainly doesn't help to have two separate causes of depression! Addressing one cause may give a leg-up to curing the other problem as well, from my completely amateur, non-medical standpoint.

http://www.mayoclinic.com/health/season ... er/DS00195

I am also a S.A.D sufferer and this year i will be happy.

[cbavasi]

ozchick - i don't envy your situation - dealing with an eating disorder is very difficult. the most important thing is to be there for your daughter and try and understand (in the best way possible) why she is doing this to herself. granted brides always seem to get funny about their weight and diets and so forth - but if she has been having issues for the past 7 years - this is probably only exacerbating the problem. how long is she staying with you? could she see a therapist or an eating disorder specialist while she is here? try and get some protein in her - little bit of peanut butter spread on rice cakes, hummous with vegetable sticks, edamame beans in broth... these are all relatively low calorie options with protein.

[ozchick]

You guys are wonderful ! Thanks SO much. Some great ideas here for food and vitamins and alternative diets. Just knowing that others have had experience and or can grasp this whole concept with its related difficulties is a real boost to me. She had a good meal last night and I feel like a chirpy mother bird when I see the baby eating ! She's not beyond hope I know that, and I'm gonna print this thread out with all the ideas and sites to try etc. Thanks very much the support and the PMs too.

[gif]

To be honest I don't think a home-made diet really solves the matter...I think that this thing is serious and should be seriously treated as a psychologic desease, so your daughter (and you if recommended by a specialist) shall seek the advice of a good psychologist, possibly one who also has a specialization in dietology.

Pushing your daughter to eat a bit more than she can, or tricking her won't work, in my personal experience. Consider that most of the medical-psychological treatments the goal they aim at is to teach patients to "feel" they are not full, nor still hungry, but just satisfied. If your daughter is no longer used to eat, eating a lot can only give her stomach ache.

For the moment, u could consider the Zone diet, I personally tried it myself and learnt that it is a very healthy lifestyle: the diet is aimed at any condition you want, either you want to gain, loose or maintain weight. It is based on the ratio between carbohydrates, fats and proteins, and not on calories, though of course there is an indirect way of counting the calories. It is not easy for me to explain it in english, as I still miss a lot of vocabulary, but there's plenty of websites, also the official one, that can explain.
I had my total amount of "blocks" (each block equals to a certain amount of proteins, carbohydrates and fats) to be consumed each day, in 5 shots - breakfast, morning snack, lunch, afternoon snack, dinner. Each of them shall reflect the right ratio of the three main nutrients, and of course the total daily amount shall not be exceeded, nor you (your daughter) shall eat less of course.
The content of the 3 main nutrients in many many foods, also packed ones, you can find listed on various websites (I cannot give the references, as I only have the italian links, useless).

But seriously, this diet is a lifestyle, your daughter needs something more professional...I hope this is not offending you in any way, I'm just sharing experience, as my mother is a psychologist, and I've been dealing with this disease myself, luckily for a very short time (but lost something around 10-12 kgs in 2-3 months, I was really looking like a skeleton, but wasn't able to realize until I got my "spirit" back in shape, so to say)

[Forks]

Sorry to hear about your daughter Ozchick but if she has had this problem for many years has she seen someone for some help like a specialist.

Trying to beat this with different foods wont help. Having once been in the position of the fiancee I think your comment about not lasting has a point and maybe getting him in on the solution could help a lot as its likely he will end up battling it by proxy if he marries your daughter and I dont think the solution will be a short term one.

[bluenose]

there is a fellowship in Singapore that deals with eating disorders.
I can get details if you like but for obvious reasons it is anonymous.
I am a member of another fellowship and these are illnesses and can not be treated with Diets....
There is a recovery programe on offer if wanted...
I think I can get the details of someone in a similar position....if your daughter wants help, but not if you are trying to fix it for your daughter...she needs to want it for herself.
You can PM me and I will pass on details of someone to call.

[ozchick]

Thanks Bluenose, Forks and Gif. She attended an Eating Disorder specialist clinic for 4 mths early last year (before I came to Sg to live for a yr or 2). This clinic required at least 1 yr of twice weekly attendance which included regular dietary and psycholgocal advice, suppport 're- programming the mind' etc. All was going well until Little Oz was improving tremendously and decided to withdraw from the programme since, in her eyes she was 'fixed' !

A yr later, last month on her own accord but after much pestering and concerns from me, she took herself back there to start all over again. But she is here in Sg for a week right now and of course welcome, but her 'expert' assistance isn't with her. My big fear is that just when she starts to see the benefits she might abscond again. And I'm not there to push her the right way. But I'm going to email the clinic and get kept in the loop. She's not too bad right now as I speak. She's also open to any involvement that I want re the clinic, emails, letters, phone calls etc. Her fiance is a good supporter and attends classes for family supporters via that clinic so he knows that he's not alone in this horrible thing. But we sure are on a rollercoaster and I wouldn't wish it on my worst enemy. We have good days. Currently we're ok. Deep breath and hang on ! Thanks again guys !

[gif]

well, then the situation is a bit better than it sounded when reading your first post!
The only I can add is "be tough", never give up, and make sure she attends regularly when back home!
Good luck

[road.not.taken]

Bless you OzChick, this is a big one for a parent. Sounds like the right first steps have already been taken. I'm concerned that a wedding in January might be too much. Does she have a goal weight she's trying to achieve before the big day? It's such a very stressful time and can make a bad situation worse. Will you let us know how she's doing?