Question for Mothers

[Kareena]

hey moms,
do all of you have live in maids?....i'm just sooo double minded about this...i'm loving my privacy right now and dont need a maid hanging over my head all the time...plus i have 2 kids and i have a part time maid who comes like 4 times a week to clean. I just think leaving the kids all the time with the maid is like so wrong (i see this all the time in sg) esp as im not working ...so wat will i be contributing to the marriage?...wat do the mothers do ? doesnt shopping plus partying all the time get boring?...lol...sorry not being biased but....what are the advantages of live in maids? and for those of you who dont have live in maids , how do you manage?...thanks.

[cbavasi]

if you are on the fence about getting a maid - why don't you see what it's like without one first and go from there? there will never be a shortage of helpers - you'll always be able to find someone.

[jessienlhkg]

If you are happy with the ways its organised now, then why consider a live in helper?

We have a live in helper, it suits us best.

FYI: we are a family of three (plus our helper, then we are a family of four).

[Callalily]

If what you have at the mo works for you, why change? It is very naive to think that most expat mums leave the children to their helpers and go partying/shopping.

[Kareena]

no i dont think that its just wat i see when i take my kids out to a play place , there are only a few other moms (and they dont have maids)...the rest are kids with maids...

[boffenl]

I agree with you Kareena. I've not seen many expat moms out with their kids. I keep hoping they're in hospital having another one or maybe too busy at work? Anyway, the maid issue is so unique in each family. If you'd like to get more involved in other activities outside the home, there are tons of those, but if you'd like to stick closer to home, having a maid will seem like a real distraction. I've seen first hand how (some) children who have grown up with maids can't seem to do anything by themselves. At my daughter's school, they specifically asked the parents to make sure their kids knew how to flush the toilet and wash their own hands--the maids routinely do those tasks for kids well into primary school. UnFREAKing believable!

[QRM]

At my daughter's school, they specifically asked the parents to make sure their kids knew how to flush the toilet and wash their own hands--the maids routinely do those tasks for kids well into primary school. UnFREAKing believable!

I mentioned it before, I know a kid who doesn't even hold his willy, the maid unzips him points it and tucks it away!!

Just the other day I was the Tanglin Mall Gymboree class out of 8 of us I was the only parent the rest are maids.

At the same playschool I saw a very young expat kid really excited and happy , pulling her mum into the class, just as she got to the door, the mum pulls her hand away and gets the maid to take her in. The kid was balling her eyes out.

Heart breaking, maybe there's no bonding with the kid? I couldn't do that, sure later in life they need to learn about independence, but at 2 years old?

OK if you have more than one kid then there is a logistic problem, but the mum who walked away didnt have any other kids in tow and look the sort who is more bothered about her manucure then playing with her daughter.

[boffenl]

Yikes QRM, I would have started crying myself--and then beat the sh*t out of the mom. Weird stuff happens everywhere I guess, but it seems more so here. Parents at my duaghter's school got a note recently to make sure our children could carry their own school bag because they won't let the maids wander freely around campus anymore--carrying the kids bag all the way to the classroom. Hold mackeral--my kid carries her own bag and flushes her own toilet. Poor baby!

Seriously makes me sweat when I wonder where the moms are whose kids are at GoGo Bambini with the maids. If you don't have time to take them there youself, just let them play at home while you're ---oh, right they're probably doing something equally important? AUGH. That's all for me.

[aussiemeg]

With you QRM

Popped out the other day to the park with the twins. Was approached by a friendly expat mummy (with her maid and one child) who after a chat asked me how on earth I can take the two of them out by myself and wasn't I scared.

Ok twins freak some people out but if we were at home (Uk or Aus) I probably wouldn't ahve help BUT SCARED.... Scared of what exactly in singapore Mosquito or lizards maybe

[woozel]

Going off topic a little here now, but just wanted to add in two cents worth here.....

My husband and I will both be working when we get to Singapore (both full-time jobs) and so we will have a combination of nanny / pre-school (half-day) once we find all the relevant people.

There seem to be a lot of posts about maids with expat kids, but a lot of us probably don't have a choice (one of the reasons we came to Singapore for a couple of years is so that I won't have to work full-time when we go back).

Guess I just wanted to write that it isn't always the maid looking after the kids so that the moms can go get their manicures...

Difference though is I always make a point of dropping son off at pre-school. When researching one school here I was turned off it as they didn't let you take your kids into the school - you had to leave them at the gate. I love taking son into school so that I can picture where he is / what he will be doing during the day.....

[QRM]

There seem to be a lot of posts about maids with expat kids, but a lot of us probably don't have a choice (one of the reasons we came to Singapore for a couple of years is so that I won't have to work full-time when we go back).

Woozel,

You mentioned you have no choice to leave your baby with a helper and day care.

The no choice argument is a bit suspect; I am professionally qualified and have placed my career on hold for a few years until the baby is in full time education. Sure if I also worked we could have a new boat every year, or a Jacuzzi in the house, extra bedrooms etc. but we made a choice to forgo all of that so there is one parent full time at home with the kid.

There are some people who believe you cannot remember your early years so it makes no difference who brings you up, the example being kids in orphanages turn out ok.

If you and hubby and kid are all healthy, then you did have a choice and you already made it.

I know a blind lady with a young 2 year old toddler and separated from her husband, now she has no choice but to put the kid in day care.

I agree with everyone that there is no right way of bringing up kids, so this post was based more on curiosity on what situation you have to be in to have NO choice, If it was some medical condition fair enough, but most of the time the kid get second place to a better house or new hairdo.

[woozel]

I agree with you - there is no choice (my category), and there is NO CHOICE (blind lady)....

I should have said we have chosen to do things this way for three / four years, so we can choose to do things differently for the next 12 years. We would struggle to live in Singapore on one salary, but with two salaries we can give ourselves financial freedom when we get back from Singapore. This won't all be on boats, jacuzzi's etc. but will be on the odd overseas holiday to visit our family that is scattered across four different continents unfortunately.

I spent the first year at home with both of them, and luckily my husband and I are able to stagger our working hours so the kids are only with someone else from around 10:00 - 5:30, 5 days a week, and I then work in the evenings once they are asleep to make up the working hours. All our choice again.....

[boffenl]

Hi woozel, Great to meet another full-time working mom (outside the house). We're few and far between here in Singapore. I agree with much of what you mentioned although my situation is quite different. I'm incredibly lucky that my husband works from home and has always been our daughter's primary care giver (sounds so much better than house daddy or house husband). I think the direction this conversation is heading is just to make people aware of how often their kids are out with the maids/helpers.

I think it just gets us down when we see those kids (not in preschool or some other form of education) out with maids and not mom or dad. It happens way too often for the small numbers of dual career expat families here in Singapore. And I understand kids can't stay home all the time, but we wonder (and my kid wonders) what effect it will have on those kids. Best of luck with your decision!

[woozel]

Now I am really digressing(!), but my husband will also be working from home when we get there. Gives me some assurance whilst we settle the kids in. May not always be like that, but certainly will be for the first 6 months to a year. Will have to have a chat when we land (10 days time).

[Blue Sapphire]

If you are happy with your current situation then stick to it and be proud you can manage. Dont worry about other people. I myself is also in the same situation and maybe I dont have the time to go for lunch with friends etc. But I'm proud I'm looking after my child full-time. I gave up my big career and left my country to become a stay-at-home-mum. Although my friends all have maids and are constantly asking me why I dont have one. I find it ironic when they complain they are bored. And then I really dont see what is their purpose in life anymore.

hey moms,
do all of you have live in maids?....i'm just sooo double minded about this...i'm loving my privacy right now and dont need a maid hanging over my head all the time...plus i have 2 kids and i have a part time maid who comes like 4 times a week to clean. I just think leaving the kids all the time with the maid is like so wrong (i see this all the time in sg) esp as im not working ...so wat will i be contributing to the marriage?...wat do the mothers do ? doesnt shopping plus partying all the time get boring?...lol...sorry not being biased but....what are the advantages of live in maids? and for those of you who dont have live in maids , how do you manage?...thanks.