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Bullying behaviour in condo

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babyplush
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Bullying behaviour in condo

Post by babyplush » Sat, 13 Sep 2008 8:34 am

Recently my 3 yo was pushed to the ground in a horrific manner in our condo playground by another 3yo. my child ended up with a lump on the back of her head the size of a golf ball due to the fall. this has only been one of the instances where my child has been hurt by this other child. On most of these encounters the other child's mother has been in the vicinity or at the scene when this bullying occurs but refuses to say or do anything. our problem is that the child's mother never says or does anything to reprimand her child when he is hurting my child (and other children) at the playground. So, when do you step in and discipline someone else's child? I think when bullying occurs it is ok to do so.

Finally I had enough. I took him by the hand and delivered him to his mother who sat there watching yet not doing anything. I sat him down in the chair and told him to stay there with her if he couldnt be nice to other children. She had a funny look on her face but too bad, never said a word. I would never let my child do that to someone else and I expect other people to look after their children. If she would have made an effort to discipline him or remove him from the area for a while then it would definitely prevent other children from being hurt.

My message is please supervise your children accordingly at the playground and when incidents do happen, either apologise to the parent and/or child concerned and address the problem. Don't just sit there and let your child run wild!

aussiemeg
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Post by aussiemeg » Sat, 13 Sep 2008 8:41 am

I was down at a friend's condo the other day watching the twins and their friend play and witnessed a similar act by a child. Then a little one fell off the climbing frame and I turned to see all the maids that mothers had trusted with their chldren sitting talking with their backs to the kids.

Unfortunately I can't sit around and let kids fall or be bullies and as such I have no problem in confronting mothers or maids with this whilst assisting the child that is hurt or speaking harshly to the child that is being naughty.

More than once a local mummy has told me off for scolding their child (a word they use very loosely as I don't consider "don't hit my son" scolding) but quite honestly I couldn't care less as I am not going to ahve my kids bullied.

I do let them stand up for themselves as much as I can stand but honestly sometimes these poor little kids are a product of their parents lack of caring.

Megan

babyplush
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Post by babyplush » Sat, 13 Sep 2008 8:46 am

Thank you, I couldn't agree with you more.

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road.not.taken
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Post by road.not.taken » Sat, 13 Sep 2008 9:11 am

It's almost impossible to do the right thing when someone harms your child -- not once, but a few times. We quit a play group because of 'Bobby the Biter' anyway... I think your (understandable) mistake babyplush, was to react when you were agitated instead of waiting till you cooled down and could talk to her calmly. Now you may have inadvertently colored the situation so that any future dialogue might be very, very difficult. Your goal is to be able to go to the playground and not have any child be bullied, right?

So, moving forward...

Next time you are both there I'd sit very close to her even if you have a book or a magazine, but watch the kids very closely. If you see an 'opening' to speak to her, as non-confrontational as possible, take it. In the meantime: If you see any aggression from her child toward yours, I'd say: Sam, why don't you stay away from Jamie for a while if he's pushing you. If it happens again, turn to the mother and say: maybe you didn't see, but your little Jamie & my little Sam got into a tussle, do you mind if I speak to them both? If she says yes, she does mind -- then walk over to Sam to comfort him and tell him loud enough so Jamie can hear (and maybe Jamie's Mom too) -- sometimes people push and it's not right. Yes, he deserves a timeout, but I'm not his Mommy, let's play over here for a while.

She should get the hint, if not enlist the support of some of the other Moms so your 'Sam' has some buddies with similar parenting styles.

aussiemeg
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Post by aussiemeg » Sat, 13 Sep 2008 9:13 am

Love it RNT

Blue Sapphire
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Post by Blue Sapphire » Sat, 13 Sep 2008 10:17 am

Its quite common for the mothers to apologize. Weird that she doesnt even say anything to you even when you brought her child to her. Maybe she cant speak hehe.

I think if it happens again talk to her directly. I dont really like to have to scold other kids but would rather talk to their mothers about the aggression. Its their job to discipline their kids. Bt what do you do when they arent there but the maid instead?

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Post by uk-kiwi » Sun, 14 Sep 2008 1:18 pm

oh please...RNT. That's a ridiculously long winded way to go about things. Obviously this person needs more than a subtle hint.

I think you remove your child from the situation, tell them not to play with that child. If you are the only parent (rather than maid) in the playground and you can see other children getting bullied, then you are within your right to confront the mother. "You need to know that your child is being unnecessarily rough with the other children and it's upsetting them - can you please take charge?". Easy. Let's not be too PC about this - unless it's an isolated incident of course.

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road.not.taken
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Post by road.not.taken » Sun, 14 Sep 2008 2:18 pm

uk-kiwi wrote:oh please...RNT. That's a ridiculously long winded way to go about things. Obviously this person needs more than a subtle hint.

I think you remove your child from the situation, tell them not to play with that child. If you are the only parent (rather than maid) in the playground and you can see other children getting bullied, then you are within your right to confront the mother. "You need to know that your child is being unnecessarily rough with the other children and it's upsetting them - can you please take charge?". Easy. Let's not be too PC about this - unless it's an isolated incident of course.
oh please, yourself ok-kiwi! :D Look, what we said is almost the same, I was just being more tactful and I think making peace in a situation such as this is worth the time and energy. If she confronts her outright again, she'll have a problem for as long as she lives there. No one needs that. It's in her child's best interest to work it out without an ugly scene. I wouldn't get up in her face unless it was absolutely necessary.

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Post by Leemmo » Mon, 06 Oct 2008 1:46 pm

It seems to me that this mother is responsible for the action of her child if she never stops or even reacts to her child hurting other children. How is her child to know if he is doing wrong if noone tells him so.

I would just say"NO, that is not nice" (so he knows the act he has performed is wrong) there is no point in waiting or he will not know what he is being told off for, and then so the mother can hear tell my child to play with children who are not going to hurt her.

You could also give the mother a look to let her know that you are not happy with her lack of cooperation.

This is only if the mother never responds.

But I agree we should not be put in a position where we feel it necessary to discipline other peoples chidren, but it seems you have no choice in this case.

Good luck
Lee

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