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advice for the lonely

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tinpot_dummy
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Postby tinpot_dummy » Wed, 18 Feb 2009 3:58 pm

“You are never alone, your loneliness is always there to accompany you”

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Postby joycie » Sun, 22 Feb 2009 12:14 am

i'm 22/f, single and the greatest comfort i tell myself is that i'm not lonely, but i am simply alone. that sonehow helps to abolish that emptiness, or simply tell myself i'm enjoying the kind of solitude i'm having.
but we all know it can never be comforting enough, no matter how we psycho ourselves constantly.
singles out there... no?

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Postby xs2kumar » Thu, 26 Feb 2009 12:57 am

hi guys.. me new to sg.. pls count me in if there is any outing!! i'm staying at yishun but working at jurong as engineer.. passing my boring days since no buddies.. pls ping me at kumar.rama@yahoo.com
:???:

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Postby tinpot_dummy » Thu, 26 Feb 2009 8:29 pm

^^
You will find better prospects for that over here .

This is a genuine whine fest :console: thread.

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Postby morenangpinay » Wed, 04 Mar 2009 8:09 am

im single too anyway what about that show the bachelor? lol total jerk

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Postby aBBie » Sat, 28 Mar 2009 1:20 pm

Hey Everyone.

Alright , No one wants to be lonely. ( Im sure everyone agrees with this)
Since we're all here.. I mean in this expats forum .. why dont we make use of this chance to make more friends .. find some activities .. blahh blahh bahh..
I understand Singapore is kinda small .. Not much stuff place to go around .. but hey .. Movies , sports , Coffee is not bad too yea.

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Dave Magoo
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Welcome on board, Abbie...

Postby Dave Magoo » Sat, 28 Mar 2009 3:24 pm

Welcome to Singapore, Abbie.

In answer to your suggestion, you may note that there are a lot of activities, events etc already ongoing throughout the Forum....best place to check is in the Events, Gatherings, Making Friends & Entertainment/Leisure/Sports sections. As you'll see, there's Wednesday/Friday Night Drinking Clubs, Pub Quiz Evenings, Sports-related Events and much much more. Just a case of looking around and seeing what you may be interested in.

For example, the Pub Quiz evenings (which is the thing that I've most attended in my time here) have brought a lot of people of diverse backgrounds and nationalities together (both married/in relationship/single) and has led to some pretty good friendships being created, not to mentioning mushrooming out into Comedy Nights, Karaoke Evenings, BBQs and much more. Good luck in your search and hope to see you at one of the events soon. Alternatively, if nothing on here pulls your chain, feel free to start your own thread and it will surely lead to some interesting times ahead.

Having quickly read this thread, I think the one bit of advice that jumps out is from KSL, I think, who highlighted the good ole adage 'a leopard never changes it's spots'. I was in a 7 year relationship until a year or so ago, and the reason why we ultimately failed is that we probably spent too much time trying to change each other rather just accepting each other for who we are. She had a fiery temper that I always tried to kerb and I was always a bit too laid back for her. Opposites attract and all that!!

I've used the 'Magoo time' since then becoming happy with "self" again and just appreciating that I can live completely independently and don't "need" to be in a relationship. That doesn't mean I don't "want" to be in a relationship (I have been reasonably active in the intervening year or so), but am happy to be on my own and see if the right person comes along. The key to that is to keep putting yourself out there, never go to any event with the thought of 'maybe I'll meet someone here' (it will show :o ), but just go with the flow and things might just happen.

Good luck with that, all, and just get on out there and see what happens...any journey has to start with the first step (Gandalf in The Hobbit, I think!!)

Magoo

p.s. The poster who labelled this place Singabore, I'd suggest you try a bit harder mate. Things wont come to you for sure, but there's a hell of a lot out there if you just make a bit of an effort. Good luck with that.
One day, lad, all this will be yours....what, the curtains?

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Postby sundaymorningstaple » Sat, 28 Mar 2009 6:04 pm

Singabore? A whole lot of the long term stayers (5+years) tend to call it that.......

Singabore or Sillypore, it's our logistical HUB to party in the rest of Asia. :P

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Postby ksl » Sat, 28 Mar 2009 7:12 pm

There are many lonely people around and age isn't the prime factor for loneliness....so at 22, I would assume you are a little shy or introverted, loneliness for me, was more of an emotional ache, of missing my mother who sadly passed away many moons ago.

I personally found being single a blast, I loved it so much until i was around 50, although I was and am quite active, my biggest problem was identifying where i belong too, which Country can I call my home, when i love so many of the Countries and feel at home with the people.

Having travelled constantly from the age of 18, I have met loads of nice people, that assume we are friends, it's kind of one sided, although I wouldn't hesitate to help any of them, to a certain extent, my deep thought process tells me, they are not true friends.

Then my time is taken up, with true friends, what is true friends, when the people i call friends are falling in and out with me all the time, and occasionally they are so temperamental in nature, they may even stop speaking for 6 months.

My analysis is that i am far from perfect, and try to be a positive person most of the time, in fact I prefer positive people to negative types, although i am very tolerant, and they normally break the friendship before myself. After 6 months a part, the batteries are regenerated, and we finally agree, that we can only tolerate so much of each other, because we are, who we are.

Handling loneliness is not easy, and in fact can be mentally challenging, even scary, that one is loosing ones marbles, to thought processes.

This is a time when one should find an occupation to take the mind away from the complications of human behaviour and life in general, do the things, you really want to do, like scream at the top of your voice, and say F---k it all!

Believe me it helps...getting married again doesn't!

Although i love my wife no end, I do miss my single life, lucky for me i manage to have a break away to recharge my batteries, it's really tough trying to please others, they take you for granted all the time, AND SLEEP ON THE COUCH quite often, the daily routines, are just that.

So alone in my bed, I consider life as a single, yes it's lonely, but it's heaven not having a nagging partner, not that mine nags at all, even that would be a waste of energy, and she needs all the energy to earn her living, god bless her!

Can one be married and feel lonely, the answer is yes, sometimes it's intellectual challenging, when talking to another, only to find out that nothing registers, not the other parties interest.

But it's comforting to know, that one is around to organise the burial, and pay for the p--s up and spend all the cash when you have departed from this planet, it's just sad, that another is waiting to jump in the bed, when you have departed and to know they are living it up on all your hard earned cash. :lol:

Not much chance of that happening to me :) The good points V's the bad, equal weighting I believe, so better to be single, because variety is the spice of life :lol: My advice to males, is to find a rich woman, My advice to females is to find a rich man. My advice to all, never get caught out by the other, especially in divorce :lol: :shock:

I'm surprised someone with lots of activities and good job feels lonely, even if all your friends are now married off, go and visit them, I'm sure they will welcome you with open arms, well one half of the family anyway, then you get to see the screaming kids, and the shitty nappies, hardly in Singapore SMS would say! :cool: So why get married?

Life is truly very short indeed, and if you have been close to death, you will soon realise, that loneliness is not really an issue, it's how to make up for the time you have left, I read the obituary occasionally and feel sad, when people have passed away so young in life, the family is suffering, there is an emptiness, that cannot be filled, like when ones parents depart.

It's all mental disturbance, that disrupts the mind, so maybe yoga, or other alternative relaxing ways, may help, but most of all, the power to remain positive is mind over matter, pure will power is the key, which does take training and something I would recommend for self development and independence in young single people.

Doing what your heart tells you to do, is not always the way to cope with loneliness, because of our biorhythms and understanding of psychological needs.

One needs to be independent and rational in thought, when making important steps, that change our lives, as teenagers we do not understand the emotions of love, pain and suffering, we just feel the effects, without dealing with them correctly.

My philosofy in life is that i can do anything i set my heart on, but i need to work towards those goals, I'm not a quitter, I'm not super intelligent, and I'm not wealthy, but i have gained lots of enlightenment, through my journeys, that life is a caberet old chum, so enjoy it while you can.

There is no need whatsoever for anyone to suffer, if they have control of their goals, so the plan is not to over do things, but to control what you do, self discipline is a must, to kickstart your will power, especially if you do not like what you have to do, to reach the goal. Look for strength from the inside and not the outside live alone, to know the difference, between Single and partnership. To move from one relationship to another doesn't hack it, and only makes it more painful.

Humans are very adaptable to situations including love and war, so many live the lie, because they adapt to the life, they are indifferent to the life, and don't know about living alone in most cases. It is not easy to live alone, and it is neither easy to live with a crowd of people, so partner looks attractive until you discover the real person, which has been hiding away.
I have the ability to walk out and drink for 3 days, my wife doesn't really know me...I know i can and would do it if in that frame of mind. I may even go walk about and come back in a week if pushed, so adjusting we all do it to a certain extent to please the opposite. One that nags one into change will have no chance, it's not a possiblity in the long run, because the pyschy will snap, run or live in fear, change nope!

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Postby Dave Magoo » Sun, 29 Mar 2009 2:38 pm

sundaymorningstaple wrote:Singabore? A whole lot of the long term stayers (5+years) tend to call it that.......

Singabore or Sillypore, it's our logistical HUB to party in the rest of Asia. :P


I stand corrected, SMS, and do apologize, Pakjohn for getting it out of context. It's the first time I've seen the description and haven't been here long enough yet to use the same description myself.

Can't argue with the 'partying in the rest of Asia' either :wink: Sing. is the ideal jump off point to get around :cool:
One day, lad, all this will be yours....what, the curtains?

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Postby DaisyRae » Thu, 02 Apr 2009 11:36 pm

ksl,

After reading your litany on loneliness, damn. It's depressing. Getting married but still feeling lonely and disconnected from your partner affected me a lot. I just think that it's sad to feel that way.

I think it's disconcerting that when we choose the one person we are gonna share our life with for the rest of our life and s/he doesn't turn out the way we expect them to, it's already too late to turn back our decision. What do we do next now? We're already stuck with the same person for the rest of our life.

Isn't there such a thing as true love any more? That even when we are already old and weak, but when we look at this person, we can definitely say we're happy to have spent our life with them??? Or do all couples grow apart and feel that they're lonely inside?
Hindsight is always 20/20.

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Postby vbelle » Thu, 23 Apr 2009 4:54 pm

hi..

im new in town..and keen to get new friends..most of my friends here so tight up with work..
so if you are lonely..we can meet up and be friends:)
age doesnt matter..i have friends in 20s and 30s;p

v

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Re: advice for the lonely

Postby TennoHekka » Wed, 20 May 2009 1:23 am

hithere wrote:hello there...sorry to post such a sappy topic.

i'm not sure what i'm looking for. i guess it is advice, any type of advice. perhaps how to appreciate what I have or how to snap out of it or...

i'm 35/F. i hv a great job, great friends, an active sporty lifestyle. i volunteer, i travel, i have fun. but of course, and i suppose (hope..) that this is common to everyone...i sometimes feel really lonely. i've dated a few guys this past year or so, one or two who have been really lovely nice men. most days i get on with life pretty well, some days like today, it feels like I'm the only single person left amongst my circle of friends.

of course, looking from the outside, all of ones frineds seem to hv moved on to a wonderful phase in life. i also catch myself wondering what is the element i'm lacking to find the person whos right for me.

so what to do? am i being extremely silly?


Well, just deal with it and make more money I guess. No use playing the violin, that will drive you barmy.

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Postby reisende » Thu, 21 May 2009 2:56 pm

DaisyRae wrote:ksl,

After reading your litany on loneliness, damn. It's depressing. Getting married but still feeling lonely and disconnected from your partner affected me a lot. I just think that it's sad to feel that way.

I think it's disconcerting that when we choose the one person we are gonna share our life with for the rest of our life and s/he doesn't turn out the way we expect them to, it's already too late to turn back our decision. What do we do next now? We're already stuck with the same person for the rest of our life.

Isn't there such a thing as true love any more? That even when we are already old and weak, but when we look at this person, we can definitely say we're happy to have spent our life with them??? Or do all couples grow apart and feel that they're lonely inside?



there IS such a thing as true love!
I want to be an octogenarian and still be in love with the man I'm with now. I think it will happen. But he didn't fall onto my lap either.

to the OP,
I do understand how you feel.. that said, do have fun meeting more people. One day, the right man will walk into your life, trust me. Good luck!

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Postby stevenchan » Fri, 22 May 2009 3:45 pm

be single and a couple are more and less same, life is going through, enjoy your life, sometime, someday you will find a right man to be a couple. (hope...., and hope...)
Find your gift and souvenir here!!...


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