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advice for the lonely

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hithere
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advice for the lonely

Postby hithere » Mon, 01 Sep 2008 8:06 pm

hello there...sorry to post such a sappy topic.

i'm not sure what i'm looking for. i guess it is advice, any type of advice. perhaps how to appreciate what I have or how to snap out of it or...

i'm 35/F. i hv a great job, great friends, an active sporty lifestyle. i volunteer, i travel, i have fun. but of course, and i suppose (hope..) that this is common to everyone...i sometimes feel really lonely. i've dated a few guys this past year or so, one or two who have been really lovely nice men. most days i get on with life pretty well, some days like today, it feels like I'm the only single person left amongst my circle of friends.

of course, looking from the outside, all of ones frineds seem to hv moved on to a wonderful phase in life. i also catch myself wondering what is the element i'm lacking to find the person whos right for me.

so what to do? am i being extremely silly?

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Postby durain » Mon, 01 Sep 2008 8:45 pm

looks like you need someone to share your life with you.

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Re: advice for the lonely

Postby Plavt » Mon, 01 Sep 2008 9:18 pm

hithere wrote: am i being extremely silly?



No, some of us feel much the same.

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Re: advice for the lonely

Postby Wind In My Hair » Tue, 02 Sep 2008 9:53 am

hithere wrote:i'm 35/F. i hv a great job, great friends, an active sporty lifestyle. i volunteer, i travel, i have fun. but of course, and i suppose (hope..) that this is common to everyone...i sometimes feel really lonely. i've dated a few guys this past year or so, one or two who have been really lovely nice men. most days i get on with life pretty well, some days like today, it feels like I'm the only single person left amongst my circle of friends.

Hithere, you sound like you're my twin! You know that John Denver song "Some days are diamond, some days are stone"? It's like that with us older singles, and I think even for the marrieds. Life is like that. Just be grateful that the stones are few and far between. I usually lean on girlfriends or gayfriends to help me through the downs.

Stick around here, maybe I'll invite you the next time I organise a singles party. The last one I did was a blast! :D

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Postby Forks » Tue, 02 Sep 2008 12:34 pm

I think part is the just being single in the rat race today and part is the life of an expat in Singapore.

But it does seem difficult to meet people here
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Re: advice for the lonely

Postby ozchick » Tue, 02 Sep 2008 6:15 pm

Wind In My Hair wrote:
hithere wrote:i'm 35/F. i hv a great job, great friends, an active sporty lifestyle. i volunteer, i travel, i have fun. but of course, and i suppose (hope..) that this is common to everyone...i sometimes feel really lonely. i've dated a few guys this past year or so, one or two who have been really lovely nice men. most days i get on with life pretty well, some days like today, it feels like I'm the only single person left amongst my circle of friends.

Hithere, you sound like you're my twin! You know that John Denver song "Some days are diamond, some days are stone"? It's like that with us older singles, and I think even for the marrieds. Life is like that. Just be grateful that the stones are few and far between. I usually lean on girlfriends or gayfriends to help me through the downs.

Stick around here, maybe I'll invite you the next time I organise a singles party. The last one I did was a blast! :D


Oi ! Wimoweh ! I thought you were happily dating !? Que pasa chiquita ?!
And OP- all l those 'happy couples' out there are not always so happy...mm...there's a lot to be said for singlehood.......I had a huge blue with my rooster last night and I ended up sleeping in the living room cos I was so peeved with him. I had 4 hours sleep and I feel like hell. We still haven't set things right and I really feel like I could do without this....sigh......mm...I reckon that relationships are great for 'easy-going types,' but the rest of us cop a fair amount of grief when we go down the 'partnership path'.
'Are you trying to tempt me because I come from the land of plenty?'

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Re: advice for the lonely

Postby Wind In My Hair » Tue, 02 Sep 2008 11:10 pm

ozchick wrote:Oi ! Wimoweh ! I thought you were happily dating !? Que pasa chiquita ?!
And OP- all l those 'happy couples' out there are not always so happy...mm...there's a lot to be said for singlehood.......I had a huge blue with my rooster last night and I ended up sleeping in the living room cos I was so peeved with him. I had 4 hours sleep and I feel like hell. We still haven't set things right and I really feel like I could do without this....sigh......mm...I reckon that relationships are great for 'easy-going types,' but the rest of us cop a fair amount of grief when we go down the 'partnership path'.

I wish I had as groovy a nic for you as you do for me.

Yes I'm happily dating a wonderful man, but I just can't get used to the fact that I'm no longer single and available. I cannot bring myself to call him my b...boy...boyfrie... ugh, can't say it. Anyway I'm legally still single and that won't change till I'm m...mar....marrie... ugh, can't say that either. Your rooster sounds just as dangerous as my stag... the best of their species tempting us to give up our freedom and peace of mind for the domesticism and struggles of coupledom.

We haven't got to the fighting stage yet like you seem to have. Whoopee, so much to look forward to... ugh. Still, it was kinda nice to have someone take me to the airport and see me off earlier today. I've been travelling alone for so many years and doing everything myself, that I didn't quite know what to do while he took care of the luggage.

So what was the blue that made you see red? A sofa is no place for a chick, though it sure sounds better than the poolside deckchair I once stormed off to sleep on after a big fight with the ex. Ah yes, now I remember why I'm single... kinda.

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Postby durain » Wed, 03 Sep 2008 12:17 am

where is KSL when you need to read up on his life story??? :wink:

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Postby Forks » Wed, 03 Sep 2008 11:15 am

Having been both single and married and divorced I cant really see why people think being single is so great and being married is so hard or different.

Unless you want to be wedded at the hip then a partner should be a friend but people should still have outside friends and relationships (not sexual/romantic of course unless you belong to one of those swingers groups).

I think it has to do a lot with the illusion of freedom that being single gives, no one to answer to, free to do just what the Id wants, no strings attached (or so we say), we dont have to share our paycheck, and can come and go as we please, and if we wish to have some fun we need not have to sneak around and lie about it.

But for all that, so what? Being single can be lonely (hence the word "single") and unless you really are the lone wolf type you still need to have a buddy or someone to hang out with, go out etc etc.

But then as we get older, most of us want someone to share life with, do things with, and all the other things which married or not is the same as being in a relationship.

I have friends who are swinging singles and live the life that other might envy but it seems like they never get out of first gear in the relationship (because of fights, cheating, boredom you name it) and quickly move onto another person, its like the thrill of the chase is more than the kill which is how one of my swinging single friends describes her situation, she wants more but the short term attraction never seems to last into the long term and she has plenty suitors lining up, maybe she is spoilt for choice.

Personally I want a life partner but want someone who has their own life as well and will still live theirs while we share ours.

And fights, as the saying goes s**t happens, part of the process of building a relationship.
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Postby green_field » Wed, 03 Sep 2008 2:39 pm

Forks wrote:Having been both single and married and divorced I cant really see why people think being single is so great and being married is so hard or different.

Unless you want to be wedded at the hip then a partner should be a friend but people should still have outside friends and relationships (not sexual/romantic of course unless you belong to one of those swingers groups).

I think it has to do a lot with the illusion of freedom that being single gives, no one to answer to, free to do just what the Id wants, no strings attached (or so we say), we dont have to share our paycheck, and can come and go as we please, and if we wish to have some fun we need not have to sneak around and lie about it.

But for all that, so what? Being single can be lonely (hence the word "single") and unless you really are the lone wolf type you still need to have a buddy or someone to hang out with, go out etc etc.

But then as we get older, most of us want someone to share life with, do things with, and all the other things which married or not is the same as being in a relationship.

Personally I want a life partner but want someone who has their own life as well and will still live theirs while we share ours.

And fights, as the saying goes s**t happens, part of the process of building a relationship.


Right, agree!

However, being single does not mean u can just stumble on to any single from the opposite sex.

I guess everyone needs someone to share their life with. But for some, they have yet to meet that person. So, the solution would be, enjoying ourself while still can, and keep looking. lol.

I was totally devastated after the 2nd break up. I just cannot stand the feeling that I am actually counting the number of bfs now.

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Re: advice for the lonely

Postby green_field » Wed, 03 Sep 2008 2:41 pm

Wind In My Hair wrote:So what was the blue that made you see red? A sofa is no place for a chick, though it sure sounds better than the poolside deckchair I once stormed off to sleep on after a big fight with the ex. Ah yes, now I remember why I'm single... kinda.


haha.. so cute...

that is why i never want to move in. With anyone. lol.

But sometimes when we traveled, it did happen. One on the floor, one on the bed. Very funny.

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Postby Wind In My Hair » Wed, 03 Sep 2008 5:19 pm

green_field wrote:I just cannot stand the feeling that I am actually counting the number of bfs now.

Wait till you lose count. :wink:

Forks wrote:Being single can be lonely (hence the word "single")

If we're venturing into etymology, then I observe that the root word of "single" is "SING" and the root word of "married" is "MAR". Go figure. :P

I have nothing against marriage. I think it's a great institution - helps a person to mature, think of others, become compassionate. I also have nothing against singlehood, and can't understand why people assume singles are lonely and unhappy and prefer to be in a couple. True for some, not true for others.

You can be lonely in a marriage too. In fact, the loneliest people I know are those in unhappy marriages, when they look at the person lying next to them, the person who is supposed to be their partner in life, and realising that they are looking at a stranger.

Relationship status, loneliness, and happiness are three independent concepts, and I wish people wouldn't confuse them. You can be:

- single and happy
- single and unhappy
- married and happy
- married and unhappy
- single and lonely
- married and lonely
- lonely and unhappy
- lonely and happy

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Postby Forks » Wed, 03 Sep 2008 9:30 pm

Dont get me wrong, I dont think all singles are lonely and all marriages are happy, but based on the number of singles i know there does seem to be some downsides to it that become more prominent as time goes by.

On the other hand, I have seen plenty of unhappy marriages but there does seem to be this drive in people to pair off as time goes by, call it the biological urge or whatever.
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Postby ozchick » Thu, 04 Sep 2008 8:10 am

Yeah well I just want my bed back to myself ! Two hours sleep last night, the previous 3 nights averaged 3 hrs each. I'm ready for the nut-house and HE can't understand that being in a couple shouldn't have to mean sharing a bed every night.....sigh.... I know we're gonna have a blue about this tonight and I'm really past caring.....double sigh.... :-|
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Postby Forks » Thu, 04 Sep 2008 9:37 am

The image that springs to mind is the one of Al and Peggy in their marital bed from married with Children but in reverse, Al doesnt like sleeping with Peg much, classic show.
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