Welcome, ladies and gents, to the show that never ends . . . without further ado, I present you with the candidates:
First up is Mr Sensitive Flip-Flop,
SFF was formerly a flight attendant at Gayman Airlines of Scunthorpe and Hoboken, yet his penchant for hirsute males soon spelled out the end of his fledging airline career (though rumour has it he keeps many a fine picture of semi-clad males in his safe!!! - self-admitted, by the way!).
He loves dining out and believes that everyone should just get along, or not, or perhaps and maybe . . . as the case may be according to the wind direction.
A big clap for Sensitive Flip-Flop, please . . .
Downunda Sheila
parades her lovely style of lingerie next, as she sashays her way through the minefields of Orchard and Geylang Roads, amusingly she proclaims herself to be a Roads Scholar.
Though at heart a shy lass, she nonetheless can out-banjo Patterson and out-crocodile Dundee at the drop of a thong.
Armed with a sharp wit and incisive incisors she wishes an end to poverty, illness and as many sausage rolls as possible.
Suave Sanguine Salop
brings his talent to this competition yet again. After having failed at the first hurdle and finishing 103rd out of 102 contestants last year, SSS has taken up sports and dieting to ensure reaching the finals.
SSS is a genuine character with many admirable traits . . . we will be enlightened which ones they are by SSS at a later date.
He is indeed a cad of the highest order and wishes success at the nuclear disarmament talks with Indian Food and Sensitive Flip-Flop.
Righteous Regal
enlightens us with his presence next, having just graduated from the Billy Wong Academy of Flight Attendants and Plastic Surgeons R Us.
RR wields a lot of influence in many fields, yet he rarely exercises this immense power, preferring to advise budding pubescent social outcasts and kindergarten dropouts which eyeliner to use for that special SQ Walk-In interview.
Give it up for Righteous Regal, folks
Aldershot Hirsute Hero
is next, sporting a dashing Crimea-Blue sash which leaves just enough exposed to make some of us giggle like little girls or flip-flop like big girls. When not drowning his sorrows at his football team's annual misery he can be seen hanging out at the Aldershot SAS barracks bathroom window.
AHH wants to make the world safe from Brazilians, Bad Beer and Clingy Bogrolls. (and SSF, this one is a keeper!)
A big hand for Aldershot Hirsute Hero, please.
Middle.of.the.Road
struts her stuff next . . . loved by all bar none (one) she uses reason and didactics to enlighten us lesser souls as to the veracity of life, thought and double-sided quilts.
A champion of the single-entendre, MotR is generally believed to inhabit a red, white and blue-rinse spinster's flat in Tao Payioh, where she lectures her twenty-seven cats and eighteen dogs on which knife to use for which meal.
She has the ears of many (from her Vietnam days) and the thighs of some - - - audience, the white Queen Latifa . . . Middle of the Road!
Indian Cuisine
is up next, displaying what one can only describe as a stunning array of teeth, honed to perfection by his many filings at court. Yes, ladies and gentlemen, Indian Cuisine is a barrister at the court of St. Elmo.
His many attributes include scraping the bottom of the barrel, pulling the last resort and knowing he is right and everyone else is not - he wishes for everyone in the world to just be quiet and not respond to his gutter-dredged pearls of wisdom.
Gentlemen and ladies, the clap for Indian Cuisine
Singapore Party Girl
is a friend to all and enemy to none - bar one. She is like a breath of fresh air in a stale can of Tiger, yet her sermons can be as condemning and full of fire and brimstone to make the bravest man quiver in his boots (for SFF they are the stiletto-heeled, knee-length black virgin snakeskin ones).
And just before we get all enthralled in the majesty of her bodacious tat-tas, she'd like to . .
"... like to teach the world to singIn perfect harmony
I'd like to hold it in my arms and keep it company
I'd like to see the world for once
All standing hand in hand
And hear them echo through the hills "Ah, peace throughout the land"
Last, but by no means least, we have The Old Man and the Sea
Despite TOMATS' youthful figure, he is indeed in competition with Methuselah to see who can hold out on this earth the longest - with his biting wit, razor-sharp reasoning and scale-like balanced approach to even those who dare contradict him. This gentle lothario can slice a two-day old pilchard to pieces with his US-army special killer-knife which he received as a token for his bravery from George Washington during the civil war.
TOMATS is a Singapore icon, second only to Lee Kuan Yew, both in gentleness for the masses and popularity thereof as well.
A big round of applause!!!!!
That's about about it, ladies and germs - the ball is in your court, the finger of decision-making is simply a mouse-click away (SSS) and we trust your choice to be a wise one, without prejudice (SSS) or malice (SSS)
(edited for poor spelling)
As they say in the great state of Florida: Vote . . . vote often. 
