familyof5 wrote:i haven't really had a nasty breakup. i think my exes are great guys and i wish them well.....as i'm sure they do me. if we bumped into eachother we'd probably be genuinely happy to see eachother/catch up. but as for regular contact? nope.
break-ups can be civil, but they are rarely mutual. one party will often still have feelings for t'other. nope. too messy. potentially. bad idea.
Relationship breakups are hardly civil, Sex partners are something else, and can very often break off, in a human and friendly manner, but having sex because you like someone isn't the same as loving them, hence why you appear to be so confident of your feelings...women always enjoy being the dominant force with weak partners, and would crumble in tears, with a partner stronger than themselves, the mind works in mysterious way's, but one thing is for sure, "control" is an important factor for women, and sex is an important factor for men.
So I would bet, that most males, will sacrifice control for sex any day of the week providing it's worth it, if it isn't worth it, then the relationship is on face value only and a substitute female will come into play eventually. Anyone that thinks differently must have their head in the sand in my opinion.
I most certainly don't call my sexual encounters, with married woman, or even divorced women with children as relationships, but good friends yes, after all we all have needs, that need satisfying, and even friends to baby sit
while the friends have a life too....So it's really not so strange, that some people can get along together has sexual partners, and are hot in bed, but don't meet the expectations in a role model hubby or wify..
In general any relationship break up hurt's at least one partner, the one that is still in love..... I recall a daughter asking me, why I couldn't let her mother go, when in fact it was the other way around, I had already moved out into my own apartment, yet her mum, always kept coming around at the weekend, because she knew I found it difficult to resist her..
She would often stay the night...I could never really understand this woman, after 5 years, in the end I decided that the fish swimming in two directions, is the problem!
Love and let go is always the best, not easy, but if they make the first inclination of a beak up, then I open the door, or would be the first to make a decision, plenty more fish in the sea, and I have sailed these waters often.
Inherent weaknesses need working on
Although some people are just sick emotionally.
and will never change, that's life in a nutshell.
A word of warning to all, that have never tied the knot... An ex after marriage nine times out of ten, will remain a thorn, for the rest of your life, especially if children are involved, and you don't even have to see them, the problems arise all by themselves, and yes one can ignore them, but my point is, you can never get rid of them until they have finally passed away, why because they are only concerned with their own lives, which normally includes, their first love, not their second, third or even forth hubby, unless they have more money than you have, and even then you will hear from them, because money matters, and if the tight buggar, isn't giving her enough, she will need to complain to someone, that someone is almost always the first hubby. Women
It is not however the norm, and they are both very extraordinary people. What they did have trouble with was their next/current partners coming to terms with it all and it took a lot of reassuring etc from both sides.
Tell me about it, my mate who married one of my flings, not a relationship really, just a sexual partner, who i became infatuated with, when she was 23, but married, anyway we had an affair, and i signed the divorce papers, has the guilty partner involved.
Although I was well aware that i would never even move in with this beauty, never mind marry her, because I knew she would do the same to me...Anyway my mate married her, after i warned him to stay well away, I knew he couldn't handle her, she could be very manipulative, but he didn't care...being a small town, everyone believed I was still having an affair with her, because she did love me, and couldn't have me.
It was really a difficult period of my life, because every time I was visiting them, we would party and her husband was told to drive me home, it was very embarrassing and difficult, but life got easy for me, and more difficult for my mate..
If they went out in Town, they would end up splitting up, because she was kind of anti social, with a strong independance to do what she wanted, and turn up at my apartment which was in the town...he would come looking and she would be fast asleep at my place.
The long hard truth was, that we was just good friends, she confided in me, and so did he, but I couldn't help feeling sorry for him, becasue he really was hen pecked, he obviously enjoyed it, for the 12 years they remained together, and even after the divorce, she wouldn't let go. he married again, and she was on the telephone every day, to ask him to run errands or come over and help her. It only stopped when she found a new.
Although he tells me she still rings after he's been married 2 years now, but he just ignores her. She tells me she's happy he found someone, but very sad, that she cheated on him, but he never gave her any resistance in the marriage, just wanted to please her all the time, she called him a wimp, which I thought was a little offensive, when she does have such a strong personality and needs putting in her place.
I guess we take on relationships, for many different reasons in general, and call it love. But where and with who are the faults at the end of the day its all about tolerence as well as caring and yes, I would call love caring about the happiness of the partner, rather than being self indulgent, although I feel it's not been easy, to reduce my own ego.
After marriage no ex's for me...Although sexual partners I am still on good terms with many, but don't have constant contact, but would meet up at parties and such. although a Town of 40.000 is a very small place, one can hardly avoid eachother!
and groupies also suffer the same problem, they cannot see straight, but get off on collecting guy's that stand out in the crowd. 
