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Single vs Couple

Postby ozchick » Thu, 17 Jul 2008 5:45 pm

Whenever we have an argument, like last night when we had a HUGE blue, the rooster accuses me of wanting my 'single life' back again and of not being cut out for the work involved in partnership. Hmph ! And yeah sure his argument is easy artillery to use against someone who's been on her own for 21 years. But sometimes I think that maybe he's right, as a single, it's nice not having to consider another person or feel wounded when they upset you....mm.... and what's so wrong with missing my single life anyway? It's less work for sure !
And 'less work' has got to be good, right ?! :wink:
'Are you trying to tempt me because I come from the land of plenty?'

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Postby Wind In My Hair » Thu, 17 Jul 2008 8:36 pm

Sigh, I was just wondering whether any man is worth giving up my independence and sanity for. I'm dating now and had forgotten how utterly undignified and unbecoming it is to check my phone a gazillion times wondering why he hasn't called or messaged, then grinning like an idiot when he does; spending all day planning what to wear for a date, walking on air after a terrific time, then getting depressed again when I start checking my phone a gazillion times...

And this is still the easy part. It gets progressively more difficult - no more sprawling out in bed but having to keep to my side, trying not to toss and turn in case he wakes up, trying even harder not to snore because that's oh so unladylike...

Yes, definitely less work as a single. Quite mad to let a man into our lives. I may change my tune when that darn phone rings though... ](*,)

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Postby Zeenit » Thu, 17 Jul 2008 8:54 pm

Maybe when you meet the right person all these Big issues will be little.
I dont worry about him taking up the bed etc. We just rub along very nicely.

I do get accused of not liking his best friend..............tough
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Postby Saint » Thu, 17 Jul 2008 8:59 pm

Wind In My Hair wrote:Sigh, I was just wondering whether any man is worth giving up my independence and sanity for. I'm dating now and had forgotten how utterly undignified and unbecoming it is to check my phone a gazillion times wondering why he hasn't called or messaged, then grinning like an idiot when he does; spending all day planning what to wear for a date, walking on air after a terrific time, then getting depressed again when I start checking my phone a gazillion times...

And this is still the easy part. It gets progressively more difficult - no more sprawling out in bed but having to keep to my side, trying not to toss and turn in case he wakes up, trying even harder not to snore because that's oh so unladylike...

Yes, definitely less work as a single. Quite mad to let a man into our lives. I may change my tune when that darn phone rings though... ](*,)


That's one brave man!

So who's paying for the wedding WIMH??

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Re: Single vs Couple

Postby EADG » Thu, 17 Jul 2008 9:38 pm

dunno, I find it's usually less work when it's shared, otherwise something's wrong (not your case of course)

but then again I was on my own quite a bit longer so got it out of my system

wouldn't have given that up for anything though

ozchick wrote:as a single, it's nice not having to consider another person or feel wounded when they upset you....mm.... and what's so wrong with missing my single life anyway? It's less work for sure !
And 'less work' has got to be good, right ?! :wink:
Ape Shall Not Kill Ape

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Postby Global Citizen » Thu, 17 Jul 2008 9:58 pm

Both of have their share of pros and cons. I think it gets progressively harder to compromise and adjust in a new relationship as one gets older, as people become set in their own ways and routine.

I also think it's important for the other partner to respect personal space time. I really value my space and my personal time moments.
Renew, recharge and reenergise, Ozchick; onward for the battle.... I mean future of course. :) :wink:

WIMH: He's a lucky man. :)
One man's meat is another's poison.

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Postby ksl » Thu, 17 Jul 2008 10:06 pm

Wind In My Hair wrote:Sigh, I was just wondering whether any man is worth giving up my independence and sanity for. I'm dating now and had forgotten how utterly undignified and unbecoming it is to check my phone a gazillion times wondering why he hasn't called or messaged, then grinning like an idiot when he does; spending all day planning what to wear for a date, walking on air after a terrific time, then getting depressed again when I start checking my phone a gazillion times...

And this is still the easy part. It gets progressively more difficult - no more sprawling out in bed but having to keep to my side, trying not to toss and turn in case he wakes up, trying even harder not to snore because that's oh so unladylike...

Yes, definitely less work as a single. Quite mad to let a man into our lives. I may change my tune when that darn phone rings though... ](*,)


You sound like a real woman to me!

Poor Ozchick on the other hand is well on the way to being a front runner of the womens liberation army after 21 years of single life :lol: Her poor old Scandinavian friend will have lived through this period of hippie, hippie, shakes and seen all the beautiful Scandinavian women tout equality and the 50/50 shake down, problem is the women are never satisfied..they want the best of both worlds.....Like what is mine is mine, and what is yours, is also mine too :D I can't say as I blame them, if they can get a way with it.

Personally I would put her over my knee and give her a good spanking, the poor old men have enough of their pride shattered, with equality and the roles have changed in many households...

I've met a few women, that like to have it all ways, but those days are gone for me, and I hope my son listens to my advice, and stay single, until he's ready for the knackers yard.

All i get from him, is well look at my sister she's been married 3 times and she's only 34, what he doesn't realise is women make marriage an enterprising business in this day and age.

Although many cultures are different, hence getting married to a foreigner, there are not too many women left, like WIMH, crikey half the time i cannot get into my bed, because the king sized bed isn't big enough for a woman that has remained single for many years...arms and legs just dominate the position and the snoring is enough for anyone to move rooms..not to mention all the bloody bad habits they have.

See what happens when you live on your own too long, you lose patience like myself, who had 23 years womanising and enjoyed every minute of kicking them out the next morning, god bless em, they always try to creep in, bringing their little vanity cases, next their perfumes, then their clothes. STOP! RED LIGHT warning system activated.

But lets face it, who could live without them women, not me, btw my wife had a bet with me, that i couldn't pick out the Miss Universe, she gave me 2 to 1 odds, so i spent my pocket money on a bet! Yes pocket money that's how bad it gets, anyway I won, picking the 1, 2nd and 3rd position, no bullshit. I can still pick em and spank em!

There is no role swapping with me, I either do it all myself in the house because i have to, or I will also help 50/50 in the house....but for the woman to do any less, is a no no, NO!

I watched my mate actually marry one of my ex's and warned him, he must be a bloody masochist to run around after her every whim, he said i love her....I said you love pain and suffering too.

He was married to her for 12 years, then she got sick of him doing everything she told him, even had affairs behind his back, and actually rubbed his nose in it, when he found out.

I find it appalling that a woman could be so domineering, and want everything she fancied, even me at the time, but she was married to another one then, and she didn't get me the way she wanted me either, I drove her nuts, I recall, it was so bad she broke into my apartment through a window, while i was at work, and waited in the nude for me, I actually threw her out because she was married at the time and i knew her husband, when i discovered the husband, who was a musician, was knocking around with other women, I finally gave in and added her to my list of close friends.

However i did apologise for introducing her to the guy who remained married for 12 years, but he said it was worth it, he was still very much in love with her, but she went over the top, rubbing his nose in it, and calling him weak...so that's the gratitude one gets for doing everything for the wife... I proposed to him, but he wouldn't marry me :lol:

In this day and age I would tell everyone to stay single, until they have learned to live alone...managing once own life, is the first step on the way to independance. When i think back on my mums case, I also felt sad, that she had to live in a male chauvanist world, and would never experience womens lib...

That's when i decided I would be fair to women and pull my weight, I would cringe at my father. Sadly :cry: jealousy is the killer for many young ones unfortunately women don't take the signals seriously enough, until its too late, then it's a relationship of fear.
Last edited by ksl on Thu, 17 Jul 2008 11:01 pm, edited 1 time in total.

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Postby familyof5 » Thu, 17 Jul 2008 10:12 pm

phwoar ksl you sound like a real catch.

pity he's taken WIMH....bet you're kicking yourself. perhaps if you get your kit off and break into his house when his missus is away he'll add you to his list of close friends...?

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Postby Wind In My Hair » Thu, 17 Jul 2008 10:22 pm

Zeenit wrote:Maybe when you meet the right person all these Big issues will be little.

They're all the 'right person'... until they're not. :-k

Just found out a friend broke up with her long-time boyfriend a few days ago. Why do otherwise smart, funny, capable women let men make us this miserable???

Saint wrote:That's one brave man!

So who's paying for the wedding WIMH??

Why, are you offering to help out? You're a saint! :D

My Brave is in his cave right now. Men will never ever understand how much emotional work it is for women to do nothing and just give them space when they need it. Well, at least I think this one is worth it.

GC, :kiss:

ksl wrote:You sound like a real woman to me!

And what did you think I was all this while? :o

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Postby ksl » Thu, 17 Jul 2008 11:08 pm

familyof5 wrote:phwoar ksl you sound like a real catch.

pity he's taken WIMH....bet you're kicking yourself. perhaps if you get your kit off and break into his house when his missus is away he'll add you to his list of close friends...?


Most definitely will :wink: although like my Mrs said, when i met her, " I guess you have settled down now, after 23 years of single life, so I can trust you" How naive i thought, but yes she is right, I can be trusted and asked to do things too, it's the orders I don't like, I'm a born rebel, when it comes to orders. :) Not even a please at the end of the sentence will do it, if I'm in that frame of mind. I don't like to be taken for granted :) and i never take my wife for granted, in fact It's very rare, that i would ask her to make me a coffee, but i do have to say, right this weekend we are cleaning, not the other way round.

ksl wrote:
You sound like a real woman to me!

And what did you think I was all this while?


Actually, it was a figure of speech for a typical old style wify, who cares about the wify role! Today there are many programmed robots for career only and many lack the wify skills, so I don't see them has assets, but a burden, flexibility in the household is a must, and I get sick and tired of hearing women say I have been to work all day..So I don't have to do anything when i come home..

So a real women in my eyes can also become a real wify, although if you are not a woman first, but a robot, you will feel, that your main function in life is career. Not cooking, or cleaning or having babies, or feeding them... Big difference, btw the fuse seems to blow, in the career woman and the legs close, when the novelty of marriage wears off.

There is financial success to think about, and easier ways, to score the fortune, it's inherent in women, just like sex for males, make's it very difficult for them to keep it in their pants. But if the fuse blows, guaranteed the hunter will hunt. :)

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Postby sierra2469alpha » Fri, 18 Jul 2008 9:51 am

ksl wrote:... or having babies, or feeding them...


In our honest opinion, having babies does not make a woman real, nor does it, or should it, solely define her. We know plenty of real women in committed, stable, and functional marriages, who either individually elected not to have babies before they were married (and told their partner before they got married), or made the decision jointly with their partners.

Just our 2 cents worth...:) C & P

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Postby ksl » Fri, 18 Jul 2008 1:45 pm

sierra2469alpha wrote:
ksl wrote:... or having babies, or feeding them...


In our honest opinion, having babies does not make a woman real, nor does it, or should it, solely define her. We know plenty of real women in committed, stable, and functional marriages, who either individually elected not to have babies before they were married (and told their partner before they got married), or made the decision jointly with their partners.

Just our 2 cents worth...:) C & P

I agree 100% although women and guys expectations may change like the weather, some women quite often don't wish children, although the inner brooding can be so over powering, that even single women, go out to deliberately have a child, with unknown partners, I do know 3 in there late 30's, that have admitted to doing it, they say the urge just cannot be controlled...I also believe that is why women, who cannot have babies, resort to kidnapping them, although I'm no expert, I can see the logic in the urge for women, to have children, motherly instinct, is even more powerful, than being married, and I believe there are statistics, that show many married women, that have children to other men, without their husbands, having a clue, about it, maybe the hubby is shooting blanks, and the urge is too strong, that anyone will do.

The fact is, until a DNA test is done, anyone maybe planting the seed. There was an article here in Singapore within the last 3 months, where a hubby returned to Singapore with his daughter, after his divorce in Vietnam, only to find out, that his daughter couldn't get citizenship, because she wasn't his daughter :shock: Of course he still loves the girl has his own, but imagine what he is thinking, and the wife most have known it all along... There are many reasons, for not having children, but brooding women, there is no stopping them it's inherent..where by career is not.

Parental upbringing to educate children into motherhood, should be instinctive, but in survival countries with no welfare, education is more important, so the fundamentals of wifyhood, are ignored, especially in many Asian families, my belief is that many women raised this way, will become very confused and have a tendency not to be good mothers, but more like domineering teachers, fighting for survival of the family.

This in turn takes on a mans role in itself, if the woman doesn't find a partner, with a stronger will and ability for earning power. Women don't normally carry guys, for too long, before dumping them, only if they can afford to do so.

The man is just a tool, to put it blunt and his pride and role is changing in liberated societies and people, so quite often feels inadequate to feel any self worth. Unless he nips it in the bud, that is to stay in control of his own destiny, and realise that love isn't love, but a figment of imagination, that has been triggered, to bring two people together.

A sign of jealousy in a man, is really his true identity and weakness, a fear of rejection and selfish lack of control of his ego, with his only weapon, being violence and fear over his opponent

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Postby Forks » Fri, 18 Jul 2008 2:53 pm

Free time is nice, but love is blind.

If the other person makes you smile and you feel good then what exactly are you giving up? Ok nobody wants to be wedded at the hip, ok some do, but most of us just want to know that somebody loves us that way.

Our insecurities are often a sign that we ourselves are struggling with it but that struggle between single and together is no as obvious as it looks, most couples have time for themselves and shades of grey. Single is fun but then your single and single is often defined as being able to go out and party, drink in bars, pick people up and have more income than others. What we dont want from a relationship is that feeling that we are giving up who we are just to be with the other person but then if its a good one its not like that and yes they can be hard to find. But when you do, oh baby is it worth it? If you have been there you know the answer.

Im a romantic at heart but divorced also so i know what its like to single married and then single again, and its companionship i want not marriage per se but companionship with the person who makes me walk on air and I get excited about seeing. When that feeling is gone you either have to get it back or get out, neither is easy but...

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Postby familyof5 » Fri, 18 Jul 2008 3:01 pm

Forks wrote:, and its companionship i want not marriage per se but companionship with the person who makes me walk on air and I get excited about seeing. When that feeling is gone you either have to get it back or get out, neither is easy but...


that's a big call though. and a lot of pressure! who has that feeling after 8 years and 3 children? not me. I admit, sometimes i do get excited when he walks in the door. But usually its because the kids make a beeline for him and i can get some peace.

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Postby Forks » Fri, 18 Jul 2008 3:42 pm

familyof5 wrote:
Forks wrote:, and its companionship i want not marriage per se but companionship with the person who makes me walk on air and I get excited about seeing. When that feeling is gone you either have to get it back or get out, neither is easy but...


that's a big call though. and a lot of pressure! who has that feeling after 8 years and 3 children? not me. I admit, sometimes i do get excited when he walks in the door. But usually its because the kids make a beeline for him and i can get some peace.


Definitely, yes its worth seeing the other come home so you can tag out but I mean if your going to get married that person has to be pretty special to do that, and yes it can drag after a while but you wither work at it or you watch it go for good and having realized the errors of my ways I would always advocate making time, and making it serious time, being selfish time almost, otherwise its a job and that no good but if its your companion then you can have that time for whatever it is and then go about your life. Maybe its different for other people but I dont want to wake up to someone who is not my friend and who I dont want to see, but Im not an expert, I just know what ruined it last time.


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