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Weddings- who pays?

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sierra2469alpha
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Postby sierra2469alpha » Wed, 09 Jul 2008 12:36 am

banana wrote:Ok so marriage in the traditional sense basically boils down to either paying the groom to take a daughter off the family's hands...or buying a wife? How wonderfully primitive! Personally, a leasing option sounds the more financially sound choice. What's the go on that?


Novated. probably. With a 3 year return-to-base warranty? Free replacement? Or, do the try-and-buy option. The Test Drive. Eww, that's the whole reason I have never bought a "test car".

Sorry - sick humour at work

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Postby ksl » Wed, 09 Jul 2008 12:50 am

sierra2469alpha wrote:
banana wrote:Ok so marriage in the traditional sense basically boils down to either paying the groom to take a daughter off the family's hands...or buying a wife? How wonderfully primitive! Personally, a leasing option sounds the more financially sound choice. What's the go on that?


Novated. probably. With a 3 year return-to-base warranty? Free replacement? Or, do the try-and-buy option. The Test Drive. Eww, that's the whole reason I have never bought a "test car".

Sorry - sick humour at work


Test drive is without a doubt, I would never ride, without knowing i was going to enjoy it for a very long time, even some of the old bangers are a better ride, than most new...So a free test drive is the way to go :lol: :cool:

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Postby road.not.taken » Wed, 09 Jul 2008 4:23 am

Ozchick, look at your finances, set a budget and tell your daughter what it is -- then stick to it. If the groom or groom's family wants to supplement, then fine. I paid for my own wedding, my husband and I. It was exactly thre reception we both wanted and not at all pricey. I'd do it exactly the same if I could.

There are lots of ways to skin this cat, it can be unique and lovely without a ridiculous price tag.

And a brief scold: hadn't you thought of this before now? [-X

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Postby ozchick » Wed, 09 Jul 2008 7:42 am

road.not.taken wrote:
And a brief scold: hadn't you thought of this before now? [-X


Oh yeah ! Much discussion has takem plave. The groom is a good earner. This may be the reson that his oarents don't want to contribute. But from my point of view, I WANT to assist financially cos I don't want him to be SO out of pocket just becasue he's taking my daighter off my hands ! :)
However, he doesn't 'get on' with his parents particularly well and has told my daughter that he wouldn't want to ask them. My daughter has had a long-term 'fall-out' with her dad so we can't ask him to contribute. My daughter asked me ages ago if I could contribute approx the said amount and I said I would. She's my only child. I love her to bits and I want the groom to know that I'm supporting them and their future, not just fobbing her off on to him !Can you believe I'm walking her down the aisle?!
I understand that this whole 'who pays' thing is still a questionable part of etiquette but it's sure as clear as mud.
'Are you trying to tempt me because I come from the land of plenty?'

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Postby sundaymorningstaple » Wed, 09 Jul 2008 9:46 am

Tell 'em to elope. Solves all the problems. Also saves a bunch of money.

As a matter of record, I paid for my wife & I's wedding 25 years ago. No dowry. Gave her a choice of full blown wedding or 1 caret diamond engagement ring. She chose the wedding. I paid. Her's couldn't afford it, my could care less and didn't attend as after 3 of 'em they figured it was just short time anyway. That will be 25 years ago this coming Sept.

She wishes she had just done a ROM today and saved the money.

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Postby Forks » Wed, 09 Jul 2008 9:47 am

I think most people are splitting the costs these days, the idea of the brides parents paying is going the same way as the hope chest and wearing white (ie being as virginal as pure snow) and with the cost of weddings getting higher and higher it would be mad not to.

Of course there are various cultural considerations to take into account but those aside if you dont pay you dont have any say. :)

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Postby road.not.taken » Wed, 09 Jul 2008 7:25 pm

ozchick wrote:
road.not.taken wrote:
And a brief scold: hadn't you thought of this before now? [-X


Oh yeah ! Much discussion has takem plave. The groom is a good earner. This may be the reson that his oarents don't want to contribute. But from my point of view, I WANT to assist financially cos I don't want him to be SO out of pocket just becasue he's taking my daighter off my hands ! :)
However, he doesn't 'get on' with his parents particularly well and has told my daughter that he wouldn't want to ask them. My daughter has had a long-term 'fall-out' with her dad so we can't ask him to contribute. My daughter asked me ages ago if I could contribute approx the said amount and I said I would. She's my only child. I love her to bits and I want the groom to know that I'm supporting them and their future, not just fobbing her off on to him !Can you believe I'm walking her down the aisle?!
I understand that this whole 'who pays' thing is still a questionable part of etiquette but it's sure as clear as mud.


OK then, so it's not really a matter of who pays -- it sounds like you are the only one willing to contribute and that all the other wells have been tapped. So... good for you! :) The groom can worry about the honeymoon and their new life together if he is a good earner. And your daughter can have a lovely ceremony and a simple, elegant reception and you are lucky enough to not only be there -- but to walk her down the aisle. Sounds wonderful and you are very lucky.

Is the date and location set? Sometimes that can effect the price a great deal. Posh can be different for everyone. My friend was the matron of honor at a wedding held in the deep woods in January in the Northeast of the US. Just 20 people there in the snow. He had just cashed ot of AOL and was worth about 50 million, but their wedding was low key, exactly what they wanted and gorgeous.

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Postby Zeenit » Thu, 10 Jul 2008 6:46 pm

Not been funny, BUT either you pay or don't. As she is your daughter sit her down and Talk.

We got married last year and all our guest is still talking about our wonderful day. We paid , we asked no help from anyone and nobody interferred in the guest list, flowers etc.

Thats my pennies worth.
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Postby bruinbear » Sat, 12 Jul 2008 5:11 pm

I understand in some traditions (e.g. Chinese), the groom's family is supposed to pay for everything and even offer a dowry and a certain number of tables at the wedding dinner to the bride's family.

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Postby Wind In My Hair » Sat, 12 Jul 2008 6:13 pm

bruinbear wrote:I understand in some traditions (e.g. Chinese), the groom's family is supposed to pay for everything and even offer a dowry and a certain number of tables at the wedding dinner to the bride's family.

I'm too modern generation to know all this, but I'm pretty sure that Chinese tradition requires the bride's side to give some sort of dowry - jewellery or food delicacies... Eloping sounds like a good idea!

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Postby banana » Mon, 14 Jul 2008 5:04 pm

ksl wrote:
sierra2469alpha wrote:
banana wrote:Ok so marriage in the traditional sense basically boils down to either paying the groom to take a daughter off the family's hands...or buying a wife? How wonderfully primitive! Personally, a leasing option sounds the more financially sound choice. What's the go on that?


Novated. probably. With a 3 year return-to-base warranty? Free replacement? Or, do the try-and-buy option. The Test Drive. Eww, that's the whole reason I have never bought a "test car".

Sorry - sick humour at work


Test drive is without a doubt, I would never ride, without knowing i was going to enjoy it for a very long time, even some of the old bangers are a better ride, than most new...So a free test drive is the way to go :lol: :cool:


You know what they say, drive it like it's a rental.
some signatures are more equal than others

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Postby sierra2469alpha » Mon, 14 Jul 2008 7:37 pm

banana wrote:You know what they say, drive it like it's a rental.


Oh, that's harsh! Funny, yet harsh!

No wonder Avis.....oh, it doesn't matter!!!!

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Postby micknlea » Tue, 15 Jul 2008 12:52 am

Ozchick, we split our wedding in Oz, we did what we wanted, and we paid the lot, but it was small (only 50 guests) and my brother gladly volunteered his wonderful garden setting for both wedding and reception.

However my parents felt that they, as the brides parents, were responsible for a large part of it, and without our knowledge they organised lots of flowers, balloons and other things that I had cut out of our list of things to have, which was so sweet. It was lovely.

It really all depends on what is there, if he doesn't get on with his parents there is no way you can expect them to contribute. My husbands father didn't even acknowledge our wedding until we presented him with some grandchildren and even then it was begrudgingly. :wink:
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Postby Vaucluse » Tue, 15 Jul 2008 11:06 am

Who pays???

Usually the man . . . in many ways
......................................................

'nuff said Image

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Postby sundaymorningstaple » Tue, 15 Jul 2008 1:30 pm

Vaucluse wrote:Who pays???

Usually the man . . . in many ways


Yeah! And it's only the down payment! With no end in sight! :P

Welcome back V! :wink:


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