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Weddings- who pays?

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ozchick
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Weddings- who pays?

Postby ozchick » Tue, 08 Jul 2008 4:15 pm

My daughter is getting married in Oz in Jan. The groom is in a comfortable job and is contributing quite a bit to the occasion but I'm personally going to be out of pocket by about $10,000 AUD for reception etc because his parents aren't offering to help out financially.
WHO says that the bride's parents have to pay? Where is this written down and what sort of wierd society thinks that the bride should pay?
Gee methinks that the groom gets to 'sleep' with the woman of his dreams, gets her to give birth to his babies, while she puts her career on hold when this happens etc etc need I go on ? The more I think about this the madder it's making me. :twisted:
Thank God I have only one daughter ! She's worth every penny no doubt but jeezaloo what odd justice is this ?! Grrrrr....................
'Are you trying to tempt me because I come from the land of plenty?'

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Postby k1w1 » Tue, 08 Jul 2008 4:31 pm

I always thought this was the biggest con... And I'm still surprised that people go along with it in this day and age, to be honest. I mean, we no longer think it's acceptable to pay dowries or to pay money to the groom's family for the burden she is going to be be... Yup, don't get it at all...

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Postby Wind In My Hair » Tue, 08 Jul 2008 5:32 pm

Tricky. If money is an issue at the wedding, imagine the rest of the marriage. I was just asking my married friends how they manage their finances. Joint account or individual accounts? How much does each contribute? Who pays for what? Gosh I'm so grateful that as a single my life is simple. All I earn is mine, and I decide how to spend, save, invest and donate. I think I will only marry if the guy agrees to pay for everything, in the name of simplicity. :D

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Postby sierra2469alpha » Tue, 08 Jul 2008 5:37 pm

We were married in AUS, being Aussies :)

We actually paid for our wedding ourselves to avoid the whole potential catastrophe!

Not much help, sorry! Cheers/P

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Postby Isambard » Tue, 08 Jul 2008 8:10 pm

Hmmm... I'm probably being over charitable here, but it may be worth calling a family meeting to discuss this? It could be that the groom's parents are of the old school and may be willing to contribute but feel uncomfortable about offering? They may of course be tight wads!

Personally, I feel in this day and age, the bride and groom should pay for their own shindig and that either set of parents can contribute if they wish to and can afford to. Perhaps if your daughter and fiance realised your feelings they may scale their plans back a bit?

Either way, it may be at least worth airing your views as you are soon to be one big happy family and it would be a shame to start things off with feelings of resentment... :(

....Or of course this meeting could be the start of a family feud... :?

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Postby QRM » Tue, 08 Jul 2008 8:49 pm

Might be worth getting your daughter to ask her future hubby to bring it up with his parents.

They may want to contribute but don't want to suggest it for fear of you loosing face?

My brother got married to an Oz Chinese girl and her family expected him to pay a dowry!! and the funny bit they had to argue over the amount highlighting her pros and cons!!

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Postby mules » Tue, 08 Jul 2008 9:12 pm

all aussie friends i know of many varied backgrounds, including ourselves, paid for our own wedding....and that was 6 years ago. both sets of parents contributed some money, but that was our wedding gift and totally up to them how much they contributed. we never asked. we determined the wedding we could afford.

wedding always bring out the weirdest behaviour in families, but perhaps just say to your daughter you will contribute a monetary gift (however much you feel comfortable contributing) and that his parents are welcome to contribute in a similiar manner.

also, my parents gave the same amount to all of us - brothers and sisters regardless of gender.

if your daughter and her future partner need you to fund the wedding - perhaps they are not quite ready to tie the knot until they have saved the money themselves, but I don't suggest going down this path if it going to cause irreparable damage to relationships!

good luck

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Postby cbavasi » Tue, 08 Jul 2008 9:23 pm

my parents paid for our wedding but then they knew he was marrying my dodgy teeth. think they got off easier that way! :lol:

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Postby ksl » Tue, 08 Jul 2008 11:00 pm

Wind In My Hair wrote:Tricky. If money is an issue at the wedding, imagine the rest of the marriage. I was just asking my married friends how they manage their finances. Joint account or individual accounts? How much does each contribute? Who pays for what? Gosh I'm so grateful that as a single my life is simple. All I earn is mine, and I decide how to spend, save, invest and donate. I think I will only marry if the guy agrees to pay for everything, in the name of simplicity. :D
:lol: :lol: :lol: Of what i have seen in the papers, many Singaporean men love to give their hard earned cash a way, for love :roll: :wink: You lucky devil, you ought to be more enterprising! :)

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ksl
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Postby ksl » Tue, 08 Jul 2008 11:14 pm

Actually Ozchick I would suggest changing the rules, and inform everyone, it's going to be a Chinese reception, where red envelopes will be handed out, and only brand new notes can be excepted.

Although The bride and groom, do not wish any present buying. If you do this in good time, you may find it all paid for.

I would certainly have a chin wag with the bride and groom, and explain the situation, you could send out informative letters with the invitation, so that people don't run out and buy presents....Who needs 5 wall clocks and 20 fans anyway :roll:

Just put your foot down and say out with the old and in with the new, i'm sure if you explain nicely to the grooms mum and dad, that tradtions need changing along with equality of rights.

I married my Taiwanese wife over in Denmark, then when i returned to Taiwan, they wanted a big shindig at the Hilton, a 150 came to the reception, and I only knew 5 of them, when all the red envelopes with brand new notes in were counted up, there was enough money to pay for the whole party. What a relief :o
Last edited by ksl on Tue, 08 Jul 2008 11:22 pm, edited 1 time in total.

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Postby Wind In My Hair » Tue, 08 Jul 2008 11:19 pm

They say a successful man is one who earns more than his wife can spend, and a successful woman is one who finds such a man! :lol:

Never did a wedding before so I guess I wouldn't know how those are done. When discussing it with an ex-fiance he asked if my parents would be contributing anything and I thought that was rather over the top, seeing as my parents were both retired by that time. I told him he could pay whatever he was prepared to and I would cover the rest. Guess that may be partly why the wedding never happened! I'm fine to share the cost as a couple but to ask my parents! What a cheek.

See, Ozchick, you should have had me for a daughter. Any man who expected you to pay would be told to go fly a kite! :D

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Postby sierra2469alpha » Tue, 08 Jul 2008 11:19 pm

ksl wrote:....Who needs 5 wall clocks and 20 fans anyway :roll: ...


Oh KSL - you're so new age - what's wrong with the 10 white platters and bed linen that we "never thought to buy in that colour or fabric". It's half the fun!!!

Especially when P slid off one set of bed lined and hurt his hip!

In hindsight, we could have done with fans now we live here!!!

C

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Postby banana » Tue, 08 Jul 2008 11:30 pm

Ok so marriage in the traditional sense basically boils down to either paying the groom to take a daughter off the family's hands...or buying a wife? How wonderfully primitive! Personally, a leasing option sounds the more financially sound choice. What's the go on that?
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ksl
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Postby ksl » Tue, 08 Jul 2008 11:38 pm

sierra2469alpha wrote:
ksl wrote:....Who needs 5 wall clocks and 20 fans anyway :roll: ...


Oh KSL - you're so new age - what's wrong with the 10 white platters and bed linen that we "never thought to buy in that colour or fabric". It's half the fun!!!

Especially when P slid off one set of bed lined and hurt his hip!

In hindsight, we could have done with fans now we live here!!!

C


New age, you could say that again, being a roman candle, I was never one for divorce, always thought one needed to work at the problems, although the wife was having a ball, with all her new guys, anyway she divorced me, and I also had to keep her besides the kids, the courts don't really accept adultery any more, where the hubby escapes payment because of it. That was kind of an expensive lesson for me, having to keep my ex, as well as my children, while she lived with her new boyfriends, up until she remarried.

After the divorce I never expected to marry again, and lived a wonderful and exciting single life, with a string of life long girlfriends, several of them dumped me, because I wouldn't get engaged, or marry, but we remain friends.. Once bitten twice shy :)

I decided to turn a new leaf and believe in women again, but this time on an equal footing...The woman goes out to work and pays for everything, then if she wants to divorce me, she's allowed to keep it all :lol: I think that is very fair, I'm far too old to want anything :lol: Although I do have to make her a millionairess, and that's easy providing she works for it :)

Take me with a pinch of salt, I have a good sense of humour :wink: and this time around a wonderful wife :roll: I just miss the good old single days, after 23 years of being single, it's not easy to change. My new wife of 8 years, says she knows me very well, little does she know me.

My reply was, that no woman knows me, that well, only my first wife and what i mean by that, is that my word is my word, those that thought they knew me, also didn't know me, the problem with women, is they have a tendancy to want to change things or mould one into a new person, which doesn't work at all.

Just like old mum used to say, leopards never change their spots, but i never listened to her either, before i married :oops:

Today I must admit to being more considerate to my leading lady, after all she is a Leo like myself, that's where astrology becomes useful, in knowing when to step back from the limelight, and to think I was a royal Leo, with charm at one time...live young keeps you young in my book, and when I see my older brother, with his beer belly, I tend to think, It's great never to grow up, over 35 to 40 anyway. :P to think I'm 58 this month is another nail in my coffin, but the coffin is quite big and can take another 40 nails at least, but no more wives, :D

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ksl
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Postby ksl » Wed, 09 Jul 2008 12:14 am

banana wrote:Ok so marriage in the traditional sense basically boils down to either paying the groom to take a daughter off the family's hands...or buying a wife? How wonderfully primitive! Personally, a leasing option sounds the more financially sound choice. What's the go on that?


Now you are saying something i understand far too well :P Once they start complaining, it's time to.

1. Give them a fair warning
2. Go to the pub.
3. Cross the Ocean
4. Buy the house next door :lol:

I certainly need my own space, and never take hers


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