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Looking for other unhappy expats. Are you there?

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pigscanfly82
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Re: On a lighter note:

Postby pigscanfly82 » Tue, 08 Jul 2008 8:52 pm

notwavingdrowning wrote:Petales Soufflez!- What a lovely post, I have to say that reading posts like this really make me feel so much more positive. I guess it is positive reinforcement I need right now).

A little childish I imagine of me perhaps, in a way like SammyMcK says, when we are taken away from what we know and the ones we love and even the simple things like our local supermarkets (why is that such a big one?) it is such a shock to our system. (I spent 3 years in Europe but did not experience these feelings) Probably explains my attitude at the moment. However I must say that starting this thread and being able to read others stories, in particular studying the graph on culture shock that my Star fellow expat JEZZMAN, posted earlier on this thread is making me feel more positive about my stay here.

My partner told me today his contract was going to be extended by 6 months (1 yr to 18mths+) and instead of bursting into tears (which I would of earlier this week) I actually thought, well I have no excuse now, I really need to get a life as I am going to be here a lot longer than expected..

So thank you, all of you. I hope this thread can keep going and possibly help others in knowing we are not alone, like it has helped me.



heya

yes - initial 6mths for me was extremely tough. problem is that you have to accept sing for what it is. for me, i had to stop wishing there was a bondi beach, flea markets and bright blue skies.

how I have come to enjoy sing was to engage myself in a group of friends, took up culinary course, travel at least once a month outside of work requirements, do lots of sports and have a t least one night out with mates,

i hope this helps.

let me know if you need info on any of interesting activities in sing, happy to help.

cheers

Jess
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hibiscus
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Postby hibiscus » Wed, 09 Jul 2008 4:43 pm

I've been here for eight years. Hated it in the beginning, learnt to live with everything (was here cos of spouse), went back to home country midway for personal reasons but returned in about eight months because Singapore is frankly a good place to lick your wounds if you're the type that wants to crawl into a corner and be left alone.

From learning to live with it, I've grown to learn to like it - or at least, the good aspects. Every place and society has its drawbacks and Singapore is no less. Nothing wrong with seeing it sans blinkers. And nothing wrong with griping about the drawbacks either! There is indeed comfort of a sort in numbers.

But, as a Singaporean born and bred said to me once, as an expat who has not relinquished home ties, if I cannot tahan I can at least go elsewhere. Singaporeans who cannot tahan... and cannot leave... what do they do? (Flock to the expat websites! :D )

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sierra2469alpha
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Postby sierra2469alpha » Wed, 09 Jul 2008 7:26 pm

ok lah wrote:..As far as I know, most expats are given a higher pay , some tagged with expat package and mind you , they are paid in their home currency rate as compared with Singapore currency. No expat , as far as I know , is using Singapore currency to purchase things overseas.

Furthermore, local lad did not mention Singapore dollar. LL just mention money in general and you presume it is as such. So , who is the confused one?


I think, "ok Lah" YOU. Sorry!

No, we don't get paid more, the majority get paid less as most companies want to try and offset the tax differential between "home" country and "host" country.

Most get paid in SGD - and we have to repatriate money to home countries in order to pay for things like a mortgage. How else would we pay for local groceries? In $AUD? Yeh...you're kidding me.

Unless you're smart about it, most people get paid equivalent or less, which works out just ever so nicely for the MNC's as they are effectively offshoring/out-sourcing expense in one country to a lower taxed country, and reaping the reward.

Most DWE's don't realise this, however. More fool them, but that's a side-issue.

Please do a little more research and speak with some of us before you post like you did.

Thanks, P & C

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Re: Looking for other unhappy expats. Are you there?

Postby reds » Fri, 11 Jul 2008 10:43 am

notwavingdrowning wrote:I am sure by the sad faces of the other mothers, partners and wives I see trawling the supermarkets and malls that I am not alone. Just wanting to have a moan. Anyone else out there want to have a whinge?

Unsettled in Singapore...


You're certainly not alone! I've been here for 9 months now and am still unsettled. I grew up in the West, but being ethnic Asian. I just presumed I'd adapt very easily to life in Singapore. Boy was I wrong! :???:
I'm finding I have very little in common with the average Singaporean. I cannot relate to them and vice versa.
I'm not sure if it is like this elsewhere in Asia, but being a single professional female expat in Singapore sucks! It's extremely difficult to break into the expat circles if you're not part of a couple and the locals certainly aren't very friendly. :cry:
If there are other unattached expat females with similar experiences wanting somebody to talk to, please pm me.

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Re: You're not the only one!

Postby sizzlershi » Fri, 11 Jul 2008 12:52 pm

CdnGirl wrote:I've been here for about 6 months and miss home everyday. Hoping to make a trip back to Canada for a short visit, but will have to come back for work for the remainder of the year, at the very least.

Over time, I've been able to distract myself by taking up language classes, sports and checking out all the cool restaurants/food here. Hope to do some travelling to the surrounding countries soon...so if there's anyone interested in travelling out there... :)

Hang in there!



Hey cdngirl,


I'm also new to Singapore and very interest to travelling to some surrounding countries....
I'm Male 25 working here.
If interested to be my friend , reply me / mail me to sizzlershi@gmail.com so that we can make things together


Cheers!.......

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yayapapaya
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Cheer up

Postby yayapapaya » Fri, 11 Jul 2008 5:19 pm

Hey guys/gals,
Sorry if life in Spore isn't as sunny as our weather so far... but I've been organizing gatherings for my club since feb.. and have met many expats that used to be in your position..

One of them even confessed to me .. that thanks to the activities, he's gotten to cope better thru hanging out with the new friends he got to know in my club.

For myself, I started this club cos I had a friend who faced a similar situation 8 mths ago. He left Singapore and went to HK all alone for work... faced with loneliness and boredom ( eating takeaway dinners alone in front of his office pc every night), he decided to start a club... the hk club now sees an average of 80-100 turnouts each event (held weekly)..

When I visited him in HK 6 mths ago.. I realized I could do the same in Singapore. Although I'm not an expat, but I can definitely make use of my local knowledge and organize weekly dinner gatherings for the expats and hopefully, help them form new friendships... at the very least, it beats eating takeaway dinner alone in a foreign land right?

Thru the last 5 mths of running the club, I've made many wonderful friends from different corners of the world.. there's just so much to learn from one another.. and so many stories to share...

I can't promise that going out for such gatherings will ease the feeling of homesick or loneliness, but I do hope that by keeping an open mind, you will find some new friends who can ride the tide with you...

Cheer up!!
Jewel
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What color does a smurf turn when you choke him??

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sierra2469alpha
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Re: Cheer up

Postby sierra2469alpha » Fri, 11 Jul 2008 5:27 pm

yayapapaya wrote:I can't promise that going out for such gatherings will ease the feeling of homesick or loneliness, but I do hope that by keeping an open mind, you will find some new friends who can ride the tide with you...

Cheer up!!
Jewel


Hi Jewel - we haven't met yet but I can only say that I also have heard from a number of people around the traps that your dedication to hosting these functions has helped them enourmously tackle some of the settling in/culture change issues they are having difficulties with.

Keep up the good work - it's obviously sorely needed if we have unhappy people in my our new home. And yes, one day I will pull the lead out and come to a function!

Best reagrds all, P

[edited: MUST read posting before pressing submit! Double-worded]

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yayapapaya
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Re: Cheer up

Postby yayapapaya » Fri, 11 Jul 2008 5:45 pm

sierra2469alpha wrote:
yayapapaya wrote:I can't promise that going out for such gatherings will ease the feeling of homesick or loneliness, but I do hope that by keeping an open mind, you will find some new friends who can ride the tide with you...

Cheer up!!
Jewel


Hi Jewel - we haven't met yet but I can only say that I also have heard from a number of people around the traps that your dedication to hosting these functions has helped them enourmously tackle some of the settling in/culture change issues they are having difficulties with.

Keep up the good work - it's obviously sorely needed if we have unhappy people in my our new home. And yes, one day I will pull the lead out and come to a function!

Best reagrds all, P

[edited: MUST read posting before pressing submit! Double-worded]


Thanks for the word of encouragement :) I wonder who you heard that from? probably from some of my regular attendees I guess...

I'll definitely keep organizing the events but I must confess its starting to get challenging to find venues as our gatherings get bigger each time...

2 nights ago, I made a reservation for 26 people for dinner, and there was a whopping turnout of 39 people !!! Thankfully the restaurant could accommodate us.. I was just totally overwhelmed by the turnout...

Anyway, we're gonna have a dinner/drink session this coming wed 19 Jul at The Toucan Irish Pub. It's got a beautiful garden and an Irish wishing well :P

You're most welcomed to join... in fact, everyone is ! :)

Keep smiling !

Cheers,
Jewel
Just a thought...

What color does a smurf turn when you choke him??

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positano
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Postby positano » Sat, 12 Jul 2008 11:56 am

notwavingdrowning,

i am very grateful that you started this thread and also to the other expats for sharing openly and honestly. i would also like to compliment you on the sensitive and respectful way you have approached a very sensitive topic on this public forum.

i have my good days and my bad days. on my bad days i lie in bed and i cry. i feel alone and like no one understands. i beat myself up for not feeling lucky like other people say i am. i crave for irreplaceable and non-tangible things like my family and closest friends who know me inside and out. i mourn the loss of my successful and satisfying career (which has no equivalent in singapore).

i know i am going thru a transition. i remind myself daily that it will get better. i am waivering between stages 3 and 4 now. its not easy.

taking baby steps...

notwavingdrowning
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Thank you

Postby notwavingdrowning » Sat, 12 Jul 2008 2:21 pm

Thank you for your kind words Postiano...

Its comforting for the readers of this thread to see we are not alone.

I realise that whilst we try to adapt to our new lives, things will not be the same. That we need to replace the things we miss and mourn most for new joys and experiences..

That said, adjusting to a new way of life for anyone is challenging. Change is often difficult. However as you say, it is baby steps, and we need to be gentle on ourselves and patient...

Thank you to those who have made social suggestions for us- But just a kind reminder to people trying to help us, this thread is purely to discuss the difficulties we are experiencing...

It is not a thread for suggestions on any sort of social gathering...We are all well aware that we need to get out and make new friends and keep busy...

We most likely are doing these things already..This forum is jam packed with social activities so thank you for the kind thoughts - I really want to keep this much needed thread just for discussing what and how we are feeling..

I am entering week 8 now and have stopped hating every day here..I am starting to make some lovely new friends...and this forum has been a godsend for that..

Thank you every one and as Positano says "baby steps"...
notwavingdrowning...is back from the Ashram and looking for a new career.

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yayapapaya
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Apologies

Postby yayapapaya » Sun, 13 Jul 2008 1:56 am

My apologies.. have no intention to hijack the thread.

Now, back to the regular topic :)
Just a thought...

What color does a smurf turn when you choke him??

notwavingdrowning
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Wow..

Postby notwavingdrowning » Sun, 13 Jul 2008 6:40 am

Thank you for not taking offence..I have found that many locals on this forum are easily offended..Thank you for your maturity and social planning for expats too :D
notwavingdrowning...is back from the Ashram and looking for a new career.

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Re: Looking for other unhappy expats. Are you there?

Postby Alice22 » Sun, 13 Jul 2008 2:49 pm

Unsettled in Singapore...[/quote]

You're certainly not alone! I've been here for 9 months now and am still unsettled. I grew up in the West, but being ethnic Asian. I just presumed I'd adapt very easily to life in Singapore. Boy was I wrong! :???:
I'm finding I have very little in common with the average Singaporean. I cannot relate to them and vice versa.
I'm not sure if it is like this elsewhere in Asia, but being a single professional female expat in Singapore sucks! It's extremely difficult to break into the expat circles if you're not part of a couple and the locals certainly aren't very friendly. :cry:
If there are other unattached expat females with similar experiences wanting somebody to talk to, please pm me.[/quote]

Reds, I feel exactly the same way! I am also a chinese female from the west and have been here for 7 mo. I originally thought this would be more than enough time to establish a social network. Unfortunately I found the same thing in that it was very difficult for me to connect with others here. If you'd like to meet up for a coffee sometime, I'd be interested in making friends with someone I can relate with. I'm not able to use the PM feature yet, so please email me at aalice.lin@gmail.com

AmadeusCho
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Re: Looking for other unhappy expats. Are you there?

Postby AmadeusCho » Sun, 13 Jul 2008 7:24 pm

Alice22 wrote:Unsettled in Singapore...


You're certainly not alone! I've been here for 9 months now and am still unsettled. I grew up in the West, but being ethnic Asian. I just presumed I'd adapt very easily to life in Singapore. Boy was I wrong! :???:
I'm finding I have very little in common with the average Singaporean. I cannot relate to them and vice versa.
I'm not sure if it is like this elsewhere in Asia, but being a single professional female expat in Singapore sucks! It's extremely difficult to break into the expat circles if you're not part of a couple and the locals certainly aren't very friendly. :cry:
If there are other unattached expat females with similar experiences wanting somebody to talk to, please pm me.[/quote]

Reds, I feel exactly the same way! I am also a chinese female from the west and have been here for 7 mo. I originally thought this would be more than enough time to establish a social network. Unfortunately I found the same thing in that it was very difficult for me to connect with others here. If you'd like to meet up for a coffee sometime, I'd be interested in making friends with someone I can relate with. I'm not able to use the PM feature yet, so please email me at aalice.lin@gmail.com[/quote]

You dont have to be a female asian expat to feel this way. Male asian expats from the West arent immune to this either :)

I've been here a couple of years and still feel this way.

patsy_sg
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Postby patsy_sg » Sun, 13 Jul 2008 10:24 pm

i've lived here for 12 years, and still feel like I don't belong once in a while, despite being married to a singaporean! It gets easier, but there are still times where the pettiness, lack of courtesy and general "not my business attitude" really gets to me. I've met some great locals, but they're mostly overseas educated so their mindset is very different from your regular HDB dwelling local (no prejudice or insult intented)


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