Desperately need advice

Forks · Post by **Forks** » Fri, 30 May 2008 8:53 am

I need some advice from the sage members of this forum

I have just been caught red handed standing next to the body of a woman, I have blood on my clothes and the police are banging on the door as I type this. Also I am wanted for fraud and tax evasion and I think I may have gotten my neighbors teenage daughter pregnant and that he is waiting outside with a big knife. Also I have several overdue library books and was caught defecating in an elevator 25 times and trowing my toenail clippings in the pool.

What should I do?

Ps this is windup

durain · Post by **durain** » Fri, 30 May 2008 9:04 am

no worries... just do it all over again for a second time.

so that's 2x body of a woman, 2x teenage pregnancy, 2x tax and fraud, 50x doing a #1 and #2 in elevator, tons of books and a pool fill with toenails.

sounds about right?

Forks · Post by **Forks** » Fri, 30 May 2008 9:21 am

thanks thats the kind of advice I need, see there is a reason why people post on this forum asking for help.

Post by **sundaymorningstaple** » Fri, 30 May 2008 1:34 pm

Good thing it is a wind-up. You could get caned for the overdue books!

Best advice under the circumstances for a Friday Wind-up......

Bend over, stick you head between your legs and kiss you @$$ goodbye!

Saint · Post by **Saint** » Fri, 30 May 2008 3:45 pm

100% of your questions can be answered by doing a search of this Forum. Please use the Search function located in the upper left side of this page just under the Profile Link

I'm beginning to sound like SMS more and more each day - help!

Post by **sundaymorningstaple** » Fri, 30 May 2008 6:12 pm

That's okay Saint. When you have logged as much time on the little red dot as I have can you imagine what you will sound like then?

Rich D · Post by **Rich D** » Fri, 30 May 2008 6:41 pm

I suggest that you call the police (or you could e-mail them since you are sitting at your computer) and tell them there is a maniac outside who has just murdered the woman in a frenzied attack with claret flying everywhere including on your clothes.

He has already sliced off some of your toenails and thrown them in the pool. You believe he is out to murder you too and have therefore not been able to leave the house to return your library books. On the limited occassions you have managed to give him the slip to get your groceries and essentials you have been so scared that you have sh#t yourself in the lift on the way back.

As for the pregnant girl, sorry chum you are on your own there. I don't do domestics.

When it all blows over though you could buy an HDB flat in Serangoon North. Its like Baghdad on a busy day out there and I believe you will fit in with the neighbours there quite nicely.

Forks · Post by **Forks** » Sat, 31 May 2008 2:15 pm

Rich D wrote:I suggest that you call the police (or you could e-mail them since you are sitting at your computer) and tell them there is a maniac outside who has just murdered the woman in a frenzied attack with claret flying everywhere including on your clothes.

He has already sliced off some of your toenails and thrown them in the pool. You believe he is out to murder you too and have therefore not been able to leave the house to return your library books. On the limited occassions you have managed to give him the slip to get your groceries and essentials you have been so scared that you have sh#t yourself in the lift on the way back.

As for the pregnant girl, sorry chum you are on your own there. I don't do domestics.

When it all blows over though you could buy an HDB flat in Serangoon North. Its like Baghdad on a busy day out there and I believe you will fit in with the neighbours there quite nicely.

Best advice so far...

Thanks

Global Citizen · Post by **Global Citizen** » Wed, 04 Jun 2008 10:02 pm

Forks, with all that you're facing and being up sh**'s creek, maybe you could do a "Selamat" and just vanish into thin air!

Forks · Post by **Forks** » Wed, 04 Jun 2008 10:39 pm

If only i knew how he did it...

Rich D · Post by **Rich D** » Thu, 05 Jun 2008 4:02 am

I believe ol' Mas used a method which he found by doing a search of this site. Apparently the search function is located in the upper left side of this page just under the profile link.

It would also seem that the security forces are still a bit dozy despite the escape of Singapore's most wanted man. I know this because according to Forks' original post, the police are banging on his door, presumably right next to the bloke waiting outside it with a big knife. So how come they haven't felt his collar? Perhaps they are waiting for him to walk away so they can see if he has got a limp or not.

Btw - what's a "windup"?

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