How do you "discipline" your maid?

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jjoensuu
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Post by jjoensuu » Sun, 06 Jul 2008 10:59 pm

It should be obvious that domestic workers are not dogs or kids, but grown up adults, and should be treated with respect. This has nothing to do with "western" values but universal human values, in the same was as the Universal Declaration of Human Rights is not based on some "western" values.

Treating someone with respect does not have to include anything else than a simple lack of disrespect. With that in mind, a question about how to "discipline" these people smacks of disrespect.

If you are the persons employer, you talk to the person and see if the matter can be resolved in some ways. Yes there are probably all sorts of people among these folks, but looking at how they are a times treated, I would say that some of the persons who employ them are not of a particularly "high class" either:-|

(if "class" now is the determining factor according to which to choose how a person should be treated)

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Post by QRM » Sun, 06 Jul 2008 11:02 pm

chocolate crackle wrote:QRM

every human deserves to be treated with dignity and respect and yes that includes domestic helpers.

have you ever considered that if you actually treat your domestic helper with some dignity and respect then you wouldn't need a bullet proof bedroom door and plastic knives or worry about your baby in future? go figure
100% agree
bruinbear wrote:Physical abuse is a strict no-no. You might end up in jail.

Have to document all the problems and faults. Talk to the maid. Give her some chance to improve. If still doesn't work out, then send her back.
You dont think i tried? When I questioned very calmly, why her room was trashed (when i say trashed I mean really like a tusnami been through it), the only answer was her husband sent a ghost to do it. She then hunched up in a corner mumbling giberish to herself with the occasional hysterical laugh.

When you say give her a chance I think being dragged off a car roof (requiring 6 police men), screaming about evil spirits is what I call crossing the line, and if you want to give her a second chance, assuming she wont be charged for criminal damage you are more than welcome to have her transferred to your household.

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Post by EADG » Mon, 07 Jul 2008 12:08 am

timely revival of this - in today's paper there was an article on this, including one about marking the maid's face with magic marker

you must give them credit for their creativity
Ape Shall Not Kill Ape

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sundaymorningstaple
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Post by sundaymorningstaple » Mon, 07 Jul 2008 12:19 am

EADG,

Yeah, the best part of the article was the fact that all four of them got jail time. There's hope for FDWs yet!
SOME PEOPLE TRY TO TURN BACK THEIR ODOMETERS. NOT ME. I WANT PEOPLE TO KNOW WHY I LOOK THIS WAY. I'VE TRAVELED A LONG WAY, AND SOME OF THE ROADS WEREN'T PAVED. ~ Will Rogers

chocolate crackle
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Post by chocolate crackle » Mon, 07 Jul 2008 9:05 am

QRM

i don't understand how you can say you agree with me 100% when your actions reflect otherwise :?

when you chucked your domestic helper outside in the state she was in and then didn't call for help you placed her and others at risk. thankfully only cars were damaged. any responsible employer would have called for some sort of medical assistance for their employee if he/she was behaving strangely.

also, making comments about treating your domestic helper like a faulty good , keeping your next domestic helper tied to a ball and chain, suggesting that one should lock up their domestic helper for 6 months and scream at their domestic helper like a baying hyena have no element whatsoever of respect and dignity for human rights.

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Post by chocolate crackle » Mon, 07 Jul 2008 9:16 am

in8mom

in response to your question i think communication and relationship is the key.

communicate your expectations, encourage her when she does well, give her constructive feedback on areas that need limproving or mistakes made. keep the lines of communication open with your helper all the time so that she would feel comfortable in her working relationship with you to disclose anything if she feels the need to.

maybe she was just having an off day like the rest of us do sometimes.

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Post by QRM » Mon, 07 Jul 2008 10:47 am

chocolate crackle wrote:QRM

i don't understand how you can say you agree with me 100% when your actions reflect otherwise :?

when you chucked your domestic helper outside in the state she was in and then didn't call for help you placed her and others at risk. thankfully only cars were damaged. any responsible employer would have called for some sort of medical assistance for their employee if he/she was behaving strangely.

also, making comments about treating your domestic helper like a faulty good , keeping your next domestic helper tied to a ball and chain, suggesting that one should lock up their domestic helper for 6 months and scream at their domestic helper like a baying hyena have no element whatsoever of respect and dignity for human rights.

She was already packed and ready to go saying she needed to go back to Batam now.

She stole money from my toddlers piggy bank.

I just woke up, baby still asleep and a very "agitated" person in front of me with lots of kitchen knives etc next to her. All this while standing in a kitchen that looked like a fast flowing river.

After trying to reason with her, what do I do?, jump on her and stop her from leaving? From what I heard it took six police men to get her into handcuffs.

If she wants to leave , I just told her to get out of the house now, when she did, I locked the door to prevent her coming back and destroying more of the house. I did call the police they said they will record it down and if she does not return she will be registered as a missing person, if she does return to call them again.

After the call to the police, we tried to get hold of the agency to find out what to do if she did return, we were arranging for alternative accommodation through the agency.

Then 30 mins later security called the police again this time she really flipped.

And as to to baying Hyenas and faulty goods go back to the message and please read it S L O W L Y, I was saying how awful it is.

And yes after my scary experience I was saying the local ball and chain option starts to make sense. I am relieved she is under police custody, until you see some one who been living with you for 4 months, in handcuffs with a look that I can only describe as “the shining”

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Post by jessienlhkg » Mon, 07 Jul 2008 3:02 pm

Hi QRM,

I am sorry you have had two bad experiences with your domestic helpers. Hopefully the last one will get the right medical help she needs.

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Post by chocolate crackle » Mon, 07 Jul 2008 8:47 pm

QRM wrote: This morning she trashed her room, flooded the kitchen and blamed ghost, to prevent any further damage I chucked her out the house. Only to be called by the police 30 mins later as they arrested her for dancing on, of all car in the car park, the neighbors Lamborghini roof.
QRM, now you've changed your story...you first said that the police called you 30 minutes after you chucked her our of the home and now you say that you called the Police. whatever

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Post by QRM » Mon, 07 Jul 2008 9:32 pm

chocolate crackle wrote:
QRM wrote: This morning she trashed her room, flooded the kitchen and blamed ghost, to prevent any further damage I chucked her out the house. Only to be called by the police 30 mins later as they arrested her for dancing on, of all car in the car park, the neighbors Lamborghini roof.
QRM, now you've changed your story...you first said that the police called you 30 minutes after you chucked her our of the home and now you say that you called the Police. whatever
I had no idea people were so interested in all the details, I could write three pages on what exactly happened, but didn't want to bore everyone with all the details. I called the police as in missing person dept, to inform them about the maid the moment she went out the door, this was to find out what is the local procedure dealing with this type of incident and inform them of her status.

It was only thirty minutes later the police contacted me saying they have been called by the building security and have taken her in custody. Well if you really want the longer version, The police contacted my driver who then called me to say the police are now downstairs in the condo with the maid.

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Post by QRM » Mon, 07 Jul 2008 10:15 pm

[quote="sierra2469alpha"]

Hmm, QRM, I always thought you were a great person around these forums. I used to like your positive comments around here.

I also PM'd you to say I would publish an apology.

Ha Ha your mood swings, will give a certain Ms. Spears a run for her money.

However, I don't think I will. I'll tell you why, my friend:

1. I didn't shoot from the hip. And I'm not trigger happy. I read your posting, looked at your other postings, and made a general assessment that you were a good person. How wrong was I.

See my note above re: pendulums

2. I don't own a car here, nor would I want to, so nobody could jump on my car. So your point is somewhat malaise and quite inconsequential.

I think you missed it, she could have easily chosen to jump on a bike, an ipod, a pot plant, a kid. The point is, it belong to someone else and she was damaging it. Again may be inconsequential to you but I am sure who ever owns the damage item will take a different view.


3 . You, my friend, hired her. Sole responsiblity - YOU. Your children - sole responsibility - YOU.

Errr yes nothing like stating the obvious, did I say my kids and maid where not my responsibility?

In fact I take my responsibility very seriously I am trying to visiting her at the local mental health hospital tomorrow where she has been warded to ensure she get the best possible treatment, and to see what else I can do.

If you did your research you should know I am a great advocate parents responsibility for their kids rather than fob them off with maids, grand parents, preschools courses etc.



Don't give me this "...unsuspecting family..." nonsense - you have been around these forums for ages - you alone should have known that some people have difficulty in adjusting - you yourself have commented on them - look at your own history. It's called "View Your Posts".

I don’t see what my “View my post”

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Post by Levikane » Tue, 08 Jul 2008 1:46 am

What an absolute nightmare!

Wilful destruction of property and A-Grade insanity would surely be enough to terminate the contract and send her packing?

If you are keeping her on and paying for the medical treatment you are much more generous that I am. If she was my maid (dont actually have one) and tried to pull a stunt like it would be head first down the garbage chute!

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Post by QRM » Thu, 10 Jul 2008 2:07 pm

For those who never visited a mental hospital, its just like the movies.

Blood curdling screams, frantic banging echoing down corridors, and lots of zombies shuffling around a common room. I didn’t see any hockey mask.

Anyway they confirm our maid is a sandwich short of a full picnic and recommend sticking her on a plane and sending her back.

She cant remember much of what she did, and there is nothing stopping her coming back to apply for a new job, the Doc pointed out if they do recommend to MOM to blacklist, most just borrow a relatives passport.

Many use insanity as the maid equivalent of shooting ones own foot, it is a guarantee no question asked fully paid ticket back home. (She was having problems with her husband)

Another interesting fact FDW medical cover does not cover mental health cost, if your maid has a nervous twitch and many imaginary friends, I suggest you start to read the small print.

I checked with the maid agency and I asked what stopping a psychopath from coming into our homes, apparently they all have to undergo a rigorous medical, which they later admitted was only based on physical test for typhoid etc. So it really is a lottery.

And while I know this thread is maid focused I am sure there are equally nutty employers, does seem to have a high concentration of them in Singapore. I put it down to the hot housing system they use here for young kids.

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Post by Global Citizen » Thu, 10 Jul 2008 6:27 pm

QRM, what a nightmare! All things considered, lucky no body was harmed during the episode. Hope you have better luck next time.
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Post by ringo100 » Thu, 10 Jul 2008 11:16 pm

WOW- QRM - i'm amazed people still think like this.

Quote - "I let her out for half an hour" - "So If we ever do get a new one, a ball and chain starts to look like a pretty realistic option"

What is she a dog? Or some kind of bonded labour?

You have been here too long. Do you and your wife honestly think that it was the fact you "allowed" her to have some "freedom" that made her mad???

The fact that you consider letting her out for half an hour as "freedom" leads me to think that you have more mental health problems than her.

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