How do you "discipline" your maid?

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in8mom
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How do you "discipline" your maid?

Post by in8mom » Sun, 27 Apr 2008 8:44 pm

Are your maids ever late on their days off? Do they not complete tasks properly? Start to slack off? How do you handle these situations? What is fair-- especially when the helper is generally very good?

Thanks in advance for your kind advice.
Last edited by in8mom on Mon, 28 Apr 2008 7:33 am, edited 1 time in total.

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ksl
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Re: How do you discipline your maid?

Post by ksl » Mon, 28 Apr 2008 12:03 am

in8mom wrote:Are your maids ever late on their days off? Do they not complete tasks? How do you handle these situations? I am unsure what is fair-- especially when our maid is generally very good.

Thanks in advance for your kind advice.
Sit down and have a chat with her, maybe she is having a few personaal problems, and no one to share them with. Many maids are married with family, its not easy for them being so far away from home...If its out of character for her, their must be something bothering her...

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Re: How do you discipline your maid?

Post by QRM » Mon, 28 Apr 2008 1:22 pm

Could have a new boyfriend? Our previous helper was the same, turns out she was on the job with the previous employers husband.

Just treat her like an employee say you want to avoid giving a formal warning. if she continues hand her a written notice.

This sound awful, bit like dealing with a faulty dishwasher, but check with the agent who supplied her and see what the return policies are.

OR do the discipline the local way, Yell and scream at her like a baying hyena, and lock her in the house for 6 months :roll:

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Re: How do you discipline your maid?

Post by in8mom » Mon, 28 Apr 2008 6:13 pm

QRM wrote:OR do the discipline the local way, Yell and scream at her like a baying hyena, and lock her in the house for 6 months :roll:
LOL!!! :lol:

Thanks, I did have a talk with her and she says things are fine, but who knows.

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Re: How do you discipline your maid?

Post by sundaymorningstaple » Mon, 28 Apr 2008 11:00 pm

QRM wrote: OR do the discipline the local way, Yell and scream at her like a baying hyena, and lock her in the house for 6 months :roll:
You forgot to add the scorching with the iron, smacking with the spatula and jabbing with the forks that the locals also use to instill discipline in the slaves. :-|
SOME PEOPLE TRY TO TURN BACK THEIR ODOMETERS. NOT ME. I WANT PEOPLE TO KNOW WHY I LOOK THIS WAY. I'VE TRAVELED A LONG WAY, AND SOME OF THE ROADS WEREN'T PAVED. ~ Will Rogers

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Re: How do you discipline your maid?

Post by Addadude » Fri, 02 May 2008 6:31 pm

sundaymorningstaple wrote:You forgot to add the scorching with the iron, smacking with the spatula and jabbing with the forks that the locals also use to instill discipline in the slaves. :-|
And people say Singaporeans aren't creative...

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Post by gowrip » Fri, 02 May 2008 9:01 pm

<<What>>

so, what exactly is your question?

FYI, she is human just like you are. Considering she gets lot less time off than you probably do, why don't you just show some patience with her? I don't exactly think you come home exactly on time when you have a day off after six days of hard work... then again, you probably don't know what that means... do you?

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Post by QRM » Fri, 02 May 2008 9:28 pm

gowrip wrote:<<What>>

so, what exactly is your question?

FYI, she is human just like you are. Considering she gets lot less time off than you probably do, why don't you just show some patience with her? I don't exactly think you come home exactly on time when you have a day off after six days of hard work... then again, you probably don't know what that means... do you?
The FDW employment contract states exactly what time she can leave and return on the day off. The FDW is well aware of it and agreed to it when she starts.

If you don’t enforce it then people tend to take the piss. I assume you arrive at work on time every Monday morning, if not, and you regularly come in late, do you think the excuse “I am only human”

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Post by gowrip » Fri, 02 May 2008 9:40 pm

<<

you don’t enforce it then people tend to take the piss. I assume you arrive at work on time every Monday morning, if not, and you regularly come in late, do you think the excuse “I am only human” will really work ?

>>

well for one, the part of the original question I tried to respond to vanished. so here it is again...

<<
What is fair-- especially when the helper is generally very good?
>>

second... yes, i have come in late at least one day a week, late by more than an hour (and I had only five working days a week), usually because i used to also put in a lot of late hours and guess what, i didn't even have to say "I am only human" - it was obvious.

And to the the person who posted this thread...

<<
Are your maids ever late on their days off? Do they not complete tasks properly? Start to slack off?
>>

please define (if at all you care).... what do you mean "ever late"? i don't really understand (may be i am just stupid) the other two questions.

IMHO - you can be patient. give her some time. let me repeat, she is also a human like you. and you know what? talk to her if it concerns you or affects how she works - no one is perfect - for all i might know or not know, she is an adult - you have conversations with adults. she is not a little kid or a dog to "discipline".

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Post by QRM » Sun, 06 Jul 2008 8:13 pm

gowrip wrote:
she is an adult - you have conversations with adults. she is not a little kid or a dog to "discipline".
When I first arrived here I was stunned at the attitude of the locals, locking maids in the house, no days off etc. and unbelievably our very first maid got pregnant when we did let her out and we got fined!!

My wife who come from these local shore keeps pointing out you cant just come halfway around the world and stick western values and views on a FDW that have been brought up in a very different environment.

When we employed our now x-FDW I thought a bit harsh she had no time off. She was never let out by her previous employers and gradually I let have a bit of time out of the house I turned a blind eye when a thirty minute shopping trip would be stretched to and hour.

Since this taste of freedom, she came up saying people have been telling her there are spirits in the condo, and she does not want to be left alone here. Then started asking to borrow money to buy special books and powders to ward of evil.

This morning she trashed her room, flooded the kitchen and blamed ghost, to prevent any further damage I chucked her out the house. Only to be called by the police 30 mins later as they arrested her for dancing on, of all car in the car park, the neighbors Lamborghini roof.

Wife came back and said I “told you”

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Post by sierra2469alpha » Sun, 06 Jul 2008 8:52 pm

QRM:

Well, sorry to be cynical, but you could always do the houswork yourself.

I can't think of many "western" countries that employ domestic workers, unless you're down south in Louisiana or wanting to earn so much money you're just being greedy at the expense of your children.

I weep for their future.

If you cannot afford to have a parent at home looking after your children and doing the usual domestic services that you were doing "back home", then umm, sorry, but why are you here? What are your priorities? YOU made a bad decision and hired a domestic help who dances on cars and blames ghosts and your wife always wanted to lock her in?

Umm, what part of interviewing her didn't you do? or are you just both of such poor character that you didn't see this?

And, if you are that concerned about your children - then why aren't YOU looking after them? Sure, at least one of you is at work. Not hard to get a job here - unless you believe in some form of superiority.

Flame, abuse me all you like, but your attitude makes me sick to the stomach, and gives all expats a bad name - solely for your attitude.

And I feel the missiles inbound at the moment, commander

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Post by QRM » Sun, 06 Jul 2008 10:12 pm

Ah yes the old shoot first ask question later approach, get your facts right.

I gave up my career in order to look after my child while my wife works and yes we could bring in a lot more dosh if I worked, but to us it was important for us to bring a kid up with a full time parent around. So save your tears.

Do the housework myself… Despite having a helper, I do actually do household baby related chore myself, nappy changing, baths, feeding, walkies and I am about the only parent at her playschool the rest are maids.

Before you say Kunte Kinte the FDW has a pretty good deal here, most of the laundry is collected by an outside contractor, I look after all baby related chores, my wife does all the cooking and when the FDW goes shopping she has a driver to take her where ever she wants to go. She has unlimited makan budget, and she can buy what she likes. Unlimited calls to her family, and when we travel five star accommodation.

We installed aircon and hotwater in her room (most places don’t provide ether). When she arrive she had never been to a dentist, we covered all of the backdated dental work. new glasses, new hairdo, new clothes etc.

Our helper in London has been with us for 11 years, and even though we have not been back for 5 years we still employ her.

We have been given a good opportunity here in Singapore. Sure, I could be cleaning while leaving the kid balling her eyes out in the cot or stuck infront of the TV, but I rather I take her to play on the beach or teach her to ride a bike.

As to interviews we interviewed many FDW, she was the only one that could fit in our tight travel timing schedule. She showed no sign of what ever problem she had ( she is still being assessed by the police.)

And if you weren’t so trigger happy, and you read my post, in between the smoke from your barrels you will see my concern is how easy this obliviously unhinged person can get a new job with some unsuspecting family. Just as well it was not your car she was jumping on.

You would be sick to your stomach if anything happed to your friends or family who end up with her. You should weep for their future not mine.

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Post by bruinbear » Sun, 06 Jul 2008 10:26 pm

Physical abuse is a strict no-no. You might end up in jail.

Have to document all the problems and faults. Talk to the maid. Give her some chance to improve. If still doesn't work out, then send her back.

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Post by chocolate crackle » Sun, 06 Jul 2008 10:44 pm

QRM

every human deserves to be treated with dignity and respect and yes that includes domestic helpers.

have you ever considered that if you actually treat your domestic helper with some dignity and respect then you wouldn't need a bullet proof bedroom door and plastic knives or worry about your baby in future? go figure

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Post by sierra2469alpha » Sun, 06 Jul 2008 10:59 pm

QRM wrote: ...Our helper in London has been with us for 11 years, and even though we have not been back for 5 years we still employ her.... if you weren’t so trigger happy, and you read my post, in between the smoke from your barrels you will see my concern is how easy this obliviously unhinged person can get a new job with some unsuspecting family. Just as well it was not your car she was jumping on....
You would be sick to your stomach if anything happed to your friends or family who end up with her. You should weep for their future not mine.
Hmm, QRM, I always thought you were a great person around these forums. I used to like your positive comments around here.

I also PM'd you to say I would publish an apology.

However, I don't think I will. I'll tell you why, my friend:

1. I didn't shoot from the hip. And I'm not trigger happy. I read your posting, looked at your other postings, and made a general assessment that you were a good person. How wrong was I.

2. I don't own a car here, nor would I want to, so nobody could jump on my car. So your point is somewhat malaise and quite inconsequential.

3. You, my friend, hired her. Sole responsiblity - YOU. Your children - sole responsibility - YOU.

Don't give me this "...unsuspecting family..." nonsense - you have been around these forums for ages - you alone should have known that some people have difficulty in adjusting - you yourself have commented on them - look at your own history. It's called "View Your Posts".

And no, I wasn't crying tears for your future - if you actually READ my reply, I was weeping for YOUR children's future. Slight difference.

Hate to break up a nice friendship, but, hey. Stuff happens, life forms. Look after yourselves - it's only your selves that you have.

Cheers/P

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