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wat your point of view, dATING DIFFERENT RACES OF YOUR OWN?

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Re: wat your point of view, dATING DIFFERENT RACES OF YOUR O

Postby dmk03 » Sat, 19 Sep 2009 9:15 pm

bluexob wrote:
Des wrote:hi everyone... :)

Can you give some opinions on having relationship with different race of your own...after that how you going to face through dating period for quite some times. Then thinking of Married with each another down the road? :wink:
Edited especially for all of u out there... :wink: Let's start our discussion...[b]:Many ThaNks foR the rePlies alsO[/b] :wink: :c[/size]ool:



Hi Des,
To be frank,i was in that dilenma before..
Been dating with the same guy for years and yet we still have no intention of ending our relationship..Though we face a lot of difficulties along the way...The way our friends's reaction,surrounding,families etc...
Its hard and yet somehow we managed..Taking small steps slowly..Worst both of us from different race and religion..

At first friends thought that we are not serious with each other and that we're merely somekind of close friends..Families strictly forbids..Sometimes i keep asking myself why must my relationship is so complicated from the rest??, i never want it that way,i felt it more like a curse than a blessing,well perhaps there's always a reason behind everything that happened...Patience is the word..but anyway things are much more better now,now that we are more open towards each other and the surrounding as well...

Slowly our friends and families begin to understand our relationship...Now we are thinking of marriage maybe few more years down the road as i still want to obtain my degree first before marriage...In this relationship,the key is to always give in and take..Dont be offended if people pass any unkind remark, important is that u are happy with that person for as long as u want and willingly to make sacrifice...

If u ask me,i would say it aint that easy..
Action speaks louder than words 8-)
And good luck :wink:


Hei bluexob :D ,

How I wish many expats out there can think and initiate moves like you and sweetheart did. Thumbs up to both of you! :)

Relationship is never always a smooth sailing one. Love is full of sacrifices as it'll reach the paramount of happiness which results to paradise eventually.

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dmk03
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Indepth views on multi racial marriages issues

Postby dmk03 » Sat, 19 Sep 2009 9:26 pm

sundaymorningstaple wrote:twist88,

The last time I replied to one of your posts it turned into a debacle. (The viewpoints I gave you in that response was a result of my living here in Singapore for over 26 years now. It was a measured response not intended to provoke or anger. Hopefully, you will look at my response this time in the right frame of mind.

Race and Religion I would have to agree, shouldn't be an obstacle. Unfortunately is it and always will be. Not much we can do about that. It's human nature, especially between two people who will have to spend a large chunk of their life on earth shackled to another (those little rings are sure strong).

I would have to ask you though, are you married? Are you married to someone outside of your race or religion? The only reason I ask is that often reality steps in and you have to make adjustments in the name of love. I recently celebrated my 25th wedding anniversary this past September. I have to say that communication is a main aspect that keeps a marriage going. But I don't think it's the way you think.

A good measure of that communication is actually the lack of it. You see, while two people CAN love each other, if their race or religion is different, we cannot ask the other one to change to be like us (religion) and, unless you're Michael Jackson, you ain't gonna change your coloration either. So often it is non-communication that will save the marriage by just not responding to the one trying to "convert" the other one.

These things I speak of I speak from the heart. This is why I asked you earlier if you were married to someone outside of your race or religion. You see, I've walked that road. My wife is of a different race and religion than myself. After 25 years of travel down that road, I've learned a couple of things. (And yes, we are still of different race AND religion). :wink:


Hi :)

I'm really heartened having to read your views on mixed marriages. In reality, it can create hurdles and obstacles along the way.
Would 'conversion' to another religion make the other party unhappy?
Would allowing more time for the other party to explore our religion be a wise idea or a repulsive suggestion?
I do need experienced expats who are married with locals who are of different religion to share their opinions on these concerned issues.

Regards,
dmk03
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Postby sundaymorningstaple » Sat, 19 Sep 2009 10:50 pm

I'm really heartened having to read your views on mixed marriages. In reality, it can create hurdles and obstacles along the way.
Would 'conversion' to another religion make the other party unhappy?
Would allowing more time for the other party to explore our religion be a wise idea or a repulsive suggestion?
I do need experienced expats who are married with locals who are of different religion to share their opinions on these concerned issues.

Regards,
dmk03


Would you be happy to change your religion? Most who do, aren't. You have to be yourself and your spouse does as well. If you change to be "like" the other, then some of you or her are somehow diminished. Then you or her are living a lie. Not the way to go through life I can assure you. Should you or her, on the other hand, actually desire to explore the other's religion, then by all means do so, but don't use religion as a means to an end. The end will be disaster. Conversion might not make the other one happy but if you are doing the conversion to please others it won't make you happy.

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Re: Indepth views on multi racial marriages issues

Postby taxico » Sun, 20 Sep 2009 12:52 pm

dmk03 wrote:
sundaymorningstaple wrote:These things I speak of I speak from the heart. This is why I asked you earlier if you were married to someone outside of your race or religion. You see, I've walked that road. My wife is of a different race and religion than myself. After 25 years of travel down that road, I've learned a couple of things. (And yes, we are still of different race AND religion


I'm really heartened having to read your views on mixed marriages. In reality, it can create hurdles and obstacles along the way.


sunday's old school. what applied to sunday's marriage doesn't necessary apply to youngsters of today.

i suggest you take it easy, take it long, don't think so much about converting and getting married and what not. that's not what a long term relationship is about.

just enjoy each other and being in love and knowing one another. spend enough time together and both parties will accept the differences between them and accept each other as they are.

down the road, whatever compromises that each makes will be done willingly, and that will ensure an optimum outcome in that relationship EVEN if they aren't married.

plan too much too early and who knows, things won't work out because of all that arguing. yes, there's bound to be some disagreements in any relationship.

like my old man says about decisions to be made over a real relationship; "do it for yourself and each other and no one else."

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Re: Indepth views on multi racial marriages issues

Postby dmk03 » Sun, 20 Sep 2009 1:53 pm

Hi Taxico, my comments are as tagged by your quotes. :)
taxico wrote:[quote="dmk03]
just enjoy each other and being in love and knowing one another. spend enough time together and both parties will accept the differences between them and accept each other as they are.

I agree with you! When you love someone, acceptance and tolerance will be emplaced effortlessly :)

down the road, whatever compromises that each makes will be done willingly, and that will ensure an optimum outcome in that relationship EVEN if they aren't married.

Yes! Importantly is the willingness and sincerity of oneself that will dynamite the entire relationship to be a more meaningful one. :)

plan too much too early and who knows, things won't work out because of all that arguing. yes, there's bound to be some disagreements in any relationship. like my old man says about decisions to be made over a real relationship; "do it for yourself and each other and no one else."

I must totally agree with your old man's saying! :) In any kind of relationship, there will be natural inclination towards disagreements and miscommunication incidents BUT when one acts upon a decision for himself/herself and not for anyone else, it'll work better as they're the ones leading their life. :D [u]Sadly, not many will think as such :( [/u] [/quote]
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Re: Indepth views on multi racial marriages issues

Postby ksl » Sun, 20 Sep 2009 11:59 pm

dmk03 wrote:Hi Taxico, my comments are as tagged by your quotes. :)
taxico wrote:[quote="dmk03]
just enjoy each other and being in love and knowing one another. spend enough time together and both parties will accept the differences between them and accept each other as they are.

I agree with you! When you love someone, acceptance and tolerance will be emplaced effortlessly :)

down the road, whatever compromises that each makes will be done willingly, and that will ensure an optimum outcome in that relationship EVEN if they aren't married.

Yes! Importantly is the willingness and sincerity of oneself that will dynamite the entire relationship to be a more meaningful one. :)

plan too much too early and who knows, things won't work out because of all that arguing. yes, there's bound to be some disagreements in any relationship. like my old man says about decisions to be made over a real relationship; "do it for yourself and each other and no one else."

I must totally agree with your old man's saying! :) In any kind of relationship, there will be natural inclination towards disagreements and miscommunication incidents BUT when one acts upon a decision for himself/herself and not for anyone else, it'll work better as they're the ones leading their life. :D [u]Sadly, not many will think as such :( [/u] [/quote][/quote]
Crikey my eyesight just failed me :roll: Cannot read some of the text, even with glasses on :oops:

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Postby sundaymorningstaple » Mon, 21 Sep 2009 9:52 am

Just highlight the text and it will be white text on a blue background. :wink:

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Re: Indepth views on multi racial marriages issues

Postby dmk03 » Mon, 21 Sep 2009 11:46 am

Dear ksl, pardon me for the technical problems. Had it fixed for you to read it better. :D I'm really new in this forum so am getting used to the replies' format. :)
dmk03 wrote:Hi Taxico, my comments are as tagged by your quotes. :)
taxico wrote:
dmk03]
just enjoy each other and being in love and knowing one another. spend enough time together and both parties will accept the differences between them and accept each other as they are.[/quote]

I agree with you! When you love someone, acceptance and tolerance will be emplaced effortlessly :)

[quote="taxico wrote:
dmk03]down the road, whatever compromises that each makes will be done willingly, and that will ensure an optimum outcome in that relationship EVEN if they aren't married.[/quote]

Yes! Importantly, is the willingness and sincerity of oneself that will dynamite the entire relationship to be a more meaningful one. :)

[quote="taxico wrote:
[quote="dmk03]plan too much too early and who knows, things won't work out because of all that arguing. yes, there's bound to be some disagreements in any relationship. like my old man says about decisions to be made over a real relationship; "do it for yourself and each other and no one else."[/quote]

I must totally agree with your old man's saying! :) In any kind of relationship, there will be a natural inclination towards disagreements and miscommunication incidents BUT when one acts upon a decision for himself/herself and not for anyone else, it'll work better as they're the ones leading their life. :D Sadly, not many will think as such :(

Crikey my eyesight just failed me :roll: Cannot read some of the text, even with glasses on :oops:[/quote]
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Re: Indepth views on multi racial marriages issues

Postby ksl » Thu, 24 Sep 2009 9:41 pm

dmk03 wrote:Dear ksl, pardon me for the technical problems. Had it fixed for you to read it better. :D I'm really new in this forum so am getting used to the replies' format. :)
dmk03 wrote:Hi Taxico, my comments are as tagged by your quotes. :)
taxico wrote:
dmk03]
just enjoy each other and being in love and knowing one another. spend enough time together and both parties will accept the differences between them and accept each other as they are.[/quote]

I agree with you! When you love someone, acceptance and tolerance will be emplaced effortlessly :)

[quote="taxico wrote:
dmk03]down the road, whatever compromises that each makes will be done willingly, and that will ensure an optimum outcome in that relationship EVEN if they aren't married.[/quote]

Yes! Importantly, is the willingness and sincerity of oneself that will dynamite the entire relationship to be a more meaningful one. :)

[quote="taxico wrote:
[quote="dmk03]plan too much too early and who knows, things won't work out because of all that arguing. yes, there's bound to be some disagreements in any relationship. like my old man says about decisions to be made over a real relationship; "do it for yourself and each other and no one else."[/quote]

I must totally agree with your old man's saying! :) In any kind of relationship, there will be a natural inclination towards disagreements and miscommunication incidents BUT when one acts upon a decision for himself/herself and not for anyone else, it'll work better as they're the ones leading their life. :D Sadly, not many will think as such :(

Crikey my eyesight just failed me :roll: Cannot read some of the text, even with glasses on :oops:[/quote][/quote]


I wouldn't wish religion to be pushed on me, I embrace them all, but follow my own heart, in the privacy of my own mind. It's rather difficult to give up ones culture, and one shouldn't be expected too, love is love no matter what, for better or worse in my opinion.
My only regret had been, that my first marriage never worked out, so i stayed divorced for 23 years, with a feeling that I couldn't trust women!

Marriage is really very difficult at times, but love, understanding and the commitment to succeed is equally important.

Starting a family at 50, is more demanding than i realised, and my daughter gets all the chit chat at school, because I'm the oldest father, in her class, But I'm able to spend the family time with her, while other parents have to work, so she says, I have to take all her friends to the zoo too :shock: We have a very mixed bunch of friends, which I'm really happy with, so integrating is all part and parcel of being happy.

Having worked with refugees, I know the difficulties people meet, and family cultural differences, maybe a threat to some, but it shouldn't be, individuals must have their rights to life!

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Postby badgerxbutt » Mon, 04 Jan 2010 8:40 am

My view is quite simple really ... interracial relationships are no different from non-interracial ones. It's not any less OK except if one or more partners chose the other based on racially selective preferences. I don't see that as any different from racism. Of course there can be significant cultural differences, but I believe if one is truly committed to making things work and they chose a good partner, race is irrelevant.

I hate Asiaphiles though! Erggh, repulsive! I think it's wrong to assume that every non-Asian guy with an Asian girl is one, but I can't understand how girls can date someone who preferred them not because they found her individual features and personality attractive, but because she's Asian!

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Postby x9200 » Mon, 04 Jan 2010 9:09 am

badgerxbutt wrote: It's not any less OK except if one or more partners chose the other based on racially selective preferences. I don't see that as any different from racism.
It is..formally but this is like calling men xenophobic for preferring women over for example ducks.

I hate Asiaphiles though! Erggh, repulsive! I think it's wrong to assume that every non-Asian guy with an Asian girl is one, but I can't understand how girls can date someone who preferred them not because they found her individual features and personality attractive, but because she's Asian!
Not sure if such people exist in large enough population to be a good target for your hatred. Asia is too diversified.

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Postby Addadude » Mon, 04 Jan 2010 10:54 am

badgerxbutt wrote:I hate Asiaphiles though! Erggh, repulsive! I think it's wrong to assume that every non-Asian guy with an Asian girl is one, but I can't understand how girls can date someone who preferred them not because they found her individual features and personality attractive, but because she's Asian!


Surely people should be allowed to indulge their personal preference when it comes to romance? Some people prefer blondes. Some people like brunettes. Some women prefer tall men. So, is being an "Asiaphile" really any worse then preferring to date blondes?
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Postby vbelle » Mon, 04 Jan 2010 2:36 pm

a friend told me that he prefer Asians because he thinks they are pretty...so thats physical attraction..and obviously if the personality doesnt match...they wont continue..
asiaphile?
some asians will only choose asians..and some caucasians will only want caucasians...its just personal preference..
and not because someone choose a race than the other...doesnt mean this person will not take other factors into consideration..

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Postby sundaymorningstaple » Mon, 04 Jan 2010 3:08 pm

vbelle wrote:a friend told me that he prefer Asians because he thinks they are pretty...so thats physical attraction..and obviously if the personality doesnt match...they wont continue..
asiaphile?
some asians will only choose asians..and some caucasians will only want caucasians...its just personal preference..
and not because someone choose a race than the other...doesnt mean this person will not take other factors into consideration..


And some would go outside their races but don't because they don't want to be ostracized by their families, regardless of what they personally feel.

And that's sad.

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Postby badgerxbutt » Tue, 05 Jan 2010 12:51 am

Addadude wrote: Surely people should be allowed to indulge their personal preference when it comes to romance? Some people prefer blondes. Some people like brunettes. Some women prefer tall men. So, is being an "Asiaphile" really any worse then preferring to date blondes?


Perhaps you do not see it as any worse and I have no doubts that there are others that don't either, but some do not appreciate attention or "attraction" that is driven by racial preference. Just as you think that's OK, there are people (like myself) who do not.

I personally, just find it creepy. I've encountered a handful of them living in Britain, and they make me feel physically sick. I just don't understand the mentality - other, normal men find me attractive without having any inclination towards my race. It shouldn't be a factor when choosing a potential partner.

I think that it's racism. I would never date someone who was incapable of finding women of other races attractive. I would want to know why they would choose not to date them, because the reasons could only be generalisations/stereotyping. How can you honestly say you would eliminate an entire race (or several races) of people from your dating preferences? That is millions of people, with varying levels of personal attractiveness, a variety of personalities and smarts. That is what people are generally attracted to, not skin colour.

If it were a person being racially selective about his/her friendship group, they would be a racist. How is this any different?


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