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wat your point of view, dATING DIFFERENT RACES OF YOUR OWN?

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QRM
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Postby QRM » Thu, 07 May 2009 12:12 pm

vbelle wrote:an Indian friend of mine choose to marry man of her choice instead of her parents..and she's on the edge of a divorce..and she started to say that "it might be because i dont obey my Mom"


You mean her mum put some sort of black magic hex on her?

Would you do the same to your kids, when I say kids I mean when they are grown up and working?

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Postby ksl » Thu, 07 May 2009 12:17 pm

unfortunately Western Culture as we have all noticed, is given a free reign, to do what they want, otherwise all the human right organisations are screaming for rights.

My own personal opinion is that, the west has evolved into nations of contemptuous, adolescents, that are very disrespectful at times, when they should be listening of the wisdom of parents.

Nothing much is new, except for the cocktail of drugs, fashions, and self egoistic attitudes, that are totally disrespectful towards most old people, it's very easy to sit in a comfort zone and not see or notice what the majority have to put up with, and with all due respect, that there are still many that may listen to their parents, values have changed dramatically.

Back in my time in the 60's we could leave our back doors open, in the local housing estates of UK, today it is a no no.

Even my own mother was robbed 3 times while in her 80's, by kids knocking on the door, pushing her over and stealing her handbag, and she new them, still the police did absolutely nothing.

I think until that time comes, that you need help yourself, you will realise just how self centred the world has come.

My own family was a very close family, and my mother a very proud mother, that would never leave her own home to move in with the kids, so daily she would be visited by both my brother and sister, to cater for her needs.

Also good neighbours helped, after all a community which is built up over 50 years, still has old traditions, yet are terrorised by the new, rampant disregard for law and order by single mothers with bastard children, who make their living on screwing the welfare system for their kids, I'm talking of shag happy slappers, that don't give a damn about anyting but their next party.

Social neglect of governments, that once had stable and effective communities are now in tatters, with ghettos, just like the USA, it's obvious that their is a very close political agenda, which is closely linked to the USA in my opinion.

Asian life was very easy for me to adapt too, and when i proposed to my wife at the age of 50, I still respected that, I had to ask her father, even though she was a grown woman....

Parents in Asia, rely mostly on their children in old age, due to the fact Governments due not provide welfare or pensions.

Back in the time of my in laws, it was normal that one income could provide for a family, and the mother was a housewife to several children, these children are the life and blood of survival, so the parents invest all they work for into the education of their children, with the theory that traditions in the past will continue and the parents will be looked after and supported financially in old age.

Actually Asian life is a simple way of understanding that blood is thicker than water, you must help each other for the seeds of the family to be spread, so that the heritage survives and doesn't die out.

It is tradition that brothers and sisters help parents and each other, to grow together, the bonding of a strong family is the essence of security and survival.

Now compare this with blood line of races, all males, take the females away and the children are normally raised in the fathers culture or religion. We know that the mainland Chinese have a shortage of women, because all girls used to be killed off, in the belief that a male can only be the bread winner.

It's only in the last 20 years that development in these Countries show that women are more capable than males, and in fact the woman is equal in China since the Mao times, becuase they marched side by side in the troubled times.

Traditions die hard and farmers and peasants that still plough the fields, and women work as labourers on construction sites are still quite common, so the whole of Asia is still a very long way behind in development and social change.

Governments also learn from the west, that to give welfare is not always a good thing, it makes people lazy and reliant on the system, which i agree with.

I say this because i have a son that is also a lazy, worthless individual, that i never raised, and who he never listens too, his day is passed smoking a few joints the same as the rest of his peers, they draw 250 pounds a week and could never earn that, if employed, it makes me puke, to think what the west has done, by destroying the spirit of family by making so many stupid mistakes like banning physical discipline when required.

My son lived with me for a while when he married, again I protested against the bride, she wasn't worthy for any man, and i refused to go to the wedding, after a few months i told them to leave, I just couldn't ignore the fact, that they smoked joints in my house.

Of course i love my son, he's grown up 36 years old, but still I have no respect for his life, people choose, who they socialise with and I'm afraid that in my youth, lots of drugs were around, but I stayed well away from them, and the people that took them.

It's heart breaking to see, kids that have become addicts and i have seen some from wealthy family's too, so my opinions maybe old fashioned, but it's the only way to survive, this things can also happen in Asian circles too, although the tighter the bond between families, the highly unlikely that it will happen, the black sheep maybe a gambler, because this is also a weakness of Asians, too and I have one Chinese friend who has lost everything to gambling and feels he's been so bad, to his family, although he was probably a lucky one to escape the group of triads he was a member of.

So you see Asian culture is far more complexed and reliant on family support in old age, because of the heavy investment that parents put in.. In this day and age, it takes two incomes to live for western life styles, yet Asian's do not waste their hard earned cash in the same way.

Singapore on the other hand is more developed in a cosmoplitan way and standards of education and life styles have changed so much, that materialism and ego is first priority in City life, this we see in most major Cities.

It's been an easy task for Government to develop a Country on the exploitation of cheap labour the last 40 years, and it's inherent in Singaporeans to exploit, what they can to achieve wealth, with very few government restrictions, after all Singapore was a trading nation before a financial one and one can see that traditions here have changed in many ways, to the rest of Asia, because of ego and self centred attitudes, of some, that dump their parents, for the high life.

If one is not in tune, with traditions of race, then the success of marriage may well suffer, not always of course, because i do know westerners, that never stay at their in laws, when they visit, because they have difficulty with the culture.

My daughter of 8 years, will learn her roots, and I prefer she sticks to the Chinese way, although I can see that to be challenging, when she has a mind of her own, just like I had, at her age, difficult to discipline, and the traits of a scorpion, that stings itself, although I understand all the hokus pokus of astrolgy, it helps me understand her.

Fire & Water signs, are very likely to make steam and clash over who is boss around here, although man management skills do help too. The main thing is that I see she has respect but in anger can forget it, at times.

Like we all can and in family life it happens, there is the old saying that you made your bed go and lie on it, like with my own son, and some parents would just leave them to it, I know that i did spoil my two kids, in buying many things when I visited UK, but that does not replace the father image they needed. With the bonding not there, there isn't much hope, when i think back to my divorce, and my wife asking me to take my own son, after we had been divorced for 7 years, there must have been a reason and the main one was because he had been neglected for so long that he chose his own way.

I'm sad when i think back, that i have never ever had a birthday card from any of my kids, and yet I am still expected by them to support them when they ask for it, with no effort from themselves to help themselves, I just shake my head and think what has happend to these kids born in the 70's and 80's, with no respect but only wanting.

I made a concious descision not to marry a European, because i wanted to change history within my own family tree and i wanted my marriage to last on a commitment basis, some people do take marriage more serious than others.

I often wondered why no one ever excelled in education but only sports, I never had the opportunity for study, until i made my own money, but late in life, and 25 years of being single, made me realise that a western marriage is so full of risks and focussed on material things, and that wasn't for me. I can live out of a suitcase if i have to, and the appeal to have a famly was also a need I could share, because both my own parents had passed on.

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Postby LoriW » Mon, 11 May 2009 2:06 am

Fascinating thread with a whole heap of different views!

Yup, been there, done that, got the t-shirt. I'm not married to my partner but we're been together for 20 years this september!

I'm of Singaporean Chinese origin but born and brought up in the UK. Before meeting my partner, I had only been out with English fellas - the only Chinese I seemed to come across were either overseas students or waiters in restaurants or both! I don't think that race has anything to do with a successful relationship but culture does!

My mother never approved of any of my boyfriends - OK fair enough many of my friends didn't either, but her main reason was because they weren't "respectable" or they weren't Chinese.

The first time I took my partner to Singapore to meet my relatives, I was terrified - in fact the first time he went was only 5 years ago - to my mother's memorial service at a buddhist temple!

I did worry what my more elderly aunts might say - and yes, I was 40, been with beloved for 15 years, so you may well be saying "well so what, you're an adult does it matter what people say?"

It did matter to me - but much to my amazement, they were all fine and even my mother's 2nd sister who I had always thought of as a matriarchal dragon, took to him.

For a younger girl of asian/oriental origin, I can totally understand the worry of family disapproval that you may be worried about. Culture is something which is so ingrained in us - my upbringing meant that I'm prety good at crossing cultures however, i don't think that I would make a good "chinese wife".

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Postby Plavt » Mon, 11 May 2009 5:05 am

ksl wrote:My own personal opinion is that, the west has evolved into nations of contemptuous, adolescents, that are very disrespectful at times, when they should be listening of the wisdom of parents.




:shock: :shock:

Maybe you haven't heard the conversation or realized the integrity or lack of in today's parents which I so often notice.

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Postby ScoobyDoes » Mon, 11 May 2009 11:37 am

ksl wrote:I'm sad when i think back, that i have never ever had a birthday card from any of my kids, and yet I am still expected by them to support them when they ask for it, with no effort from themselves to help themselves, I just shake my head and think what has happend to these kids born in the 70's and 80's, with no respect but only wanting.



We're not all like that you know!

I was born very early 70's and i think around this time, in hindsight, i saw a bit of a change in the kids......fewer and fewer were being sent to pick berries in the Summer and potatoes in the Autumn. There was now "machinery" and "other people" that would do that instead of us, leading to a generational errosion of the work ethic.

As a teenager i worked delivering goceries on the bicycle.... you remember the sort, the old Dad's Army butcher type ones with the wobbly front wheel and huge mother basket on the front? I think we were one of the last remaining shops in the UK to still do this, rain or shine.

Anyway, digress...... the work ethic was removed, even under the Tory government although maybe because of it, at the time. People no longer wanted to be associated with the term "Working Class" that had been spending on their time out on strike from, BT, British Leyland or the mines trying to crush Thatcherism. The defeat of the unions by Thatcher was probably the biggest turning point in working Britain since the war, at my generation were at the heart of it.

By all accounts the Labour government, the H&S boys and the PC nutjobs have turned Thatcherite Britain into a laughing stock and we can most likely see why a large majority want to leave. Even my younger cousin, brougth up more in the late 80's than I, sees the negativity and is persuing possibilities of jumping ship to Oz. One of the last remaining ironies, that and Tata now owning a major share of the British automotive industry.

It is difficult to say, for me as somebody that left Scotland ~15yrs ago, to say the grass is greener outside of the country. It is, though, very easy for my younger cousin to say that, still there and single so in this respects i see many more people almost fleeing their countries in despair, setting up new lives and new families that will amost make this thread obsolete and relegated to some Time Capsule somewhere.

Since the film was just released and i'm being a little nerdy, lets bring up a Star Trek moment. Gene Rodenbury was such a futurist and way before his time, seeing all races and breeds inter-mingling, without cash and working in a collective manner that i do believe such an existance would be <cough> light years better than where we are now..... "Go on Kirk, kiss that Green Alien one more time for the camera." And let's not forget dear old Mr. Spock, born also of a mixed relationship! :wink:

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Postby ksl » Sat, 16 May 2009 6:55 pm

Scoobydoes & Plavt:

Yes, what to say, I left school at 14 because my birthday was in the holidays, I recall at 14 i was in the army cadets, had a newspaper round and a milk round, and tried several jobs before landing an apprenticeship, the worst being a tyre fitter, which lasted 3 days and i walked out after being told to hump all the heavy tractor tyres on my own. I was struggling to move one, never mind 20 or 30 and was lucky if i weighed 50kg at that age.

But missing my children because of divorce and being hounded for more and more alimony each time I increased my income, was one of the reasons for leaving the Country back in 78 and I was taking home 500 pound a week then, as a self employed steel erector and sheeter of industrial buildings.

Also worked the season for crop spraying, with the choppers, but crikey, the laws of UK were so unjust for fathers, and the difficulty I had if i was late returning the children by 30 minutes, made life all that more difficult although i left for Denmark I returned several times a year to visit the children.

Sadly the UK is in a mess, and I don't see any way out of it. I love the Country and the climate too, but the population are robbed and screwed out of any real developments in social equality and political intervention when compared to places like Scandinavia.

Now the whole scandal of fraudsters and cheats in parliament are hitting the headlines, but this is not new, it's been going on all my lifetime. What changes, nothing! They just try to ride the waves, slap a few wrists, and will make new policies to attempt to cover their tracks at the tax payers expense.

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Re: wat your point of view, dATING DIFFERENT RACES OF YOUR O

Postby TennoHekka » Wed, 20 May 2009 2:18 am

Des wrote:hi everyone... :)

Can you give some opinions on having relationship with different race of your own...after that how you going to face through dating period for quite some times. Then thinking of Married with each another down the road? :wink:
Edited especially for all of u out there... :wink: Let's start our discussion...[b]:Many ThaNks foR the rePlies alsO[/b] :wink: :c[/size]ool:


Nothing wrong with interracial. All my ex-s were non-Asian except for one Japanese, one Korean and one local. You do need to adapt pretty quickly though, cultural and perceptional differences do remain (i.e. the whites can't stand asian "kiasuness" or sugar coating the truth "to protect her", while the asians do not appreciate emotional outbursts and curses whatsoever, even for the Japanese gals when you're doing your very best gen. kuribayashi/ken watanabe or ichiro suzuki impressions!) The only problem as I see it is removing stereotypes which can be pretty ingrained even if you're sharing the bed together, its almost a human trait to revert to them as an instant referral whenever they find themselves in unchartered waters. You kinda have to remove it in yourself, and show her it ain't true in your case as well.

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Postby angelhope » Wed, 16 Sep 2009 3:16 pm

definitely a interesting question to ponder. In Singapore , we do have a lot of chances to interact with people from different races, and i would agree that r/s between people of different races is not really a cause for concern for cliched as it sounds " love triumphs over everything" :D

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Postby SunWuKong » Wed, 16 Sep 2009 9:28 pm

Wot woz wrong wif his ingeris, look quit good to me!

You have to hand it to the language elitists; way to make a guy feel welcome. Don't feel to hard done by though, they're just revisiting their primary school grammar angst on you. Perfectly natural. We hate most in others those deficiencies we imagine in ourselves.

As for interacial relationships, that's a non-issue. It's inter-cultural and inter-religious relations that can be the rub. Try staying cool when your in-laws think it's perfectly acceptable to circumcise your baby girl.

Conversion to Islam does not require circumcision. You will have to go through a formal conversion and get yourself a conversion card to prove it. Then through the grind of the marriage classes they force on Muslims in Singapore. Finally visit ROMM with a hundred dollars and you're done. Rinse and repeat 3 more times.
The nature of Monkey was ... irrepressible!

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Postby Strong Eagle » Wed, 16 Sep 2009 9:48 pm

SunWuKong wrote:Rinse and repeat 3 more times.


Where have I seen this before??

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Postby ksl » Thu, 17 Sep 2009 1:09 am

Isn't it all based on blood types? I'm AB positive so I have mixed it with the best, only 5% of the population have the same blood type. Does that mean we are privileged? Yes I think it does actually, we have the ability of both types, if we want..really people should care about what they eat a little more...Its just a wind up by the way :lol: Don't take me too seriously today, but its a thought!|Mixing it is rated very highly in the statistics, so I understand and without a doubt better looking children, that are much stronger and versatile. I have never regretted a mixed marriage, quite the opposite, having studied what weaknesses are reproduced in families.

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Postby vbelle » Thu, 17 Sep 2009 1:12 pm

QRM wrote:
You mean her mum put some sort of black magic hex on her?

Would you do the same to your kids, when I say kids I mean when they are grown up and working?


didnt check this thread for so long..

is not a black magic..is just a believe:) different culture..that parents knows best..
Asians (or at least in my country), the kids will take care of the parents and not put them in senior house (what do you call this?cant remember)
ok..am not saying any is better..its just the way it is here..

my best friends facing similar problem..they are different race..and religion..
the girl ask me once if she marry the boyfriend, does it mean she's being a bad person, disobey parents and disobey the bible? although she doesnt plan to convert..

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Postby vbelle » Thu, 17 Sep 2009 1:14 pm

Strong Eagle wrote:
SunWuKong wrote:Rinse and repeat 3 more times.


Where have I seen this before??


analytical chemistry book!

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Postby Strong Eagle » Thu, 17 Sep 2009 1:35 pm

vbelle wrote:
Strong Eagle wrote:
SunWuKong wrote:Rinse and repeat 3 more times.


Where have I seen this before??


analytical chemistry book!


Nah... certain other poster who likes to jump into the middle of it: sierra2469alpha

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Re: wat your point of view, dATING DIFFERENT RACES OF YOUR O

Postby dmk03 » Sat, 19 Sep 2009 9:05 pm

kaseyma wrote:
Des wrote:Can you gif opinions on hafing relationship with different race of your own... after that how you gonna face thru after dating for quite some tyme thinking of getting Married?

Hmmm.
Can't imagine why she's "not in any airline yet"?


Anyway, regarding the original question, with love, tolerance, respect and the will to make things work, differences can be overcome. In fact, differences can be a strength. Been married well over 27 years now.

Works for different religions, too.
Had a Catholic colleague that married a Malay woman.
Of course he had to "convert" for the marriage.
They're happy after many years.


Hi kaseyma,

I'm wondering how does your Catholic colleague cope with the conversion to being a Muslim? Was he willing and adapting well to the Malay culture?

Regards,
dmk03
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