Singapore Expats Forum

wat your point of view, dATING DIFFERENT RACES OF YOUR OWN?

A moderated forum for serious discussions only.
NeSSa81
Member
Member
Posts: 27
Joined: Mon, 27 Apr 2009

Postby NeSSa81 » Thu, 30 Apr 2009 4:47 pm

ya i m an adult..but if i go ahead with the wedding my parents wont give me the blessing even my dad did said if i don't he will disown me...i dun want to b someone without parents...

User avatar
road.not.taken
Editor
Editor
Posts: 1293
Joined: Sat, 06 Oct 2007

Postby road.not.taken » Thu, 30 Apr 2009 4:50 pm

Better to be without parents than without your own life.

User avatar
QRM
Manager
Manager
Posts: 1831
Joined: Mon, 17 Oct 2005
Location: Nassim hill

Postby QRM » Thu, 30 Apr 2009 4:53 pm

NeSSa81 wrote:ya i m an adult..but if i go ahead with the wedding my parents wont give me the blessing even my dad did said if i don't he will disown me...i dun want to b someone without parents...


Who need parents like that? Its a new life for YOU not them, if your parents don't trust you, then that's their own doing and you are better of without them.

You should disown them for not respecting YOUR decision, they are shooting themselves in their own foot. When they see you, hubby, and your children having fun at xmas etc they will soon crawl out of the wood work.

Are you saying if you have children you will do the same to them?

NeSSa81
Member
Member
Posts: 27
Joined: Mon, 27 Apr 2009

Postby NeSSa81 » Thu, 30 Apr 2009 5:38 pm

i wont be doing the same to my children...

User avatar
road.not.taken
Editor
Editor
Posts: 1293
Joined: Sat, 06 Oct 2007

Postby road.not.taken » Thu, 30 Apr 2009 5:43 pm

Then why do it to yourself?

User avatar
Strong Eagle
Moderator
Moderator
Posts: 11057
Joined: Sat, 10 Jul 2004
Location: Off The Red Dot
Contact:

Postby Strong Eagle » Thu, 30 Apr 2009 5:51 pm

Both RNT and QRM show a lot of hubris by attacking the poster over her choice... and choice of words. You know nothing of circumstance and nothing of the culture but nonetheless feel comfortable in chastising based upon your own cultural circumstance.

Don't get me wrong... in the larger sense I agree that she has a choice... and would hope that changing cultural and social mores will make a difference in the future.

User avatar
road.not.taken
Editor
Editor
Posts: 1293
Joined: Sat, 06 Oct 2007

Postby road.not.taken » Thu, 30 Apr 2009 5:56 pm

Strong Eagle wrote:Both RNT and QRM show a lot of hubris by attacking the poster over her choice... and choice of words. You know nothing of circumstance and nothing of the culture but nonetheless feel comfortable in chastising based upon your own cultural circumstance.

Don't get me wrong... in the larger sense I agree that she has a choice... and would hope that changing cultural and social mores will make a difference in the future.


Yes, yes. So predictible - SE shaking his finger at me again. You give your opinion and liken a company someone endorses to 'a bucket of warm spit' but somehow I'm not supposed to give my opinion, or even raise a few questions. You are too damn much SE. Have a nice long weekend, I think you may need it.

And please, can you please be more careful with your words? 'Attack' ?? come on...

User avatar
Strong Eagle
Moderator
Moderator
Posts: 11057
Joined: Sat, 10 Jul 2004
Location: Off The Red Dot
Contact:

Postby Strong Eagle » Thu, 30 Apr 2009 10:30 pm

road.not.taken wrote:
Strong Eagle wrote:Both RNT and QRM show a lot of hubris by attacking the poster over her choice... and choice of words. You know nothing of circumstance and nothing of the culture but nonetheless feel comfortable in chastising based upon your own cultural circumstance.

Don't get me wrong... in the larger sense I agree that she has a choice... and would hope that changing cultural and social mores will make a difference in the future.


Yes, yes. So predictible - SE shaking his finger at me again. You give your opinion and liken a company someone endorses to 'a bucket of warm spit' but somehow I'm not supposed to give my opinion, or even raise a few questions. You are too damn much SE. Have a nice long weekend, I think you may need it.

And please, can you please be more careful with your words? 'Attack' ?? come on...


'Attack' was indeed the correct choice of words... just as you have chosen to attack me by choosing to include my other alleged 'transgressions' in this post rather than defend your position and your post to the lady.

I know you can't see how you look to others but possibly if you could step out of your highly defensive position for just a moment you might catch a glimpse of what I and others have called you on.

Cheers.

User avatar
QRM
Manager
Manager
Posts: 1831
Joined: Mon, 17 Oct 2005
Location: Nassim hill

Postby QRM » Thu, 30 Apr 2009 11:31 pm

Strong Eagle wrote: Don't get me wrong... in the larger sense I agree that she has a choice... and would hope that changing cultural and social mores will make a difference in the future.


SE I never get you wrong, but in your own word "hope that changing cultural and social mores will make a difference in the future" would you not say by encouraging the poster to think out of the box is a way of making her or other in the similar spot aware that there is an alternative. Whether she chooses to take that path is up to her, she has already chosen it for her kids.

I do appreciate there is a lot more value placed on the hierarchy and opinions of the older folks in Asia, as I get older with the yuts running wild in Europe its starting to look like a very good idea to maintain that never questioning respect for the wrinklys, but there is limit when people are forced to compromise their happiness for the sake of what is politically correct from an Asian perspective.

User avatar
road.not.taken
Editor
Editor
Posts: 1293
Joined: Sat, 06 Oct 2007

Postby road.not.taken » Fri, 01 May 2009 8:06 am

QRM wrote: but in your own word "hope that changing cultural and social mores will make a difference in the future" would you not say by encouraging the poster to think out of the box is a way of making her or other in the similar spot aware that there is an alternative. Whether she chooses to take that path is up to her, she has already chosen it for her kids


Exactly QRM. There is no harm in opening up a few possibilities, presenting a few alternatives. Nessa can do whatever she likes with the information, regardless of her cultural, socio-economic or religious background. This is a forum where ideas are exchanged by people from many backgrounds.

Strong Eagle wrote:'Attack' was indeed the correct choice of words... just as you have chosen to attack me by choosing to include my other alleged 'transgressions' in this post rather than defend your position and your post to the lady.

I know you can't see how you look to others but possibly if you could step out of your highly defensive position for just a moment you might catch a glimpse of what I and others have called you on.

Cheers.


I'm sorry if you see my posts as attacks SE. I am not a positive person for the sake of maintaing false peace or the semblance of cordiality. Disingenuous is not my strong suit. In my dictionary the entry for attack is: to set upon in a forceful, violent, hostile, or aggressive way, with or without a weapon; begin fighting with. I just don't see that here. Perhaps you'll PM me if you wish to discuss specific posts you felt were attacks or which demonstrated my defensiveness, but in the meantime please know: I post from the heart and not for what other's think, that's their business. Not mine.

User avatar
Strong Eagle
Moderator
Moderator
Posts: 11057
Joined: Sat, 10 Jul 2004
Location: Off The Red Dot
Contact:

Postby Strong Eagle » Fri, 01 May 2009 3:12 pm

RNT, thank you for your conciliatory reply; I'm not generally in the attack business myself... honey versus vinegar gets a lot more done in this world. Peace... and apologies.

A friend of mine has a sign in his room that says, "Tradition: A guide, not a jailer".

And that's how I see it. I want to see change. I want to see women free from wearing burkhas, and I want to understand women who think a burkha is freeing.

I want the religious extremists in the US to stop using the bible and their religious mumbo jumbo as the excuse for denying equal rights under the law for gays who wish to marry.

Sometimes I want to lash out, "How stupid is this!!!" Yet more is accomplished through reason and persuasion.

Cheers.

User avatar
road.not.taken
Editor
Editor
Posts: 1293
Joined: Sat, 06 Oct 2007

Postby road.not.taken » Sat, 02 May 2009 11:44 am

SE, you are one of the most balanced posters on this forum, or put more accurately, your posts are very even-tempered and non-confrontational for the most part. It is probably an easy leap for you to see contradictory posts and view them as negative or attacks, given your 'honey vs. vinegar' mind set. There are others, as you mentioned who also view posts which pose a question or disagree, as attacks as well. I believe it is fine to disagree, it's how we disagree that matters. Again, I am no Neville Chamberlain.

You go on to say:

And that's how I see it. I want to see change. I want to see women free from wearing burkhas


I think you might have made the inference that I hope for a change for Nessa as well, but that's implying one step too far for my motivation. I only hope to raise her awareness that there are options. That there is a wide range of viewpoints out there, and one always has options. That she is allowing her parents to take advantage of her, she is not a victim.

She can marry whomever she wishes, and if it's to someone her parents approve of, I don't wish to change that -- but if she's going to post on a forum about how she's 'forced' and that she 'didn't have a choice' well, let's just say if I was in her position - I would sure hope someone older and wiser would give me some advice. This is a fork stuck in the road for her, and a big one at that.

User avatar
kaseyma
Chatter
Chatter
Posts: 213
Joined: Sat, 05 Apr 2008
Location: in question

Postby kaseyma » Sun, 03 May 2009 9:22 pm

road.not.taken wrote:Better to be without parents than without your own life.

No it isn't.

In your "culture" it may be OK, but it's not for most here, nor in Asia in general.

User avatar
QRM
Manager
Manager
Posts: 1831
Joined: Mon, 17 Oct 2005
Location: Nassim hill

Postby QRM » Sun, 03 May 2009 9:28 pm

kaseyma wrote:
road.not.taken wrote:Better to be without parents than without your own life.

No it isn't.

In your "culture" it may be OK, but it's not for most here, nor in Asia in general.


Then explain in more details for those that don't understand. It makes sense if the parents are still bankrolling you but if you are an adult with your own income and home, why let them control your life?

User avatar
vbelle
Chatter
Chatter
Posts: 257
Joined: Thu, 23 Apr 2009
Location: singapore

Postby vbelle » Thu, 07 May 2009 11:29 am

ITs just the way it is in Asia..you obey your parents. Its not about make sense or not make sense..its about culture, tradition and that you respect your parents as they are the one who brought you to this world and raise you..
we have this belief that if your mom says something and you dont follow..bad things normally follow...
an Indian friend of mine choose to marry man of her choice instead of her parents..and she's on the edge of a divorce..and she started to say that "it might be because i dont obey my Mom"


  • Similar Topics
    Replies
    Views
    Last post

Return to “Strictly Speaking”

Who is online

Users browsing this forum: No registered users and 0 guests