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sundaymorningstaple
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Just for grins!

Postby sundaymorningstaple » Sat, 22 Mar 2008 9:05 pm

All square
An Englishman and a Scotsman were sitting around talking one afternoon over a cold beer.
After a while the Englishman says to the Scotsman,
"If I was to sneak over to your house and shag your wife while you were off fishing, and she got pregnant and had a baby, would that make us related?"
"The Scotsman crooked his head sideways for a minute, scratched his head, and squinted his eyes thinking real hard about the question.
Finally, he says, "Well, I don't know about being related, but it would make us even."

Compassion
Iain returned from a doctor's visit one day and told his wife Carolyn that the doctor said he only had 24 hours to live.
Wiping away her tears, he asked her to make love with him. Of course she agreed and they made passionate love.
Six hours later, Iain went to her again, and said, 'Honey, now I only have 18 hours left to live. Maybe we could make love again ?'
Carolyn agreed and again they made love. Later, Iain was getting into bed when he realized he now had only eight hours of life left. He touched Carolyn's shoulder and said, 'Honey? Please? Just one more time before I die.'
She agreed, then afterward she rolled over and fell asleep.
Iain, however, heard the clock ticking in his head, and he tossed and turned until he was down to only four more hours. He tapped his wife on the shoulder to wake her up.
'Honey, I only have four hours left ! Could we... ?'
His wife sat up abruptly, turned to him and said, 'Listen Iain, I'm not being funny ... but I have to get up in the morning and you don't.'

Christmas divorce
A man in California calls his son in Brisbane two days before Christmas and says,"I hate to ruin your day, but I have to tell you that your mother and I are divorcing; forty-five years of misery is enough.
"Pop, what are you talking about?" the son screams.
We can't stand the sight of each other any longer," the father says. "We're sick of each other, and I'm sick of talking about this, so you call your sister in Singapore and tell her."
Frantic, the son calls his sister, who explodes on the phone.
"Like heck they're getting divorced," she shouts, "I'll take care of this," She calls Los Angeles immediately, and screams at her father, "You are NOT getting divorced. Don't do a single thing until I get there. I'm calling my brother back, and we'll both be there tomorrow. Until then, don't do a thing, DO YOU HEAR ME?" and hangs up.
The old man hangs up his phone and turns to his wife. "Okay," he says, "They're both coming for Christmas and paying their own way."

Inner Peace
I am passing this on to you because it definitely worked for me and, we all could use more calm in our lives.
By following the simple advice I heard on a Dr Phil show, I have finally found inner peace.
Dr. Phil proclaimed the way to achieve inner peace is to finish all the things you have started.
So I looked around my house to see things I had started and hadn't finished; and, before leaving the house this morning, I finished off a bottle of Merlot, a bottle of Cardonay, a bole of Baileys, a butle of Kehuha, a pockage of Tim Toms, tha mainder of bot Prozic and Valum scriptins, the res of the Chesescke, some saladas an a bax cholates.
Yu haf no idr who gud I fel.
Peas pas dis orn to dem yu fink ar in ned ov inr pece.
Cheres

Plavt
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Postby Plavt » Sat, 22 Mar 2008 10:12 pm

Sms,
All square is nearer the truth about many people than you might realize. :shock:


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