Spare the rod, spoils the child?

[youdunsay]

Hi all.

I was reading Freakonomics and it sparked my mind thinking of these days parenting methodology. How different are your way of teaching your child? Do you believe in the Asian way of "spare the rod, spoils the child"?

[durain]

asian way dont teach the kids anymore. that's the job for the maid these days...

[chixchix]

lol hahaha i somehow agree with you. Its like even if mummy is working ,we tend to depend on our maid to be a bit of disciplinarian. Usually maids dont dare to say much to a child as they think that the employer would then reprimand them.

For me ,I have 2 hyperactive kids aged 5 n 3 . I have never hit my child since he turned 3.I think we should explain to kids if they have done something wrong and let them know the reason we are angry. However ,there are times that I have to raise my voice as " telling couple of times not to do something " falls on deaf ears.

[durain]

when the madam or master is around, the maid will not do anything to tell the kid off and they will just let the kid bully them, but when madam or master is not around, that's another story!!!

[sundaymorningstaple]

If you have never laid a hand on your children as in discipline (I'm not talking child abuse here), when they hit puberty you are going to have you hands full. It will be the child telling the parent what they are going to do and you won't have any control at all. Reasoning with a child only works some of the time. Coercion only works in the beginning and begging never works. The new laws in the US are a good example of not disciplining a child. The child now knows the parents cannot lay a finger on them as they will be breaking the law and the kids can call the cops and the parents will be put away. That's why there is so much problems with the young ones these days.

It's rare to find a parent who gets respect from their child. Mine have always obeyed me but they walk all over my wife. I told her is was going to happen 15 years ago and she didn't believe me. Now she suffers because of it.

I wasn't going to respond to this as we have had this discussion here long ago on here but maybe it'a now been pruned, I haven't check or looked for the thread.

[road.not.taken]

If you have never laid a hand on your children as in discipline (I'm not talking child abuse here), when they hit puberty you are going to have you hands full. It will be the child telling the parent what they are going to do and you won't have any control at all. Reasoning with a child only works some of the time. Coercion only works in the beginning and begging never works. The new laws in the US are a good example of not disciplining a child. The child now knows the parents cannot lay a finger on them as they will be breaking the law and the kids can call the cops and the parents will be put away. That's why there is so much problems with the young ones these days.

It's rare to find a parent who gets respect from their child. Mine have always obeyed me but they walk all over my wife. I told her is was going to happen 15 years ago and she didn't believe me. Now she suffers because of it.

I wasn't going to respond to this as we have had this discussion here long ago on here but maybe it'a now been pruned, I haven't check or looked for the thread.

We have never laid a hand on our children in the act of 'discipline' and puberty has successfully come and gone, peacefully and pleasantly. SMS, what you describe has not been our experience at all, you can only really know your expereince; I think you are making wild generalizations. I don't know what laws in the US you are referring to, but there are many, many ways to discipline a child and hitting should not be one of them. If this is the law in the US, then good on them

[sundaymorningstaple]

I'm happy for you. Unfortunately, while your's is not an isolated case, the incidences are it is showing up more and more.

I anticipated you would weigh in on this one, but I though you were from the US (not sure why though) and were quite familiar with the current state of the laws there. Guess that what I get for assuming.

Whole section of the daily rag here had a big thing on out of control girls today as well (as young as 10) doing most anything and everything. For the life of me I cannot recall that kind of crap happening when I was young.

[road.not.taken]

Whole section of the daily rag here had a big thing on out of control girls today as well (as young as 10) doing most anything and everything. For the life of me I cannot recall that kind of crap happening when I was young.

Juvenile delinquency is nothing new. It was considered an epidemic in the 50s. My guess is that most of those kids in today's ST were hit at home (perhaps by parents who openly admit they smack children but only before they turned three ). There is never a good reason to hit a child. Teaches them one thing: it's OK to hit a child, that's it. Not respect, not who's the boss, not anything but that it's OK to hit a child.

[sundaymorningstaple]

You must also be one of "those" that also believe we should let criminals back out on the street as well as it's not their fault either. Probably against capital punishment as well I would guess.

You and I are not going to convince anybody here or each other so I'll do what I what I was intending to do. Stay out of it. Bye

[road.not.taken]

You must also be one of "those" that also believe we should let criminals back out on the street as well as it's not their fault either. Probably against capital punishment as well I would guess.

You and I are not going to convince anybody here or each other so I'll do what I what I was intending to do. Stay out of it. Bye

Gee SMS, why make gross generalizations concerning capital punishment and rehabilitation? Not really relevant here, is it? I'm not trying to convince anybody of anything, opinions were asked for, I gave mine. Best stay out of it if your main goal is to pigeon hole people into neat little categories.

[chixchix]

In fact, I agree with what SMS says. In my home, I am the disciplinarian but my husband lets the kids do whatever they want. Just like what SMS says', even I tell my husband that if he not going to be strict,they are going to walk all over him later.

[kirstyL]

Well since opinions are being asked for.... i would like to make one comment. I came from a big family and my father hit all of us...my mother rarely but she did not have to as all she had to say was wait til your father comes home and that was enough to scare all of us into being good (most of the time!). No matter whether you discipline your kids or not it will not change the fact that kids are going to be naughty. I do however agree with those who say that if they are not disciplined then they will walk all over you. I have seen it many times. I think people who dont discipline their kids were probably hit when they were young and did not want to do the same to their kids. I do not however agree with going too far with discipline. So many parents just loose control of themselves when they are angry. A smacked bum wont hurt a kid too much but if that isnt helping then i think a different approach is needed. Of course also the punishment must fit not only the crime but the age group as well. For my kids the younger ones (1 & 2) mostly only need to be told off, but if they touch something they are not suppose to touch they will get a smacked hand. The older ones (5 & 7) get smacked bums, grounded and lose privilages such as playing with friends, tv and gameboys etc. I do not agree that you can just talk to a child especially younger ones about what they did wrong. I dont think my 1 yr old will understand what i am trying to say, but a smack on the hand is a very clear signal.

[viajera]

i agree that disciplining children is an absolute must. i agree that parents should not give in to their children's every whim. i agree that unacceptable behavior must be nipped in the bud.

but how? am not convinced smacking is really the answer. does smacking really instill discipline? or just fear? i sure don't want my kids to follow me out of fear.

[familyof5]

Whole section of the daily rag here had a big thing on out of control girls today as well (as young as 10) doing most anything and everything. For the life of me I cannot recall that kind of crap happening when I was young.

I'd believe it. similar things happen in the UK, particularly in the areas where i used to live. The thing is, most of them are certainly not 'spared the rod' at home.

A friend of mine told me when she started smacking her eldest, he started the smack the younger one whenever he did something 'naughty'. I've since heard this is pretty common when siblings are involved.

So what do you do to the elder one in that situation. Teach him not to smack by errr....smacking him?

My two cents worth is that issues in the teenage years are less to do with not smacking, and more to do with giving in to every whinge and whine, and doing everything in your power to protect your kids from 'negative' or 'sad' experiences, rather than allowing them to experience the usual ups and downs of life. Which, lets face it, can sometimes be hard to watch without stepping in.

Anyway, i'll get back to you when mine hit puberty.....if i can string a sentence together by then. Another 12 years and i'll have 3 teenagers....

[youdunsay]

Hmm interesting. Here's a story to share...(lousy story)

Once a upon a time, a little mischievous boy of a family lives in a kampong (kampong is those houses in the rural village in the olden days Singapore). He enjoys fighting with the boys in the village, play pranks and creating nuisance and etc.

Knowing that this notorious boy is getting out of control and people are complaining about him, his dad chained his legs for stealing his money and whacked him real hard for picking up fights (using those rattans).

Now an adult and parent of two, he said he's thankful for having his strict disciplinarian dad. If there's a chance to reincarnate for a second life, he would still want to be the son of his father.

And the 'boy' is my father.

So...as my dad says, parents should stop hitting your children (perhaps after primary sch?) when they turn hot-blooded teenagers where pride means more than their lives. More importantly, parents MUST EXPLAIN why they hit them (why they make a mistake) or else kids will think that they are venting anger only. He stresses that ongoing counseling (just like how he kept telling to us why this why that) holds even greater importance .


And I think I agree.

That's my 2 cents.