Singapore Expats Forum

Filipina Wife

Chats, Flames, Jokes, Junks. Don't know where to post ? You've just found the right place.
Plavt
Moderator
Moderator
Posts: 4289
Joined: Wed, 18 May 2005
Location: United Kingdom

Filipina Wife

Postby Plavt » Tue, 26 Feb 2008 7:52 am

You may be married to a Filipina If... (written by an American guy who loves his Filipina wife in spite of the numerous irregularities):

* Your refrigerator is always full but you cannot find any food that you recognize

* Instead of a dowry, you got the whole bill for the wedding and honeymoon

* Most of the decorations in your house are made of wicker

* You are expected to be able to read her mind just by watching her eyebrows move up and down and by the way her lips are pointed

* All her relatives think your name is "Joe"

* The instant you are married you have 3,000 new close relatives that you can't tell apart

* Your house isn't really on fire, you've just got a very charred fish on top of the stove burner

* All the desserts are sticky and all the snacks are salty

* She eats her fruit with giant salt crystals and her fried chicken with ketchup

* Even the ketchup tastes weird...very weird

* You throw a party and everyone is fighting to chop the leathery skin off a dead pig

* All your kids have 4-5 middle names

* Your in-laws take 10 years to acknowledge your existence and to call you by something other than "that white guy"

* You try to call her up on the phone and someone tells you "for a while" and you want to know "for a while, what??"

* You are trying to go to sleep and she keeps asking for the comFORT'r, and you ain't got a clue what she's talking about

* Your first Christmas present is some funny looking, baggy, see-thru shirt made out of leftover lace doilies

* Your phone bills are composed mostly of international and calls that average 3 hours each

* She sweeps with something that witches usually fly around on

* Her idea of classy, expensive champagne is Asti Spumante

* The rice cooker is on 24 hours a day and uses up 50% of your electricity and food budget

* On your first trip to the Philippines, you have 18 giant boxes that weigh 1000 pounds each and your "carry on" luggage requires a small forklift truck

* The same luggage is over filled with things that cost an average of 15 cents each like old magazines and M&Ms -- the worst part is when you get off the plane, the same stuff you've been hauling around half way around the world is available in every store in the airport for half the price!

* All her pajamas look like they were worn by the Dalai Lama until they got too faded and he discarded them

* The first time she's pregnant you have to go out at 4:00 in the morning looking for some weird type of greasy sausages, green mangoes and bagoong

* You buy a new $500 freezer so she can store 200 pounds of SPAM and CORNED BEEF that was on sale

* Everything in your house was bought on sale, even if you don't need it ... that it was a "bargain" is all that matters

* She gets really excited by sucking the fat out of pig knees

* Your daughter gets her ears pierced when she's 2 minutes old but your sons are not circumcised until they turn 21

* All your postage bills instantly double

* You hire a Ya-Ya because your wife ckeabs mirrors with soap and a sponge and the Ya-Ya seems cheaper than a divorce

* The only "white meat" she likes is YOU. And that's if you're lucky...

* Her favorite sauce is called "patis." Americans call it turpentine

* She actually thinks that bowling and golf and billiards are real sports and are more important than baseball and football

* You were married 5 years before she explained to you that "ARAY!" doesn't mean "ooh, baby!"

* She prefers bistek to beef steak

* Her idea of new upholstery is rinsing the bagoong stains out of the slip covers

* She can eat and talk at the same time; in fact that's her specialty!

* Her favorite meal is leftovers, her favorite fancy dessert is Jell-O mold and for something REALLY romantic, she'll offer you a halo-halo with 2 straws

* You still don't know the difference between manong and manok

* She and the kids are always saying "Daddy made utot" and you still don't know what it means, but they think it's pretty funny

* Other than eyebrow raising and lip puckering, her next most expressive form of communication is grunts and pssst's

* She goes to the movies just for the AC

* Her homeland has more Megamalls than islands

* Before every holiday and visit, her sisters fax you a 10 page "bilins" list which says "suggestion only"

* Your kitchen table has a merry-go-round in the middle

* All the vegetables she buys at the Filipino store look like they were grown at Chernobyl

* Her friends are named Chinky, Girlie, Boy and Bimbo and NO, you are not allowed to smirk

* Her home economics course only taught shopping, eating and siesta; cooking, cleaning and sewing were not electives

* Her idea of edifying reading is gossip magazines

* All your place settings have the silverware backwards and there are no knives

* She washes her hair with a bucket and her car with a broom

* Her favorite book (she has 3 copies) is "1001 New Recipes for Pig Parts You Were Gunna Throw Out"

* You are the only family in a 200 mile radius with 2 Betamaxes, 3 televisions

* She's done her best job planning a surprise party for you if she manages not to tell you about it until a week or two before

* She "cleans" her closet by throwing all the crap into your closet

User avatar
Forks
Chatter
Chatter
Posts: 299
Joined: Mon, 04 Feb 2008
Location: in the draw
Contact:

Postby Forks » Wed, 27 Feb 2008 10:00 pm

funny stuff but remined me off my grandma, and no shes not a filipina.

User avatar
Asian_Geekette
Reporter
Reporter
Posts: 558
Joined: Wed, 10 Jan 2007
Location: Still based in Singapore but wanders around...

Postby Asian_Geekette » Wed, 27 Feb 2008 10:54 pm

Some items in the list have cultural significance. Others are just plain eccentricities of that particular wife.

Utot - means fart. So "Daddy made utot" is their secret joke about the dad. :)
My business is not to remake myself, but make the absolute best out of what God made. -Robert Browning

User avatar
Forks
Chatter
Chatter
Posts: 299
Joined: Mon, 04 Feb 2008
Location: in the draw
Contact:

Postby Forks » Thu, 28 Feb 2008 8:06 pm

Utot - means fart. So "Daddy made utot" is their secret joke about the dad. Smile


Not so secret now.

bee_happy
Newbie
Newbie
Posts: 10
Joined: Sat, 22 Mar 2008
Location: Pasir Ris

from a filipina

Postby bee_happy » Sun, 23 Mar 2008 9:53 am

I'm a 28 year old Filipina...but those things in there sounded more of my grandma than my mother...

it's all good though...we love our patis and manga't bagoong :D

and those big boxes are called "balikbayan box"

marley
Newbie
Newbie
Posts: 12
Joined: Sun, 06 Apr 2008

Postby marley » Sun, 06 Apr 2008 1:02 am

the statements above maybe true. But one question would really ring a bell on any man's head. Why is it a lot of foreigners are marrying FILIPINA? On my own perspective,except for the marital activity, FILIPINA can really make you feel that you are a HUSBAND than you are something else. FILIPINA may at times so undescribable but most of the times they are definable. :)
"The only thing necesaary for EVIL to Triumph is for good men to do nothing..... "

bee_happy
Newbie
Newbie
Posts: 10
Joined: Sat, 22 Mar 2008
Location: Pasir Ris

Postby bee_happy » Sun, 06 Apr 2008 11:22 am

hi marley,

are you married to one?

marley
Newbie
Newbie
Posts: 12
Joined: Sun, 06 Apr 2008

Postby marley » Mon, 07 Apr 2008 3:34 pm

I am not married to one bee_happy, but i know some who were. Why? Do you have any plan in marrying one? :) peace!
"The only thing necesaary for EVIL to Triumph is for good men to do nothing..... "

bee_happy
Newbie
Newbie
Posts: 10
Joined: Sat, 22 Mar 2008
Location: Pasir Ris

marrying one?

Postby bee_happy » Mon, 07 Apr 2008 4:46 pm

a Filipina? if I was a guy maybe... :P

MikeDirnt
Regular
Regular
Posts: 122
Joined: Sun, 27 Jan 2008

Re: marrying one?

Postby MikeDirnt » Mon, 07 Apr 2008 10:12 pm

bee_happy wrote:a Filipina? if I was a guy maybe... :P

then get a filipina man :D
Guides and information -> Singapore Stocks

bee_happy
Newbie
Newbie
Posts: 10
Joined: Sat, 22 Mar 2008
Location: Pasir Ris

filipina vs filipino

Postby bee_happy » Mon, 07 Apr 2008 10:52 pm

Filipina = woman
Filipino = general term for inhabitants of the Philippines, but most commonly used as a reference to the MALE species of that group of islands...

:cool:

marley
Newbie
Newbie
Posts: 12
Joined: Sun, 06 Apr 2008

Postby marley » Tue, 08 Apr 2008 10:09 am

Hi bee_happy! yeah you are right..if you were a man you should marry a filipina but since you are female would that open to the idea of you settling down with a filipino? i mean, im just equating the idea you just posted : ) peace out...are you a non-filipina? :)
"The only thing necesaary for EVIL to Triumph is for good men to do nothing..... "

bee_happy
Newbie
Newbie
Posts: 10
Joined: Sat, 22 Mar 2008
Location: Pasir Ris

Postby bee_happy » Tue, 08 Apr 2008 10:54 am

marley wrote:Hi bee_happy! yeah you are right..if you were a man you should marry a filipina but since you are female would that open to the idea of you settling down with a filipino? i mean, im just equating the idea you just posted : ) peace out...are you a non-filipina? :)


i'm 100% Filipina

MikeDirnt
Regular
Regular
Posts: 122
Joined: Sun, 27 Jan 2008

Re: filipina vs filipino

Postby MikeDirnt » Thu, 10 Apr 2008 2:58 am

bee_happy wrote:Filipina = woman
Filipino = general term for inhabitants of the Philippines, but most commonly used as a reference to the MALE species of that group of islands...

:cool:

ah i forgot. Salamat :D
Guides and information -> Singapore Stocks

BakuTeh
Newbie
Newbie
Posts: 12
Joined: Wed, 28 May 2008

Re: filipina vs filipino

Postby BakuTeh » Wed, 28 May 2008 8:12 pm

MikeDirnt wrote:
bee_happy wrote:Filipina = woman
Filipino = general term for inhabitants of the Philippines, but most commonly used as a reference to the MALE species of that group of islands...

:cool:

ah i forgot. Salamat :D


Salamat :? , Malay?


  • Similar Topics
    Replies
    Views
    Last post

Return to “Leisure Chat, Jokes, Rubbish”

Who is online

Users browsing this forum: No registered users and 2 guests