phil30k: Trust me when I say I'm definitely not putting that information out as a sign of any kind of superiority of life experience. I'm just trying to give my opinions some sort of context.
Granted, I may not understand fully the scope or the content of my views and perhaps what they reveal about me as a person. I try not to let that stop me from putting my opinion out there and I am willing to take the lumps that come with that.
You shouldn't give a hoot what people think, its always good to come clean, I was quite a alcoholic too for a very long time, started drinking at 15 to about 40 years, then I nearly died of alcohol posioning, the police had picked me out of the gutter one night...and put me in the cells, only i didn't wake up the next day either...so it was into hospital.....hanging by a thread!
My liver was damaged with spirits too, it was a self destructive phase, of my life, losing my wife, children and career, after I left the army, I couldn't adapt, to civvy life, I'll have to finish this later, on my way out! I guess someone didn't like me changing the topic.
40 yrs old, sorry I forget if your male or female, I think it was noted in one of your posts, you are or was a manager.
40 is a good age, to look at yourself in the mirror, obsessiveness, is common for many....you can beat it, only if you wish to...I mean I am still a alcoholic...but not in the sense I need it every day, I can control it for months, because i have a very strong will.
In the beginning it was the will, to drink myself to death, self pitty and pining for my children, along with a suffering soul of lost army mates, and my own family connections with Ireland...life sucked big time, and I used to turn up for my job reaking of booze, that's how it was for about 6 years of self abuse....until I woke up, in the hospital...Doc said I was very close to death, but that didn't bother me, because I was already out of it....
What turned the tables, is when my own doctor, sent me for blood tests after the incident, and told, me to go home and think about what I was doing to myself...he gave me around 10 to 14 days to live...My immune system had been shattered for several years, through drink, yet I could still run, and I could still force my mind, to do the things I wanted to do.
I believe, it all stopped there, and I never touched another beer or whisky for 3 years..because I decided, that all this self pitty shit as got to stop...the cold turkey...was devastating and sometimes painful, with hallucinations for about 9 months, although with me, some other things were also involved, from the time of my military career, of which I would rather forget about.
It was a very long time before I was really well enough, I jacked my job at the time and decided to better my life with study, so went back to business college and recieved dispensation at the Export Academy, based on my experience, I then took off to Beijing and studied Chinese, and was distracted, by 300 women, including Gong Li and her mates, who was around 22 or 3 back then in 1992.
I have a few private pics of her, at that age,..I decided I would never marry with a western woman again, because I wanted to change family history and luck....So I just bided my time, until I met the right one, although I did have a few affairs, and got in trouble with the secret police a few times in China back then...They treated me pritty well, really but i had a few cautions and was eventually blacklisted I think, when the embassy phoned me up in Denmark, for helping some of the politicals out, at that time.
I enjoyed the risk, and it gave me purpose of life...when I saw some of the conditions, they were suffering, I didn't feel threatend at all, because of the diplomatic fall out, that would have happend, at that time..although one did return back to China in the end.
I love the place, but its so polluted and very unhealthy, I couldn't help, but start spitting myself, back then, it was really disgusting, all the coal dust and smog.
I undertsand your problems, and I sympathise with the illness, but you can certainly win over it, if you can condition your mind, with support from others, it can be done.....Alcohol is a one of the most dangerous drugs on the market, far more dangerous, than weed, becuase it gives you a false impression and perception of what is happening around you.
One of my school mates, was murdered over a few cans of beer, back in UK...his friend who was also a alcoholic, argued over the drinks and he killed him.
I guess you play the machines, because you are bored...my chinese friend in DK is also addicted to gambling...and he doesn't want to try and break free...
I doubt very much I will become, the alcoholic I was, because now, I can take one or two beers, and leave it...although I do like the very strong stuff over 8 and preferably 11.8 the Amsterdam, when i have trouble sleeping, but it puts far too much weight on me these days, so I try to leave it alone.
But also because my project to repair my liver, is going well....we all have experiences to share, no matter how small, and someone always picks up something useful...so feel free to rant, I do it none stop, and I don't give a damn, if it helps me, thats all that matters....
My son who is 35, has also gone through a nightmare of divorce, because his wife strayed too, he wouldn't listen to all my advice, until now...Most men are dipswitches with women...
Thank you very much Denmark for opening my eyes to equality, that's all i have to say, the next time a beauty walks up to me, and asks me to buy them a drink, you can imagine what i say, politely of course...if you are looking for my company, you can buy me a drink! I'm not in the habit of chasing women, and have never done it, mutual respect and 50/50 in the home will suit me, and if they don't pull their weight, in the house hold, then they are not needed....gone are the days, of the male chauvanist from my point of view, a very long time ago...
I met my second wife in 2000 on the internet..match.com, we were both enjoying a free 7 day sample, when we got chatting, and that went on for several months, before we made a commitment for success, and we now actually adore eachother....although my sarcastic humour can be a problem sometimes, I bit like SMS.
I expect back what i give, but it doesn't happen....but I am very laid back these days, and just enjoy life, and I couldn't wish for a better woman. and for that she will be rewarded, with the Secret of Attraction, and my worldly experience that you don't have to work 12 hrs a day, to make a living....or to get rich...you just become, more efficient and learn to delegate responsibility, co-ordination, communication and planning...
My fingers are crossed you will pull through..you certainly have the head for it, never dive in to anything 100%, just keep an open mind, and learn from all cultures, they have all, got something to offer, to make life more pleasant, and I would also like to thank my Indian Guru at this time, for his help...A wonderful man....a true philosopher, who opened my eyes!
I can highly recommend self realisation, if you want to understand life, and the cosmos, find yourself a Guru, and go for it, don't let relationships dominate your emotions...learn to love yourself..and everyone, and learn to let go, unconditional love is the way...not ego, i want you, because i need you...
Life in a nutshell, is grow up, start courting, still living with the parents, because its cheaper, get married, still living with the parents because cannot afford house yet....move out, have kids, get divorced, back to mum......and start the circle again..
One needs to be Independent, if you have never had it, you will never grow, to live alone...I left my mum at 18 and never went back, only to visit...and when i went..my brother was there, divorced and mum doing his washing...my god!
The best medicine is to live alone, keep all women out, until you want them in, at weekends, and then turf them out again...otherwise, they will move in, and attempt, to mould you into, what they want...They are not satisfied with their own lives, they want yours too, that's how it is, in most cases.
You will get stronger, mark my words, and its better to do it before they empty the bank, Be fair however, but don't ever let them take you for granted, drop them a warning signal...that's what i do....after all, I am late 50's lived alone most of my life, so therefore can manage without a woman in the home...
If my woman was to nag me, I would be out of the door, and she wouldn't see me until I decided, to come back, I need my space, and so does she...I never ever tell my wife, what she can do or not do, she tells me, she's doing it and that's it, I except and trust her to do what she wants, life is give and take in a loving way...if she was to run off, it would be pretty obvious, she didn't care emotionally...so what's the point in chasing after her, a one sided love affair is not at all healthy... So what's the point of loving too much, its ones own fear of losing, that makes one so possesive, to a point, that the other cannot take any more, and it works both ways...especially if jealousy is involved. It is very difficult to change, in male chauvanistic societies, because one is also under peer pressure and the losing of face...
I used to get so mad, with guys in the UK pubs, the way they use derogative terminology on single women, that visit bars, regulars, and ok, so they have seduced the girl, so what, the idiots, are far too brainless, to see, they have also been used, she used them...because maybe she enjoys sex....right!
Its all degrading stuff, which happens today, especially in the working class areas, and it makes me so mad...but they soon shrink, to the size of their dicks, when I have pulled them up about it, they think its fair game...because thats how life goes on in these working mens clubs. women are just fodder....its quite shameful at times, yet at home, they cower infront of the wives and girlfriends, to keep the peace!
You mustn't think that the powers of B belong to individuals...we are just the pawns in the game of good and evil! 
I can understand that if a 10 year-old had the same score he would be a Genius. It would be interesting to know how the age adjustment is made.
