Catholic marriage advice

newlywed · Post by **newlywed** » Sun, 06 Jan 2008 10:13 am

hi

I am Catholic, my fiancee is non-Catholic.

He does not need to convert, as we can get a dispensation.

I'm not sure about how to to this, and also there is "pre-cana" training?

Any advice would be most appreciated.

Thank you!

Post by **sundaymorningstaple** » Sun, 06 Jan 2008 11:34 am

In the words of my wife's parish priest. Just do it. We got married against the advice of the Advocate Father here in Singapore in 1983. He actually threatened my wife with excommunication if she married me. (He didn't like me much as in a discussion at to why she wasn't allowed to marry me I demolished his argument with the actual canons of his church. Anyway, she married me at the ROM. Her parish priest apologized as he was following the book by referring the request to the Advocate Father for adjudication. Subsequently he blessed the rings and baptized both of our children. He presided over the wedding of one of them a year ago.

This coming year we will be married 25 years. My wife and both of my children are practicing Catholics and I'm STILL a pagan. Worked for us. OH, the excommunication never took place either. Typical catholic threats and dogma. That's why I'm still a pagan.

Do you love him? Does he love you? If the answer to both is a resounding yes. Don't worry about anything else.

newlywed · Post by **newlywed** » Sun, 06 Jan 2008 12:17 pm

Thank you.

We will get married even if the church tries to block it, but so far they seem ok.

My church is back home so I have to find one here for the training program. We want to comply with their rules as we want to have our families be a part of the ceremony in our home town.

But we don't go to church here so we don't have a local parish or even Catholic friends.

hei guess what · Post by **hei guess what** » Mon, 07 Jan 2008 2:50 pm

Check out the Marriage Preparation Course
http://www.catholic.org.sg/MPC/

newlywed · Post by **newlywed** » Wed, 09 Jan 2008 6:34 am

Thank you hei guess what. Did you attend this course, or know anyone who did?

Has any one else in the forum done something like this?

cbavasi · Post by **cbavasi** » Wed, 09 Jan 2008 6:50 pm

Are you currently members of a parish? Best to let your priest know your situation and he can help you. Also, those classes book up like CRAZY (I think this is some world-wide thing as we found that in Enlgand too) so you may want to secure your dates. In England we had a 2 day course - but I think it varies. It was actually quite interesting - we learned some things about each other (values and such) through the exercises. I can't say it's helped our marriage - but we knew we had to complete the course to get married in the church so you can't help but participate and learn stuff while you are there. I think there may also be something about not having a full mass if one of the partners is not Catholic - but my friend's husband is Protestant and they had a full mass so maybe that's an urband legend? Again, best to consult with your priest.

Post by **sundaymorningstaple** » Wed, 09 Jan 2008 8:22 pm

One thing that's not an Urban Legend is if one partner is divorced!

You can forget it, full, partial, or even a nod as you pass by the church. Nada, Zip, nothing. Been there, done that. Not only was I a pagan but a twice divorced pagan.

vandy · Post by **vandy** » Thu, 10 Jan 2008 12:26 am

Just another example of how religion and its advocates tend to poison and destroy everything it can, even the love of two people.

Post by **sundaymorningstaple** » Thu, 10 Jan 2008 9:09 am

vandy,

You are so correct in this. Fortunately, my wife, even when threatened by the Advocate Father with excommunication, married me anyway. That was almost a quarter of a century ago! Unfortunately, most people let themselves be swayed out of fear(?). I'm not sure what to call it but it's the only word I can think of.

vandy · Post by **vandy** » Fri, 11 Jan 2008 7:06 am

sundaymorningstaple,

I would say fear along with superstition and a susceptibility to being controlled. There is also the sense of wanting to belong to a larger group. Whether it be a church, a fraternity or a street gang, people are always willing to give up a certain amount of their own self to be accepted by that group. Others are willing to exploit that. It is sad. I really doubt if in any person’s heart of hearts that they really believe that being able to marry whomever they want to could in any way be wrong. Dogma sucks.

cbavasi · Post by **cbavasi** » Fri, 11 Jan 2008 7:29 am

newlywed wrote:
We will get married even if the church tries to block it, but so far they seem ok.

My church is back home so I have to find one here for the training program. We want to comply with their rules as we want to have our families be a part of the ceremony in our home town.

But we don't go to church here so we don't have a local parish or even Catholic friends.

to get back on track - i didn't see that you don't belong to a local parish. if you plan on getting married in your church back home - find out what their requirements are. we got married in barbados and needed our pre-cana certificate, a letter from our parish priest appealing to the bishop in barbados to be married in the local church, as well as baptismal certificates issued no earlier than 6 months priors to the wedding (this is to prove that you have not been married in the church before). this is all pretty standard stuff and most priests will be used to the inquiries.
have a family member speak to your priest back home and find out what you need. find a church here and speak to that priest as well. we also had the same thing happen with both our kids baptisms. one was baptized in my hometown in california, the other in my husbands in england. again we had to complete certain documents in order to have the ceremonies. it may seem like a lot of tedious work - but if it is important to you to be married within your faith then go for it!

ksl · Post by **ksl** » Sun, 13 Jan 2008 2:22 am

I see pagan is a heathen; one who is not a follower of one of the three main religions (i.e. Christianity, Islam, Judaism); believer in polytheism or a believer of more than one god!

Why don't they say, a believer in one god and all religions, because that's what I believe, although my actions are maybe a combination of several religions, I believe all religions have soemthing to offer!

Now I'm a State-Religion-less :???:born Catholic, with a confu---esed wife, which doesn't really understand Buddism, but tries hard, to follow the rules, like myself!

But one thing for sure, is we love everyone and their religions, but never take sides!

newlywed · Post by **newlywed** » Sun, 20 Jan 2008 9:54 pm

Do you know any others? They are full and we need to do this pretty soon.

Thank you again for this.

hei guess what wrote:Check out the Marriage Preparation Course
http://www.catholic.org.sg/MPC/

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