Love for the Over-40's

[FannyAdams]

I have a friend who is a single expat in her early 40’s. She has generally loved being in Singapore but she recently commented that she worries she may never find a partner here, hence she’s thinking of returning home. I always assumed she was happy on her own (cos frankly, that’s the line she’s been feeding us) so she took me by surprise. She’s open-minded, not a bad-looker, financially sound. Is there really no hope for her here?

[guruvishwanath]

Allow me to be BRUTALLY honest with you!

Your friend's chances are very slim. I have quite a few female friends who are in late 30's, early 40's. All have this in common. They are smart, gorgeous, excellent conversationalist, sense of humor and adventure, hard working, self aware and self made. Guess what! When it comes to their personal lives, they are a total utter complete failures. And if you are an expat, the odds are even higher. Look! You should know this but I will still say this. Expat guys, very few, actually look for expat girls. Its not a blanket statement but a fair majority tend not to hook up with expats. So what happens to those smart ladies? Well, I would go ballistic if I was in such a situation but unfortunately reality does not fade with feelings.

All is not lost though! There are a few good men who look for what and who you are rather where you are. Hard to find but still around. And no! they are not gay

I am not surprised at your friends reaction to go home. I do have friends who have returned back home and found their soul mates. Maybe your friend would also get lucky and find someone who looks beyond age! As my dear departed mother always said "Guru, Age is JUST a number! You are as you feel".

[Wind In My Hair]

They are smart, gorgeous, excellent conversationalist, sense of humor and adventure, hard working, self aware and self made. Guess what! When it comes to their personal lives, they are a total utter complete failures.

For the sake of discussion, why is being single considered failing? In my experience, many women can't walk away from a wrong relationship. Being able to is a strength. Standing up to society's judgment of 'spinsters' takes a type of courage. Getting by on your own when others have 'each other' is a kind of victory.

Obviously I'm biased as I'm single, though I'm not over 40. For now, at least.

[guruvishwanath]

Well WIMH!

Being single is great! But lets not delude ourselves. At some point, you will start feeling the need or just that additional factor in your life where a partner can fulfil. Lets be honest! As much as we try and convince ourselves that being single is perfectly ok, I dont think thats all true. Some part of you does want to have a meaningful relationship. Unfortunately, this feeling starts manisfesting more as we grow older. Trust me! You are talking to one. Although, not 40 (in a few years), as much as I keep telling myself, its not working. And for a woman its harder. Look, I am not being chauvnistic here or belittling women. Its simply harder. Look around! Its easy to spot a old geezer with a young thing. The other way round is not exactly a very common phenomenon!

Being single is not a failure. Its a state. You have two states. Single or Not single.

[Wind In My Hair]

Being single is not a failure. Its a state. You have two states. Single or Not single.

Ah, this I agree with. I also accept your comment that most people wish for a bond with a partner. And I agree that some people do fail in their personal lives, meaning that they set out to achieve something and fail to achieve it. It just seems unnecessary to brand all single people as failures.

[Splatted]

I think it's harder at the age of 40 to meet an elegible partner, only from the perspective that many people are already taken, and the ones that aren't don't wear 'im available' t-shirts advertising the fact they'd like to meet someone.

[If only life were as simple as some of those african tribes, where a married female wears her apron in the front, while 'available' girls wear their apron to the side advertising their availability ]

It's not impossible to meet a partner, such as through widening your circle of friends, be it through hobbies, social clubs, church, golf or whatever...

Personally, I think people reach an age where they're just content being single. Some even start making excuses that having a partner is too 'complicated'.

[tingal79]

I have a friend who is a single expat in her early 40’s. She has generally loved being in Singapore but she recently commented that she worries she may never find a partner here, hence she’s thinking of returning home. I always assumed she was happy on her own (cos frankly, that’s the line she’s been feeding us) so she took me by surprise. She’s open-minded, not a bad-looker, financially sound. Is there really no hope for her here?

Take your friend to FNDC!

[FannyAdams]

Take your friend to FNDC!

Hmm. Forgive my reticence but what's the current demographic of the FNDC? Not that she'd particularly mind having a toy-boy of course

Going back to other comments, she certainly doesn't consider herself a failure and isn't only looking for a life partner. A bit of romance once in a while would be nice...what on earth makes it so hard here? She's not restricting herself to expats either. Expat guys seem to find it easy to hook up with local women. Where are all the local men hiding?

[guruvishwanath]

FannyAdam, Dont open that can of worms....... Oh! Please dont open that can of worms. The whole debate of local men etc. blah has been done to death until death itself has itself has reincarnated and died again.

Suffice to say, that is going to be a very hard road to walk or in this case climb.

[sundaymorningstaple]

guru, I just couldn't resist!

[tingal79]

...The whole debate of local men etc. blah has been done to death until death itself has itself has reincarnated and died again...

LOL x 100. I couldnt stop laughing! You are funnier than funny.

[Strong Eagle]

[If only life were as simple as some of those african tribes, where a married female wears her apron in the front, while 'available' girls wear their apron to the side advertising their availability ]

This sounds like a great idea... or perhaps no apron at all!

[FannyAdams]

Well how immensely disappointing, I find myself none the wiser. I had hopes of greeting my aforementioned friend this weekend with news of untapped sources of smooth, suave, sophisticated, eligible bachelors of a certain age just waiting to be discovered at x, y, & z bars. My poor, shattered dreams. I guess I'll have to prod her towards speed-dating and weirdos off the internet instead.

[Worldpartygirl]

Hi

Just to say I have just came out a long marriage and fed up with internet dating, usually most of the men are after one thing and the word meaningful had been erased from their brain.

Personally I wanted something more selective and I found Attractive Partners an introduction agency rather a dating agency. They are very selective and try to really match you with somebody.

Of course they charge rather a lot but hey! its worth it if you find your prince.

Good Luck-I know you have to kiss lots of frogs before your prince comes along.

I beleive some of those frogs want to meet their princess too, older men have values and are lonely too, not all men want a submissive wife, some would rather have an equal.

Good Luck

[sundaymorningstaple]

sources of smooth, suave, sophisticated, eligible bachelors

80% cannot?