Straying Wives

[Des]

Well after reading all 3pages in this topics.... this is a small little comment or advise... In life whatever you do it's take 2 hands to do the clapping and play a role. Life is vary beautiful, it's depends on how we shape it everyday. In marriage or relationship, It depends on how a couple handle, how hard or easy they want it to be at home how prefect both want it to be. Behold the patience... Nobody in this world wants to be lonely rite, tempation outside are strong, Once you step in a boat and travelled in a big sea for sure got stormy and other days happened, It's only depends on whether you want to sail further or not Either you Sunk or Survived...remember 1 fall sure all fall, the foundation from the beginning haf to be vary strong... then you can face thru all battles... In this world only got predetor and prey, cheater or a teacher... no 1 is prefect the prefectionist only depends on both side....

[sundaymorningstaple]

Where is the logic of comparison in the term Cheater or Teacher? Nothing in common. Teacher or Student maybe. Cheater or Honest Abe. But Cheater or Teacher?

[ksl]

Well after reading all 3pages in this topics.... this is a small little comment or advise... In life whatever you do it's take 2 hands to do the clapping and play a role. Life is vary beautiful, it's depends on how we shape it everyday. In marriage or relationship, It depends on how a couple handle, how hard or easy they want it to be at home how prefect both want it to be. Behold the patience... Nobody in this world wants to be lonely rite, tempation outside are strong, Once you step in a boat and travelled in a big sea for sure got stormy and other days happened, It's only depends on whether you want to sail further or not Either you Sunk or Survived...remember 1 fall sure all fall, the foundation from the beginning haf to be vary strong... then you can face thru all battles... In this world only got predetor and prey, cheater or a teacher... no 1 is prefect the prefectionist only depends on both side....

I suggest you learn about Adam & Eve and the big apple ipod! Foundations crumble my dear friend, it at takes is the right storm in a tea cup..

Predator & Prey I like, but the only problem is, man & wife maybe both predators, or both prey, either way, the foundations rock, when you eat too much too often, only honesty, and agreement will keep the peace, and even then, it's womans basic instinct, to place stability, and security for herself and family in the long term, financial independance rocks!

Problem is, many guys are richer, than you and me, looks like commonsense to me, just make sure she throws you a few K for the privilege...of moving on

Fly away Peter Fly away Paul, come back Peter, Come back Paul, but only if your paying the tab! Never again sunshine reggae, only one way to do it, tell them to close the door on the way out, and lock it.

And don't forget the next time around....no shared bank accounts, and they pay 50/50 or they can whistle Yanky doodle dandy to their next distination!

P.S Never let them know your true worth, I have a great life these days and I have never been so wealthy for many years, of paying the price, of love.

Paul McCartney is next inline for the shock of his life, the vixen with the whip, is relentless, for her 50% of his wealth, is she entitled, the world will say no, but the courts.....I hate to think, but he's going to be in pain until he dies.....

http://www.telegraph.co.uk/news/main.jh ... cca212.xml

[Forks]

Getting divorced sucked, but it taught me many of the lessons mentioned above, spesh about joint accounts.
Confused.

Its sad but when faced with an exciting life outside the house, away from the kids and the "boring" spouse, a well paying job, lots of single friends etc, who has the will power to stay married

[reds]

Predator & Prey I like, but the only problem is, man & wife maybe both predators, or both prey, either way, the foundations rock, when you eat too much too often, only honesty, and agreement will keep the peace, and even then, it's womans basic instinct, to place stability, and security for herself and family in the long term, financial independance rocks!

ksl -newsflash -these days it's not just men who are paying the price for love. I'm not sure about divorce laws in Singapore, but some countries there's an increasing trend of men who marry females in better financial positions than themselves & then claim large alimonies in divorce settlements.
Any woman with relatively decent earning power, contemplating marriage, should also be just as wary of joint bank accounts and disclosing their full financial status -or should at least think of drawing up aprenuptial agreement

[Forks]

Predator & Prey I like, but the only problem is, man & wife maybe both predators, or both prey, either way, the foundations rock, when you eat too much too often, only honesty, and agreement will keep the peace, and even then, it's womans basic instinct, to place stability, and security for herself and family in the long term, financial independance rocks!

ksl -newsflash -these days it's not just men who are paying the price for love. I'm not sure about divorce laws in Singapore, but some countries there's an increasing trend of men who marry females in better financial positions than themselves & then claim large alimonies in divorce settlements.
Any woman with relatively decent earning power, contemplating marriage, should also be just as wary of joint bank accounts and disclosing their full financial status -or should at least think of drawing up aprenuptial agreement

Love isnt as much fun as it used to be, looks a hell of a lot like work or hostage negotiations.

First you must make your prospective partner take a polygraph test to check if its true love.

then the appropriate "samples" for testing in the lab.

Them never get a joint account and never discuss how much money/property/jewelry etc etc you have.

make them sign an ironclad prenup, threaten with lawyers etc.

never trust them, and assume they are out to get you...

Is this love or some sort of murder movie?

[ksl]

I agree with both posts above, so i decided to work on my ego, and live day by day and destroy me need for material wealth, I had of course informed my future wife of my intentions, before getting married, and she was fine with that.
I can however turn my hand at most things, to survive legitimately if need be, and i get more satisfaction out of seeing other get help, that are less fortunate, than myself. so mostly my wisdom is free for the taking.

Life is really very short indeed, if one stops and thinks about it, like i have in the past of losing everything and building it up again, to lose again, the stress involved is really a load to carry and over 50, its not worth the hassle to be the slave of the political system, that says you have to work until you are 65.

When you have worked all your life, and have to stand by and see others empty the welfare fund.

I have always been a rebel of authority, if it effect my freedom, of living life to the full, I probably break the law every day in one way or another, and its very hard not to break laws, because laws are infringing on my rights of freedom, every day of the week, it gets harder to breathe, with stupid bureaucratic, think tanks, with no practical experience of reality.

A friend of mine had worked hard all his life, with a few hundred K in his bank, and a house paid for, he was wondering what to do next at the age of 55.

I said he should retire, before he works himself to death, because when we get over 50, we are in the high risk of dropping dead suddenly, and it would be kind of ironic for a total stranger to come along and marry the wife,after he had passed on, he would be up there on cloud nine, watching them spend all his money ha! So funny!

He thought about it seriosly for a week and then told me he retires at the end of the month.
I said the government wouldn't except it, so he would have to tell them to stuff, their poxy 40 pound a week, unemployment money.

New paper yesterday, 47 year old Canadian shot execution style in Thailand, his wife had hired her lovers uncle...he was in the oil & gas industry, working away from home 8 months of the year, he sent home 14000$ a month, the wife had everything she wanted and her parents too, yet it was not enough, she wanted the insurance policy too, of 1.5 million.

Makes one wonder doesn't it.

[Des]

Getting divorced sucked, but it taught me many of the lessons mentioned above, spesh about joint accounts.
Confused.

Its sad but when faced with an exciting life outside the house, away from the kids and the "boring" spouse, a well paying job, lots of single friends etc, who has the will power to stay married

don mind can share how long the process, the kids how... i headache man...confused too

[Forks]

Yeah, if it wasnt for my kids I would have lost it a long time ago but I also wouldnt still have to see my ex wife either. Confusion? yes, divorce is confusing, often when you start wondering if you are a bad husband, and thats why your wife strayed, or is it just your wife, or both, or something else.

Final analysis, take a long hard serious look at the person you are married to or gonna marry and make sure that you can live with them for the rest of your life, and vice versa

[ksl]

Final analysis, take a long hard serious look at the person you are married to or gonna marry and make sure that you can live with them for the rest of your life, and vice versa

Doesn't really help, there are no signs stuck on the forehead, stating I'm an adultery, it can happen any time, although many individuals really know what they are like, they never tell, secrets are secrets, until found out!

[Forks]

No but if you know someone well enough its not as difficult to see if you really are going the same way or if one or both of you are changing behavior to suit. I dont mean that in a cynical fashion, we do a lot for love but very much of the core of who we are drives us and if we feel the other person is not going the same way it prefigures a lot of things not just adultry but problems in any relationship.

[ksl]

No but if you know someone well enough its not as difficult to see if you really are going the same way or if one or both of you are changing behavior to suit. I dont mean that in a cynical fashion, we do a lot for love but very much of the core of who we are drives us and if we feel the other person is not going the same way it prefigures a lot of things not just adultry but problems in any relationship.

I undertsand your point of view, what concerns me, and I have experienced it very often, is that when a couple meet, the intense sexual expression, is conveyed, much more frequently, while in courtship, than in marriage.

So many are in fact lead into a false state of security, that sexual tendencies, are on a equal footing, although reality is, one or the other is completely, adverse, or less attracted to the sexual act...the first 3 years of marriage, seems to hold pretty well, then when the butter flies have faded, what is left is one partner, attempting to satisfy, their personal needs, that are in fact not very well matched any longer....

Though one may be in love....still with the partner, their needs are not quite satisfied, hence straying, when i say needs, i'm not only refering to copulation, but the need to express love in other social ways too.

My opinion is that we never know, what goes on in the minds of others, and that more open discussion is needed, even then the darkest of secrets, and fantasies maybe far from reality, of what can be excepted in a marriage.

For example, I knew a disc jocky for 20 years, he was married with a beautiful model, and kids, one day, his wife came home, and caught him, dressed up, in her clothes....for all these years, the guy had been hiding his secret, of being a cross dresser. We can laugh about it!

I also know women, to be quite free, with their sexual activities behind their husbands back, simply because they hate sex, but need to be shown love and affection, of which they trade sexual pleasure for.

The problems are underlying, maybe from childhood, who knows, although the difficulty in knowing the person, you are together with, is a wish come true, more than anything else..

Even if you was really to ask the other person, you live with, if you really know them, the answer would be yes dear, you know me, better than anyone, because i am true to you. That is probably the first sign of telling what is seen as harmless white lies, and they are harmless, providing the secrets are never discovered.

I gave up on asking myself, if i really know other people, becuase we do not..although does it really matter, no it doesn't, a couple stay together because they love eachother, they stray also because they love eachother, and cannot get their needs satisfied, or they stray because of disturbed psychological reasons.

My first wife, has been married, 4 or 5 times, when i asked her, if she was still unfaithfull, she admitted, she needs attention from others, after a couple of months, she's never experienced orgasm and says, she thinks something is wrong with herself. I would say yes, something is very wrong.

I met her, when she was 14 and we married 4 years later, I knew her, I knew she was, easy going sexually, but had no idea, how much she craved attention from the opposite sex, and was easy, just to get the attention, its a very sad case, which there are hundreds if not thousands of the same.

It really is better not knowing naything and just living ones life, taking the partner for what they are, I have learnt never ever, try to interfer, with a persons private life from then on, but be prepared for anything.

Also at a young age, I also had my own problems, like why the hell, i wanted to marry at 21, I can honestly say, i was infatuated, not just in love, and infatuation is also a sickness, that needs looking at, why should I be so infatuated....basically what i discovered, was my problem, was one of insecurity.

Being born, to a mother, when she was 42, is not rare, although i asked myself many times, if she really loved me, as a child, it didn't feel like it, although i am sure she did, I was left alone to fend for myself, while she worked, because of her own marriage, difficulties.

So although i became very street wise, I was emotionally lost, and needed someone to love me, not like a mother, but love me, for myself, and the sex was great too, although to much of a good thing, also becomes a bad habit, so when it is moderated, it is also rejection, to one, and not the other. Sexual compatibility is very hard to actually find, because the female virgina, is located at different angles, and penises come in all shapes and sizes, so adaptation and openness, is required for satisfaction and fullfilment.

The other thing is cultural differnces, many of which are so far from the other, women bear children, that's their main function, and may never ever experience enjoyable sexual pleasure, if they are not aware of enjoyment.

Take mainland China, for many years, sex was taboo, the women just had babies, never knowing that sex could be enjoyed, I dated a divorcee, she told me, her hubby would jump on for all of a minute, then sleep, it was routine.

So she broke down crying with me, when i asked what was wrong, she explained all those years, of not knowing, that sex could also be wonderful.

So I remain open minded, these days, I'm not one to cheat on my partner, although I can also see, that my wife, doesn't have the same, needs, that i do.

So i also have to show, consideration, to balance harmony, simply because i do know, my own sexual needs, are much stronger, and although we can have fun and games, by teasing occassionally the signal needs to be transmitted, "That hey, what about me"....if I'm not looked after I will stray, could become true.

Basic needs, are like basic functions! So I must say, its my opinion, we will never really know eachother, although it doesn't stop us, from communicating.

[Forks]

Id agree with most of that, certainly about needs, people do trade this for that and it probably helps to know the real needs of your partner, sadly in my first marriage I tried but didnt do very well. That said I was with her for well over a decade and I knew what she was like from the beginning and just ignored it, pretending it would change or go away, my mistake.

[hk203]

\

[taxico]

Have only 1 girlfriend in my whole life, going out for 10 years + before tie the knot recently... Not very adventurous, isn't it?

nothing wrong with that. at least you have no one to reminisce about or compare to or be wistful over when the going gets tough.

i know many guys who think about the "could'ves" and "should'ves" over various ex'es and then start going on and on while nursing their 18th beer.

there's a local (maybe not strictly singapore) saying that pops up every now and then somewhere on the internet; "the one you marry is not the one you loved the most, just someone you settled for..."

(or something to that effect)

i hate thinking about that line because i don't want to know if it's true for me or not.