Can you have a friendship without romance

[mayamomi]

In order to answer your question properly, we need some basic definitions. Like what does one think of when talking about friendship and romance?

Friendship = talking only ?

Friendship = talking + hand holding + kiss on forehead or cheeks ?

Romance = talking + hand holding + kissing on lips or French kiss ?

Romance = talking + kissing on lips or French kiss + petting ?

Relationship = talking + kissing + sex ?

At what point does lurve come into the equation ?

Oh Dear ! Life is simply so complicated ! ! !

Oh dear ... are these questions ur own to be answered in general? or are u asking ciaral's perception of friendship and romance and for ciaral to answer??

[hei guess what]

are u asking ciaral's perception of friendship and romance and for ciaral to answer??

Yes, it's for ciaral to answer . . .

[Plavt]

Yes, it's for ciaral to answer . . .

You might have a very long wait...................

[riversandlakes]

Certainly! Though don't be a fool masquerading behind friendship by hoping for more. THe one hoping for more will get hurt more.

Genuine friendship does not hurt - well, not that way...

[riversandlakes]

Having said that, I am a fool for love...

Certainly! Though don't be a fool masquerading behind friendship by hoping for more. THe one hoping for more will get hurt more.

Genuine friendship does not hurt - well, not that way...

[Wind In My Hair]

Hey guys, please. So what if Ciaral is very young? There is no need to put down someone who has not been offensive in any way. Being older need not equate to being rude and condescending to those less knowledgeable. How about showing and sharing maturity by guiding the less experienced, instead of mocking them?

Anyway Ciaral, it is certainly possible for a man and woman to be 'just friends' without any physical attraction. It is also possible for there to be physical attraction between the two, but for nothing to happen due to loyalty to other partners, different directions in life etc. It is also possible that lack of initial attraction can develop into attraction later, or for early attraction to fade away to a purely platonic friendship.

But usually people who ask the question you did aren't asking for theoretical possibilities. Usually they are in a situation where one party feels an attraction and the other doesn't, and the real question is "Can I keep the friendship of the person attracted to me without agreeing to be his romantic partner, or will I lose him if I don't go out with him?". The issue here is not whether platonic friendship is possible, but whether the friendship can survive unrequited love. And I think the answer is yes, if both parties are mature enough. But when you're very young, it's best to stay away from each other for a while so both can move on with your lives. Maybe later when the rejected party has got over it, platonic friendship is easier.

Don't know if I'm making any sense to you.

[whatalark]

yep. some of my best friends were guys. but then, we sort of grew up together and they were like brothers to me and i was like a sister to them. so, what a shock it was when one of them popped up with the suggestion that, uh, hey, maybe we could get married??

ruined our friendship. i was so uncomfortable around him after that. darn, why are guys like that... we had a real good friendship..

so, ya, i think girls can be friends with guys and vice versa but only if neither of them are secretly hoping for 'romance'

[riversandlakes]

WIMH, your writings are (almost) always insightful... hehehe

Perhaps it's just me - I've been called ruthless, cold-hearted, etc, but friendship is like everything else in life - speck of dust in the wind. It can be destroyed, preserved, or built up.
Maybe it's just my gypsy background that I make friends where ever I go, and has never placed much importance on losing this or that one. Life's too short.

Hence if I were to clearly sense undesirable vibes, I would nip it in the bud. Women are easy - I'll tell you details of me pursuing someone else. Case closed.
A true female friend will stay.

We live with the choices we make.

[Jason_0035071]

Ciarel,

You don't post your photo so I can't tell you the likelihood of finding a close platonic guy friend. Figure out which category you fall into using the scale below and then you'll know what the chances are that a guy friend has no interest in sleeping with you.


Very hot - Only if the guy is gay
Cute - Unlikely, the guy must be dating several girls in the very hot category at all times.
Average - Maybe, but if you are fun to be around you move up to cute category.
Below Average - Chances a bit better, but not much. We are still guys.

[Superglide]

Hey guys, please. So what if Ciaral is very young? There is no need to put down someone who has not been offensive in any way. Being older need not equate to being rude and condescending to those less knowledgeable. How about showing and sharing maturity by guiding the less experienced, instead of mocking them?

Anyway Ciaral, it is certainly possible for a man and woman to be 'just friends' without any physical attraction. It is also possible for there to be physical attraction between the two, but for nothing to happen due to loyalty to other partners, different directions in life etc. It is also possible that lack of initial attraction can develop into attraction later, or for early attraction to fade away to a purely platonic friendship.

But usually people who ask the question you did aren't asking for theoretical possibilities. Usually they are in a situation where one party feels an attraction and the other doesn't, and the real question is "Can I keep the friendship of the person attracted to me without agreeing to be his romantic partner, or will I lose him if I don't go out with him?". The issue here is not whether platonic friendship is possible, but whether the friendship can survive unrequited love. And I think the answer is yes, if both parties are mature enough. But when you're very young, it's best to stay away from each other for a while so both can move on with your lives. Maybe later when the rejected party has got over it, platonic friendship is easier.

Don't know if I'm making any sense to you.

(also wanted to get rid of the last reply by Jason, so damn immature).

[k1w1]

Ciarel,

You don't post your photo so I can't tell you the likelihood of finding a close platonic guy friend. Figure out which category you fall into using the scale below and then you'll know what the chances are that a guy friend has no interest in sleeping with you.


Very hot - Only if the guy is gay
Cute - Unlikely, the guy must be dating several girls in the very hot category at all times.
Average - Maybe, but if you are fun to be around you move up to cute category.
Below Average - Chances a bit better, but not much. We are still guys.

Oh man, what has happened to this place?

[Jason_0035071]

Superglide,

Apparently you have lots of guy friends with no interest in sleeping with you. Sorry for leaving out your category!

[FannyAdams]

I think Jason's post was purely tongue-in-cheek. It made me laugh anyway so I was a bit surprised at the responses. Am I missing something?

[jpatokal]

so, ya, i think girls can be friends with guys and vice versa but only if neither of them are secretly hoping for 'romance'

Interesting to note that how it's been the women in this thread saying that they were happy with friendship, but it was the guys who were wanting more. At the risk of generalization, this is the way it usually goes: the woman is perfectly happy being "just friends", while the guy is hanging onto the notional "friendship" in the (misguided) expectation that it will lead to something more. Eventually the guy will get horny/drunk/both enough to crack and make his move, and that's the end of that. As Nietzsche said:

"A woman may very well form a friendship with a man, but for this to endure, it must be assisted by a little physical antipathy."

[DimWit Kid]

so, ya, i think girls can be friends with guys and vice versa but only if neither of them are secretly hoping for 'romance'

Interesting to note that how it's been the women in this thread saying that they were happy with friendship, but it was the guys who were wanting more. At the risk of generalization, this is the way it usually goes: the woman is perfectly happy being "just friends", while the guy is hanging onto the notional "friendship" in the (misguided) expectation that it will lead to something more. Eventually the guy will get horny/drunk/both enough to crack and make his move, and that's the end of that. As Nietzsche said:

"A woman may very well form a friendship with a man, but for this to endure, it must be assisted by a little physical antipathy."

Which then, I must question, is it possible to have friendship, and sex, but not romance?
We mustn't confuse sex and romance.. yah??