Singapore Expats Forum

How are YOU getting home tonight?

Chats, Flames, Jokes, Junks. Don't know where to post ? You've just found the right place.
User avatar
Kristii
Regular
Regular
Posts: 62
Joined: Sun, 25 Feb 2007
Location: Singapore

How are YOU getting home tonight?

Postby Kristii » Tue, 17 Jul 2007 8:13 pm

How many times have you woken up in the morning after a hard night
drinking and thought 'How on earth did I get home?'

As hard as you try, you can't piece together your return journey from
the pub, or that party, to your house.

The answer to this puzzle is that you used a Beer Scooter.

The Beer Scooter is a mythical form of transport, owned and leased to
the drunk by Bacchus the Roman god of liquor. Bacchus has acquired a
large batch of these magical devices.

The Beer Scooter works in the following fashion:-

The passenger reaches a certain level of drunkenness at this point the
"slurring gland " begins to give off a pheromone. Bacchus or one of his
many sub-contractors will detect this pheromone and send down a magical
Beer Scooter.

The scooter scoops up the passenger, and deposits them in their bedroom
via a Trans-Dimensional Portal.This is not cheap to run, so a large
portion of the passenger's in-pocket cash is taken as payment. This
answers the second question after a night out 'How did I spend so much
money?'

Unfortunately, Beer Scooters have a poor safety record and are said to
be responsible for over 90% of all Unidentified Drinking Injuries (UDI).

An undocumented feature of the beer scooter is the destruction of time
segments during the trip.The nature of Trans-Dimensional Portals
dictates that time will be lost, seemingly unaccounted for. This answers
a third question after a night out 'What the hell happened?'

With good intentions, Bacchus opted for the REMIT (Removal of
Embarrassing Moments In Time) add on, that automatically removes, in
descending order, those parts in time regretted most. Unfortunately one
person's REMIT is not necessarily the REMIT of another and quite often
lost time is regained in discussions and comparisons over a future
period of time.

Independent studies have also shown that Beer Goggles often cause the
scooter's navigation system to malfunction thus sending the passenger to
the wrong bedroom, often with horrific consequences.

With recent models including a GPS, Bacchus made an investment in a
scooter drive-thru food chain specialising in half eaten kebabs and
pizza crusts.Another question answered!!

For the family man, Beer Scooters come equipped with flowers picked from
other people's gardens and Thump-A-Lot boots (Patent Pending). These
boots are designed in such a way that no matter how quietly you tip-toe
up the stairs, you are sure to wake up your other half. Special
anti-gravity springs ensure that you bump into every wall in the house
and the CTSGS (Coffee Table Seeking Guidance System) explains the
bruised shins.

The final add-on Bacchus saw fit to invest in for some scooters is the
TAS (Tobacco Absorption System). This explains how one person can
apparently get through 260 Camel No Filters in a single night.

PS: Don't forget the on-board heater, which allows you to comfortably
get home from the pub in sub-zero temperatures, wearing just a T-shirt

:P
Maybe Singapore should be called the "Sunburnt Country" instead of Australia....
I seem to be getting more "sunburnt" here then i did back home lol!

LT
Regular
Regular
Posts: 52
Joined: Sun, 01 Jul 2007
Location: Sing-a-Pore

Postby LT » Tue, 17 Jul 2007 10:48 pm

Ha... I still a strong believer in
"Drink, dun drive"

or

"Drive, dun drink"

:wink:
_________________
I am not driving fast - I am just flying low...

User avatar
Kristii
Regular
Regular
Posts: 62
Joined: Sun, 25 Feb 2007
Location: Singapore

Postby Kristii » Wed, 18 Jul 2007 9:25 am

lol 8-)
Maybe Singapore should be called the "Sunburnt Country" instead of Australia....

I seem to be getting more "sunburnt" here then i did back home lol!

User avatar
Immortal
Regular
Regular
Posts: 108
Joined: Fri, 24 Mar 2006

Postby Immortal » Wed, 18 Jul 2007 2:22 pm

Oh my god Kristii, my sides are hurting! This has to be one of the best drunk explanations I have ever heard. Brilliant!!!

Should make a plan to organise one of these nights out.

User avatar
Kristii
Regular
Regular
Posts: 62
Joined: Sun, 25 Feb 2007
Location: Singapore

Postby Kristii » Wed, 18 Jul 2007 3:14 pm

hahaha

most definately!!!

BRING ON THE BEER SCOOTER!! LOL LOL :lol:
Maybe Singapore should be called the "Sunburnt Country" instead of Australia....

I seem to be getting more "sunburnt" here then i did back home lol!

User avatar
Immortal
Regular
Regular
Posts: 108
Joined: Fri, 24 Mar 2006

Postby Immortal » Thu, 19 Jul 2007 3:13 pm

Kristii you should put up the psycho one! that was really good too!

User avatar
Kristii
Regular
Regular
Posts: 62
Joined: Sun, 25 Feb 2007
Location: Singapore

Postby Kristii » Thu, 19 Jul 2007 9:39 pm

hashahhah

will do

maybe tomorrow!!

i went out with a friend tonight and im a trassssssssssshed!!!!!!!

god damn BBQ's by the condo poool
hahhaahhahahahaha

Ill post the other one tomorrow :-D
Maybe Singapore should be called the "Sunburnt Country" instead of Australia....

I seem to be getting more "sunburnt" here then i did back home lol!

User avatar
Kristii
Regular
Regular
Posts: 62
Joined: Sun, 25 Feb 2007
Location: Singapore

Postby Kristii » Thu, 19 Jul 2007 9:44 pm

actually......................................


it was around this time that i need the beer scooter!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


Hmmmmmmmmmmmm :P
Maybe Singapore should be called the "Sunburnt Country" instead of Australia....

I seem to be getting more "sunburnt" here then i did back home lol!

User avatar
Immortal
Regular
Regular
Posts: 108
Joined: Fri, 24 Mar 2006

Postby Immortal » Thu, 26 Jul 2007 12:06 pm

To add on from Kristii's post.....


Dear Alcohol:

First & foremost, let me tell you that I'm a huge fan of yours. As my friend, you always seem to be there when needed. The perfect post-work cocktail, a beer at the game, and you're even around at the holidays, hidden inside chocolates, as you warm us when we're stuck in the midst of endless family gatherings. However, lately I've been wondering about your intentions. While I want to believe that you have my best interests at heart, I feel that your influence has led to some unwise consequences:


1. Phone calls: While I agree with you that communication is important, I question the suggestion that any conversation of substance or necessity takes place after 2 a.m. Why would you make me call those Ex-boyfriends/girlfriends when I know for a fact they do not want to hear from me during the Day, let alone all hours of the night?

2. Eating: Now, you know I love a good meal, but why do you suggest that I eat a taco with chili sauce, along with a big Italian meatball and some stale chips (washed down with WINE & topped off with a Kit Kat after a few cheese curls & chili cheese fries)? I'm an eclectic eater, but I think you went too far this time.

3. Clumsiness: Unless you're subtly trying to tell me that I need to do More yoga to improve my balance, I see NO need to hammer the issue home by causing me to fall down. It's completely unnecessary, and the black & blue marks that appear on my body mysteriously the next day are beyond me. Similarly, it should never take me more than 45 seconds to get the front door key into the lock.

4. Furthermore: The hangovers have GOT to stop. This is getting ridiculous. I know a little penance for our previous evening's debauchery may be in order, but the 3pm hangover immobility is completely unacceptable. My entire day is shot. I ask that, if the proper precautions are taken (water, vitamin B, bread products, aspirin) prior to going to sleep/passing out face down on the kitchen floor with a bag of popcorn, the hangover should be minimal & in no way interfere with my daily activities.

Alcohol, I have enjoyed our friendship for some years now & would like to ensure that we remain on good terms. You've been the invoker of great stories, the provocation for much laughter, and the needed companion when I just don't know what to do with the extra money in my pockets. In order to continue this friendship, I ask that you carefully review my grievances above & address them immediately. I will look for an answer no later than Thursday 3pm (pre-happy hour) on your possible solutions & hopefully we can continue this fruitful partnership.

Thank you,

Your biggest fan


P.S. THINGS THAT ARE DIFFICULT TO SAY WHEN DRUNK:

1. Innovative 2. Preliminary 3. Proliferation 4. Cinnamon


THINGS THAT ARE VERY DIFFICULT TO SAY WHEN DRUNK:

1. Specificity 2. British Constitution 3. Passive-aggressive disorder


THINGS THAT ARE DOWNRIGHT IMPOSSIBLE TO SAY WHEN DRUNK:

1. Thanks, but I don't want to have sex.


2. Nope, no more beer for me.


3. Sorry, but you're not really my type.


4. Good evening, officer. Isn't it lovely out tonight?


5. Oh, I couldn't. No one wants to hear me sing.

User avatar
Immortal
Regular
Regular
Posts: 108
Joined: Fri, 24 Mar 2006

Postby Immortal » Thu, 26 Jul 2007 12:10 pm

:D

b148kjpgmn
Newbie
Newbie
Posts: 10
Joined: Thu, 09 Aug 2007

Postby b148kjpgmn » Sat, 11 Aug 2007 1:25 am

:D i been there lol . but now it is better . i mean that kind of things don't happen everyday lol . enjoy it


  • Similar Topics
    Replies
    Views
    Last post

Return to “Leisure Chat, Jokes, Rubbish”

Who is online

Users browsing this forum: No registered users and 4 guests