Corporate Lingo

Events and gatherings of MBA - Members Of Bhartiya Association
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Joined: Mon, 30 Oct 2006 4:15 pm

Corporate Lingo

Post by dudevinod » Wed, 20 Dec 2006 12:54 pm

Here is a little clarification of Corporate Lingo.

Competitive salary:
We remain competitive by paying less than our competitors.

Join our fast-paced company:
We have no time to train you.

Casual Work Atmosphere:
We don't pay enough to expect that you'll dress up-well, a couple of the
real daring guys wear earrings.

Must be deadline oriented:
You'll be six months behind schedule on your first day.

Some overtimes required:
Some time each night and some time each weekend.

Duties will vary:
Anyone in the office can boss you around.

Must have an eye for detail:
We have no quality control.

Female Applicants must be childless (and remain that way).

Apply in person:
If you're old, fat or ugly you'll be told the position has been filled.

No phone calls please:
We've filled the job, our call for resumes is just a legal formality.

Seeking candidates with a wide variety of experience:
You'll need it to replace three people who just left.

Problem-solving skills a must:
You're walking into a company in perpetual chaos.

Requires team leadership skills:
You?ll have the responsibilities of a manager, without the pay or respect.

Good communication skills:
Management communicates, you, figure out what they want and do.

I am extremely adept at all manner of office organization:
I've used Microsoft Office.

I am honest, hardworking and dependable:
I pilfer office supplies.

My pertinent work experience includes:
I hope you don?t ask me about all the McJobs I?ve had.

I take pride in my work:
I blame others for my mistakes.

I am personable:
I give lots of unsolicited personal advice to co- workers.

I am extremely professional:
I carry a Day-Timer.

I am adaptable:
I've changed jobs a lot.

I am on the go:
I'm never at my desk.

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Posts: 71
Joined: Thu, 27 Jul 2006 7:05 pm
Location: Missing

Post by fari_javf » Sun, 24 Dec 2006 7:44 pm

Hey pal,

Have read this before, yet the refresher was also funny enough..

Ha ha ha

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