being gay in singapore

[jungleboy]

hello everyone, i have an interesting topic to share with all of you. I am a gay guy in Singapore. I have respect for everyone, be it straight or gay, female or male. Though homosexuality is not mainstream in Singapore, there are people who are open minded about it or those who dont want to have anything with it. But whatever it is, I am comfortable being who I am.

One thing I find amusing is whenever I walk pass by a straight couple, be it an expat or interracial ( white guy, asian woman) couple, the women(mostly the interracial couple) would look at me if I am looking at her partner . sometimes i could hear them making snide remarks. whatever it is i ignore them. If i happen to look at the couple, it would be by chance and its not because I am interested in the guys. And no, I have no interest in straight men . Being a straight friendly person, I do have straight buddies too.

I am not sure why is this so but I think theres this stereotypical mentality that straight people have about gay people. Also maybe the women are insecure of their partner sexuality (thats so uncool) or maybe some women particularly the local one needs some sort of adulation. Anyway I just post this cos there are some of you who are unaware of this. But I like to know from a straight people's point of view. And no its not to offend anyone.

[Spunky]

I don't have any gay friend. Is it possible to tell whether a guy is gay or straight by just looking at him?

[jungleboy]

well unless you have a gaydar (radar that detects gay men) , you can tell who is gay and who is not.anyway, that was a joke. Well nowadays you cant judge guys by their sexuality just be looking at them. What you see may not what you perceive as. But then again there are obvious ones that you can tell.

[ksl]

I know quite a few gays, I wouldn't call them friends however, we are aquainted.
I am straight myself, and can tell you, that some gays, just push their luck, on occassions, normally when they are grouped together and feel confident, that they have the right to do what they want, and that is to make the straight guy feel uncomfortable, by eyeing him up, and trying to push converstion, to see what the feedback is like.

I'm not new to the areana, you can ask anyone of the oldies around Singapore, Bugis St used to be the in place for gays, and transvestites, back in the late 60's

I find it quite insulting and disturbing to be stared at, especially by homosexuals at the best of times, although I know really many guys, that have just shocked me, coming out of the closet, because they have always been respectful and never once give me concern to consider their sexuality, and i believe tha's how one should behave! TAKE NOTE!! It is how one does behave in public, that matters.

So I hope you realise that your sub consious lusting after other guys, can be intimidating to married couple, straight or not! The fact that one is married is has you well know, may not be a true picture of their sexuality, and for you to stare, eye up, the guys, is a liable infringement on their rights, to be who they are.

I suggest you stick to your own playing field, because I know, that if it was me, being eyed up, I would feel very uncomfortable, and it doesn't matter if you are gay or not, it's about haveing a little respect for others. Like I say, not all gays, go letching after guys on the street.

But like in any other deviation of sexuality, and sexual pleasures, it takes all kinds, of weird perverts, to be called perverts, right! and i don't mean that in any insulting way, it's just that it takes two to tango, and what is pervertion to one, is maybe not to the other.

So one day, you might find yourself on the other end of the stick, and feel sick, especially if they want to put you in chains and give you a good whipping, like they do in the nick!! So wise up and be part of society instead of the odd ball.

I was married back in the late 60's so my time down Bugis St, was one of entertainment and good fun, with a very wide variety of sexualities on the street, hooker, kaitai's, and gays roamed around in a friendly way, just conversing and drinking.

Sin City was alive and very entertaining, yet it was scary for my wife, she felt very insecure, and had to be escorted to the toilets, because it was full, with kaitai's, I used to say don't worry, they are harmless, it's me they are interested in, not you!
It was a very loud place, with music beating out until 6.am, when the market area, would open selling fruit, the transition was quite an eye opener, from market place to night spot, with hundreds of party seeking people, and all the soldiers from Vietnam, it was well known, for the mass brawling and the police raids.

But all harmless fun, not like today, where one is jumped on by raving lunatics, high on drugs, in groups of 3 or more, the cowards, are the worst ones, that carry knives, because they are so afraid and insecure, and feel powerful with a hidden weapon, A little off topic, but relevant for people like you, who may eye up the wrong type one day. Happy hunting

[ksl]

well unless you have a gaydar (radar that detects gay men) , you can tell who is gay and who is not.anyway, that was a joke. Well nowadays you cant judge guys by their sexuality just be looking at them. What you see may not what you perceive as. But then again there are obvious ones that you can tell.

But then again there are obvious ones that you can tell. [/qote]

That is a claim, that will get you into trouble one day, maybe a bloody nose!

Not true at all! It is quite normal in humans, to have inherited traits, that may be seen to be leaning, to one side or the other.

But no one can really know, not even the person that is suffering the unfortunate dilemma of sexuality, some end up bisexual, or go one way or the other, or may even remain straight. So it is totally wrong for anyone else to presume, they know, and can identify sexuality by looking.

I make this remark simply out from my own uncomfortable experience, of being followed on occassions, by gays, who thought I had that gay look, whatever that means.

I can only think of it, has a kind of signal being sent out, that i myself am not aware of, I mean i don't go out in high heeled shoes, or wear a dress, or make up, but I do have a little finger that i cannot bend, because of a tendon problem, so I guess when i pick up my drink, it kind of sticks straight out. do females do that?

Shit, may have to have it looked at! My father had the same problem, only his little fingers were both curled up into the hand, a shortening of the tendon. Mine is just stiff, like a permenant erection So you boys out there, don't start getting any wrong ideas, thinking you can spot a piece of meat on the rack.

[jungleboy]

Interesting replies. It nice to hear from some of you. I wont speak for all the gay men cos we are all different characteristically . I am a male and I am masculine and comfortable with my sexuality even though I am gay. Whether its subconsciously or not , I don try , wont want to or dont even think try to push my luck with a straight male whether he is married, single or whatever. SImply because straight and gays have different sexual interests. Thats right. It simply awkward for me to be sexual with straight men. About my earlier message on my observation on straight couples doing that, its just what I see and I think its a reverse situation if gay couple were to look at a straight person. If I were in USA, nobody would do that cos people dont care about your sexuality or even you race or what have you. So my point is SIngapore is conservative in their attitudes towards gay people.

[sundaymorningstaple]

well unless you have a gaydar (radar that detects gay men) , you can tell who is gay and who is not.anyway, that was a joke. Well nowadays you cant judge guys by their sexuality just be looking at them. What you see may not what you perceive as. But then again there are obvious ones that you can tell.

Jungleboy,

I am guessing you are american due primarily to your response in a later post. As an american I'll have to agree with you re: conservative society. I, frankly could care less about ones sexual preferences unless, as was pointed out, someone were to hit on me. While I don't have any animosity towards gays per se, it's hard to tell what my reaction might be.

The reason I am answering your post it to give you a firsthand personal insight as to the nature of the beast as it stands here on the "little Red Dot". Sorry it's so long but maybe it might help.

My last employer was a 33 year old chinese male with whom I was employed as his Admin, Finance & Network Manager was a stereotypical gay (in-as-much as his feminine traits were manifest). It was rather funny as the first time I went for an interview I knew he was gay within 30 seconds of the introduction (while he didn't "actually" mince about, for an american it was rather obvious. When I went home that evening I told my wife my thoughts. Her thoughts initially were nothing I'd repeat here. Anyway, I spoke with him for several months before joining him. (Worked for him for 7.5 years eventually).

Two weeks after joining the company, I came in one morning to find my PC (only 2 stand alone PC's back then with only 1 with Internet access) as this was a group of 3 Employment Agencies and I specialized at that time in international engineering placements I had the Internet access. Anyway, there was an email saved to the desktop. I opened it and email from one of his 'friends' he'd met in San Fransisco a number of months earlier (had met at a religious thing that was trying to justify the gay lifestyle). Anyway, I deleted it and forgot about it. Several weeks later the same thing happened. Two of my colleagues who also used that PC were Singaporean female born-again christian types so I did not give them the chance to find out.

That evening it was rather funny as after the office shut down I went into the MD's office and enquired if I could ask him a frank but potentially embarassing question. Needless to say, I though his chin would hit is chest when I very bluntly asked him "Are you Gay?" Could have knocked him over with a feather. But, he acknowledged same and I spent the next 6.5 years helping him to overcome or at least minimize the feminine guestures and mannerisms, was his english teacher as well. All those years none of the office staff were any the wiser (because it's not mainstream like at home) until several years ago when he decided to come out of the closet after PM Lee Jr admitted that there was 'a' gay in the civil service. I tried to talk him out of it, but like a lot of gays (no offense meant here okay?) they feel that they have to prove a point. I tried to tell him that it's not time especially in his position. (while the PM indicated there was a gay in the civil service he did NOT indicate where, how long, rank or name).

Short ending, he took about 7 of his long term staff out to a nice chinese resturant (me the only one knowing what was about to transpire and cringing at the thought). After the dinner he made an announcement about his being gay. You could have heard a pin drop. Then he proceeded to try to explain the lifestyle to these conservative chinese employees - wrong!!!!! One got up after a while to go out to have a smoko (I went as well as I was still smokin back then). He went to the toilet and never returned. The next day, two of his longest serving consultants (female) quit without notice (one of which had the top sales in the company for 5 years running).

Yes it's here. No it's not mainstream and rather low-key. There are cruising spots around but 'fraid I can't help you there. This may be of some help as well: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Singapore_ ... anisations

[Wind In My Hair]

Gay is becoming more mainstream. Saw a newly published book in a bookstore recently: SQ21 for Singapore Queers in the 21st century. Gay men telling their stories, several using their real names.

Some time ago, a journalist wrote a commentary in the Straits Times about using his friend's passport by mistake. How do you use someone else's passport unless you're living together and they were kept together? Since then he has come out of the closet.

Some of my best friends are gay. Several friends I went to school with are gay, some openly so. Their families tend to be in denial, or at least never talk about it. I've been to a lesbian pub, courtesy of friends. A lesbian has a crush on me.

Unbelievable. But homosexuality has someone found a foothold in my life. And I am straight as an arrow. Singapore has changed.

[seasider]

A very strange post, jungleboy, and some even stranger comments back!

I have a lot of gay friends in Singapore and elsewhere in the world. Most of them are definitely out of the closet and just get on with their lives the same way I do.

[Spunky]

I can't figure out why SMS's previous boss need to tell anyone about his sexual preference. Bosses don't gather staff together to announce "I'm a virgin" or "I go to the brothel everyday", do they? Is there a need?

[renter]

I think this is a problem with most women, but not one with you. Don't you think so?

Even if a girl looks at her man, she will probably give her the same look.

[sundaymorningstaple]

I can't figure out why SMS's previous boss need to tell anyone about his sexual preference. Bosses don't gather staff together to announce "I'm a virgin" or "I go to the brothel everyday", do they? Is there a need?

Spunky, I don't try to understand why someone would be gay in the first place. So, if they can be gay, who knows the thought proceesses that goes on in their minds. To them their may well be a need. I don't know. This seemed to be reason enough:

I tried to talk him out of it, but like a lot of gays (no offense meant here okay?) they feel that they have to prove a point. I tried to tell him that it's not time especially in his position.

He had told me in that initial confrontation that he'd acknowledged his gayness at 14 and he was ~37 and felt the timing was right to come out of the closet. Lets face it, it's hard having skeleton's in the closet especially in a conservative asian country.

[Kats_]

Hey all,

Haven’t been in here for a while and I am back now!

With regards to the thread...

We all come from different backgrounds and have different experiences. The world is so open these days and so much more mixed that the word 'stereotype' might just disappear soon.

A lot of you had stated having gay friends and all but really, branding a set of people no longer is a valid thing to do based on one's experience.

We have certainly moved on, but I do not think we have moved enough for a straight man to advice a gay man on what is 'normal' and what isn’t. I mean, honestly, one doesn’t know what it is like unless one has lived in the other's shoe. Yea?

The gay community in itself is evolving and is trying to find its footing, across the world. There are good and bad aspects to it as of now, but that will change. The changes have to come from within the community and not be imposed from outside. A lot of reforms in the world like Sati, caste system in India (for instance) came from within the community – those were true reforms. I am not advocating that the others should give in and be “uncomfortable”

[ksl]

I can only point out, that we have are in general quite well balanced, however I

a steroid hormone (as estrogen or testosterone) that is produced especially by the ovaries, testes, or adrenal cortex and affects the growth or function of the reproductive organs or the development of secondary sex characteristics

this would account for many of the characteristics, that we signal out, not really aware, that anything is wrong.

I recall my army days at 18, i was stripped to the waste sunbathing in the Middle East, all the guys, used to grab my left tit breast, chest or whatever you call a mans left nipple! and squeeze, shit it was painful, there was a lunmp, and i thought it was cancer.

Anyway I was sent to the specialist and after all the testing, he said to me, don't worry you will not be in any of the scandle newspapers, I said what do you mean!

He said you have to many female hormones, it would rectify itself in a year or two, I said F---- you got to do it, now, it's bloody painful and the guys keep squeezing the lump.

So I had a booster injections of bulls bollacks, male hormones to balance the imbalance, and the growth disappeared, christ, that was close, I kept looking to see if my penile missile was still there
All kind of things buzzing around my head like christ, what if i get raped, and i've got hemorrhoids I certainly didn't have any doubts who's side i was on!

But obviously all humans have the same problem with hormones, which may demonstrate characteristics signals to others, that we are a little more female, than we want to be, this could show up in several ways, like emotions, the way you hold a pint, or your dick getting smaller rather than bigger!

Like most Body builders suffer from, sexual hormones are the buggars, that confuse the mind, so I suggest if your leaning to the wrong side, you either like it or you don't, that's why there are so many Kaitai's in Singapore, all saving up for their operations.

It is a very common problem, although the majority of people never even know of the imbalance, because it never interfers with their daily life, or thoughts, start worrying when it does. The only problem with a booster of bulls bollacks, is that you want to mount every female walking by! and that's why they don't like to treat patients with hormones.

But here's the link for hormone tests, http://www.healthline.com/galecontent/s ... gn=article

[Kats_]

Thank God for 'booster of bulls bollacks'!! It will certainly solve the world issues!

Even so, how is this different from someone fixing her/his nose, just since it is not long enough?

Why is there a fix for everything not "normal"?

'Live and let live!

Simple rules -

"....we don't have to criticize, judge, or condemn others. We have no need to control them or try and make them conform to our way of thinking. We let others live their own lives and we live ours."