Jokes and some more.....

Events and gatherings of MBA - Members Of Bhartiya Association
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dudevinod
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Organsmic caclulator -turn on speakers ;)

Post by dudevinod » Wed, 06 Dec 2006 3:08 pm


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kingajit
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gR8

Post by kingajit » Wed, 06 Dec 2006 3:28 pm

good one dude

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Post by cool_san2905 » Wed, 06 Dec 2006 4:34 pm

Hilarious.. ha ha.........


1
Sardar: I hav'nt slept all nite in the train.
Friend: Y?
Sardar: Got upper berth.
Friend: Y did'nt u Xchnge?
Sardar: oye, there was nobody 2 Xchng in the lower Berth..

2
Sardar tells a girl "Come 2 my house at night, nobody
Will b there.............
Girl goes at night & really nobody was there

3
A SARDAR went 2 a BANK to open a S.B. A/C.
After seeing the Form He had gone to DELHI for
Filling up. U knows y?
FORM said " FILL UP IN CAPITAL ".

4
A sardar invested 2 Lakhs in a business and Suffered
huge Loss.
Do u know what the business was? . . . . .
He opened a Saloon in Punjab !.

5
Sardar-why r all these people running?
Man- This is a race, the winner will get the cup.
Sardar-If only the winner will get the cup, why r
others running?


6
19 SARDARS WENT 4A FILM.ON ASKING THEM Y THEY CAME
IN A BIG GROUP OF 19? THEY REPLIED THAT THE FILM WAS
ONLY FOR ABOVE 18...

7
A sardharji photographer focusing a dead body's face
in a funeral function, suddenly all relatives beat
him why?
He said

"SMILE PLEASE"

8
Teacher: "I killed a person" convert this sentence
into future tense.
Sardar: The future tense is "u will go to jail".

9
Srdr gets ready ,wears tie, coat ,goes out, climbs
tree, sits on the branch regularly. A man asks why
he does this.
Srdr:"I've been promoted as branch manager."

10
Sardarji standing below a tube light with a open
mouth................. WHY?
because his doctor advised him "Todays dinner should be light"_-=

11
Sardarji was filling up

application form for a job.
He was not sure as to what to be filled in column "Salary Expected".
After much thought he wrote : Yes!

12
SARDAR & FAMILY GO 2 A PARTY.
HE INTRODUCES HIMSELF
- I SARDAR, SHE SARDARNEE,
THE BOY MY KID & THE GIRL MY KIDNEY....

13
One sardarji professor asked a plumber to come to
his college.
U knw Why?
Because he wanted to check where the question paper is leaking...

15
Santa! Your daughter has died!


Depressed, Sardar jumps from 100th floor
At 50th floor he remembers I don't have a daughter!
At 25flr:I'm unmarried!
At 10flr:I'm Banta not santa

16
ON A ROMANTIC DATE SARDARS GIRL FRIEND ASKS
HIM,DARLING ON OUR ENGAGEMENT WILL U GIVE ME A RING?
HE SAID YA SURE WHATS YOUR PHONE NUMBER

17
Sardar found the answer to the most difficult
question ever - What will come first, Chicken or
egg?
O Yaar, what ever u order first will come first.

19
Sardar wins 20 cr from Rs. 20 lottery ticket.
Dealer gave 11 cr after deducting

tax.
Angry Sardar: "Give me 20 cr or else return my 20 Rs back.!

20
A teacher told all students in a class to write an
essay on a cricket match.
All were busy writing except one Sardarji.He wrote
"DUE TO RAIN, NO MATCH!"

21
Postman:- I Have To Come 5 Miles To Deliver U This
Packet Sardar:- why did u come so far. Instead u
could have posted it....

22
What does a sardar do after taking a xerox?
He will compare it with the original for any
spelling mistakes.


23
Sardar

proposed a Girl......Girl said 'I'm 1yr elder
to you'...........
Sardar said 'Oye No Problem Soniye,I'll marry you
NEXT YEAR.


24
WHY CANT SARDARS DIAL NINE-ELEVEN (911) AT
EMERGENCY?
** THEY CAN NOT FIND THE ELEVEN ON THE PHONE.


25
Sardar & his wife buy coffee in a shop.
Sardar says... Drink quickly......
Wife asks why...
sardar says hot coffee Rs5 and cold coffee Rs10

26 A Sardar & his wife filed an application 4 Divorce.
Judge asked: How'll U divide, U"VE 3 children?
Sardar replied: Ok! We"ll
apply NEXT YEAR

27 Sardar's wish :when i die,i wana die lik my grandpa
who died peacefuly in his sleep not screamin like
all d passengers in d car he was driving..

28 Sardar at an Art Gallery : I suppose this horrible looking thing is what you call modern art ?
Art dealer: I beg your pardon sir, thats a mirror!

29 Sardar was writing something very slowly.
Friend asked:" Why r u writing so slowly?
Sardar: "I'm writing 2 my 6 yr old son, he can't
read very fast.

30 Sardar news: A 2 seater plane crashed in a graveyard
in Punjab . Local sardars have so far found 500
bodies and are still digging for more..

31 A man asked sardarji, why Manmohan singh goes
walking at evening not in the morning. Sardarji
replied "Arey bhai Manmohan is PM not AM".

32 Sardar visits Chinese friend dying in hospital. Man
says CHIN YU YAN n dies.
Srdr goes2 china 2 find meaning of friends last
words.
It is 'U R STANDNG ON OXYGEN TUBE!"
3 3 Sardarji was standing in front of the mirror with
his eyes closed.
His wife asked what you are doing ?
He said-im seeing how i look while sleeping.

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Mis-Communication

Post by ckvkarma » Fri, 08 Dec 2006 6:38 pm

This is a short story written by Dr Kishore Shah....
he is a gynecologist in Pune and a very gifted writer....enjoy this
extremely funny story
*****************************************************
My wife is an ENT Surgeon while as I am a Gynaecologist. (In fact, we
had nearly called our hospital The 'Holey' Family hospital but
are now waiting for our son to be a Proctologist and marry an urologist.)
This can lead to some complications, as I recently learned to my
anguish. A General Practitioner phoned me up and told me that she as
sending a patient of hers for an abortion. Unknown to me, she had also
referred a female with earwax for removal of the wax to my wife.

I duly informed the receptionist to send the patient right in as she
was expected (and expecting!) As Murphy lays down the laws of our
hospital, it was but natural that the patient who wanted the wax
removed from her ear, landed up with me. This is the conversation that
I had with the patient.

"Please come in. Be seated." I said with a big smile. I always have a
big smile, when I am going to earn some money. The patient gave a
feeble smile and sat hesitantly on the edge of the chair. "Relax."

"Doctor, will this hurt a lot?"

"Not at all."

The patient relaxed visibly. "You know something, Doctor, we tried
removing it at home, but failed."

I was shocked. "Thank God. Trying this at home can cause serious
complications. "

"I first tried to remove it by jumping up and down, but it just
wouldn't budge."

I smiled and said, "If it were that easy, who would need doctors?"

She gave a cute smile and said, "Yeah! My neighbour tried to remove
it with his finger, but the hole is so small that he used a hair pin."

"Oh my God!"

"Yes! My mother even tried a matchstick."

My blood pressure was shooting skywards. I just sputtered without
uttering a word.

"Tell me, doctor, how do I avoid getting this dirt inside me?"

I knew that it was an unwanted pregnancy, but calling it dirt was too
much. I replied a bit angrily, "There are tablets which can prevent
this happening. Or you could use protection at night."

Now it was the patient's turn to be confused, "You mean to say that
it happens only at night?"

saw her point. "No! No! I meant anytime of the day, whenever you are
in the mood, you should use protection."

She was even more confused, "It depends on my moods?"

Again I saw her point. "My mistake. You need not be in any sort of
mood. It just happens."

"My neighbour advised me to go to one of those chaps who sit by the roadside."

"You mean that pin man?"

"Yeah!"

This neighbour of hers seemed to be a very dangerous man. Besides
using pins, he was sending her to such quacks. The only safety he knew
was among the pins. "You were wise not to heed his advice."

"But I tried his other advice. He told me to put warm oil inside and
wait. However, that also did not work."

This was getting more and more bizarre. Her neighbour deserved to be
locked up either in a padded cell or a barred one.

"But have you taken your husband's permission?"

Now the patient looked confused. "Do I have to take my husband's
permission? Because if you need his sign, he is working in Dubai. We
were not able to meet for the last one year."

It was my turn to be shocked. I gave a sly smirk. It was one of
'those' cases. The pin-wielding neighbour seemed to me the usual
suspect. I reassured her. "No! No! The husband's sign is not at all
needed."

"However, I did inform him on phone."

Her husband seemed to me a very broad-minded fellow. I didn't know
whether to congratulate her or to commiserate with her. So I hastily
turned to other aspects. "Its good that you came a bit early."

"Actually I wanted to come early in the morning, but I had some other work."

"Oh! I did not mean early today. I meant that if you had delayed this
removal, it would have started moving. Then it would have developed a
heartbeat."

The patient was staring at me wide eyed as if watching a horror
movie. Looking at her face, I decided that she was not fit to listen
to the grotesque details. I decided to relieve her a bit. I said, "You
will bleed a bit, but only for a few days."

By now, the poor patient was trembling, "how-H-How much bleeding?"

"Oh, only slightly more than your menstrual period, and it will
continue only for a week or so."

By now the patient was clutching her hair in her fingers and staring
at me wide-eyed. I asked her soothingly, "Why don't you lie down on
the examination table? Remove your underclothes and relax."

This was the final straw. She didn't even wish me goodbye. I saw just
a blur of motion leaving my consulting room at top speed.

- Kishore Shah 1974
[SIMPLE-SENSE. ZERO-SCIENCE]

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The Darwin Awards- Can u believe people can do this :))

Post by kingajit » Thu, 14 Dec 2006 8:20 am

The Darwin Awards- Can u believe people can do this :))
These get scarier and scarier every year. They are finally out again. You all know about the Darwin Awards - It's an annual honour given to the person who did the gene pool the biggest service by killing themselves in the most extraordinarily stupid way. Last year's winner was the fellow who was killed by a Coke machine which toppled over on top of him as he was attempting to tip a free soda out of it.

And the nominees are:

9. A young Canadian man, searching for a way of getting drunk cheaply, because he had no money with which to buy alcohol, mixed gasoline with milk. Not surprisingly, this concoction made him ill, and he vomited into the fireplace in his house. This resulting explosion and fire burned his house down, killing both him and his sister.

8. A 34-year-old white male found dead in the basement of his home died of suffocation, according to police. He was
approximately 6'2" tall and weighed 225 pounds. He was wearing a pleated skirt, white bra, black and white saddle shoes, and a woman's wig. It appeared that he was trying to create a schoolgirl's uniform look. He was also wearing a military gas mask that had the filter canister removed and a rubber hose attached in its place. The other end of the hose was connected to one end of a hollow wooden tube approx. 12" long and 3" in diameter. The tube's other end was inserted into his rectum for reasons unknown, and was the cause of his suffocation. Police found the task of explaining the circumstances of his death to his family very awkward.

7. Three Brazilian men were flying in a light aircraft at low altitude when another plane approached. It appears that they decided to moon the occupants of the other plane, but lost control of their own aircraft and crashed. They were all found dead in the wreckage with their pants around their ankles.

6. A police officer in Ohio responded to a 911 call. She had no details before arriving, except that someone had reported that his father was not breathing. Upon arrival, the officer found the man face down on the couch naked. When she rolled him over to check for a pulse and to start CPR, she noticed burn marks around his genitals. After the ambulance arrived and removed the man - who was declared dead on arrival at the hospital - the police made a closer inspection of the couch, and noticed that the man had made a hole between the cushions. Upon flipping the couch over, they discovered what had caused his death. Apparently, the man had a habit of putting his penis between the cushions, down into the hole and between two electrical sanders (with the sandpaper removed, for obvious reasons). According to the story,
after his orgasm the discharge shorted out one of the sanders, electrocuting him.

5. A 27-year-old French woman lost control of her car on a
highway near Marseilles and crashed into a tree, seriously
injuring her passenger and killing herself. As a commonplace road accident, this would not have qualified for a Darwin nomination, were it not for the fact that the driver's attention had been distracted by her Tamagotchi key ring (pocket animal), which had started urgently beeping for food as she drove along. In an attempt to press the correct buttons to save the Tamagotchi's life, the woman lost her own.

4. A 22-year-old Reston, VA, man was found dead after he tried to use octopus straps to bungee jump off a 70-foot railroad trestle. Fairfax County police said Eric Barcia, a fast-food worker, taped a bunch of these straps together, wrapped one end around one foot, anchored the other end to the trestle at Lake Accotink Park, jumped and hit the pavement. Warren Carmichael, a police spokesman, said investigators think Barcia was alone because his
car was found nearby. "The length of the cord that he had
assembled was greater than the distance between the trestle and the ground" Carmichael said. Police say the apparent cause of death was "Major trauma".

3. A man in Alabama died from rattlesnake bites. It seems that he and a friend were laying a game of catch, using the rattlesnake as a ball. The friend - no doubt a future Darwin Awards candidate - was hospitalised.

2. Employees in a medium-sized warehouse in west Texas noticed the smell of a gas leak. Sensibly, management evacuated the building extinguishing all potential sources of ignition; lights, power, etc. After the building had been evacuated, two technicians from the gas company were dispatched. Upon entering the building, they found they had difficulty navigating in the dark. To their frustration, none of the lights worked. Witnesses later described the sight of one of the technicians reaching into his pocket and retrieving an object that resembled a cigarette lighter. Upon operation of the lighter-like object, the gas in the warehouse exploded, sending pieces of it up to three miles
away. Nothing was found of the technicians, but the lighter was virtually untouched by the explosion. The technician suspected of causing the blast had never been thought of as 'bright' by his peers.

The latest nominee for this year's Darwin Award goes to....

1. Based on a bet by the other members of his threesome, Everitt Sanchez tried to wash his own "balls" in a ball washer at the local golf course. Proving once again that beer and testosterone are a bad mix, Sanchez managed to straddle the ball washer and dangle his scrotum in the machine. Much to his dismay, one of his buddies upped the ante by spinning the crank on the machine with Sanchez's scrotum in place, thus wedging them solidly in the
mechanism. Sanchez, who immediately passed his threshold of pain, collapsed and tumbled from his perch. Unfortunately for Sanchez, the height of the ball washer was more than a foot higher off the ground than his testicles are in a normal stance, and the scrotum was the weakest link. Sanchez's scrotum was ripped open during the fall, and one testicle was plucked from him forever and remained in the ball washer, while the other testicle was compressed and flattened as it was pulled between the housing of
the washer, and the rotating machinery inside. To add insult to injury, Sanchez broke a new $300.00 driver that he had just purchased from the pro-shop, and was using to balance himself. Sanchez was rushed to the hospital for surgery, and the remaining threesome were asked to leave the course.

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Post by maddyks » Tue, 30 Jan 2007 11:37 am

One for the ones in office:

There is a dangerous virus being passed around electronically, orally, and by hand. This virus is called Worm-Overload-Recreational-Killer (WORK).

If you receive WORK from any of your colleagues, your boss, or anyone else via any means DO NOT TOUCH IT. This virus will wipe out your private life completely.

If you should come into contact with WORK put your jacket on and take two good friends to the nearest grocery store. Purchase the antidote known as Work-Isolating-Neutralizer-Extract (WINE) or
Bothersome-Employer-Elimination-Rebooter (BEER). Take the antidote repeatedly until WORK has been completely eliminated from your system.

You should give this warning to 5 friends. If you do not have 5 friends, you have already been infected and WORK is controlling your life. :wink:

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