Singapore Expats Forum

Rich Guy vs Neighborhood Girl

Discuss about the latest news & interesting topics, real life experience or other out of topic discussions with locals & expatriates in Singapore.

Miss Swan
Chatter
Chatter
Posts: 196
Joined: Fri, 12 May 2006

Rich Guy vs Neighborhood Girl

Postby Miss Swan » Tue, 25 Jul 2006 11:35 am

A friend of mine got to know someone from a very prominent background. She's from a very simple background and has insecurities about herself because the lifestyle this person has is so different from hers. But in case anyone thinks this guy is a crack and just wants The Thing from her, I must say it's not the case.

They chat every single night and he calls her on the phone if it's late and hasn't heard from her. They have talked about spending their lives together and sharing his life with her.

A little situation has cropped up though. Just when the relationship was getting nice and rosy, the guy's very close female friend of 6 years confessed that she's been in love with him from the very start. And now he's admitted to my friend that he has some feelings for this female pal, and now his feelings are in a state of dilemma.
He's said that he doesn't want to hurt either women at all but obviously if he's going to make a choice someone will be hurt.

Now my friend is stuck between sticking it out and waiting for the guy to make his choice, or simply telling him to be with his female pal instead.

I don't know what to tell her or how to comfort her.
Any suggestions/opinions/comments?

User avatar
Wind In My Hair
Manager
Manager
Posts: 2306
Joined: Tue, 19 Jul 2005

Postby Wind In My Hair » Tue, 25 Jul 2006 11:52 am

first of all i don't see what his being rich and her being simple has to do with the situation at all. secondly, if the guy is so unsure then i wouldn't put money on the relationship no matter who he chooses.
Last edited by Wind In My Hair on Tue, 25 Jul 2006 12:02 pm, edited 1 time in total.

Miss Swan
Chatter
Chatter
Posts: 196
Joined: Fri, 12 May 2006

Postby Miss Swan » Tue, 25 Jul 2006 12:02 pm

Sounds like she'd better give up this guy huh? Sadly she's put in so much emotions into this relationship that it's not so easy to drop it just like that.
Deep down she's still hoping for a miracle.

Oh maybe I wasn't so clear on the social status thing. She feels insecure over the status gap and keeps feeling suppressed by this female friend who's been around longer than her.

User avatar
Wind In My Hair
Manager
Manager
Posts: 2306
Joined: Tue, 19 Jul 2005

Postby Wind In My Hair » Tue, 25 Jul 2006 12:05 pm

Miss Swan wrote:Sounds like she'd better give up this guy huh? Sadly she's put in so much emotions into this relationship that it's not so easy to drop it just like that.
Deep down she's still hoping for a miracle.

welcome to the club. we've all been there. i know it's not easy to let go emotionally, and the best you can do as her friend is be there for her anytime she needs a shoulder to cry on.

what Strong Eagle said on another thread helps tremendously if she can bring herself to truly believe it: "life is unfolding exactly as it should be unfolding." there are better things in store for her, whether or not she can see it now.

Miss Swan
Chatter
Chatter
Posts: 196
Joined: Fri, 12 May 2006

Postby Miss Swan » Wed, 26 Jul 2006 12:20 am

Well I thought I might as well conclude the final story by saying that my friend has encouraged the guy to be with his female friend.

It's best this way, since the female friend has known him for so long and they both have feelings for each other.

And that's the way the story ends...

User avatar
Oriental
Chatter
Chatter
Posts: 150
Joined: Fri, 18 Mar 2005

Postby Oriental » Wed, 26 Jul 2006 1:08 pm

Miss Swan wrote:Well I thought I might as well conclude the final story by saying that my friend has encouraged the guy to be with his female friend.

It's best this way, since the female friend has known him for so long and they both have feelings for each other.

And that's the way the story ends...


Obviously your friend is out of her mind. If you want something you fight for it and don’t give up. Now, what’s with the “let him go to the other woman so that I can be a pitied as the victim”
Impossible is nothing!

earthfriendly
Manager
Manager
Posts: 1943
Joined: Sat, 20 Aug 2005

Postby earthfriendly » Wed, 26 Jul 2006 1:27 pm

Oriental, don't know if you watch Chinese and Korean soaps. Such actions are not uncommon in real life either. It is not always about winning or fighting for the one you love, sometimes a person takes a big picture approach and do what's best for the group (or the person she truly loves) involved. It takes a lot of courage and selflessness to do that. You do what is best for your loved one, even if it means giving him up to another love rival.

Is it called tough / unconditional love in western concept?

On another level, I also believe in destiny/fate (yuan fen). If it is meant to be, then it will be.

Lost
Member
Member
Posts: 44
Joined: Thu, 01 Jun 2006

Postby Lost » Wed, 26 Jul 2006 2:12 pm

They have talked about spending their lives together and sharing his life with her.

I agreed with Oriental. Why play the selfless person? Your girl friend will wonder for as long as she can remember if she did the right thing. It is not unconditional love its stupidity and lots of sufferings. They did exchange feelings so why should she be the person to give up? I think your girl friend has low esteem as a result of her background. Tis nonsense - to simply give up - I think your girlfriend should let him know how she feel. Otherwise he might think she didnt care enough.



User avatar
Wind In My Hair
Manager
Manager
Posts: 2306
Joined: Tue, 19 Jul 2005

Postby Wind In My Hair » Wed, 26 Jul 2006 2:48 pm

i agree with oriental and lost that she shouldn't tell the guy to go with the other woman. in fact i don't think she should tell the guy what to do at all. he's an adult and needs to decide for himself. the best she can do is let go as much as she can... this will help whether they finally split up or get back together. give him space to think about what he wants and in the meantime get on with life.

Miss Swan
Chatter
Chatter
Posts: 196
Joined: Fri, 12 May 2006

Postby Miss Swan » Wed, 26 Jul 2006 2:49 pm

Yes Oriental, this is not about fighting and trying to emerge champ here. If my friend and the guy had a solid relationship going, then absolutely, start picking up the sword and battle it out, or use the sword to smack the guy with it :D

Sadly, their relationship hasn't even gotten past the blossomed stage yet. Key issue being they just started talking for a few months only, while this family friend has been there for 6 years.

Earthfriendly, you're right. My friend did what she thought was the best, especially when the guy and family friend had mutual feelings for each other, while hers + the guy was still in the very edge of blossoming.

From the way I see it, what's the point of fighting a losing battle, or in this case, a very lost cause. And it's better this way because she feels much more relieved that things have turned out this way. The female friend is in all honestly a much better match for the guy, in terms of character, personality...

User avatar
Oriental
Chatter
Chatter
Posts: 150
Joined: Fri, 18 Mar 2005

Postby Oriental » Wed, 26 Jul 2006 4:39 pm

earthfriendly wrote:Oriental, don't know if you watch Chinese and Korean soaps.
They would probably get on my nerves.


earthfriendly wrote:It is not always about winning or fighting for the one you love, sometimes a person takes a big picture approach and do what's best for the group (or the person she truly loves) involved. It takes a lot of courage and selflessness to do that. You do what is best for your loved one, even if it means giving him up to another love rival.


"I love you so please jump into the arms of another man/woman"? Excuse me but that is the weirdest thing I’ve ever heard. But then again it’s a free world. If you want to sacrifice yourself for the benefit of the group then do go ahead. And since it’s your own free choice you should suffer in silence by yourself. Don’t come whining to the rest of us. Nobody would probably even care.

earthfriendly wrote:On another level, I also believe in destiny/fate (yuan fen). If it is meant to be, then it will be.

Well, I want to be the best tennis player in the world. So even if I cut off both my arms, if fate has made up its mind, I will still be the greatest tennis player in the world? :roll:
Impossible is nothing!

User avatar
Oriental
Chatter
Chatter
Posts: 150
Joined: Fri, 18 Mar 2005

Postby Oriental » Wed, 26 Jul 2006 4:43 pm

Miss Swan wrote:Yes Oriental, this is not about fighting and trying to emerge champ here. If my friend and the guy had a solid relationship going, then absolutely, start picking up the sword and battle it out, or use the sword to smack the guy with it :D

Sadly, their relationship hasn't even gotten past the blossomed stage yet. Key issue being they just started talking for a few months only, while this family friend has been there for 6 years.


And?


Miss Swan wrote:From the way I see it, what's the point of fighting a losing battle, or in this case, a very lost cause. And it's better this way because she feels much more relieved that things have turned out this way. The female friend is in all honestly a much better match for the guy, in terms of character, personality...
Your girlfriend doesn’t get much support from you, does she?
Impossible is nothing!

Lost
Member
Member
Posts: 44
Joined: Thu, 01 Jun 2006

Postby Lost » Thu, 27 Jul 2006 10:24 am

Miss Swan wrote:
Sadly, their relationship hasn't even gotten past the blossomed stage yet. Key issue being they just started talking for a few months only, while this family friend has been there for 6 years.


I am very surprised at your comment: have you not heard of love at first sight? Have you not experienced a connection with someone you have just met? Some relationships happen instantly while some may take years to cultivate. The latter usually happened in arranged marriage.

What is interesting for me is noticing how many Singaporean girls married their husbands because they have been together since school days or have known each other more than an average of 5 years but most of them married because of HDB flats. When asked why you married him, their common replies are he is a nice guy lah.

I really wonder what will happen if the government makes it easy for singles to apply for flats? Bet you there will be a reduction in the marital and divorce rate.

I think if this girl has strong feelings for the rich kid, she should give it a shot regardless of circumstances. On the other hand she might have given him up because she was not sure about her feelings for him. The final decision is of course hers to make, hopefully she didnt make it out of sacrifice.

Miss Swan
Chatter
Chatter
Posts: 196
Joined: Fri, 12 May 2006

Postby Miss Swan » Thu, 27 Jul 2006 12:22 pm

Whoa Oriental...be careful there...your comments are starting to be very cutting.

My friend is most definitely not whining. SHe's not saying "Why's this happening to me? Why's he doing this? Why is it like this?"
I posted this to get some constrctuve feedback/opinion, and was at a lost as to how to comfort her. So no personal judgmental stuff please...

Nope my friend's not in love with him yet. Now you see why her decision was fairly simple to make. If she loved him, she'll definitely fight for him and this'll be a longer epic episode.

Lost, you're right. Her decision came by because she felt those two would be much more suited with each other, in terms of character, culture, social. If she pushes her way through, I think ultimately it'll end up to be a pretty ugly picture. So no, she didn't do it out of sacrifice.
More of practicalism/realism.

User avatar
sundaymorningstaple
Moderator
Moderator
Posts: 34786
Joined: Thu, 11 Nov 2004
Location: Still Fishing!
Contact:

Postby sundaymorningstaple » Thu, 27 Jul 2006 1:15 pm

Lost wrote:I am very surprised at your comment: have you not heard of love at first sight?

I always though that was libido! :cool:

I really wonder what will happen if the government makes it easy for singles to apply for flats? Bet you there will be a reduction in the marital and divorce rate.

Bet you meant a reduction in marriages and an increase in divorce rates.


  • Similar Topics
    Replies
    Views
    Last post
  • Newly moved to Tiong Bahru neighborhood
    by bufloe » Mon, 25 Nov 2013 10:46 pm » in 30's Club
    12
    4166
    by newbie019 View the latest post
    Fri, 21 Feb 2014 12:06 pm
  • Neighborhood ideas, please?
    by russch » Sun, 14 Sep 2014 10:49 pm » in Property Talk, Housing & Rental
    21
    3477
    by thismyvoice View the latest post
    Tue, 23 Sep 2014 10:09 pm
  • Rich
    by JR8 » Tue, 18 Jun 2013 9:50 pm » in Leisure Chat, Jokes, Rubbish
    46
    9580
    by JR8 View the latest post
    Thu, 05 Dec 2013 11:17 am
  • Rich people: and -
    by JR8 » Wed, 13 Nov 2013 11:24 am » in Leisure Chat, Jokes, Rubbish
    1
    1277
    by JR8 View the latest post
    Wed, 13 Nov 2013 4:29 pm
  • Do they assume we're all rich and stupid?
    by JR8 » Fri, 04 Jul 2014 9:12 am » in Leisure Chat, Jokes, Rubbish
    20
    2881
    by Max Headroom View the latest post
    Mon, 07 Jul 2014 5:39 pm

Return to “General Discussions”

Who is online

Users browsing this forum: No registered users and 4 guests