Rich Guy vs Neighborhood Girl

[Miss Swan]

A friend of mine got to know someone from a very prominent background. She's from a very simple background and has insecurities about herself because the lifestyle this person has is so different from hers. But in case anyone thinks this guy is a crack and just wants The Thing from her, I must say it's not the case.

They chat every single night and he calls her on the phone if it's late and hasn't heard from her. They have talked about spending their lives together and sharing his life with her.

A little situation has cropped up though. Just when the relationship was getting nice and rosy, the guy's very close female friend of 6 years confessed that she's been in love with him from the very start. And now he's admitted to my friend that he has some feelings for this female pal, and now his feelings are in a state of dilemma.
He's said that he doesn't want to hurt either women at all but obviously if he's going to make a choice someone will be hurt.

Now my friend is stuck between sticking it out and waiting for the guy to make his choice, or simply telling him to be with his female pal instead.

I don't know what to tell her or how to comfort her.
Any suggestions/opinions/comments?

[Wind In My Hair]

first of all i don't see what his being rich and her being simple has to do with the situation at all. secondly, if the guy is so unsure then i wouldn't put money on the relationship no matter who he chooses.

[Miss Swan]

Sounds like she'd better give up this guy huh? Sadly she's put in so much emotions into this relationship that it's not so easy to drop it just like that.
Deep down she's still hoping for a miracle.

Oh maybe I wasn't so clear on the social status thing. She feels insecure over the status gap and keeps feeling suppressed by this female friend who's been around longer than her.

[Wind In My Hair]

Sounds like she'd better give up this guy huh? Sadly she's put in so much emotions into this relationship that it's not so easy to drop it just like that.
Deep down she's still hoping for a miracle.

welcome to the club. we've all been there. i know it's not easy to let go emotionally, and the best you can do as her friend is be there for her anytime she needs a shoulder to cry on.

what Strong Eagle said on another thread helps tremendously if she can bring herself to truly believe it: "life is unfolding exactly as it should be unfolding." there are better things in store for her, whether or not she can see it now.

[Miss Swan]

Well I thought I might as well conclude the final story by saying that my friend has encouraged the guy to be with his female friend.

It's best this way, since the female friend has known him for so long and they both have feelings for each other.

And that's the way the story ends...

[Oriental]

Well I thought I might as well conclude the final story by saying that my friend has encouraged the guy to be with his female friend.

It's best this way, since the female friend has known him for so long and they both have feelings for each other.

And that's the way the story ends...

Obviously your friend is out of her mind. If you want something you fight for it and don’t give up. Now, what’s with the “let him go to the other woman so that I can be a pitied as the victim”

[earthfriendly]

Oriental, don't know if you watch Chinese and Korean soaps. Such actions are not uncommon in real life either. It is not always about winning or fighting for the one you love, sometimes a person takes a big picture approach and do what's best for the group (or the person she truly loves) involved. It takes a lot of courage and selflessness to do that. You do what is best for your loved one, even if it means giving him up to another love rival.

Is it called tough / unconditional love in western concept?

On another level, I also believe in destiny/fate (yuan fen). If it is meant to be, then it will be.

[Lost]

They have talked about spending their lives together and sharing his life with her.

I agreed with Oriental. Why play the selfless person? Your girl friend will wonder for as long as she can remember if she did the right thing. It is not unconditional love its stupidity and lots of sufferings. They did exchange feelings so why should she be the person to give up? I think your girl friend has low esteem as a result of her background. Tis nonsense - to simply give up - I think your girlfriend should let him know how she feel. Otherwise he might think she didnt care enough.

[Wind In My Hair]

i agree with oriental and lost that she shouldn't tell the guy to go with the other woman. in fact i don't think she should tell the guy what to do at all. he's an adult and needs to decide for himself. the best she can do is let go as much as she can... this will help whether they finally split up or get back together. give him space to think about what he wants and in the meantime get on with life.

[Miss Swan]

Yes Oriental, this is not about fighting and trying to emerge champ here. If my friend and the guy had a solid relationship going, then absolutely, start picking up the sword and battle it out, or use the sword to smack the guy with it

Sadly, their relationship hasn't even gotten past the blossomed stage yet. Key issue being they just started talking for a few months only, while this family friend has been there for 6 years.

Earthfriendly, you're right. My friend did what she thought was the best, especially when the guy and family friend had mutual feelings for each other, while hers + the guy was still in the very edge of blossoming.

From the way I see it, what's the point of fighting a losing battle, or in this case, a very lost cause. And it's better this way because she feels much more relieved that things have turned out this way. The female friend is in all honestly a much better match for the guy, in terms of character, personality...

[Oriental]

Oriental, don't know if you watch Chinese and Korean soaps.

They would probably get on my nerves.

It is not always about winning or fighting for the one you love, sometimes a person takes a big picture approach and do what's best for the group (or the person she truly loves) involved. It takes a lot of courage and selflessness to do that. You do what is best for your loved one, even if it means giving him up to another love rival.

"I love you so please jump into the arms of another man/woman"? Excuse me but that is the weirdest thing I’ve ever heard. But then again it’s a free world. If you want to sacrifice yourself for the benefit of the group then do go ahead. And since it’s your own free choice you should suffer in silence by yourself. Don’t come whining to the rest of us. Nobody would probably even care.

On another level, I also believe in destiny/fate (yuan fen). If it is meant to be, then it will be.

Well, I want to be the best tennis player in the world. So even if I cut off both my arms, if fate has made up its mind, I will still be the greatest tennis player in the world?

[Oriental]

Yes Oriental, this is not about fighting and trying to emerge champ here. If my friend and the guy had a solid relationship going, then absolutely, start picking up the sword and battle it out, or use the sword to smack the guy with it

Sadly, their relationship hasn't even gotten past the blossomed stage yet. Key issue being they just started talking for a few months only, while this family friend has been there for 6 years.

And?

From the way I see it, what's the point of fighting a losing battle, or in this case, a very lost cause. And it's better this way because she feels much more relieved that things have turned out this way. The female friend is in all honestly a much better match for the guy, in terms of character, personality...

Your girlfriend doesn’t get much support from you, does she?

[Lost]

Miss Swan wrote:

Sadly, their relationship hasn't even gotten past the blossomed stage yet. Key issue being they just started talking for a few months only, while this family friend has been there for 6 years.

I am very surprised at your comment: have you not heard of love at first sight? Have you not experienced a connection with someone you have just met? Some relationships happen instantly while some may take years to cultivate. The latter usually happened in arranged marriage.

What is interesting for me is noticing how many Singaporean girls married their husbands because they have been together since school days or have known each other more than an average of 5 years but most of them married because of HDB flats. When asked why you married him, their common replies are he is a nice guy lah.

I really wonder what will happen if the government makes it easy for singles to apply for flats? Bet you there will be a reduction in the marital and divorce rate.

I think if this girl has strong feelings for the rich kid, she should give it a shot regardless of circumstances. On the other hand she might have given him up because she was not sure about her feelings for him. The final decision is of course hers to make, hopefully she didnt make it out of sacrifice.

[Miss Swan]

Whoa Oriental...be careful there...your comments are starting to be very cutting.

My friend is most definitely not whining. SHe's not saying "Why's this happening to me? Why's he doing this? Why is it like this?"
I posted this to get some constrctuve feedback/opinion, and was at a lost as to how to comfort her. So no personal judgmental stuff please...

Nope my friend's not in love with him yet. Now you see why her decision was fairly simple to make. If she loved him, she'll definitely fight for him and this'll be a longer epic episode.

Lost, you're right. Her decision came by because she felt those two would be much more suited with each other, in terms of character, culture, social. If she pushes her way through, I think ultimately it'll end up to be a pretty ugly picture. So no, she didn't do it out of sacrifice.
More of practicalism/realism.

[sundaymorningstaple]

I am very surprised at your comment: have you not heard of love at first sight?

I always though that was libido!

I really wonder what will happen if the government makes it easy for singles to apply for flats? Bet you there will be a reduction in the marital and divorce rate.

Bet you meant a reduction in marriages and an increase in divorce rates.