Burnout or Adult ADD?

[Flutterby]

I'm having trouble concentrating on work. I know i have the brains and the wherewithal but just cant seem to keep my head down and focus. There are parts of my work i like and parts i dont. I keep dreaming of being somewhere else and doing something else... which doesnt help in getting my work done.

I also wonder if others have had this feeling.. when you work for someone you like, do you have a tendency to want to do more and better in contrast to working for someone you dont like where work then becomes a chore. Has anyone else had this feeling?

Ed. Moved to Strictly Speaking and responses de-sillified by the request of the original poster --jpatokal

[bushbride]

I think that it doesn't matter whether you like someone your boss or co-workers. We all feel that there is a time to move on and a time to stick it out. If you like the work you are doing, stick it out, if you feel your health is being affected then leave. That is how I decide.

I think that too often people look at achieving things in unreasonable time frames, without direction, don't feel challenged, not stimulated, or don't have the opportunity to contribute in a way that they want to contribute.

Try talking to your boss, let your boss know what you are really interested in, and talk to your boss about mapping your career path, activity planning, training courses etc with you. This will get you siked and put a purpose back into the job for you. Otherwise, it may also highlight that you are not in a place you want to be at this point in time.

But also, keep in mind that everyone has to do a little bit of dirty work too - 40% junk and 60% real work in most jobs - so be realistic and willing to negotiate your work activities when planning.

Everyone goes through times when their brain is tired. After all we can't all be supermen and women all the time! Give your brain a break and see how it feels after a bit of R&R. But also try to talk to your manager about what you want out of the job in a constructive way.

Hope my advice helps a little,

BB

[Flutterby]

Dear Bush Bride

I think that it doesn't matter whether you like someone your boss or co-workers. We all feel that there is a time to move on and a time to stick it out. If you like the work you are doing, stick it out, if you feel your health is being affected then leave. That is how I decide.

This situation is actually quite upsetting for me. I have always felt it is important to like your work and be happy there since we spend so much time in it. Ive been ruminating about it for a while now. I tell myself "its YOUR responsibility about how you feel, so if YOU feel unappreciated and patronised, its YOUR issue!" At the same time, i know my boss is not a genuine or sincere person. You can feel the energy. She has no time for talking, discussion, or the touchy feely stuff. On the rare occassion that she has done that, iknow its because she wants to be seen by us as 'caring'. Other colleagues also share this opinion.


I think that too often people look at achieving things in unreasonable time frames, without direction, don't feel challenged, not stimulated, or don't have the opportunity to contribute in a way that they want to contribute.

Im not sure which of the above i feel-- the last sentence really resonates.. there is enough of a challenge and mental stimulation. I just dont feel my boss likes the fact that i may have more IQ and EQ than her. She has no qualms about telling people how sharp, and on the ball she is, how great her memory is; that she remembers everything and everyone (and during the times that she doesnt, she never admits it).

Try talking to your boss, let your boss know what you are really interested in, and talk to your boss about mapping your career path, activity planning, training courses etc with you. This will get you siked and put a purpose back into the job for you. Otherwise, it may also highlight that you are not in a place you want to be at this point in time.

Once again, BB, i really appreciate this because i have needed to talk to someone for the longest time who could walk me a bit through this. Im feeling very emotional about it right now because ive been unhappy and as a result i have just slackened at work. How wrong or bad is it for me to want my strengths and talents recognised? If i talk to her, i must be prepared to incur her silent wrath because she cannot tolerate criticism of any kind.

But also, keep in mind that everyone has to do a little bit of dirty work too - 40% junk and 60% real work in most jobs - so be realistic and willing to negotiate your work activities when planning.

Everyone goes through times when their brain is tired. After all we can't all be supermen and women all the time! Give your brain a break and see how it feels after a bit of R&R. But also try to talk to your manager about what you want out of the job in a constructive way.

Hope my advice helps a little,

Yes BB bless your heart! , thank you. I still keep thinking, is it me? It MUST be me, its my fault, my problem, im the one who is not good enough, not hard working enough, not FAST enough. FAST- she is highly driven, Im not, Im a slow methodical worker but it does not mean i am a bad or stupid person. So how i do work around this situation?. I do constantly work on myself, i use my own money to attend self development courses to pay attention to my self esteem (or lack of it).

I've always felt that a sense of commitment is what one needs in any situation. my commitment wavers from time to time depending on what i sense from my boss. Her 'care' or 'concern' is not consistent and when i feel she is not coming from an authentic space, i go into my "i dont want to be here and i dont want to do this anymore" mode.

God, i know this really must be MY issue... why should how i feel depend on how she behaves?

BB

Thank you.
FB

[schizoide]

i know exactly how you feel, i'm in the same situation myself. it's been going on for months now, i'm getting less and less motivated to come to work.. in the weekends i'm stressed out thinking about monday..

don't worry about it, it's not you. or even when it is, it doesn't matter because you are the one who needs to be comfortable doing the work.. whether it is really demanding or not, you are the only person able to judge that.

after a second bad performance review last week i decided to hand in my resignation last monday and you know what, i felt instantly better.

perhaps you should just think of that scenario and see whether it cheers you up somewhat, if you feel relieved, then you are probably on the right track.

hope this helps.

ps. and i am doing the job i always wanted to do before, imagine..

[Flutterby]

Thank you Schiz.

You were doing the job you always wanted ..? and you were still unhappy?

she asked me just now what was wrong? i said it was work and I admitted that i had slackened past week, she said she noticed. I was close to tears and she said lets talk after i get back from my meeting.. but ive just sent her an email to say, its my own issue, let me work it out. I told her i admired her drive, the way she completes her projects in record time, that i wished i could be a chip in her head.

I need to do some 'internal' work, some meditation of sorts to figure out my own angst. I dont want to blame her or anyone else. If i dont sort this out by myself, i may just take the same angst to another company, another country.

So have you found another job?

i know exactly how you feel, i'm in the same situation myself. it's been going on for months now, i'm getting less and less motivated to come to work.. in the weekends i'm stressed out thinking about monday..

don't worry about it, it's not you. or even when it is, it doesn't matter because you are the one who needs to be comfortable doing the work.. whether it is really demanding or not, you are the only person able to judge that.

after a second bad performance review last week i decided to hand in my resignation last monday and you know what, i felt instantly better.

perhaps you should just think of that scenario and see whether it cheers you up somewhat, if you feel relieved, then you are probably on the right track.

hope this helps.

ps. and i am doing the job i always wanted to do before, imagine..

[bushbride]

Thank you Schiz.

she asked me just now what was wrong? i said it was work and I admitted that i had slackened past week, she said she noticed. I was close to tears and she said lets talk after i get back from my meeting.. but ive just sent her an email to say, its my own issue, let me work it out. I told her i admired her drive, the way she completes her projects in record time, that i wished i could be a chip in her head.

I need to do some 'internal' work, some meditation of sorts to figure out my own angst. I dont want to blame her or anyone else. If i dont sort this out by myself, i may just take the same angst to another company, another country.

Flutterby. If you phob off the issue then she will also phob it off. Try talking to her at a later time.

Book an appointment to talk to her next week or something. That will alow you the time to think through what you want to say and how you can go about saying it. I would be happy to help you out where I can. You also need to think about whether you actually want to work there anymore.

Your manager is also saying that she is concerned enough to want to have a conversation. Don't deny her the opportunity to help improve your situation. This is her role and she has just reached out her hand and offered it to you.

When you meet with her (in a weeks time or something), focus on the job activities and where you want to go. It is your managers job to ensure morale is high and that you are achieving your potential. Just make sure that what you say is constructive, leave personal comments out of the discussion, and be open to her comments and possible negotiations.

If you want to contribute to the team in a meaningful way and you don't feel you have the opportunity to do this at present - that is a real positive! If I was a manager and I heard that, I would want to take proactive action to help you achieve your potential, because that would help me achieve my objectives in the long run. I would be over the moon!

Don't be fearful of conversations with your manager. After all, a slight improvement is better than none at all.

BB

Good luck!

[schizoide]

flutterby,

i think bushbride is right about having a talk with your manager first. from that conversation i think you can guess where all this is going. if you leave feeling worse than you did before then it's definitely time to quit (which was the feeling i had). you have nothing to lose by talking to her. if she keeps putting it off then just threaten to resign.

maybe you need some time off to think about it. it could be other underlying factors which influence your daily behaviour. whether it is because of work or because of yourself, i think by just going through the motions at work is not ging to get you anywhere.

i can relate to your situation because it seems a bit similar to mine like i said, i feel that i'm not an asset to the company anymore, my boss does everything much better and faster than me etc. and i don't know what's the problem.. but the final straw was that during my conversation with my bosses i found out that they don't want to listen at all to what i have to say. they kept interrupting me, all my reasons or complaints are being waved off as being invalid etc. in any case, i decided that things are not going to change around here, so the only way is to change is to leave.

i think you should not try to blame yourself for all this, people don't become upset without a reason. try to find out what the root of the problem is and see what you can do about it i'd say.

i'm still unsure why i'm unhappy, maybe the job is less glamourous than i thought (i'm a designer btw), maybe i find it unchallenging or maybe i'm finding out that it's not what i want.. who knows. i haven't found another job yet, what i said you should do just now i'm planning on doing myself you see

[Wind In My Hair]

flutterby,

first of all i think you've a great attitude going by your posts. accepting that the feelings are yours and that you can do something about things is an important first step, one that not everyone takes because it's just easier to blame other people or circumstances. so i really think that whatever happens you'll be fine.

BB had some great suggestions. i find that asking myself the right questions also helps eg if i had my ideal job, what would it be like? and envision your perfect job right down to the last detail and write it down somewhere. this is a long term approach that i tried many years ago and this vision of what you want guides your career decisions and one day you wake up and realise that you do have your ideal job. worked for me.

[Ling2]

Fb,

I am not sure if you are frustrated with your Boss for not showing enough care? or not appreciating your talents?

I feel that sometimes Boss can appear too cold or uncaring for numerous reasons:-

Too close with your employees might cause confusion between work & personal issues.

If you care too much, you will not only have your own problems but carrying others problem along too, how much can one really handle?

If you are only close to a few particular employees, what would the rest think? That you would be a bias boss. Best to treat all the same(but hard to do)

I agreed with others, communication is very important. If you don't let her know, she will never know, or things won't be solved.

Should I also remind you all that a Boss has a lot of things to run? 1st on the list is the finance to keep the business running, along with sales, marketing, human resources, production, operations, logistics, purchasing etc? Problems everyday, it's not easy being a Boss.

I just thought perhaps someone needs to shed some lights in another angle.

[bushbride]

Hi Ling,

You are absolutely right. Bosses are busy people and have a lot of work to do. However, I feel that sometimes people become bosses without any understanding of what the task involves.

Most managers will have a duty statement saying, manage staff and their development, teamwork etc. These are the points that some managers seem to ignore.

I believe that the reason they are paid higher than everyone else is that they take the responsibility for the team functionality and its productivity. If there is any notch in that team that doesn't work well, a good manager would do all he can to improve the situation.

I guess my style of management is a little different from most. But, my opinion is that managers work with people, not machinery (unless they are a sole operating mechanic manager). Everyone has work strains, no matter what level you are at, but managers are more experienced to overcome the strains and make a team work.

Banana, I love your commentary. It is perfectly amusing!

BB