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Are you telling the truth?

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Miss Swan
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Are you telling the truth?

Postby Miss Swan » Thu, 01 Jun 2006 1:10 pm

Tricky question here: How do you know for sure if an online persona is who he says he is?

Pictures: Sure he can be sending pictures but how do you know that it's not his neighbour's/friend's picture?

Job: How do you know if he's working as who he says he is? Any good way of finding that out? (Asking him to send a copy of his company pass is a little extreme though...)

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Bart
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Re: Are you telling the truth?

Postby Bart » Thu, 01 Jun 2006 1:32 pm

Miss Swan wrote:Tricky question here: How do you know for sure if an online persona is who he says he is?

Pictures: Sure he can be sending pictures but how do you know that it's not his neighbour's/friend's picture?

Job: How do you know if he's working as who he says he is? Any good way of finding that out? (Asking him to send a copy of his company pass is a little extreme though...)




Short Answer Meet Him

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Postby Miss Swan » Thu, 01 Jun 2006 1:39 pm

Bart, that's a pretty good suggestion BUT I don't want to grapple with the possibility that he might turn out into a sex fiend. Or simply a fancy pants liar.

I'll give you an example. He says he's working in a very well-known company (I shan't reveal details) but it's a HUGE company in the American entertainment world. Any American would know it. And he has family shares in it.

Then my friend pointed out a very valid question. Why would such a big shot be interested in even talking to me? Much less flying over...

Personally I think he's a fine guy (so far) and sounds sincere in our conversations, and for the record, we've known each other for about 5 years now.

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Postby Bart » Thu, 01 Jun 2006 1:50 pm

Miss Swan wrote:Bart, that's a pretty good suggestion BUT I don't want to grapple with the possibility that he might turn out into a sex fiend. Or simply a fancy pants liar.

I'll give you an example. He says he's working in a very well-known company (I shan't reveal details) but it's a HUGE company in the American entertainment world. Any American would know it. And he has family shares in it.

Then my friend pointed out a very valid question. Why would such a big shot be interested in even talking to me? Much less flying over...

Personally I think he's a fine guy (so far) and sounds sincere in our conversations, and for the record, we've known each other for about 5 years now.



5 YEARS and you think he could be a SEX FIEND?!!
That's some dedication indeed, and by my estimation, in itself well worth the meet...... tell your mum to hide behind the pillar just in case he lays his hands on you.... and ohh..ask her to bring her handbag with her ...... Yah that HUGE OLD one!!

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Postby Miss Swan » Thu, 01 Jun 2006 1:58 pm

Haha Bart...that's funny :lol:

Yeah 5 years...I really think he's a good person and means no harm to me. Wel all these years we haven't been talking very regularly, just a Hi-Bye session, just that recently we've started talking a lot...

My friend's a very cautious type and he's planting seeds of doubt in me, that's why. He's been around quite a lot and definitely knows the ways of the world better than me.

So his point is, "Why would such a big shot be interested in even talking to me?"

:cry:

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Re: Are you telling the truth?

Postby Elf » Thu, 01 Jun 2006 2:08 pm

Miss Swan wrote:Tricky question here: How do you know for sure if an online persona is who he says he is?

Pictures: Sure he can be sending pictures but how do you know that it's not his neighbour's/friend's picture?

Job: How do you know if he's working as who he says he is? Any good way of finding that out? (Asking him to send a copy of his company pass is a little extreme though...)



Like what Bart said, meeting him once in a coffee house is one best way to size up a person, have you decided to meet rather than keeping everyone virtual which is most of the time superficial? (Ie: People can claim they are big shots, CEOs, but who are they really?)

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Bart
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Postby Bart » Thu, 01 Jun 2006 2:10 pm

Miss Swan wrote:Haha Bart...that's funny :lol:

Yeah 5 years...I really think he's a good person and means no harm to me. Wel all these years we haven't been talking very regularly, just a Hi-Bye session, just that recently we've started talking a lot...

My friend's a very cautious type and he's planting seeds of doubt in me, that's why. He's been around quite a lot and definitely knows the ways of the world better than me.

So his point is, "Why would such a big shot be interested in even talking to me?"

:cry:



Because you're virginal......hehe
Just a joke.
But seriously, men do have predatorial instincts.
Test him out.... throw him some alluring hints.... :wink: :wink: and see how he responds. Show him your naughtier side.... I'm sure you have one....If not develop one...well to your advantage in giving anyone the litmus test

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Postby Miss Swan » Thu, 01 Jun 2006 2:25 pm

Haha actually he's shown me his devil side already...But all on a good-nature level.

He says he doesn't have any sexual intentions towards me (again how the hell would I know that)...

I might or might not decide to meet him...

But now my main issue is what can I do to verify that what he's said is true?

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Postby abbby » Thu, 01 Jun 2006 2:38 pm

If you don't know who the person is in person, I think you won't find any truth, he can he sending you his colleague's particulars, sending you a neighbour's photo or giving you details that are not even his.

If I were so curious like yourself, I would just meet and ask to see his identity card (with a photo in it). :P And that's the honest truth. If he isn't willing to show that proves that he is not what he made himself out to be.

Just be wary, especially if you're a lady.
The secret of life is honesty and fair dealing. If you can fake that, you've got it made. - Groucho Marx (1890-1977)

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Postby sleepy_eyezzz » Thu, 01 Jun 2006 2:51 pm

Miss Swan wrote:Haha actually he's shown me his devil side already...But all on a good-nature level.

He says he doesn't have any sexual intentions towards me (again how the hell would I know that)...

I might or might not decide to meet him...

But now my main issue is what can I do to verify that what he's said is true?


Question: What is the objective of you wanting to meet him? Is it because of who he claim he is, or because you are really interested to meet him?

Why are you so determined to verify his identity? Are you looking for a rich ride? or you are genuniely interested in knowing him better?

I suggest you ask yourself, if you are comfortable talking with him, face to face, in a cafe. If you are, just meet him, and go with the flow and see what happen. Dont make a big issue over something that is insignificant or irrelevant.

my 2 cents worth

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Postby Plavt » Thu, 01 Jun 2006 3:13 pm

Miss Swan.
Simple answer is if you decide to meet then meet in the public areas where you know you are safe. As a policeman once said 'you can meet somebody and know you cannot trust them in half an hour at the same time you can know somebody all your life but never know you can trust them'. The point being we all have to take chances in our lives to some degree. Although after five years it is unlikely there is any ill intent why would somebody waste that much time and energy? I met some female friends (Filipinas) over the Internet which I subsequently visited about a year later. In that time in had become clear they were not amongst those who so commonly seek a western partner for the purpose of providing a new life-style in some far off land. Since then I have been back three times so in your case I would say don't expect the worst.

Plavt.

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Postby Miss Swan » Thu, 01 Jun 2006 3:42 pm

Great!

I guess I shall invite him over in a few month's time then and see how things work out.

sleepy_eyezzz, as I'm a female, verifying if he's telling the truth so far adds credibility to his personality. If he's unable to prove his words, then all the more he might be some psychotic maniac.

If I'm really interested in his money then I'd be telling him to get his ass down here in 2 days ;)

But I want to know him better as a person and am not interested in hooking up for the idea of a fancy bed-romp. Hence the hesitation and dilemma...

But I guess I have the answer now... I'll think again about inviting him over in some months from now...

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Postby Loops » Fri, 02 Jun 2006 12:33 am

It is a tricky one. How can you ever trust anyone you meet really, you just have to do it and hope for the best.

Is this guy talking about coming over to see you from the USA? He can't be that dodgy if he's willing to pay that sort of air fare and spend that much time on planes unless he really is interested. There must be plenty of people for him to meet in the USA if he is just desperate to meet someone and/or dodgy.

Where will he be staying if he comes over?

When I was at school (many moons ago!), we used to have this international pen friend thing. You could apply to be a pen friend to other schoolkids all over the world. Our parents never really got upset about it, it was just one of those things. The thing with the internet is that we can talk to people all over the place without knowing much about them, but to be honest, how much did we ever know about those pen friends?

Because it was letter writing it somehow seemed more innocent and they were happy to let us do it, but if you had kids now and they announced that they were talking to some kid halfway around the world, the parents would not feel the same way, but why? Why is it OK to talk to someone via pen and paper but not on the internet? Why is the internet deemed so dodgy?

I know that you can get weirdos talking to kids pretending to be kids when they are not, but you sound like you are a grown up woman, so at least you don't have that to worry about.

I, personally, have met quite a few people off the internet, both here in Singapore and in the UK. The people I met in the UK I had been talking to for a couple of years and we met up and all stayed in (separate!) rooms in a motel for the night and went to the pub. It turned out to be a good night. Nobody was a weirdo, we were all different ages and from various backgrounds and we all got on well. I still speak to them today and we first met up about 5 years ago.

The thing is, sometimes you just have to take a leap of faith as it were.

Be sensible, meet him on neutral territory and see what you think. If he seems weird then at least it wasn't you who paid all that cash to go and see him. If he seems nice then meet him again (on neutral territory again) and see how it is.

You just have to trust your instinct and your feelings.

And as for the business of you wondering why someone who seems like a big shot being interested in you.......don't sell yourself short - there must be something in you that he likes the sound of. And even big shots get lonely.

Good luck with it, I hope it goes well for you both when you meet.

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Postby Global Citizen » Fri, 02 Jun 2006 8:11 am

I agree with Loops and she's said it so well. Growing up, I used to have pen pals as well and nobody batted an eye then but I guess we live in different times now or do we? Maybe we're all just better informed now with so much information at our fingertips and more wary as a result.

Like everyone else has suggested, I would meet in a public place and go with my instincts from there.

Good luck!
One man's meat is another's poison.

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Postby Miss Swan » Fri, 02 Jun 2006 8:41 am

Loops and Global Citizen, thanks for your wonderful advice!

As for penpals...I'm just guessing that it's because not many people are motivated to write letters through pen and paper. It's tiring, a waste of ink, and replies take some time to come. But on the internet it's instant! You can type whatever you want and the other side responds instantaneously plus it sure beats writing! I can type something in 10 seconds compared to getting a sentence out in 2 mins.

Just my 2 cents' worth though ;)

Maybe I shall reveal a little more on why I am in such doubt.

This person recently revealed to me that whatever pictures he showed me were of himself some years ago. He didn't dare show me his real picture because he knew I'd freak out and run away. And yes I nearly did when he unveiled himself. He's put on a whole lot of weight and looks way older than how he's supposed to be.

A breakup did this to him, he said. Lost all hope in life and to hell with living.

But he's apologised to me many times and he really kicked himself a lot and he's working out everyday to change himself back to who he was.

So yes basically he lied about his looks. When I probed further he said everything else is the truth. No lies. Only lied about looks as he was very ashamed of them and hates what he sees in the mirror.

There you go...that's the story.


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