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Affairs! Affairs!

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Global Citizen
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Joined: Mon, 07 Mar 2005 11:30 pm
Location: Still looking for Paradise

Affairs! Affairs!

Post by Global Citizen » Sat, 20 May 2006 1:07 am

The 1st Affair

A married man was having an affair with his
One day they went to her place and made love all
afternoon. Exhausted, they fell asleep and woke
up at
8 PM. The man hurriedly dressed and told his lover
take his shoes outside and rub them in the grass
dirt. He put on his shoes and drove home. "Where
you been?" his wife demanded.
"I can't lie to you," he replied, "I'm having an
affair with my secretary. We had sex all afternoon."
She looked down at his shoes and said: "You lying
bastard! You've been playing golf!"

The 2nd Affair

A middle-aged couple had two beautiful daughters
always talked about having a son. They decided
to try
one last time for the son they always wanted. The
got pregnant and delivered a healthy baby boy. The
joyful father rushed to the nursery to see his new
son. He was horrified at the ugliest child he had
seen. He told his wife: "There's no way I can be the
father of this baby. Look at the two beautiful
daughters I fathered! Have you been fooling around
behind my back?" The wife smiled sweetly and
"Not this time!"

The 3rd Affair

A mortician was working late one night. He
the body of Mr. Schwartz, about to be cremated,
made a startling discovery. Schwartz had the
private part he had ever seen! "I'm sorry Mr.
Schwartz," the mortician commented, "I can't allow
to be cremated with such an impressive private
It must be saved for posterity." So, he removed it,
stuffed it into his briefcase, and took it home "I
have something to show you

won't believe," he said to
his wife, opening his briefcase. "My God!" the wife
exclaimed, "Schwartz is dead!"
(Note: This is the English version of Padre Damaso)

The 4th Affair

A woman was in bed with her lover when she heard
husband opening the front door. "Hurry," she said,
"stand in the corner." She rubbed baby oil all over
him, then dusted him with talcum powder. "Don't
until I tell you," she said, " pretend you're a
statue." "What's this?" the husband inquired as he
entered the room. "Oh it's a statue," she replied,
"the Smiths bought one and I liked it
so I got one for us, too." No more was said, not
when they went to bed. Around 2AM the husband
got up,
went to the kitchen and returned with a sandwich
and a
beer. "Here," he said to the statue, have this. I
stood like that for two days at the Smiths and
offered me a damned thing."


5th Affair

A man walked into a cafe, went to the bar and
a beer. "Certainly, Sir, that'll be one cent." "One
cent?" the man exclaimed. He glanced at the
menu and
asked: "How much for a nice juicy steak and a
of wine?" "A nickel," the barman replied. "A
exclaimed the man. "Where's the guy who owns
place?" The bartender replied: "Upstairs, with my
wife." The man asked: "What's he doing upstairs
your wife?" The bartender replied: "The same thing
doing to his business down here."

The 6th Affair

Jake was dying. His wife sat at the bedside. He
up and said weakly: "I have something I must
"There's no need to, " his wife replied.
"No," he insisted,"I want to die in peace. I slept
with your sister, your best friend, her best friend,
and your mother!" "I know," she replied, "now just
rest and let the poison work."
One man's meat is another's poison.

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Location: United Kingdom

Post by Plavt » Sat, 20 May 2006 1:38 am

:D :D

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