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60 signs you've been in Singapore too long!

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sundaymorningstaple
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60 signs you've been in Singapore too long!

Postby sundaymorningstaple » Fri, 19 May 2006 3:02 pm

An oldie but goodie......

60 signs you've been in Singapore too long, especially if you come from a
Western country :

1. You know that "cum" means something completely different from what you
originally thought.

2. You've lost your sense of irony, sarcasm, and cynicism.

3. You don't know what's lame and what isn't anymore.

4. You think there's nothing wrong with putting chili sauce on everything
you eat.

5. You wait for instructions from people in authority before doing anything.
Always.

6. You join queues without knowing or caring what the queue is for.

7. You know what "queue" means!!

8. You can type an SMS on your phone as quickly as you would if you had a
regular keyboard.

9. Your idea of a good night out consists of having dinner at a hawker
centre, drinking beer, and then going to another hawker centre and eating
again.

10. You've lost your ability to criticize people in higher positions than
you, even if they're wrong.

11. You would buy a $20 product you don't need if it's on sale for $10 just
to save the money.

12. You forget to say the last consonant in words like "faCT", "aTE",etc.

13. You think it's okay to have only one meaningful choice on a ballot.

14. Every task you take on and every group you form is incomplete without a
mission statement and a cheesy slogan.

15. You think that in a country where young people have little privacy,
pornography is completely banned, music and movies are censored, students of
the opposite sex in a dorm can't stay in the same room without open doors,
and everyone works so much, that people should still want to get laid.

16. "Crossing the country" means taking the MRT to the end of the line.

17. You don't just know what "kiasu" means, you have become it!

18. You think that corn and beans are dessert foods.

19. You would cross the entire country all day to find the places that make
the perfect fried noodles, or roti prata, or ice kacang, or chili crab. And
none of these places would be close to each other.

20. You have a high tolerance for nagging.

21. Most or all of these acronyms make sense to you: NUS; NTU; ERP; SDU;
PAP; MRT; LKY; GCT; PRC; TIBS; SBS; SMS; JB; JBJ; AMK; AYE; PIE; ECP; ISD;
ISA; 5 C's; CPF; CHIJMES; SPG; CWO.

22. You use too many acronyms when you talk, or you create new ones.

23. You think that nothing makes a girl or guy more attractive than to dress
exactly like hundreds of thousands of other girls and guys who all dress
exactly like girls and guys in malls.

24. You think that $100,000 is a reasonable price for a Toyota Corolla and
$1,000,000 is a reasonable price for a bungalow, but $5 for a plate of fried
noodles is a barbarous outrage.

25. You believe that not being able to get decent roti prata outside
Singapore is enough to keep the best and the brightest people from leaving.

26. You see nothing wrong with forming committees of select elite people to
deliberate and study ways to stimulate creativity and spontaneity.

27. You justify every argument with the phrase "in order for us to be
competitive in the 21st century".

28. You think everything should be "topped up".

29. You have a naive belief that the war against ants will somehow be won.

30. You don't think any dish of Western food is complete without baked
beans.

31. You see nothing unusual about an organization of trade unions spending
more time owning and operating supermarkets, drugstores, amusement parks,
nightclubs, and financial services outlets than planning the next strike.

32. You believe that a lack of land is enough justification for the
goverment to do what it wants.

33. You wear winter clothes indoors and summer clothes outdoors.

34. Durian and belachan no longer stink to you.

35. You like to have fun, but not too much fun, since you need to correctly
gauge the amount of fun necessary to achieve the optimal result. Any more
fun that that would bring shame to your family and your country.

36. Seven french fries with lunch are more than enough for you.

37. You forgot what a city organized around a grid looks like.

38. In a country where people use smart cards for public transit, you have
no problem with construction workers riding in the open backs of pickup
trucks.

39. You think paying $50 for a bottle of booze that costs $15 at home is a
bargain.

40. You're not confused by a street naming system that locates streets like
Clementi Road, Clementi Street, Clementi Crescent, Clementi Lane, Clementi
Drive, Clementi Way, and Clementi Avenues 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, and 7 all within
walking distance of each other.

41. You think that skinny girls and guys are the most attractive of all.
(How did they get so skinny in the first place?? Do you know how much oil is
in nasi lemak, char kuay teow, duck rice, and your average
curry??--ed.)

42. You get irritated if you don't see a sign telling you how long your
wait's going to be for a bus, a train, or the expressway to take you where
you want to go.

43. You're certain that Holland Village is for hippie bohemian artist types
and not overpaid yuppies.

44. When you cross the border into Malaysia, you automatically and deeply
fear for your life and your wallet. Especially your wallet!!

45. You think that no vegetable should ever be eaten raw for any reason.
Except for cucumbers.

46. No matter what you're doing at the moment, you'd rather be shopping.

47. No matter how miserable you may be here, you thank God you're not in
Indonesia.

48. You're impressed by high-rise apartment buildings with actual lobbies
instead of bare exposed pillars on the ground floor.

49. You don't have a problem with four different direct payment systems
spread out over seven different cards in your wallet.

50. You forgot what chewing gum tastes like.

51. You say "handphone", not "cellphone" And you think there's no such thing
as a handphone that's too thin.

52. You're not bothered by the fact that government cares whether you know
how to use a toilet or urinal correctly. (People squatting on toilet bowls?
What the...???--ed.)

53. You're sure that the best way to change social behaviour is through
consistent and comprehensive government-sponsored campaigns that permeate as
many aspects of daily life as possible. And when they don't work, you never
speak of them again.

54. You think chicken floss, corn, mayonnaise, and tandoori spices are
proper pizza toppings.

55. You agree that what the government thinks of your personal habits and
lifestyle should determine whether you get a condo and how much you pay for
it.

56. You've become a fan of either Arsenal, Man. U., or Liverpool when you
barely knew what soccer was before you came to Singapore. And you don't care
that none of these teams are Singaporean!

57. You think a bus is incomplete without a TV.

58. You accept that expressways here are cleaner than toilets rather than
the other way around.

59. You know why this list needs the following disclaimer:
"This list is intended only as an amusing, light-hearted, and exaggerated
look at life in Singapore and is not meant to be taken seriously. There is
no intention on the part of the author of this list to make any untrue,
misleading, or defamatory statements concerning any person in particular,
nor to make any statement intended to cause offense. If any such offense has
been caused, the author apologizes and retracts the offending statement. In
any event, the author's NOT WORTH SUING, so don't trouble yourself."

60. You understand everything on this list!! :o :o

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Baron Greenback
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Postby Baron Greenback » Fri, 19 May 2006 4:40 pm

:D nice sms, sad to say I agree with far too much on the list :( , have been reaching for the chili sauce for some time now :) .

Although I have to confess I had to google 'belachan' to find out what it was & what it looked like & the first website that came up was a UK one which used it as fish bait :o
"An intelligent man is sometimes forced to be drunk to spend time with his fools."
Hemingway

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Quasimodo
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Postby Quasimodo » Fri, 19 May 2006 4:55 pm

. . . not surprised by footprints on toilet seats . . .
One in the hand is worth two of something

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Global Citizen
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Postby Global Citizen » Fri, 19 May 2006 9:54 pm

Love the list and it made me smile. :)
One man's meat is another's poison.

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micknlea
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Postby micknlea » Fri, 19 May 2006 10:10 pm

Phew...know most of them but don't actually do most...what a relief, otherwise it could be time to go and I don't want to do that yet, I like it here too much! :)

Great list SMS!
"My husband said it was him or the cat...I miss him sometimes." - Unknown

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Postby riversandlakes » Fri, 19 May 2006 10:14 pm

:D
Goatboy will always cherish his former goatgirl.
But the world is full of fluffier ones.

earthfriendly
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Re: 60 signs you've been in Singapore too long!

Postby earthfriendly » Sat, 20 May 2006 9:00 am

sundaymorningstaple wrote:
30. You don't think any dish of Western food is complete without baked
beans.


34. Durian and belachan no longer stink to you.



60. You understand everything on this list!! :o :o


:lol:

I love those bake beans. They are the best. I miss them deeply :cry: . The ones in USA taste quite different. I should bring some back the next time I visit SG.

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Postby Cheekybeek » Sun, 21 May 2006 9:54 am

Does anyone else think they listened to Shane Warne far too much when Singapore was created? Baked beans with every meal, SMS is the first language, SPGs are to be found anytime anywhere...

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micknlea
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Postby micknlea » Sun, 21 May 2006 2:25 pm

Cheekybeek wrote:Does anyone else think they listened to Shane Warne far too much when Singapore was created? Baked beans with every meal, SMS is the first language, SPGs are to be found anytime anywhere...


Shhh...not so loud CB otherwise he will find out and move here...
"My husband said it was him or the cat...I miss him sometimes." - Unknown

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Postby sundaymorningstaple » Mon, 16 Mar 2009 1:53 pm

Was searching for something else and this popped up. Good for a few more grins I think. :wink:

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Postby Camper » Thu, 09 Apr 2009 4:05 pm

I have been here long enough already lah. But confused so cuz I will never be ok with $100,000 for a Corolla.

Or squat toilets.

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ksl
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Postby ksl » Fri, 10 Apr 2009 12:28 am

Censored!

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maneo
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Re: 60 signs you've been in Singapore too long!

Postby maneo » Fri, 10 Apr 2009 5:03 pm

Interesting list cum social commentary.

Must say I hope I haven't lost my sense of irony, sarcasm, and cynicism.
8-)

What's wrong with putting chili sauce on everything?
So many kinds of chili, lah.

Isn't sending an SMS what the handphone is for?

Of course, corn and beans are dessert foods.
What are you thinking? :P

Without those acronyms, how are you going to communicate?
Like, must go to the ATM (DBS, POSB, UOB, OCBC, etc.) to top-up the NETS card in the IU if you want to drive into the CBD using CTE, BKE, PIE, AYE, ECP, or CTE. Of course, from AMK to CDB the ERP on CTE really adds up, aiyoh, so maybe should take the MRT, after all SBS or TIBS will take too long.

Hey, $5 for a plate of fried noodles IS outrageous. :mad:

Was a bummer being away from SG and having to settle for cooking frozen roti prata. :(

What's Western food?

Of course must wear winter clothes indoors.
Don't want to catch cold, what.

Durian and belachan stink???
Since when?

Did you forget Clementi Loop?
How about Clementi Streets 11-14?
(You know, over near Sunset Way, Sunset Terrace, Sunset Vale, Sunset Walk, Sunset Drive, Sunset Place, Sunset Square, Sunset Close, Sunset Green, Sunset View, Sunset Crescent, Sunset Heights).
Clementi West Streets 1,2?

Must admit, don't think of mayonnaise as a proper pizza topping.

Shouldn't "offence" be spelled with a "c"?
:)

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carteki
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Postby carteki » Fri, 24 Apr 2009 1:30 pm

BRILLIANT :D :cool: :cool:

funboy710
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:)

Postby funboy710 » Wed, 13 May 2009 1:41 pm

:)


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