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HOW TO SURVIVE THE TEEN YEARS

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sundaymorningstaple
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HOW TO SURVIVE THE TEEN YEARS

Post by sundaymorningstaple » Sun, 09 Apr 2006 3:26 pm

I wrote this back in May 1998. It was published in the "New Paper" on 2 May 1998 on page 10 and given the whole page in slightly edited form. I have reprinted the original article in full from my original notes here. You may well think some of my views are "old fashioned" or out of date or you may disagree totally. You have that right. I reprint it here "Just in case" there are some usable nuggets in there for you or your family. Some of the long time regulars like Eric will recognize this, but I can't find the original thread to bump - hence the repost.

sms

HOW TO SURVIVE THE TEEN YEARS

Well, it’s finally happened. We have a teenager in the house.

It’s not like we didn’t expect it or anything. I mean, we’ve known for 13 years that it was coming, and we’ve tried to prepare ourselves. But it wasn’t until I saw Lisa talking to that 15-year-old boy at church the other day that I began to fully appreciate what was happening in our lives. And frankly, I’m a little scared.

Don’t get me wrong – Lisa is a terrific girl with a strong sense of values. But she’s also imperfect, which means she’s going to make mistakes from time to time. And today more than ever before, a simple mistake or error in judgment can be devastating to young people – emotionally, physically and spiritually.

And so I’ve been thinking. At age 13, Lisa hasn’t quite arrived at the point where she totally tunes Mom and Dad out the minute they start to talk. Maybe now – just as she’s beginning her teenage journey – is the time to debunk some of those myths that plagued us all, through adolescence, to one degree or another. If I could imprint anything on Lisa’s mind to help see her through the next seven or eight years, it would be that she remember these ten simple truths:

1. Everybody isn’t doing it. Whatever “it” is, from drugs to drinking to cheating on tests, there’s always someone you admire who isn’t doing it because they choose not to. Emulate that someone. Or better yet, be that someone for others.

2. Bad things don’t only happen to “bad” kids. You don’t have to be looking for trouble to find it. Lots of “good” girls get pregnant. “Good” boys can get in accidents while showing off in Dad’s new sports car just as easily as “bad” boys. All it takes is one bad decision and you’ll be just as dead – or pregnant or addicted or imprisoned – as the kid who is always “asking for it.”

3. The world doesn’t owe you a thing. That teacher doesn’t have to give you a good grade unless you earn it. Your boss doesn’t have to give you a raise unless he feels you deserve it. You’ll find that most people make their own breaks. Happiness doesn’t just happen. You have to take responsibility for your life and make it happen.

4. The answers to life’s most important questions can’t be artificially induced. Although many have tried, nobody that I know of has ever found lasting peace and happiness in a bottle, or in a syringe or in the back seat of a car. The headlong pursuit of momentary thrills usually proves to be destructive over the long haul, making it all the more difficult to probe the real source of answers, which is within yourself.

5. You aren’t as invincible as you think you are. Is there a junkie alive – or dead, for that matter – who didn’t think he would be immune from the stranglehold of addiction? Is there a teenager with a sexually transmitted disease who didn’t figure these things always happen to someone else? And, is there a paralyzed teenager driver who, moments before the crash, didn’t think they had everything completely under control?

6. Popularity isn’t all it’s cracked up to be. When it comes right down to it, popularity tends to be about conformity and living your life according to the standards of whatever group happens to be “in” at the moment. It takes a lot of energy to keep up with the group, and there’s constant pressure to conform. Why not just live your own life, and let people accept you for who you are. You’ll be happier – and less stressed.

7. Experience isn’t necessarily the best teacher – unless you’re going to throw the experiences of others into the equation. You don’t have to stick your hand in the fire to know that it’s hot. And you don’t have to experiment with drugs or premarital sex or anything else to know they’re dangerous. Others have already proven that. Trust them.

8. There’s no such thing as “too far gone.” No matter how many mistakes you’ve made, if you sincerely want to change and are willing to pay the price, you can do it.

9. The sun really will come up tomorrow. No matter how bleak things may seem from time to time, they’ll get better. Things change. Problems fade away. And those that don't . . . well, you'll figure out a way to deal with them. Honest.

10. Somebody does care about you. It may not always be the people you want to have caring about you. But there’s always someone who is there – and who cares. In fact, you probably already know who they are, because they’re the ones you’ve always been able to count on. That won’t change. No matter what. Not even for a teenager.

Mr. & Mrs. SMS
SOME PEOPLE TRY TO TURN BACK THEIR ODOMETERS. NOT ME. I WANT PEOPLE TO KNOW WHY I LOOK THIS WAY. I'VE TRAVELED A LONG WAY, AND SOME OF THE ROADS WEREN'T PAVED. ~ Will Rogers

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Post by dot dot dot » Sun, 09 Apr 2006 8:37 pm

respect sms, alot of respect for this one...

Problem I guess is that youngsters use not so much their ears and brains to listen to mum n dad....

Eric

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Post by micknlea » Sun, 09 Apr 2006 10:02 pm

Thanks SMS...I think what is written here is wonderful and I just hope that my kids take notice of at least some of those words of wisdom as they grow older.

They are not quite old enough just yet to understand but I will definitely keep a copy of it and use it when the time is right.

Cheers. :)
"My husband said it was him or the cat...I miss him sometimes." - Unknown

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Post by Snuppa » Tue, 11 Apr 2006 9:03 pm

I had to save this one!
Thanks for sharing!

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Post by Cheekybeek » Fri, 21 Apr 2006 3:28 pm

So how did Lisa turn out?

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Post by sundaymorningstaple » Fri, 21 Apr 2006 4:30 pm

Cheekybeek wrote:So how did Lisa turn out?
Cheekybeek - kinda hard to answer that objectively but I'll try.

PERFECT! And she made a beautiful bride. Seems I had enough bad habits when she was growing up so she is, so far at least, smoke and alcohol free as well. Seems she got all the good bits from both of us and only one bad bit from me. She's very blunt (considering she grew up in the local school system). Works for me! :mrgreen:
SOME PEOPLE TRY TO TURN BACK THEIR ODOMETERS. NOT ME. I WANT PEOPLE TO KNOW WHY I LOOK THIS WAY. I'VE TRAVELED A LONG WAY, AND SOME OF THE ROADS WEREN'T PAVED. ~ Will Rogers

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Post by Mary Hatch Bailey » Fri, 21 Apr 2006 9:55 pm

SMS, this was a very nice piece. Thanks for this. Suddenly I have a house full of teenagers and I'm -- frankly shocked. It snuck up on me so fast. A few years ago people said: look! you have your own little pre-school! and now look at me, house full of teenagers.

it's hard to wake up one morning and find that you are a cliche.

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Post by sundaymorningstaple » Fri, 21 Apr 2006 11:17 pm

Thank you Mary. :oops:

If you think that bad, wait till you lose the first one! (moving out is what I mean) That was really trumatic - still is - she was daddy's little girl!. Fortunately she comes 'home' reasonably often (not often enough though :cry: )

Teenagers can be a hazardous phase of a family's unity. My son is 16 and is not the sweet 16 that my daughter was! :?
SOME PEOPLE TRY TO TURN BACK THEIR ODOMETERS. NOT ME. I WANT PEOPLE TO KNOW WHY I LOOK THIS WAY. I'VE TRAVELED A LONG WAY, AND SOME OF THE ROADS WEREN'T PAVED. ~ Will Rogers

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Post by Mary Hatch Bailey » Sat, 22 Apr 2006 5:51 pm

sundaymorningstaple wrote:Thank you Mary. :oops:

If you think that bad, wait till you lose the first one! (moving out is what I mean)
I plan on digging myself a great big hole and hiding away for at least a month when that happens. September 2008, don't look for me. I'll be hiding under my covers and sleeping with Prince Valium. Makes me nauseous just thinking about it. :(

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Post by Global Citizen » Mon, 24 Apr 2006 9:29 pm

SMS, an excellent piece. Parenting is definitely one of the hardest and most challenging jobs of all.

This is why I have the utmost respect, love and gratitude today for what my parents did for me and my siblings. They set such a good example for us that it made it somewhat easier to follow their lead.
One man's meat is another's poison.

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Post by Answers? » Thu, 23 Aug 2007 1:08 pm

Interesting bit of journalism in this old thread. Might just be a few "nuggets" in there.

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Post by Wahm » Fri, 24 Aug 2007 3:33 pm

HI SMS,

I have been reading your threads and at worst, you crack me up and at best, you inspire. Am local, my grandparents were German expats and my hub is English - my girls are of mixed parentage, one topic that we talk about these days is schooling/education. I read your views and agree wholeheartedly( another post ) Hub has been here for 15 yrs and is going nowhere for the time being, so you can say we are in it for the long haul. Singapore is home to some extent, there are flaws but mostly we are contented and feel connected here. We view teenage years as scary but we hope that a little church going and a sprinkling of attending cell group will be good for the soul! Thanks for the article.

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Post by sundaymorningstaple » Mon, 24 Sep 2012 2:24 pm

Was looking for something else but some how this popped up in the search function. Maybe some of you have "New" or "about to become" teens? Just in case, I'm dusting off this old article I originally wrote way back in April 1998 and posted here in April 2006.

While I'm a crusty ole curmudgeon, and maybe some isn't relevant in today's world, I think enough of it is, so if just one parent gets any mileage from this then the bump is worth it. :wink:

Maybe I should rewrite it and change them from teens to 10 year olds today! :o
SOME PEOPLE TRY TO TURN BACK THEIR ODOMETERS. NOT ME. I WANT PEOPLE TO KNOW WHY I LOOK THIS WAY. I'VE TRAVELED A LONG WAY, AND SOME OF THE ROADS WEREN'T PAVED. ~ Will Rogers

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Rewriting It

Post by tim1277 » Fri, 28 Sep 2012 12:38 pm

sundaymorningstaple wrote:Was looking for something else but some how this popped up in the search function. Maybe some of you have "New" or "about to become" teens? Just in case, I'm dusting off this old article I originally wrote way back in April 1998 and posted here in April 2006.

While I'm a crusty ole curmudgeon, and maybe some isn't relevant in today's world, I think enough of it is, so if just one parent gets any mileage from this then the bump is worth it. :wink:

Maybe I should rewrite it and change them from teens to 10 year olds today! :o
I guess things are changed a lil, but pretty much alot of stuff are still relevant. Brought thru a ward to her adult years and things like bad rs, and rebelliousness pretty much never tone down but worsen over the years. But once its over, its a silly thing both can laugh at. :)

Yupz, rewrite the 'advice' :)
I guess tuning it is more like it. :)

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Post by natalyakir1 » Thu, 03 Jan 2013 2:46 pm

With my daughter's sometimes histerical behaviour I doubt how i''ll be able to live thru her teen age...

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