EADG,
You asked and it is important........
My Sis-in-Law, (my wife's youngest sibling out of seven total) was a beautiful girl. Built like a brick....house - you know - not a brick out of place). That and the fact that she was the youngest child, she had been mollycoddled since birth. She grew up spoiled and stubborn.
Anyway, she liked her drink (stout inparticular) and her husband also. As well they dabbled in chemicals. The fights between them were constant. She took to working in bars as she loved the nightlife and it wasn't long before she was running around and due to her "physical assets" was a hit with the Expats in these bars. Eventually, she ended up in "a" one night stand that resulted in her contracting AIDS. (The key word here is
"a" as in singular happenstance!) At the time, in the 6 years of reflection before her death, she had commented on the rashes the guy seemed to have on his arms. Which was explained away as something picked up when trekking in Malaysia - and her not being too smart and under the influence of alcohol and libido didn't think too much about it. The signs were there and commonsence and good judgement went straight out the window.
I don't blame her (I do for the indescretion that ultimately took my neice's mother away) for the oversight. It's just in this case she was married and didn't think about the possible consequences of her actions on her family. I bet each and every reader of this message, if they have ever had a sexual experience outside of the bands of marriage, can attest to the fact that when you are geared up, you mind is no longer using common sense and that also included the usage of protection (I mean if no
condom is at hand - then stop and I mean full stop!). When we go out too a bar we are not going out usually with the intention of getting laid - well some of us aren't.
Those that are -- are usually carrying protection as well.
A lot of us go out and
just get lucky. Problem is you are too inebriated to think clearly and passion takes over. Oh yeah, Expats are carriers here in Asia as well - lots of them. The damage wrought by "us" over the years is trememdous as we brought it here most likely. Just as it was brought into the US from Canada all those years ago (25-30? now) by a gay FA on a flight from Canada to the US. It came from Africa. It is a death sentence of the worst kind. And it cares not one iota who you are or your status in life.
Back to my Sis-in-Law. After eventually finding out about the disease - she was having weight loss for no apparent reason - confirmation shortly thereafter. She, unfortunately, continued to work in the same environment, continued to smoke and drink and generally did not care ( well, who could blame her? ) She was lucky as she was very healthy and the ravages of the disease only caused weight loss initially (4 years) that and the constant cocktail of drugs that she had to consume (using "drug" runs from thailand as the cocktail of prescriptions were a lot cheaper there.) Towards the end, we finally had to tell the daughter (my neice) just what was wrong with her mother.
The worst part about it was the ongoing ignorance of the population here. And I guess it's the same everywhere. My in-laws, like most, shunned her, and would not allow her to enter their homes.
The only place she was allowed to visit among all the relatives was my house. I even had to re-educate my wife and mother-in-law with the help of a family friend (MD). We also had to teach my neice what / how she could interact with her mother. Often we allowed her to spend the weekend with her mother when she was home and towards the later stages, she would spend time with her at the CDC. (She was able to check herself in & out at will until the very late stages.)
She was a healthy girl who weighed probably 58kg in normal healthy mode who while still mobile and working eventually weighed only 35Kg and was still working (Her skin was still clear of lesions up this time) however after going into the the CDC the last time, she dropped to about 25 kg (my earlier post was an error) and looked about 95 years old and her body was completely covered with lesions. She actually looked "exactly" like the photos you see of unwrapped 'Mummies". But she was still breathing and alive in her mind. The best of the hollywood makeup artists could not have made it more horrifying.
As I said, the whole family with the exception of one brother in England, was bedside when she took her last breath.
If all of that isn't bad enough and hard enough on the neice, Try this on for size (will bring into context the show referenced in the thread). Three years ago my father-in-law passed away (My FiL & MiL ALSO lived with me - My wife and I are their sole support) after 3 years of being bedridden and 18 months of being tube fed by me and my wife (4th stages of Parkinsons & multiple stroke victim). The night my FiL died, I guess my sis-in-law and her nogood husband got drunk and had a physical relationship that night. Now he has to go every couple of months to see if he's HIV positive. It's been three years. Is he safe? It's anybodies guess as it can be dormant, inactive or just take more time to develop. Or it may never develop into full blown aids. This is even worse because it's then like the old scourge of Herpes. You can never get rid of it, but unlike Herpes which is only a problem if it's active, you can always pass HIV onwards and while it may never develop into AIDS in the carrier, the next receipient may well develop aids. Therein lies the problem. It could be you. Or your girlfriend. Or that new Girl you met last night. Or the guy who works in the cubicle next to you that you find so cute.
Sorry this is so long. Painful, only a bit (more compassion rather than pain), but more for my Wife - It was her sister. Had it been a blood relative yes it would be more painful for me as well.
If only
one person learns something from this missive then the writing down of it will be worth it.
sms
Edited to add: Maybe it's time to bump an old thread or me to repost the original ariticle I wrote 8 years ago for those of us who are parents with pre-teens/young teens. If I can find it I'll post it in the Parenting Section.
Effort would be better spent on educating the at risk heterosexuals, e.g., those that go to Batam to play "golf" and their poor wives.
