Legless Parrot.

[Plavt]

A guy is browsing in a pet shop and sees a parrot sitting on
a little perch. It doesn't have any feet or legs. The guy
says aloud, "I wonder what happened to this parrot?"

The parrot replies, "I was born this way. I'm a defective
parrot."

"WOW!" the guy exclaims. "You actually understood and
answered me!"

"I got every word," says the parrot. "I happen to be a
highly intelligent, thoroughly educated bird."

"Oh yeah?", the guy asks, "Then answer this. How do you
hang onto your perch without any feet?"

"Well," the parrot says, "this is very embarrassing but
since you asked, I wrap my willie around this wooden bar like
a little hook. You can't see it because of my feathers."

"Wow" says the guy, "you really can understand and speak
English, can't you!?"

"Actually, I speak both Spanish and English and I can
converse with reasonable competence on almost any topic:
politics, religion, sports,physics, philosophy. I'm
especially good at ornithology. You really ought to buy me.
I'd be a great companion."

The guy looks at the $200 price tag. "Sorry, but I just
can't afford that."

"Pssssssst" says the parrot, "I'm defective, so the truth
is, nobody wants me cause I don't have any feet. You can
probably get me for $20, just make the guy an offer!"

The guy offers $20 and walks out with the parrot. Weeks go
by. The parrot is sensational. He has a great sense of
humor, he's interesting, he's a great pal, he understands
everything, he sympathizes, and he's insightful.

The guy is delighted. One day the guy comes home from work
and the parrot goes "Psssssssssssst" and motions him over
with one wing. "I don't know if I should tell you this or
not, but it's about your wife and the postman."

"What are you talking about?" asks the guy. "When the
postman delivered today, your wife greeted him at the door in
a sheer black nighty and kissed him passionately."

"WHAT?!" the guy asks incredulously. "Then what happened?"

"Well, then the postman came into the house and lifted up
her nighty and began petting her all over" reported the
parrot.

"My God!" he exclaims. "Then what?"

"Then he lifted up the nighty, got down on his knees and
began to lick her all over, starting with her breasts and
slowly going down . . ."

"WELL???" demands the frantic guy, "THEN WHAT
HAPPENED?"

"Damned if I know! I got a hard-on and fell
off my perch!"

[bunty]

a good one

[Carpe Diem]

How about this one:


A lady goes to her priest one day and tells him, "Father, I have a problem. I have two female parrots, but they only know how to say one thing."

"What do they say?" the priest inquired.

"They say, 'Hi, we're hookers! Do you want to have some fun?"

"That's obscene!" the priest exclaimed, then he thought for a moment.

"You know," he said, "I may have a solution to your Problem. I have two male talking parrots, which I have taught to pray and read the Bible. Bring your two parrots over to my House, and we'll put them in the cage with Francis and Peter. My parrots can teach your parrots to praise and worship, and Your parrots are sure to stop saying that phrase in no time."

"Thank you," the woman responded, "This may very well be the solution."

The next day, she brought her female parrots to the priest's house. As he ushered her in, she saw that his two male parrots were inside their cage holding rosary beads and praying. Impressed, she walked over and placed her parrots In with them. After a few minutes, the female parrots cried out in unison "Hi, we're hookers! Do you want to have some fun?"

There was stunned silence.

Shocked, one male parrot looked over at the other male parrot and exclaimed, "Put the beads away, Frank. Our prayers have been answered.