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bushbride
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what do you call....

Postby bushbride » Wed, 01 Mar 2006 9:37 pm

I have been wondering - how many 'what do you call' jokes there are out there?

Q/What do you call a dog with no legs?
A/ you don't because he wont come anyway

Q/ what do you call a man with no arms and no legs in the middle of the ocean?
A/ Bob

Anymore to add?

PS - what the *tellytubby* is the answer to the joke...How many lawyers does it take to screw in a light blub?

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Postby Mary Hatch Bailey » Wed, 01 Mar 2006 9:39 pm

Oh there are a ton:

What do you call a boy splattered on the wall?

Art.

Under a pile of leaves?

Russell.

On your front door?

Matt.

A girl with one leg shorter than the other?

Eileen.

Same girl, only Chinese?

Irene.

Any more?

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Postby Saint » Wed, 01 Mar 2006 9:49 pm

What you call a wannbe Flight Attendant who can only float

Bob

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bushbride
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Postby bushbride » Wed, 01 Mar 2006 9:52 pm

Mary Hatch Bailey wrote:Oh there are a ton:

What do you call a boy splattered on the wall?

Art.

Under a pile of leaves?

Russell.

On your front door?

Matt.

A girl with one leg shorter than the other?

Eileen.

Same girl, only Chinese?

Irene.

Any more?



I had not seen these before...good ones MHB :D :D
Last edited by bushbride on Wed, 01 Mar 2006 10:14 pm, edited 1 time in total.

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Postby bushbride » Wed, 01 Mar 2006 9:55 pm

more....

what do you call...

a deer with no eyes?

no i-deer

a deer with no eyes and no legs?

still no i-deer

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Postby Saint » Wed, 01 Mar 2006 10:03 pm

What do you call a gay dinosaur?
Megasoreass

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Postby Plavt » Wed, 01 Mar 2006 10:06 pm

Some of these might be thought a bit gross and others a repeat of BB's still fun though;

Q. Did you hear about the guy who lost his left arm and leg in a car crash?
A. He's all right now.

Q. Did you hear about the man who was tap dancing?
A. He broke his ankle when he fell into the sink.

Q. What lies at the bottom of the ocean and twitches?
A. A nervous wreck.

Q. What's the difference between roast beef and pea soup?
A. Anyone can roast beef.

Q. Where do you find a no legged dog?
A. Right where you left him.

Q. Where do you get virgin wool from?
A. Ugly sheep.

Q. Why do bagpipers walk when they play?
A. They're trying to get away from the noise.

Q. What does Star Trek and toilet paper have in common?
A. They both circle Uranus looking for Black Holes.

Q. How do you double the value of a Geo Metro?
A. Fill it with gas.

Q. What's the definition of mixed emotions?
A. When you see your mother-in-law backing off a cliff in your new car.

Q. Why do chicken coops have two doors?
A. Because if it had four doors it's be a chicken sedan.

You should always give 100% at work...
12% Monday; 23% Tuesday; 40% Wednesday; 20% Thursday; 5% Friday

Q. What do you call a cow with no legs?
A. Ground beef.

Q. What's the difference between an oral and a rectal thermometer?
A. The taste!

Q. Did you hear about the new "divorced" Barbie doll that they're selling in stores now?
A. It comes with all of Ken's stuff.

Q. What does a skeleton get when he goes to a bar?
A. A beer and a mop.

Q. What do you call Maoris on Prozac?
A. Once were worriers.

Q. What's a hindu?
A. Lays eggs.

Q. How many men does it take to wallpaper a room?
A. About two - if they're thinly sliced.

Q. What do you call a man with no arms or legs that can swim across a pool?
A. Clever Dick

Q. What's the difference between a porcupine and a Porsche?
A. The porcupine has the pricks on the outside.

Q. How many ears did Davy Crockett have?
A. Three - his left ear, his right ear, and his wild front ear.

Q. Did you hear about the blind man who went bungee jumping?
A. He loved it, but it scared the hell out of his dog.

Q. Why did the leper crash his car?
A. He left his foot on the accelerator.

Q. What do you do if you come across a tiger in the jungle?
A. Wipe him off, apologize and RUN!

Q. What do you do if an elephant comes through your window?
A. Swim!

Q. Why did the koala fall out of the tree?
A. Because it was dead.

Q. Why did the Leper go back into the shower?
A. He forgot his Head and Shoulders.

Q. What do you get when a Leper takes a bath?
A. Soup.

Q. Why did the ref call a penalty during the Leper Hockey game?
A. Because there was a face off in the corner.

Q. What's a Lepers favorite sport?
A. Football.

Q. What is Osama bin Laden's idea of safe sex?
A. Marking the camels that kick.

Q. What should Kabul get for its air defense system?
A. A refund.

Q. Why did the tree fall down?
A. The koala forgot to let go.

Q. How many male chauvinist pigs does it take to change a light bulb?
A. None, let the bitch cook in the dark.

Q. What do you do if a bird shits on your car?
A. Don't ask her out again.

Q. What do you call 100 men at the bottom of the ocean?
A. A good start.

Q. What's the difference between a woman and a computer?
A. A computer only needs the information punched into it once.

Q. Why don't cannibals eat clowns?
A. Because they taste funny.

Q. What do you call a deer with no eyes?
A. No-Eye Deer. (sound like No Idea)

Q. What do you call a deer with no eyes and no legs?
A. Still no eye deer.

Q. What do you call a deer with no eyes, no legs, and no sexual organs?
A. Still no freak eye deer.

Q. Why are women like condoms?
A. They spend 90% of their time in your wallet, and 10% on your dick.

Q. What can a lifesaver do for a woman a man can't?
A. Cum in five different flavours.

Q. Who is the poorest guy in West Virginia?
A. The Tooth Fairy

Q. Did you hear that Fed Ex and UPS are going to merge?
A. Yeah. They're going to call it FED UP!

Q. What's the difference between a car salesman and a computer salesman?
A. The car salesman can probably drive!

Q. Did you hear about the guy who's a dyslexic-bulimic?
A. He eats, and then he sticks his finger up his ass.

Q. What do your boss and a slinky have in common?
A. They're both fun to watch tumble down the stairs.

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Postby Carpe Diem » Wed, 01 Mar 2006 10:07 pm

Q: What do you call a man good at household chores?
A: Andy.

Q: What do you call a woman who's standing between goalposts?
A: Annette.

Q: What do you call a woman good at catching fish?
A: Annette.

Q: What do you call a man hanging from a nail on the wall?
A: Art

Q: What do you call a gorilla with a banana in each ear?
A: Anything you like, he can't hear you.

Q: What do you call a man who stands between two houses?
A: Ali

Q: What do you call a man between two houses on the second storey?
A: Alistair

Q: What do you call a man with no arms or legs in a pool?
A: Bob.

Q: What do you call a man in your letterbox?
A: Bill.

Q: What do you call a bull when it's sleeping?
A: A Bulldozer.

Q: What do you call a box full of ducks?
A: A Box of Quackers

Q: What do you call a woman who can juggle pints of lager?
A: Beatrix.

Q: What do you call a woman who can juggle pints of lager while playing pool?
A: Beatrix Potter.

Q: What do you call someone drilling holes in a piece of wood?
A: Boring.

Q: What do you call a woman setting fire to bills?
A: Bernadette.

Q. What do you call a man with no arms and no legs on a stage?
A. Mike.

Q: What do you call a man who's eaten twenty-five Mars bars?
A: Chuck

Q: What do you call a man with no arms and no legs swimming in the Olympics?
A: Clever Dick.

Q: What do you call a man with a seagull on his head?
A: Cliff.


Q: What do you call two guys hanging near the window?
A: Curt & Rod.

Q: What do you call a man with a spade in his head?
A: Doug.

Q: What do you call a man without a spade in his head?
A: Douglas.

Q: What do you call a man with oil spurting out of his head?
A: Derrick.

Q: What do you call a dog with no legs?
A: Lucky Strike (you can take him for a drag every day)

Q: What do you call a dog with no legs?
A: You can call him anything you want, but he's not going to come.

Q: What do you call a deer with no eyes?
A: No idea.

Q: What do you call a deer with no eyes and no legs?
A: Still no idea.

Q: What do you call a deer with no eyes, no legs, and no genitals?
A: Still no freak idea.

Q: What do you call a dinosaur with only one eye?
A: A Doyathinkhesaurus

Q: What do you call a dinosaur with a hundred eyes?
A: An Iknowhesaurus

Q: What do you call a lady with only one leg?
A: Eileen.

Q: What do you call a lady with only one leg in Japan?
A: Irene.

Q: What do you call a man with a tree on his head?
A: Edward.

Q: What do you call a man with two trees on his head?
A: Edward Wood.

Q: What do you call a man with three trees on his head?
A: Edward Spudward. A: Edward Woodward.

Q: What do you call a man with four trees on his head?
A: I don't know, but Edward Woodward would.

Q: What do you call a man with four trees on his head?
A: Forest.

Q: What do you call a cross between an elephant and a watermelon?
A: Elephant watermelon sine theta.

Q: What do you call a man with a gun on his head?
A: Eamonn.

Q: What do you call a German with a sausage shaped head?
A: Frank

Q: What do you call a fish with no eye?
A: Fsh

Q: What do you call a man that can breathe underwater?
A: Gil.

Q: What do you call a pig with no legs?
A: Ground Hog

Q: What do you call a cow with no legs?
A: Ground Beef

Q: What do you call two gay golfers?
A: Neal and Bob.


Q: What do you call a male tea-bag?
A: A Hebrew


Q: What do you call a guy with a left eye that's an inch higher than the right one?
A: Isaiah

Q: What do you call a man under a car?
A: Jack

Q: What do you call a man under a Renault?
A: Jacque

Q: What do you call a man with a small penis?
A: Justin

Q: What do you call a kickboxer with no arms or legs?
A: Anything you want


Q: What do you call a girl with a frog on her head?
A: Lily.

Q: What do you call a man that lives in a toilet?
A: Lou.

Q: What do you call a cow with two legs?
A: Lean Beef.

Q:What do you call two lesbians in a cupboard?
A: A liquor cabinet.


Q: What do you call a man that lies in front of your doorstep?
A: Matt.

Q: What do you call a man hooked up to a P.A. system?
A: Mike.

Q: What do you call a man with both legs amputated at the knee?
A: Neil.

Q: What do you call a deer with no eyes?
A: No idea.

Q: What do you call a deer with no eyes, frozen stiff in the snow?
A: Still no idea.

Q: What do you call a deer with no eyes, frozen stiff, and cut into two equal pieces?
A: Still have no idea.

Q: What do you call a castrated deer with no eyes, frozen stiff in the snow?
A: Still no ****ing idea.

Q: What do you call a good violist?
A: Nonexistent.

Q: What do you call a Scotsman with a mouldy quarterpounder up his kilt?
A: Old McDonald


Q: What do you call a woman you can hang your coat on?
A: Peg.

Q: What do you call an extremely inexpensive prostitute?
A: Penny.

Q: What do you call an Irishman that's been buried for fifty years?
A: Pete

Q: What do you call a man with no arms or legs lying in a ditch?
A: Phil.

Q: What do you call an Irishman on your porch?
A: Paddy O'Furniture.

Q: What do you call a man that steals?
A: Rob.


Q: What do you call a man lying in a pile of leaves?
A: Russell.

Q: What do you call a man shot out of a canon?
A: Ric O'Shea.

Q: What do you call a seven-foot kung fu expert with a loaded AK-47?
A: Sir

US version:
Q: What do you call a guy being pulled behind a boat?
A: Skip.

UK version:
Q: What do you call a guy with an old sofa, a broken bike and half a ton of rubble in his mouth?
A: Skip.

Q: What do you call a man simmering in a casserole?
A: Stew

Q: What do you call a litigious woman?
A: Sue.

Q: What do you call an Irishman hanging from your ceiling?
A: Shaun D'Lear

Q: What do you call Mohandas Gandhi after he's gone on a long pilgrimage, barefoot, and without brushing his teeth?
A: A super-calloused fragile mystic vexed with halitosis

Q: What do you call a classy guy?
A: Tony.

Q: What do you call a man with no shins?
A: Tony

Q: What do you call a woman in a bearskin twisting a hoop round her waist?
A: Ursula


Q: What do you call a successful gladiator?
A: Victor


Q: What do you call a man with a rabbit in his pocket?
A: Warren.

Q: What do you call a centipede crossed with a parrot?
A: A walkie-talkie.

Q: What do you call the hybrid of a kangaroo and a sheep?
A: A wooly jumper.

Q: What do you call a lawyer with an IQ of 75?
A: Your Honor.
La vie est trop courte, profitons de chaque instant

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Saint
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Postby Saint » Wed, 01 Mar 2006 10:44 pm

What do you call a sheep tied to a lamp post in Cardiff?
A leisure centre

sorry Bubbs :D oh and happy St David's Day

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Postby Vaucluse » Thu, 02 Mar 2006 8:55 am

Saint wrote:What do you call a sheep tied to a lamp post in Cardiff?
A leisure centre

sorry Bubbs :D oh and happy St David's Day


If Wham or I would have posted that, we would have had the old fire and brimstone speech, the Joan of Arc/Winston Churchill 'I sahll not lie down and die' stuff . . . .


I guess looking like a bulldog helps. (Speaking of Saint, of course)
......................................................

'nuff said Image

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Postby Carpe Diem » Thu, 02 Mar 2006 9:19 am

Vaucluse wrote:I guess looking like a bulldog helps. (Speaking of Saint, of course)


I did not realize you two look alike. But I agree.
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Postby Saint » Thu, 02 Mar 2006 5:27 pm

Carpe Diem wrote:
Vaucluse wrote:I guess looking like a bulldog helps. (Speaking of Saint, of course)


I did not realize you two look alike. But I agree.


My pic is Mr V now after plastic surgery

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Postby Vaucluse » Thu, 02 Mar 2006 8:00 pm

Saint wrote:
Carpe Diem wrote:
Vaucluse wrote:I guess looking like a bulldog helps. (Speaking of Saint, of course)


I did not realize you two look alike. But I agree.


My pic is Mr V now after plastic surgery


A fine improvement as all would agree - but I prefer my old smile.
......................................................



'nuff said Image

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Postby Saint » Thu, 02 Mar 2006 8:16 pm

Vaucluse wrote:A fine improvement as all would agree - but I prefer my old smile.


A smile only that only a mother would love


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