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Ladies of leisure or women of business

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bushbride
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Ladies of leisure or women of business

Postby bushbride » Fri, 03 Feb 2006 7:11 pm

Before I arrived in Singapore, a great deal of my women friends noted with me that moving to Singapore would mean I was to become a ‘lady of leisure’.

I was quite confused by this statement, and have to admit that I took a slight offence to it. I had in fact carved out a career path, a diversity of skill and knowledge and a great deal of savvy-ness! Me, not have something to do, not possible!

I mean no offence to ‘ladies of leisure’ - I actually have quite a bit of admiration for these women. A career socialite and pleasure seeker is quite a tough job! And, I guess one that I am somewhat finding a difficult transition.

For me personally, there are only so many times that one should get a facial (without peeling their skin off completely) and the cupboard could not cope with another outfit, nor my self esteem with trying to squeeze into the Singaporean sizes (though I am not overweight)...

So, with the culture shock being a 'women of business' to suddenly become a ‘lady of leisure’, I am interested in hearing the forums thoughts on being a ‘lady of leisure’ or a ‘women of business’. And, maybe some thoughts on what 'it takes' in Singapore to be either or...

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Postby Global Citizen » Fri, 03 Feb 2006 10:17 pm

Hello BB.

One of my sisters who resides in Singapore is a stay at home mom. She volunteers a lot of time at her son's school organising fundraisers, activities and lately has taken to volunteering to teach kids who have difficulties reading.

Aside and apart from this and if this isn't quite your forte, there are lots of courses offered in Sin that you can take to enrich your life from educational, self improvement or hobby related. If art or culture is your thing, I believe the Asian Museum of Civilizations (hope that's the correct name) is looking for volunteers (at least that's what I read somewhere).

Good Luck with whatever you decide and Welcome!
One man's meat is another's poison.

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Postby cheatercock » Sat, 04 Feb 2006 3:06 pm

Image

OR

Image.

Good luck for making your decision. But as a matter of precaution you should not attempt to replace "OR" with "AND". :D :P :D

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Postby bushbride » Sun, 05 Feb 2006 1:43 am

Thanks for the great advice GC. Unfortuantely, I don't have any kids but the Museum sounds interesting ;)

Cheater, understand that doing both may be a little hard, though I can't see the real work in being a 'lady of leisure'...? Is it a matter of the right circles for socialising in?

I iask this because I was flicking the channels on Cable the other night and noticed a show, I think it was called 'Faking it', where they took a farmer girl and re-vamped her to make her into a socialite. I was quite surprised, that being a socialite only involved nice hair, make up, outfit, table manners and an ability to get noticed (which the hair and clothes was the primary factor in getting noticed).

Is it really that easy to be a 'lady of leisure'? Shop at Gucci, get a nice hair cut and chat with friends all day? and is the self development courses and volunteering the conversation starters that get 'ladies of leisure' through so much talking?
- Life is pretty simple: You do some stuff. Most fails. Some works. Da Vinci -

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Postby Bubbles » Mon, 06 Feb 2006 8:04 am

Damn me if I didn't love being a lady of (comparative) leisure when I was in Singapore. Made a nice change from the frenetic morning rush hour and guilt trips over missed kids school functions.

I did work (gratis) for a magazine there, and also did Riding for the Disabled and worked twice a week in Tanglin school....reading, helping with the school concerts etc.

I won't lie to you and say 'Oooh, it was sooo boring, going out and having lunch, or being able to wander Chinatown, or wherever' cos it wasn't. It was fab.

I think....and this applies to guys too....if you get a chance to do a little of what you like....why not? I bet most of you men out there would love the chance to be able to go off biking, or gardening, or even just plain shopping when you wanted to, wouldn't you?

OK, it got a bit boring in the end, but that's when I upped my volunteering. There's so much you could do with local people there, and they are great folk.

Tell you what, wish I could slip out of the office here and say, 'Rightyho, off to Riding now, and won't be back till next week cos I'm doing reading, then there's that walk around Serengoon back streets (not Desker Road, that's another story...one of my boo-boo's)'.....like to see the boss's face, she'd be crimson with anger. Ahhhh, the good old days.
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Postby Matney » Mon, 06 Feb 2006 9:57 pm

BB, I am assuming that you are without children.
I have 2 teenagers, so my time was almost like no children--until they come home! :) Any way, I read a lot of books, walked or rode my bike every morning, did a lot of cooking, but realised that I was going to go crazy & put on the pounds, so I had to do something. So I applied for a job and got it!! I work full time and don't regret making that decision too often. :wink:
Suggestions mentioned were volunteer, look for work, pick up a new skill or hobby. Try something different, but I understand it is a difficult decision. Good luck!

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Postby Oriental » Mon, 13 Feb 2006 10:34 am

From reading the replies it seems that one way to avoid getting bored with being a “lady of leisure”
Impossible is nothing!

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Postby Bubbles » Tue, 14 Feb 2006 12:56 am

Oriental, believe it or not there are those amongst us (women) who think being a lady of leisure (laugh that, for a normal mum at home with no maid, leisure is not the word which springs to mind, hard slog perhaps, but leisure, nah)....that to stay at home is a lovely choice, and it's not to advance our men either. Some have men who are delighted at our choices, for our own sakes.

There is nothing 'girl power' about it. An intelligent woman will make her own choices, and if she's lucky she can make the choice which she enjoys most.

And you can go back to work afterwards, I did, and inbetween if you wish, and my career did not suffer. I was lucky to have the choice, but believe me, I did it because I didn't want to miss the babies as they grew. Five short years, no big deal out of a life. I sure as hell did not do it to advance my husband's career, no way.

And as for 'Real gentlemen prefer strong independent women who carry their femininity with pride'.....what a load of poppycock. Are you saying stay at home females are without pride, or weak? You must be joking, right?

So, it's choices, and luck, not bowing down to the Universal Male syndrome.
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Postby Oriental » Tue, 14 Feb 2006 3:10 am

Dear Bubbles,

I humbly bow before Thee in the dust.

Seems like you have the right recipe. Good for you.

However, once too often I have seen women becoming shadows of their former self when “reduced”
Impossible is nothing!

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Postby bushbride » Tue, 14 Feb 2006 9:30 pm

Ok, so let me get this straight - if you don't have kids you basically volunteer and drink coffee with friends. But, ultimatley the thing that most women end up doing is working...

I would not have passed up leaving my partner to fend for himself in Singapore though. And it does not make me 'less girl power' - I have enough 'girl power' to re-create the Spice Girls' and actually make them popular!

BTW. Some expat partners are highly skilled and savvy business women - I have 2 degrees and 6 years of experience working for companies some people dream about working with their whole life.

In my case, the choice was thinking about what is best for my partner (and ultimately our relationship) in the long term. I would hate to be considered a lesser woman just because I chose my partners happiness first!

'Girl power' does not mean you have to be 'selfish'.

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Postby fsc » Tue, 14 Feb 2006 9:45 pm

bushbride wrote:Ok, so let me get this straight - if you don't have kids you basically volunteer and drink coffee with friends. But, ultimatley the thing that most women end up doing is working...

I would not have passed up leaving my partner to fend for himself in Singapore though. And it does not make me 'less girl power' - I have enough 'girl power' to re-create the Spice Girls' and actually make them popular!

BTW. Some expat partners are highly skilled and savvy business women - I have 2 degrees and 6 years of experience working for companies some people dream about working with their whole life.

In my case, the choice was thinking about what is best for my partner (and ultimately our relationship) in the long term. I would hate to be considered a lesser woman just because I chose my partners happiness first!

'Girl power' does not mean you have to be 'selfish'.


have you considered an entrepreneurial venture? nothing stopping you looking into setting up a small biz for example. even if you don't end up doing it, the feasibility exercise will keep you busy for a few months.

just give me advance warning when you start hunting down venture capitalists so i can make myself scarce ;-)
Feeling frisky, are we?

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Postby k1w1 » Tue, 14 Feb 2006 10:04 pm

Girl Power? Do you mean our "right" to use diet pills and wear push-up bras with high heels (picture: anorexic Spice Girl impersonations)? Oh, the liberation!

Oriental, there are some men who are trailing spouses too, you know. There are also men who stay home and raise their kids while their wives are at work (my own husband is doing that right now, as I have recently joined the ranks of "working mum"). I think Bubbs is right: so few men get to do that (and his time is not going to last long), but it's really nice that he is even getting a "go at it", anyway. :)

Bushbride, what would you have done at home if you weren't working? At least in Singapore, the weather is usually good so you can make the most of your days... Are you wondering whether to go back to work?

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Postby Bubbles » Tue, 14 Feb 2006 10:32 pm

There is a time for everything in life. Unfortunately some of us, women and men, do not get to do those things. Usually it is for economic reasons.

I have been lucky, and I do not gloat, it is just a fact. And I thank the Powers That Be for the chances I've had. I am not a fool, and know you have to give back in the same amounts you have been given. Karma etc.

I did the educational thing, degrees etc, and enjoyed it, though hard work it was. Then the job thing, shortly followed by marriage and fast on the heels of that came the children.

My choices were to lay off the work and enjoy the children. Then go back to work. I was lucky, sure, but as an intelligent woman (I hope) those were still MY choices.

There is nothing 'you're a better person if you work' crap about it.

Why do we denigrate domestic choices? Could it be out of jealousy in some cases? I think so.

How many men out there would have loved the chance to be at home for a few years with the kids when they were little and edible? Yes, of course it gets boring, but hell, there are things you can do to keep the old grey matter ticking over when at home. Study by internet, go to evening classes, keep up with friends, do some volunteering.

What is this world coming to if some choices made are seen as rubbish and others as wonderful? Where is the understanding and the belief that perhaps, yes, it's a good thing for the little ones to know their parents for more than one hour a day.

And anyway, even if no kids were involved, why slag off someone who STILL decides not to work.....for money?

What about the disabled too? Do they fall below the acceptable now 'radar' of work or be damned?

Bubbs.
Rage, rage against the dying of the light.



Dylan Thomas.

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Postby bushbride » Wed, 15 Feb 2006 12:49 pm

[just give me advance warning when you start hunting down venture capitalists so i can make myself scarce ]

Fsc I will make sure you are the first one on my list to bully into investing just because it was your idea... I am thinking about something to do with food in your honour :D

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Postby fsc » Wed, 15 Feb 2006 3:53 pm

bushbride wrote:Fsc I will make sure you are the first one on my list to bully into investing just because it was your idea... I am thinking about something to do with food in your honour :D


hehe... i have very deep pockets, unfortunately my arms are very short! :o

There does seem to be an increasing number of expatriate entrepeneurs in sg, ranging from cafes, to restaurants, personal trainers, events management, etc, etc. So if you see a niche market, there's nothing really to lose provided you don't have to sink a huge amount of capital into it just to get it off the ground.

I don't know much about starting up to be honest, but I'm sure there's a bunch of people ready to offer advice in that area, provided you're not going to compete in their market :-)
Feeling frisky, are we?


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