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The Darwin Awards

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Saint
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The Darwin Awards

Postby Saint » Wed, 18 Jan 2006 9:27 pm

Here then, are the glorious winners:

1. When his 38-caliber revolver failed to fire at his intended victim during a hold-up in Long Beach, California, would-be robber James Elliot did something that can only inspire wonder. He peered down the barrel and tried the trigger again.
This time it worked.....

And now, the honorable mentions:

2. The chef at a hotel in Switzerland lost a finger in a meat-cutting machine and, after a little shopping around, submitted a claim to his insurance company. The company expecting negligence sent out one of its men to have a look for himself. He tried the machine and he also lost a finger.
The chef's claim was approved.

3. A man who shoveled snow for an hour to clear a space for his car during a blizzard in Chicago returned with his vehicle to find a woman had taken the space. Understandably, he shot her.

4. After stopping for drinks at an illegal bar, a Zimbabwean bus driver found that the 20 mental patients he was supposed to be transporting from Harare to Bulawayo had escaped. Not wanting to admit his incompetence, the driver went to a nearby bus stop and offered everyone waiting there a free ride. He then delivered the passengers to the mental hospital, telling the staff that the patients were very excitable and prone to bizarre fantasies
The deception wasn't discovered for 3 days.

5. An American teenager was in the hospital recovering from serious head wounds received from an oncoming train.
When asked how he received the injuries, the lad told police that he was simply trying to see how close he could get his head to a moving train before he was hit.

6. A man walked into a Louisiana Circle-K, put a $20 bill on the counter, and asked for change. When the clerk opened the cash drawer, the man pulled a gun and asked for all the cash in the register, which the clerk promptly provided. The man took the cash from the clerk and fled, leaving the $20 bill on the counter.
The total amount of cash he got from the drawer...$15. (If someone points a gun at you and gives you money, is a crime committed?)

7. Seems an Arkansas guy wanted some beer pretty badly. He decided that he'd just throw a cinderblock through a liquor store window, grab somebooze, and run. So he lifted the cinderblock and heaved it over his head at the window. The cinderblock bounced back and hit the would-be thief on the head, knocking him unconscious. The liquor store window was made of Plexiglas.
The whole event was caught on videotape.

8. As a female shopper exited a New York convenience store, a man grabbed her purse and ran. The clerk called 911 immediately, and the woman was able to give them a detailed description of the snatcher. Within minutes, the police apprehended the snatcher. They put him in the car and drove back to the store. The thief was then taken out of the car and told to stand there for a positive ID.
To which he replied, "Yes, officer, that's her. That's the lady I stole the purse from."

9. The Ann Arbor News crime column reported that a man walked into a Burger King in Ypsilanti, Michigan, at 5 a.m., flashed a gun, and demanded cash. The clerk turned him down because he said he couldn't open the cash register without a food order. When the man ordered onion rings, the clerk said they weren't available for breakfast.
The man, frustrated, walked away.


******A 5-STAR STUPIDITY AWARD WINNER*****

10. When a man attempted to siphon gasoline from a motor home parked on a Seattle street, he got much more than he bargained for. Police arrived at the scene to find a very sick man curled up next to a motor home near spilled sewage. A police spokesman said that the man admitted to trying to steal gasoline and plugged his siphon hose into the motor home's sewage tank by mistake.
The owner of the vehicle declined to press charges, saying that it was the best laugh he'd ever had.

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Postby Quasimodo » Wed, 18 Jan 2006 11:35 pm

4. After stopping for drinks at an illegal bar, a Zimbabwean bus driver found that the 20 mental patients he was supposed to be transporting from Harare to Bulawayo had escaped


Overseer: Quasimodo
Eric
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Madwolfie
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Saint
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................. and another couple I can't be arsed writing down.

(Edited to include the only sane one here who calls herself mad)

Edited again to please the Saint!

Unfortunately you forgot to include yourself but thats not surprising.

Plavt.

You doubt my sanity? Ok, just for you then.
Last edited by Quasimodo on Thu, 19 Jan 2006 9:59 pm, edited 2 times in total.
One in the hand is worth two of something

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Postby Saint » Wed, 18 Jan 2006 11:46 pm

How can you miss Madwolfie off that list :o

That's the funniest thing I've read in ages :lol:

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Postby Quasimodo » Wed, 18 Jan 2006 11:50 pm

Saint wrote:How can you miss Madwolfie off that list :o

That's the funniest thing I've read in ages :lol:


Sorted. See above.
One in the hand is worth two of something

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Postby Plavt » Thu, 19 Jan 2006 12:19 am

Unfortunately you forgot to include yourself but thats not surprising.

Plavt.

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Postby Saint » Thu, 19 Jan 2006 8:51 am

Whys Mr V not been included in this elite list?

Maybe they should call us the "Singapore 16" :lol:

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Postby Wind In My Hair » Thu, 19 Jan 2006 10:29 am

this thread is hilarious!

well done, saint and quasimodo.

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Postby Saint » Thu, 19 Jan 2006 5:32 pm

There will be may others who can only dream of joining our bus :cool:

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Postby Quasimodo » Thu, 19 Jan 2006 10:00 pm

Edited, see above . . .

Yes, it is a ship of fools, err, a cruise of the select few.
One in the hand is worth two of something

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Postby Saint » Thu, 19 Jan 2006 10:03 pm

That lot are definitely one person short of a bus load

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Postby madwolfie » Fri, 20 Jan 2006 1:24 pm

I feel loved... :lol: I'm happy to be in the bus, what company :P

Its good to be back after a while since I had an asthma attack... everything's good now... back to boozing, but on a milder level to start with... :cool:

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Postby madwolfie » Fri, 20 Jan 2006 1:26 pm

I could rope in Wild Rover, Mr Sapphire, Jolmar too... nice buddies for drinking... :P

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Postby sapphire » Fri, 20 Jan 2006 3:58 pm

Hey, leave Mr. Sapphire out of this! But, you know now why he shouldn't come to the WNDC. :P
It's not getting any smarter out there. You have to come to terms with stupidity, and make it work for you.

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Postby madwolfie » Fri, 20 Jan 2006 4:17 pm

Yeap yeap [nods her furry little head] indeed... he's much missed, Sapphire :P Mayhaps should adjourn to your house for a drinking session, then there's less worries? :P

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Postby Saint » Fri, 20 Jan 2006 7:00 pm

Just realised that crazy mad welsh girl doesn't get a mention :o


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