What makes you think whether a country is good for you?

tadpole · Post by **tadpole** » Tue, 27 Dec 2005 9:52 pm

What makes you think whether a country is good for you?

And what are the things you take into consideration when bringing along your family (parents and parents' parents) to migrate with you?

Global Citizen · Post by **Global Citizen** » Tue, 27 Dec 2005 10:36 pm

tadpole wrote:And what are the things you take into consideration when bringing along your family (parents and parents' parents) to migrate with you?

Some things that I can think of right away would be assimilation into the local culture of the particular country. Would the older folk find it easy to make the necessary changes to adapt to a certain extent?

Social interaction. Will they be able to find venues where they can interact socially with others without feeling displaced or lost. This is extremely important for their overall state of well being. It goes without saying speaking the local language would be extremely useful.

Weather. Can or will they be able to adapt to drastic changes in weather (assuming they are moving into a climate very different from what they've been used to.) The older one gets, the harder it is sometimes to acclimatise.

Wind In My Hair · Post by **Wind In My Hair** » Tue, 27 Dec 2005 11:50 pm

GC had some good points. i would add diet. my mum is used to rice and is miserable when we travel, let alone if we were to migrate, to a country where the staples are bread and potatoes.

Post by **sundaymorningstaple** » Wed, 28 Dec 2005 12:21 am

This is the primary reason that I am still in Singapore after all these years. I can't get any of my wife's siblings to take care of their mother (I know, sad - 4 boys all worthless) and because she lives with me I cannot take her back to a climate that has a 55° temperature changes between summer and winter. The first winter would be all she wrote. That and I don't think she can get betel nut/leaf there.

dot dot dot · Post by **dot dot dot** » Wed, 28 Dec 2005 12:36 am

bit in a melancholic mood late at nite, so might get abit tooo sensitive here, but...

today's my parents 65th wedding anniversary and I was supposed to be there as well. But for personal reasons and the fact that I juz feel strongly Singapore is my home nowadays, I decided I needed to be here in Singers, not there. May sound strange, but it is a very strong feeling I do have. nevertheless I feel a bit ashamed I am not there with them, but called mum today and chatted for more than 3 hours on the phone, and both of us were happy and felt intensely connected.

Would love to have them oldies here in Singapore with me, but they would not survive. Dad being 88 years old next month, mum 84 years old. Both in unbelievable good physical condition, but here they'd be suffering from the tropical heat. At home in Holland they sit on their balcony in spring, summer and early fall and just watch life go by on the streets in front of them. here they'd be so much not at home and at ease. Oldies like them need their daily things the way they are used to it, not being exposed to the unknown.

So in a nutshell: for me home is where my heart is I so strongly felt 3 weeks ago: Singapore. Even when my oldies are so far away nowadays...

Eric

riversandlakes · Post by **riversandlakes** » Wed, 28 Dec 2005 2:55 am

Interesting thread

Well, at least your folks have each other. My mom's a single mother and we were brought up by sheer determination. She's Chinese-ed up to Primary 6 and holds no particular job. Her most recent thus far is as tailor at a factory, up to 5 years now

Sometimes I wonder how we grew up

Kind of a miracle to me...

I believe her place is with my brother and I, but not for the near future, until we're settled down? Not only educated women are getting married later this day and age, but men too. I'm not about to give up Singles Cap for some years to come...

She's with my brother now in KL. No difference on food, culture or weather on this island with anywhere in Malaysia. But I think she likes familiarity too.

It kind of contradicts filiel piety, but a young man has to go where a young man has to go?

Isn't that after all how Nanyang got populated with the Chinese?

Global Citizen · Post by **Global Citizen** » Wed, 28 Dec 2005 7:16 am

sundaymorningstaple wrote:This is the primary reason that I am still in Singapore after all these years. I can't get any of my wife's siblings to take care of their mother (I know, sad - 4 boys all worthless) and because she lives with me I cannot take her back to a climate that has a 55° temperature changes between summer and winter.

SMS, I admire this trait very much in you and its even more admirable as you're only related by marriage and a Westerner at that. (you know what I mean by this, as it's not commonplace in Western society to live with parents let alone in-laws after marriage) It used to be that most Asian societies favoured male children over females this being one of the reasons but more and more, I see daughters taking the lead in looking after their parents.

riversandlakes wrote:
Well, at least your folks have each other. My mom's a single mother and we were brought up by sheer determination. She's Chinese-ed up to Primary 6 and holds no particular job. Her most recent thus far is as tailor at a factory, up to 5 years now
Sometimes I wonder how we grew up Kind of a miracle to me...

It never ceases to amaze me what some women are capable of; the sheer grit and determination to do right by their kids. You are blessed to have her for she sounds like one helluva lady.

Global Citizen · Post by **Global Citizen** » Wed, 28 Dec 2005 7:32 am

Eric from the Netherlands wrote: Would love to have them oldies here in Singapore with me, but they would not survive. Dad being 88 years old next month, mum 84 years old. Both in unbelievable good physical condition, but here they'd be suffering from the tropical heat. At home in Holland they sit on their balcony in spring, summer and early fall and just watch life go by on the streets in front of them. here they'd be so much not at home and at ease. Oldies like them need their daily things the way they are used to it, not being exposed to the unknown.

So in a nutshell: for me home is where my heart is I so strongly felt 3 weeks ago: Singapore. Even when my oldies are so far away nowadays...

Eric

Cheer up Eric. I know how you feel as I too am far away from my family and I'm sure you parents understand and love you regardless.

Vaucluse · Post by **Vaucluse** » Wed, 28 Dec 2005 8:22 am

When my parents were still alive they were the ones that travelled - father was a diplomat and moved country every 3-4 years.

In their later years they settled on the US (Chicago) and Australia (Melbourne) as their last postings - I guess one tends to look at what is similar to one's background. Food is very important, as was mentioned before as this is something one is confronted with dialy.

A very good friend here has his mother, who is widowed, with him 6 months of the year and the warmer northern hemisphere six in New Jersey with his brother. For a while the old lady was quite lonely here as she is Punjabi and there was no-one else with the same background as hers - she spoeaks no english.

Lots of factors, really.

All in all - just love 'em while they're here.

Plavt · Post by **Plavt** » Wed, 28 Dec 2005 8:30 am

My thoughts and considerations Eric, I love the steamy tropical heat and the greenery and peacefulness of Singapore - not difficult to see why so many westerners like the place (similar statements expressed by others).
No doubt mum and dad will understand where your heart and happiness is - would they want they want anything else?

Plavt.

tadpole · Post by **tadpole** » Wed, 28 Dec 2005 2:30 pm

Hmm how about a comprehensive "What makes you think whether a country is good for you?"

T2K · Post by **T2K** » Wed, 28 Dec 2005 4:50 pm

"Good for you" is one thing, it can be temporary. Weather, food, job/money, friends, entertainment, etc all factor in. Singapore is good for all that for me at this point, which is why I've been here for several years.

If I was married I think I would have a different set of criteria, and my home in the US meets those a lot better, especially for raising kids.

Migration? Have never considered it and don't believe I ever will.

riversandlakes · Post by **riversandlakes** » Thu, 29 Dec 2005 2:15 am

I bet it differs as we travel along the different phases in life. At this stage, being single, a well-paying job providing much richer experience, not to mention at 2.25x more than the sweatshops I labored back where I came from, is all that I seek.
It's a bonus to have a good education system and a safe environment. Perhaps these two become more indispensable with kids in the equation?

What's my criteria for a "good country" to raise a family in? Guess I'll cross that bridge when I reach it...

Wind In My Hair · Post by **Wind In My Hair** » Fri, 30 Dec 2005 11:31 pm

Global Citizen wrote:
sundaymorningstaple wrote:This is the primary reason that I am still in Singapore after all these years. I can't get any of my wife's siblings to take care of their mother (I know, sad - 4 boys all worthless) and because she lives with me I cannot take her back to a climate that has a 55° temperature changes between summer and winter.
SMS, I admire this trait very much in you and its even more admirable as you're only related by marriage and a Westerner at that. (you know what I mean by this, as it's not commonplace in Western society to live with parents let alone in-laws after marriage)

just want to echo GC's admiration. SMS, you're a rare gem!

Post by **sundaymorningstaple** » Sat, 31 Dec 2005 9:04 am

Wind In My Hair wrote:just want to echo GC's admiration. SMS, you're a rare gem!

Actually just a pre-gem rock used to heat things up. You know - coal! :mrgreen

But thanks to you both for the vote of confidence.

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