Women are like.......

[Plavt]

...the stock market
They're irrational and can bankrupt you if you're not careful.

...computers
They take too long to warm up and a better model always comes along once you've already got one.

...Saran Wrap
Useful but clingy.

...horses
Fun to pet and ride but a pain to feed and clean up after.

...parking meters
If you don't feed them with enough money you face serious consequences.

...fax machines
Useful for one very specific purpose but otherwise just high-maintenance paperweights.

...political campaign contributors
If you let them talk about themselves long enough you wind up in bed with them.

...refrigerators
They're always cold and never seem to have a beer when you need one.

...blue jeans
They look good for a while but eventually they fade and have to be replaced.

...country western songs
They're annoying, they all sound alike, but if you really listen to them you'll get depressed and drink a lot.

[Kimi]

A woman was walking along the beach when she stumbled upon a Genie's lamp.
She picked it up and rubbed it, and lo-and-behold a Genie appeared.
The amazed woman asked if she got three wishes.

The Genie said, "Nope... due to inflation, constant downsizing, low wages in third-world countries, and fierce global competition, I can only grant you one wish.
So...what'll it be?"

The woman didn't hesitate.
She said, "I want peace in the Middle East. See this map?
I want these countries to stop fighting with each other."
The Genie looked at the map and exclaimed,
"Gadzooks, lady!
These countries have been at war for thousands of years.
I'm good but not THAT good!
I don't think it can be done.
Make another wish."

The woman thought for a minute and said,
"Well, I've never been able to find the right man.

You know, one that's considerate and fun, likes to cook and helps with the housecleaning, is good in bed and gets along with my family, doesn't watch sports all the time, and is faithful.
That's what I wish for . a good mate."

The Genie let out a long sigh and said, "Let me see that map!"